Husband is unfaithful

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froglipsrgood8

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Its a topic that you see all the time. I never thought I would be going through this. I am just sick with grief. I have caught my husband 3 times in the past 6 months on dating sites and other pornographic sites. Ive snooped into his emails as of late because I had a very awful suspicion that things were not right. I found awful emails to persons saying things needed to be discreet and other bad emails. Ive forgiven him 3 times. We have only been married 5 1/2 months and dated for about 3 years. This last time, I left but returned the next day (today) to work on things and to get a counselor. I came home and found a letter that he had written, thinking it was for me and found out it was for a friend that is in jail. He had told him very intimate details about our sexual life together and told him things about me being inadequate in those areas and that is the reason he cheats on me. Ive given myself to him 100% in every aspect of my life. I cant even talk to him about it because he gets so angry that he scares me. Screaming and slamming the bathroom door over and over and over while i was in there. I felt very frightened of him. I feel like I used to be a very strong "stand on her own two feet" kind of girl before we got together and now I feel very bad about myself and very weak. I have no one to talk to about it. He took the car tonight and left and I had no way to contact him. I feel like he is punishing me. I feel sick with anger, sadness and tears. He is mad at me for coming home to work on our relationship, and then getting upset with the "silly letter that meant nothing" or as he puts it. I dont know what to do. I am so outside of my head in a haze and am praying but I feel like God is so far from me. Both my husband and I are Christians and he is bipolar and has severe mood problems. I dont think he would hit me but I feel like the actions of his anger could cause something to fall on me or harm me by accident. I need prayer. I need help. I need someone to talk to.
 
Hi sis,
I feel deeply sadden and concerned to hear about your story :( Will be praying for you.
 
WELL, this is a uber-serious situation indeed. In addition to the marital infidelity (e.g. adultry) and other grevious breaks of trust, he is putting your very life at risk. This isn't the 1960s. Aids is a real concern in hetrosexual relationships anymore.

What you are doing married to him in the first place is beyond me, but at this point you have every right to separate yourself from him. If I were you, I'd pack up and go back home to be with family and seek counseling in addition to a good self-help group for codependence at one of the churches in your area that offers it as you are exhibiting codependence traits imo from reading your post. You may wish to see if a Celebrate Recovery group exists near you. Time to connect with family and tell them you're coming home.

froglipsrgood8 said:
Its a topic that you see all the time. I never thought I would be going through this. I am just sick with grief. I have caught my husband 3 times in the past 6 months on dating sites and other pornographic sites. Ive snooped into his emails as of late because I had a very awful suspicion that things were not right. I found awful emails to persons saying things needed to be discreet and other bad emails. Ive forgiven him 3 times. We have only been married 5 1/2 months and dated for about 3 years. This last time, I left but returned the next day (today) to work on things and to get a counselor. I came home and found a letter that he had written, thinking it was for me and found out it was for a friend that is in jail. He had told him very intimate details about our sexual life together and told him things about me being inadequate in those areas and that is the reason he cheats on me. Ive given myself to him 100% in every aspect of my life. I cant even talk to him about it because he gets so angry that he scares me. Screaming and slamming the bathroom door over and over and over while i was in there. I felt very frightened of him. I feel like I used to be a very strong "stand on her own two feet" kind of girl before we got together and now I feel very bad about myself and very weak. I have no one to talk to about it. He took the car tonight and left and I had no way to contact him. I feel like he is punishing me. I feel sick with anger, sadness and tears. He is mad at me for coming home to work on our relationship, and then getting upset with the "silly letter that meant nothing" or as he puts it. I dont know what to do. I am so outside of my head in a haze and am praying but I feel like God is so far from me. Both my husband and I are Christians and he is bipolar and has severe mood problems. I dont think he would hit me but I feel like the actions of his anger could cause something to fall on me or harm me by accident. I need prayer. I need help. I need someone to talk to.
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Believe it or not, he is a text book abuser. He puts you down in front of others, screams, loses his temper, infidelity, makes you feel like every move you make is the wrong one, then blames you for everything that's wrong, including his behavior.
You should know its proven, abusers almost never get better, even with counseling. The only changes abusers make is to get worse. You are at risk of physical abuse, even if it hasn't happened yet. Often physical abuse starts with verbal and emotional, such as you're going through. So if you think he won't hit you're you're fooling yourself. I knew a woman married to a man with bipolar. He went years with just verbal abuse and screaming, he was just beginning physical abuse when they finally separated.
I was also best friends with a bipolar woman who was married. Again, you think he won't be violent, but this woman went as far as trying to murder her husband. Attacked him with a knife. Angry bipolars are very capable of becoming violent, don't fool yourself into thinking your husband is any different.
Also, your reaction to the abuse it totally normal. Abuse systematically wears a persons emotions and self esteem down.
 
