Still not feeling accepted around others...

[Hellooo]

Even though touch is probably my secendary love language(When it comes to girls, with guys it's probably around 4th)(This also works with friends, or atleast it works find when I turn into from a romantic relationship to a friendship one). Anyway my main one is quaility time.

But really I need both physical touch and quility time from to feel accepted by a girl.
and Just quility time and positive afframation from guys to feel accepted.

btw, this is what mean by physical touch...

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love Languages®

If physical touch is a condition for just a friendship, you're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. It also makes me question the intent here, you say this girl is not someone you desire as a partner, but you won't feel accepted by her unless she touches you?

If someone doesn't want to get close to you, just move on. Forcing the issue eventually comes off as desperation and being needy, which aren't attractive qualities.

Your original post stated that you struggle with feeling accepted..it sucks to go through loneliness, but you can't find happiness in other people..they don't owe you anything. I'm not trying to nag or pick on you. Don't underestimate your own value and resort to overtly sexual behavior to get attention, a lot of women can see right through that.People will want to draw closer if you give them a chance to see what you actually bring to the table.

Think of it like a salesperson, you have to tap into your CLIENT'S needs and motivations in order for them to listen to your sales pitch. You can't sell anything to anyone by telling them what YOU need out of a transaction, your client will distrust you immediately.
Likewise, you can't expect people, ladies or guys, to just want to meet your emotional/physical needs...you need to sell yourself better so that they want to be around you.

 

[Powemm]

I can completely relate about the whole socially awkward thing... I'm pretty quiet and use to try to crack jokes to try to fit in with the social norm.. I wonder if God has allowed us to be awkward because we are trying to be something we aren't? I dont know.. As for the girl doing the whole "side hug" thing.. I do that a lot to guys I don't know well.. doesn't mean anything beyond that.. I give side hugs when the boundaries of a handshake have been overstepped by the opposite sex..try laying off the hugs and give her a high five or a "see ya later nudge and a smile" trust me... She will notice you've backed off from hugging her..

 

[dothackzero]

If physical touch is a condition for just a friendship, you're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. It also makes me question the intent here, you say this girl is not someone you desire as a partner, but you won't feel accepted by her unless she touches you?

If someone doesn't want to get close to you, just move on. Forcing the issue eventually comes off as desperation and being needy, which aren't attractive qualities.

Your original post stated that you struggle with feeling accepted..it sucks to go through loneliness, but you can't find happiness in other people..they don't owe you anything. I'm not trying to nag or pick on you. Don't underestimate your own value and resort to overtly sexual behavior to get attention, a lot of women can see right through that.People will want to draw closer if you give them a chance to see what you actually bring to the table.

So how's wanting a simple hug from a girl when saying see ya(Without a girl just doing it to get it over with)at the very least so freaking unreasonable.

Really, I want to show people other aspects of me. But I really don't know how. I mean at the very least I could atleast get her laugh. Though really I want to be able to make other laugh, editify them, and talk to them on a intllegent level. But at the same time, I don't really know how to do the last 2 outside my own mind.

 

[dothackzero]

I can completely relate about the whole socially awkward thing... I'm pretty quiet and use to try to crack jokes to try to fit in with the social norm.. I wonder if God has allowed us to be awkward because we are trying to be something we aren't? I dont know.. As for the girl doing the whole "side hug" thing.. I do that a lot to guys I don't know well.. doesn't mean anything beyond that.. I give side hugs when the boundaries of a handshake have been overstepped by the opposite sex..try laying off the hugs and give her a high five or a "see ya later nudge and a smile" trust me... She will notice you've backed off from hugging her..

I've know her for a years, but I've started hanging out with her on a fairly common basis over the last month.

 

[Stuey]

It's a pretty sweet game. I've played it a it at the professional level going to various Grand Prix and such. Really fun at times, but Im currently a bit burnt out right now on it.

Dangerously addictive...

From what I've seen if you aren't sensible about it could also burn a hole through your wallet.

 

[zaoman32]

So how's wanting a simple hug from a girl when saying see ya(Without a girl just doing it to get it over with)at the very least so freaking unreasonable.

Really, I want to show people other aspects of me. But I really don't know how. I mean at the very least I could atleast get her laugh. Though really I want to be able to make other laugh, editify them, and talk to them on a intllegent level. But at the same time, I don't really know how to do the last 2 outside my own mind.

Making dirty jokes is not the way to show people your capable of intelligent conversation. Just FYI.

And she does have a point about seeking happiness from others. If that's where your looking for happiness you will always be disappointed, and you will get burned. God made only one you. God loves you. If you believe that everything God makes is good then that includes you, and you need to start seeing yourself that way and stop being concerned with how well others like you.

 

[dothackzero]

Making dirty jokes is not the way to show people your capable of intelligent conversation. Just FYI.

I know, I just thought it was better than just saying nothing or almost nothing. I'll probably only do dirty jokes when the other guys are.

