My dad- please help

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asdfghjkl101

Guest
#1
#1
So just recently we got a new dog, and it's been great so far. It's growing out of it's puppy stage so it's more closer to an adult now. But my mom spends time with it. She works early in the morning, and comes back late at night and when she comes home she spends time with the dog because the dog relaxes her, which makes sense in my opinion. To my dad though, he's constantly jealous and tells my mom that she loves the dog more than she loves him. He finds it an act of adultery, basically an affair. And it's a bit frustrating for me because I know he watches pornography and has had somewhat of an affair before, and yet my mom has forgiven him through everything. He made us get rid of the dog and believes that the dog is the problem. He's also has this obsession with cars, and before he made us get rid of the dog, he always told my mom, "I'll stop with the cars, if you stop with the dog, because it's one of the most important thing to me." And he's not the type of person you can exactly confront the situation about because he has an extreme short temper, and it's impossible to address the actions that he has made..
I've been trying to talk to him, but I've been trying to biblically back up everything I say. I just want to simply say, that this can be a test with God to see how strong your faith is and if you're going to let the family fall apart because you think its your wife is having an affair with a dog.. Or something along those lines, or to seek God through everything you do and he will give you the answers. Was he fighting in his own mindset or was he fighting in the mindset of Christ? Is he looking to God for answers to the situation or the world? And I just need help, to what to say to him, and what to do with the situation. Thanks!
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#2
#2
If by keeping the dog would make him jealous/unhappy/bring chaos to the family, i would rather give the dog away. If you love a person enough, surely you would do anything to make the person happy right?

God gave husband the authority and responsibility to be the head of his family. Kindly read Ephesians 5:22-33.
 
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shekaniah

Guest
#3
#3
Your dad sounds selfish and I will definitly pray for God to lead his heart.
In my family we treat our dogs like a member of the family.
I can't imagine ever giving one of my beloved dogs up.
My heart and prayers go out to you and your mom too.
Hugs and love in Christ, Shekaniah
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
chuinchoy said:
If by keeping the dog would make him jealous/unhappy/bring chaos to the family, i would rather give the dog away. If you love a person enough, surely you would do anything to make the person happy right?

God gave husband the authority and responsibility to be the head of his family. Kindly read Ephesians 5:22-33.
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That doesn't excuse the porn addiction, the car idolatry, the hypocrisy, the selfishness, the anger, the jealousy, the control freak issues, the lack of humility, and a lack of openness to be corrected when he's out of line, and the overall lack of concern for the overall good of his family, especially his wife.

Yes, men are the head of the house hold, but it says 'as Christ loves the church'. This man reflects none of the love of Christ to his family. He is buried in sinful behavior and attitudes, not being the spiritual head, as Christ is.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#5
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#5
Wow, that's hard. He was jealous of a dog? A lot of people get enjoyment from dogs simply because they are loving and cuddly.

Is he a Christian? If not, I don't think using bible verses will have much affect on him.

Honestly, I think he needs help. Would he consider seeing a counselor?

Bless you for loving your dad and wanting to help him :).
 
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Jordache

Guest
#6
#6
Honey, it's really not your place to advize our father at this point in your life.
 
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Singer4Christ

Guest
#7
#7
I've had a similar thing happen in my family. My mom had this really great bird a long time ago, but it was really loud at points. My mom loved this bird so much, but my dad couldn't stand it. He was a smoker back then and he told my mom that if she got rid of the bird, he'd quit smoking. She got rid of the bird, but he didn't quit. We kept praying about it and later on my dad got Lyme disease. The disease had to force him to quit smoking. My advice to you is just put your dad in God's hands and He will work everything out. My dad also has a pretty short temper; don't continuously try to reason with him, because that'll just make him more defensive. Just keep praying and consider fasting for your dad to fully come to the Lord. I'll be praying for him as well. God Bless
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#8
#8
Ugly said:
That doesn't excuse the porn addiction, the car idolatry, the hypocrisy, the selfishness, the anger, the jealousy, the control freak issues, the lack of humility, and a lack of openness to be corrected when he's out of line, and the overall lack of concern for the overall good of his family, especially his wife.


I do agree with what he has been doing is wrong but the bible tell us that we should RESPECT our parent. That means we do not question what our parent did whether is RIGHT or WRONG, but we pray for them that either God will let them see what they done is wrong or someone to tell them.
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intercessorginger

Guest
#9
#9
I know you want to do something in this situation, but really it's between your parents. It's up to them to counsel, pray and understand eachother up to and including..cars..dogs and all the rest. These problems are much too big for you to solve and it is not right that you should be under the pressure of sorting out these things.
Put your Mom and Dad in the Hands of the Lord, who loves them so much and be happy! Im sure regardless of everything that is happening, your parents want you to have a good life that you enjoy! Follow the Lord with all your heart and dont' lose your peace!
 