Dear Sister,I am very touched by your story.Just remember that you are not alone..God Cares!Just try to forgive him and let God guide you through,he'll do the rest for you...Prov25:21'' If your enemies are hungry,feed them;if they are thirsty,give them a drink.You will make them burn with shame,and the Lord will reward you for that''just pray and it's OK to cry out to the Lord let him feel your pain..
 
It is well with you. the Lord is your comfort and He has promised to never leave nor forsake you. be encouraged, you're not alone.
 
Find help in your local church. Sorry to hear of your situation, but you need good godly woman to support youand as manny great Godly advice you can get here is not the same as having a safe house, to run to if things at home get out of control. Being married just over four months my self its hard to read this kind of stories and gives me insites of how to treat my wife.
I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you for having the strength to post this.
 
Omi said:
Dear Sister,I am very touched by your story.Just remember that you are not alone..God Cares!Just try to forgive him and let God guide you through,he'll do the rest for you...Prov25:21'' If your enemies are hungry,feed them;if they are thirsty,give them a drink.You will make them burn with shame,and the Lord will reward you for that''just pray and it's OK to cry out to the Lord let him feel your pain..
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Thank you for your words. Very touching to my heart. I dont want to end our marriage. I need to see a way through the darkness and I feel as if I am surrounded by a thick black cloud. I need encouragement as much as I can get. Although I feel like leaving and going back home...I dont have much support there and I dont want to give up even though I feel like giving up. I am struggling with allot of dark thoughts. Wishing God would just let me die and wishing I could just lay down and give up. Go to sleep and not wake again. Im in a very dark spot. Thank you for your words and kindness.
 
happyinhisway said:
Find help in your local church. Sorry to hear of your situation, but you need good godly woman to support youand as manny great Godly advice you can get here is not the same as having a safe house, to run to if things at home get out of control. Being married just over four months my self its hard to read this kind of stories and gives me insites of how to treat my wife.
I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you for having the strength to post this.
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: Thank you, and as bad as it is for me right now, I hope that you can take from this and better your relationship with your wife as well. His grandmother is a God fearing woman. But I think it would be overstepping my bounds by talking to her about this matter. I do need a Godly women to talk to in person and am checking into some kind of ministry that can help me for free. I have no job due to being laid off and my husband is disabled. I have no insurance.
 
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Both my husband and I are Christians!

I would like you to search your heart, and hopefully can see that your husband surely isn't a real follower of Christ, where is the seperation and holiness?

This is another fine example why the churches are in such an apostate state, I would encourage you if you are not in the faith to repent and seek the mercy of God, your husband has never repented, and lives for his flesh, he is self seeking, and hates the truth that can set him free, don't let anybody tell you he is saved and going to heaven.

He must be expelled from the church until he truly repents,stops his sinning against God and you,and go through a long season of godly sorrow.

But to say he is a Christian and I do not know where you stand with the Lord, I can clearly judge his fruit, and its rotten to the core, he doesnt need to hear a feel good,cotton candy sermon most churches teach, telling him, he is safe and secure in his great rebellion, he needs a John the Baptist to get into his face and command him to repent,or perish,cut his sin off at the root, and seek the mercy of God,as IF the repentance is half hearted like most in the church, then His mercy will not be given, this is what the word teaches on this.

I am sorry is he is polar, that can be controlled with meds, so I hope this isn't his excuse for his behavior.

I urge you both to repent, seek the mercy and power of God to set you free from the bondages of sin!

I know this is a harsh answer, but needs to be taken to heart, again the condition of the church through all its false teachings is showing its ugly colors, by declaring sinner righteous while they are still in rebellion to God, I will keep you both in my prayers!
 
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I know the bible teaches us to forgive over and over...I can say to him that I forgive him, but I know that my heart aches with bitterness against him. How do I truly forgive him and move forward in my heart?
 
You cannot fix him. You cannot change him. You are a classic codependent. Reread my original post. You need to go home and begin YOUR recovery.

froglipsrgood8 said:
I know the bible teaches us to forgive over and over...I can say to him that I forgive him, but I know that my heart aches with bitterness against him. How do I truly forgive him and move forward in my heart?
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For your own mental and physical safety I say divorce. Sure you can forgive over and over, but it doesn't mean that you are not going to be angry, angry at such injustice. It's natural. Remember Jesus flipping tables?
Whatever happened between those 3 years of dating that now that you're married only 5 months its falling apart? Something was wrong from the beginning.
You can be forgiving and persevere but you must also be wise.
 