 

[dupreegreg]

Im glad you see alot of things that no one on this site can answer for you. how much i have coverd up by being who i am not . God can use shy, lame, and nerdy. believe me

 

[zaoman32]

Im glad you see alot of things that no one on this site can answer for you. how much i have coverd up by being who i am not . God can use shy, lame, and nerdy. believe me

listen to this guy, there's also a verse in proverbs that says even a fool who keeps his mouth shut seems wise.

 

[dupreegreg]

by the way i hope im not being to preachy , but be careful of the games we play. the things that we put into our minds has a profound affect on what we worship. the internet, cirtain typs of magizens (if you know what i mean ) some thing just have a way of pulling us in the wrong direction. I have to gaurd my thoughts, or the world WILL devour me again.

 

[PopClick]

I know, I just thought it was better than just saying nothing or almost nothing. I'll probably only do dirty jokes when the other guys are.

How's about taking a look at Philippians 4:8-9?

Dot, you say you want to get closer to God, you say you want to break the porn addiction, but you. Are. Feeding. The. Monster.

 

[Jullianna]

zaoman and Popclick, ageed. Dot, you have made such progress since I've known you. Proud of you, brother. But can the dirty joke thing. You'll attract the wrong kind of woman and will end up in over your head.

 

[jadealexis]

Be you if u try and be what u think other people want you to be then u will be miserable and you wont find someone that is perfect for you

 

[Stuey]

I know, I just thought it was better than just saying nothing or almost nothing. I'll probably only do dirty jokes when the other guys are.

It is really not better than saying anything dot... Stand out. Be different.

The kind of girl you will be looking for will notice that and be turned off by dirty jokes. But regardless of that God tells us not to.

 

[dothackzero]

Anyways, we got a chance to hang out again. And it turns that I do look at her face a lot more than the other places. But yeah, I'm assuming it was an awkward hug for her last time since she didn't give me one today(and no, I wasn't more or less motioning that I wanted one like last time.)

 

[dothackzero]

So yeah, I also asked one of my other friends(girl), though facebook the first time to hang out. She couldn't make it. Would she have directly said something if she didn't want to come?

 

[dothackzero]

This came from another fourm where I was asking this, and I thought that you might want to know this too.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you know this already, maybe you do actually hav a love for the peoplae around you, but it doesn't seem like it. Prove to us that you do.

I do have love for the people around me. I'm just not always good at showing it, but really I'm around my friends(including the girls) because they are fun, they make me laugh, they are just good people, and most of the strong Christians. It really is a lot for just the fellowship. I am looking for ways to expand my main group(with girls), but I'm still choosing that are fun(not in a sexual way), that I just want to be around, the girl I invited over today was mostly because she's just an interesting person(She's 5 years older than me.) Though within that I still am laying the ground work to be able to find a wife(weather it's one the girls I'm hanging out with, or their friend that I meet through them.) But still it does have a lot to do with me just wanting to be around them, and for the fellowship.

 

[dothackzero]

Actually, could having bad body language be my problem around other peoplel? I mean, I don't really know how read other people's body language. As for my own, I basically just do what makes me conterble, so maybe I'm doing something that makes people think I want to be alone or something.

 

[Stephen63]

Okay, I've been able to get out and being able to spend more time with my friends. My shyness and fears have gone by a lot especially the shyness. I still don't really have any normal social skills, so it like when I was in elementry school before I using being shy as a barrier from being reject(I'm guessing). So it's going been going down lately(Mostly through listening to a lot of pure grace messages about God), but I guess the confidence it's going up. I'm still basically acting like I was when I was little kid, only instead of making weird noises all the time, I'm just making perverted jokes(Though my friends are doing it too, but I just tend to not know when to stop), but I really don't know how to express myself to other people that well when talk gets more serious(Though in my own head, I'm probably as good or better than others in expressing my self.) I don't know maybe it's a fear of being wrong or something, or being rejected. So basically do the pervered type jokes to get noticed, or I'll just be the random creepy silent person that laughs at everything.

Anyways, basically I feeling like I'm being more of pain to my friends than anything else(Well the guys know me well enough that isn't much of a problem). But the girl in the group, I really don't feel close to at alll(This mostly where I'm depressed, and I'm not even looking at her as a potentional girlfriend/wife.) Even tonight when we were hanging and started to go, she gave me a hug, but it was one the extreme side hugs where it's just doing it to get me to leave her alone or something. I mean it like we're fine when were playing Magic and having fun, but I'm still really feeling accepted with her.

I have found that the way we think has a great impact on what we do. If we think people do not like us, we shrink back from relationships and keep to ourselves. I know this from personal experience.

Proverbs 18:24 24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Basically, the person we want our friends to be is the person we first must become. Anyone who waits for friendly results without shown themselves friendly will be waiting alone. No one can read you when you sit still and do nothing.
On another note, I notice you post a lot about this "girl". If your feelings about friends exist because of this one girl, then I'm sorry, but you're lying to yourself. If you're expecting much more from her than she shows, you may be expecting too much if you have showed her the same. start treating her the way you want her to treat you; then she will pick up on your hints. But don't expect a fantastic relationship to bloom out of this, for God may have somebody else for you.

 

[dothackzero]

Also, does anyone know of any good video for improving social skills that aren't made for people that are autistic or little kids.