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paulareynhart

Guest
#10
#10
hello there,,,,, live,love,obey....
i have to say i'm a little confused,,,,,, if you're praying on this with an open and honest heart then you really need to TRUST. i'm not to sure how much you should include yourself in amongst this tension. i get the feeling you're true and just and so i'll pray right now that you feel peace because i get the impression that you think you have some control,,,, you don't,,,,, while you're making plans God is author of all. Trust in the Lord,,,,, lean not on your own understanding................
 
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Ugly

Guest
#11
#11
chuinchoy said:
Ugly said:
That doesn't excuse the porn addiction, the car idolatry, the hypocrisy, the selfishness, the anger, the jealousy, the control freak issues, the lack of humility, and a lack of openness to be corrected when he's out of line, and the overall lack of concern for the overall good of his family, especially his wife.


I do agree with what he has been doing is wrong but the bible tell us that we should RESPECT our parent. That means we do not question what our parent did whether is RIGHT or WRONG, but we pray for them that either God will let them see what they done is wrong or someone to tell them.
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Prove to me biblically that 'respecting' a parent means that a child has no rights to speak respectfully to a parent about their major sinful lifestyle.
So this man is allowed to make decisions that are negatively effecting himself, his wife, and his family and she has no right to speak up about the damage he is causing her? I don't see that as the definition of respecting a parent.
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psychomom

Guest
#12
#12
asdfghjkl101 said:
So just recently we got a new dog, and it's been great so far. It's growing out of it's puppy stage so it's more closer to an adult now. But my mom spends time with it. She works early in the morning, and comes back late at night and when she comes home she spends time with the dog because the dog relaxes her, which makes sense in my opinion. To my dad though, he's constantly jealous and tells my mom that she loves the dog more than she loves him. He finds it an act of adultery, basically an affair. And it's a bit frustrating for me because I know he watches pornography and has had somewhat of an affair before, and yet my mom has forgiven him through everything. He made us get rid of the dog and believes that the dog is the problem. He's also has this obsession with cars, and before he made us get rid of the dog, he always told my mom, "I'll stop with the cars, if you stop with the dog, because it's one of the most important thing to me." And he's not the type of person you can exactly confront the situation about because he has an extreme short temper, and it's impossible to address the actions that he has made..
I've been trying to talk to him, but I've been trying to biblically back up everything I say. I just want to simply say, that this can be a test with God to see how strong your faith is and if you're going to let the family fall apart because you think its your wife is having an affair with a dog.. Or something along those lines, or to seek God through everything you do and he will give you the answers. Was he fighting in his own mindset or was he fighting in the mindset of Christ? Is he looking to God for answers to the situation or the world? And I just need help, to what to say to him, and what to do with the situation. Thanks!
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Hello, dear child. I am sorry to hear of this event in your family. I hope you will allow me a few observations, which you may feel free to take or leave alone. :)

Firstly, you do not specify whether or not your father knows the Lord Jesus as his Savior, and to a certain extent it does not matter. He clearly is not walking in the Light at this time, or so it seems. Do not look to such a one to portray the character of Christ, beloved...if we do not have the love of Christ in our hearts, we have no real love to give another. I urge you to have as much mercy as you can in your heart toward your dad. This love, grace and mercy will have to come to you from the very heart of Christ, for no other will do. :)
Forgive him. This is essential to your own walk with your Lord. I fear if you will not forgive your dad, a bitterness might spring up in your heart toward him that will make the next offense (if there is one) even less palatable and harder to forgive. For the sakes of all, and in love for the One Who forgives you so freely, I pray that you will do this. ♥
I see how you love your mother, and I commend you, little one! I am so sorry the dog is gone...perhaps it pleased your mom to lavish love upon the dog she would rather give elsewhere. That is mere supposition, but often when we love and cannot show it as we wish, we find a substitute. You can pray for your mom in that, if you think it's so.

As to speaking with you father, that I think you ought to check with your mom about, because if it does not go well, the brunt of the fallout may land on her. It sounds like you may have a good relationship with her, and it may be enough for her to know how you feel, and that you love her so.
It seems, with the little knowledge we have, that your best course of action is to pray, pray, pray. Submit to the will of God. Love your parents (agape love, the kind of the will, not the emotions). Honor them. That is not easy to do when you feel a parent deserves it not, yet it is a thing I at my advanced age still have to do, and I do at times struggle with honoring my mother. :rolleyes:

I will surely pray for you this evening, dear child. Your parents are fortunate to have such a daughter. :)

grace and peace to you, my dear, and love in Jesus,
ellie

 
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smolderingflax

Guest
#13
#13
its very sad, your dad is very mixed up. that he would behave in any way that your mom is having an afair with the dog, is so absurd it illustrates how much help he needs. he needs professional help. its sweet that you want to correct your dad and back it up biblicaly, but he likely wont listen to you . it would be wise for you to talk to your pastor. unless your church condones this kind of behavior. then you need a new church. god bless you, im sorry for you to have to live with your dads pathetic actions
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#14
#14
kindly refer or check your dictionary what does respect mean. I prayed that God will open your eyes to see what it really mean.
 