Sorry you're going through this hard time sister :( .

Sounds like you still love him but he's emotionally abusing you and using you and it really hurts. You are not a doormat so you don't have to allow him to treat you like one. That is not the definition of a biblical marriage.

A marriage can be saved only when both people want to save it.

Find a church to attend....this can really give you some support ...along with prayer and bible study.

You might want to find another place to live, telling him that you can't live your life as a doormat; point out that you still love him but until he changes his behavior you can't live with him. If he's serious about your marriage, he'll go with you to counseling and try to work things out.

Finding a job would really help your self-esteem...you'd be supporting yourself and not depending on anyone else. That's a big ego-boost :).

BTW, in his letter about your 'inadequacies' is his way of justifying cheating on you. Obviously, he doesn't want to take the blame for anything. Until he's ready to take self-responsibility he will always try to blame you , or someone else, for everything.

Praying for strength and guidance for you sweetie....hang in there and know that you are GREATLY LOVED by your heavenly Father. Look to Him for your worth :).
 
It sounds to me as though you are in a very serious predicament! I'm also pretty sure that if you look back on the relationship before you married, you will see tell tale signs of problems. In my opinion, I think that you should create distance between the two of you and enter into a therapeutic relationship with a good therapist. There are issues in this relationship that need to be sorted out before you have any chance of being together harmoniously. Both of you should go for therapy if both of you want to be in the relationship.

My ex and I had hassles and I entered into therapy but he wouldn't. It turned out that he didn't love me and ended up leaving me for another woman. There is only one thing worse than being in a bad marriage for 51/2 months and that is being in a bad marriage for 5 1/2 months AND ONE DAY!

Look after yourself before you look after others!
 
froglipsrgood8 said:
Thank you for your words. Very touching to my heart. I dont want to end our marriage. I need to see a way through the darkness and I feel as if I am surrounded by a thick black cloud. I need encouragement as much as I can get. Although I feel like leaving and going back home...I dont have much support there and I dont want to give up even though I feel like giving up. I am struggling with allot of dark thoughts. Wishing God would just let me die and wishing I could just lay down and give up. Go to sleep and not wake again. Im in a very dark spot. Thank you for your words and kindness.
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just remember to put your love for God first than your love for your husband!Your faith is tested each day as you face different trials.Go through this obstacle and don't run away from it/face it!prov:14:1 ''homes are made by the wisdom of women,but are destroyed by foolishness.''Divorce isn't the answer!Our God is an Omnipotent,Omnipresent God!Amen!My favorite bible verse is Mathew 11 28-30''Come to me ,all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads,and I will give you rest.Take my yoke and put it on you ,and learn from me ,because I am gentle and humble in spirit;and you find rest.For the yoke I will give you is easy,and the the load I will put on you is light''I'll pray for you!!God bless you!
 
hi theres a lot of good input here! Just want 2 let u no i no exsactly what ur goin thro. i was married 14 yrs 2 a physical mental abusive person. i wouldve never complained 2 any2 bcause i was ashamed n also in my culture women stand under the man not bside him. he got in2 a relationship with another woman so i left. i dont believe in divorce n i told him il always b here 4 him if he wants 2 talk but the only way il let him cum back 2 me if he has a heart transformation n gives his whole life 2 God. I have made such a big change in my life. at 1 time i just wanted 2 die but now i feel so free that i feel like flyin! God has truely blessed me. I lov u n i want 2 say dont wait 2 get help like i did. I actually had 2 learn how 2 live all over again.
 
Praying God will give you wisdom, knowledge, insight, understanding and the stength to go with it.
May you be surrounded by people to build you up, in Jesus Name, Amen
 
you need to leave this is going to be a marriage made in hell don't spend years in an adulterous relationship with anyone God is worth more to your life than allowing yourself to live it ripped off of love...you need to know the love of God and this is not a marriage it is a sentence
 
in my opinion, there is 2 issues at hand;

1) Dis-satisfaction on marriage sex life. In your OP, you mentioned that your husband complained to his friend about this issue.Is it true or not well only both of you knows. If it were true, then this issue need to be deal with urgently otherwise it will pull down your marriage. Both of you to consult a sex therapist to seek advice on how to improve your sexual life.

2) Your husband bipolar behaviour. Rest assured that your husband is NOT the ONLY ONE having this problem. There are plenty of men/women having this problem out there. What I know of is that they seek couselling by phychoogist to help them control their mood swing. If they can't, i believe the phychologist would prescribe medication. Your husband need help and it is up to you to help him or leave him alone to suffer. Please help him to be better. iam sure God will help those who help themselves. i believed that you do love him otherwise you won't have married him right?
 
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