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BrittanyJones

Guest
#15
#15
Yeah you already said he gets defensive when you talk, nothing you say will change anything, you can make the most brilliant perfect points in the world and have him in a corner, he'll still defend himself. In my family it was a very beloved cat. Prayyyyyyy. Only God can change His heart.

<3

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.
Colossians 4
 
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hopesprings

Guest
#16
#16
Wow...it would be so easy to get angry in a situation like that. All you can do is Pray, especially if you've tried to talk to him and it gets you no where. Don't harass him about it...it won't change anything. You have a great opportunity to show the love of Christ to him tho. Remember, Christ died for us when we were sinners. We show his love even to the ones who don't deserve it (which is everyone). Your mom is going to be having the hardest time right now, she is going to need your encouragment. God is able!
 
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Ugly

Guest
#17
#17
chuinchoy said:
kindly refer or check your dictionary what does respect mean. I prayed that God will open your eyes to see what it really mean.
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Merriam-Webster.com - Definitions for 'respect'...

1 - a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation

2- an act of giving particular attention

3 - a: high or special regard
b: the quality or state of being esteemed
c: plural : expressions of high or special regard or deference


Just as i knew it meant. So again, prove to me where respect means not being able to speak up for yourself or your family. You are dodging the question by trying to imply i don't know the meaning of the word 'respect', which i obviously did know. And am supported in by this official definition. So your turn to answer this time.
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#18
#18
sorry brother. i thnk i have a better explanation of the word "respect" from the oxford dictionary. It states "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements:"


As the oxford dictionary have rightly stated, when you respect a person, you have deep admiration for that person or something ELICITED by that person's ability, quality or achievements. I can't understand how can you respect a person and at the same time disrespect that same person by telling him that he is wrong. It doesn't make any sense, isn't it so? You either respect or disrespect a person. You won't half respect and half disrespect a person, right?

Now come back to the issue on hand, God have commanded us to RESPECT OUR PARENT. If you were to notice, this commandment is the ONLY commandment that comes with a promise from God to those who obey. Read Exodus 20:12. THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG IN THE LAND THAT LORD YOUR GOD IS GIVING YOU.

In this case, asdfghjkl101 father committed 2 sins ie watching phonography and extra-marital affairs. In my opinion, you should not confront a person when he/she falls into a sin but you CONVINCE them that they have sin. Take for example, you have sinned against God by divorcing your wife. Would you prefer me to convince you that you have sin or condemning you for your sin?

asdfghjkl101 is a 19 year old girl. in my opinion, still young at age to tell her father that he has sinned against God. i think, what she should do is to pray that God will convince his father that he has sinned.
 
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violakat

Guest
#19
#19
With all love and respect, UGLY and CHUINCHOY, BEHAVE. This thread is not about you two, it is about a young girl who needs advice. Set your differences aside and try to look consider what she needs. And if you cannot do that, then do not respond to this thread.

To Asdf: Pointing out your father's problems may not be a wise idea. It may actually only increase the problem. As someone said earlier, talk with your mother and let her know how you feel. She may not realize how everything is effecting you. Also, talk with a counselor. They maybe able to provide resources for you and your mother. Third, if you have already done all this and you still feel you must say something to your father, first pray about the situation. Then sit down and write a list of everything you really want your father to hear, and include how it all makes you feel. Then, write a letter. Make sure you let him no how much you love, and how much his actions and treatment hurts you. Let him know you don't understand why he does what he does. But, do not give him your first draft. Instead, wait a day or two and pray again, then come back to the letter and rewrite it. You may find that your feelings have changed, or that you wrote your letter in the heat of anger. If you still feel you must give your father the letter, wait until he is in a calm mood, and there is no one who will be at home for awhile when he reads it. I do not want you or your family in danger. And while I do not know how he will react, there is a good chance he will react with anger.
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#20
#20
violakat said:
With all love and respect, UGLY and CHUINCHOY, BEHAVE. This thread is not about you two, it is about a young girl who needs advice. Set your differences aside and try to look consider what she needs. And if you cannot do that, then do not respond to this thread.

I STRONGLY AGREE WITH YOU, VIOLAKAT. I PRAYED THAT THIS WOULD BE THE LAST CONFRONTATION FOR BOTH OF US. BELIEVE ME, I HATE TO DO THIS. ITS NOT LOVING AT ALL.
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