I have a really good friend from church (female) and she and I have had a really good friendship for years. Making a long story short basically she became a different person due to the influence of another guy and started doing things to me and against me that were pretty hurtful and ultimately sinful. So for several months I've prayed for her and encouraged her to get things straightened out and she finally came to a point of repentance. Well the thing is, she wants to do right, but because of some of the decisions she made when she didn't want to do right, she has turned several people against me in her household by assassinating my character and blaming me for everything and not being honest about things. The last 2 weeks God has convicted her of major sins that she has committed and she wants to get them right, but her parents basically won't let her (they have basically encouraged her in her wrongdoing). Basically she is in the position because of decisions she has made to do the right thing that the Holy Spirit is convicting her to get straightened out she'll be defying her parents wishes. What do you think she should do Biblically?
Looking for some input...
- Thread starter Crypto
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
And I should heal them!
Mat 13:15 For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them.
They close their ears to truth because it convicts them to the core, asking them to do and obey, instead they flock to hear rest and trust in something that never happened. They do not see the wrath to come as they sin with impunity telling others its normal and God looks the other way, or His great mercy covers them as they rebel against Him seeking many false teachers who tell them all is well, repentance isn’t necessary, or make it out to be just an apology for their sinful condition.
Now the door is still open to those who have not shut it yet! But it comes with a high price, which includes repentance on the scale of Nineveh, coming to self as the prodigal did, and seeking His mercy while there is still time.
This healing doesn’t come from admitting you were born a hopeless sinner, or you are the Romans wretch, or just accepting Jesus as your wrath substitute, but from a real conversion that can only take place by doing this first:
Jas 1:21 Therefore putting aside all filthiness and overflowing of evil, receive in meekness the implanted Word, which is able to save your souls.
Jas 1:22 But become doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
Tommy
K
She has to follow God over her parents. But there is no reason she should alienate her parents if she doesn't have to (the Bible demands she honor them). Explanations to them are certainly called for, and probably to other household members as well. Since it sounds like some of what she needs to get straightened out is against you (I can't imagine what the specifics might be), would it help if you went to her parents with her and told her you have forgiven her?
That is perfectly reasonable on paper and would work if the other parties were willing to work out a situation. The reason why that probably won't work, is last time we had an issue I went to the dad to ask why he was doing something his response was "Because I said so" and offered no explanation Biblically of any sort of sin that I had committed or anything. Hopefully that makes sense?
P
Crypto, this has to be one of the most difficult situations I've seen posed here.
Normally I pray for those who post, but don't post a response.
In this case, I wanted you to know I am praying.
When Christ says if we don't 'hate' our family for His sake, and the sake of actually following Him, of course He means 'love Me more than you love them'.
It seems this young woman may have caused this animosity toward you in her parents, is that right?
If so, as the Lord is working in her heart to restore her to Himself, and to bring restoration between you two, so, I believe, He will work this out. Maybe a little patience will be needed?
You and she can have forgiveness and healing apart from her parents in spirit, right?
If I have misunderstood, please correct me.
When parents come to think their children have been treated wrongfully, it can take time for us to 'come down from our high horse'.
Are her folks believers? If so, the Lord will deal with them.
If she has explained that what she said was untrue...is it that they don't believe her?
Or don't want to believe her?
In either (or any) case, I am praying. God is doing the work of restoration all over the place.
I certainly want to commend you for your love and forgiveness toward your friend, and for doing the Lord's good work in helping her see her error in the Spirit of Love. ♥
grace to you!
-ellie
Normally I pray for those who post, but don't post a response.
In this case, I wanted you to know I am praying.
When Christ says if we don't 'hate' our family for His sake, and the sake of actually following Him, of course He means 'love Me more than you love them'.
It seems this young woman may have caused this animosity toward you in her parents, is that right?
If so, as the Lord is working in her heart to restore her to Himself, and to bring restoration between you two, so, I believe, He will work this out. Maybe a little patience will be needed?
You and she can have forgiveness and healing apart from her parents in spirit, right?
If I have misunderstood, please correct me.
When parents come to think their children have been treated wrongfully, it can take time for us to 'come down from our high horse'.
Are her folks believers? If so, the Lord will deal with them.
If she has explained that what she said was untrue...is it that they don't believe her?
Or don't want to believe her?
In either (or any) case, I am praying. God is doing the work of restoration all over the place.
I certainly want to commend you for your love and forgiveness toward your friend, and for doing the Lord's good work in helping her see her error in the Spirit of Love. ♥
grace to you!
-ellie
Crypto, this has to be one of the most difficult situations I've seen posed here.
Normally I pray for those who post, but don't post a response.
In this case, I wanted you to know I am praying.
When Christ says if we don't 'hate' our family for His sake, and the sake of actually following Him, of course He means 'love Me more than you love them'.
It seems this young woman may have caused this animosity toward you in her parents, is that right?
If so, as the Lord is working in her heart to restore her to Himself, and to bring restoration between you two, so, I believe, He will work this out. Maybe a little patience will be needed?
You and she can have forgiveness and healing apart from her parents in spirit, right?
If I have misunderstood, please correct me.
When parents come to think their children have been treated wrongfully, it can take time for us to 'come down from our high horse'.
Are her folks believers? If so, the Lord will deal with them.
If she has explained that what she said was untrue...is it that they don't believe her?
Or don't want to believe her?
In either (or any) case, I am praying. God is doing the work of restoration all over the place.
I certainly want to commend you for your love and forgiveness toward your friend, and for doing the Lord's good work in helping her see her error in the Spirit of Love. ♥
grace to you!
-ellie
Normally I pray for those who post, but don't post a response.
In this case, I wanted you to know I am praying.
When Christ says if we don't 'hate' our family for His sake, and the sake of actually following Him, of course He means 'love Me more than you love them'.
It seems this young woman may have caused this animosity toward you in her parents, is that right?
If so, as the Lord is working in her heart to restore her to Himself, and to bring restoration between you two, so, I believe, He will work this out. Maybe a little patience will be needed?
You and she can have forgiveness and healing apart from her parents in spirit, right?
If I have misunderstood, please correct me.
When parents come to think their children have been treated wrongfully, it can take time for us to 'come down from our high horse'.
Are her folks believers? If so, the Lord will deal with them.
If she has explained that what she said was untrue...is it that they don't believe her?
Or don't want to believe her?
In either (or any) case, I am praying. God is doing the work of restoration all over the place.
I certainly want to commend you for your love and forgiveness toward your friend, and for doing the Lord's good work in helping her see her error in the Spirit of Love. ♥
grace to you!
-ellie
Her parents do profess to be believers, and I'm not really sure what she has said to them and what she has said to correct it, when she came to me to get things right she told me "She had been saying alot of things behind my back to injure me." I think ultimately the primary issue is I hold her to a higher standard of Christian conduct than her parents do, so they are instantly placed in a position of tension because they are what you would call "Lukewarm".
It's a pretty frustrating situation, it's like being shot at by your own troops during war.
P
When you say, "people in her household", do you mean that though she is close to your age, she lives with M&D?
Not that I think that's bad in and of itself. We have a few "adult children" still in our house, too. (thank God )
But I do freely admit it has made it more difficult to let go of them.
As parents we get into the mindset of having to direct our kiddos throughout their lives,
when in reality there comes a time when we let them go, and allow the Lord to work in them,
without our interference. (it wasn't easy, but with God, all things are possible! lol)
I'm sure you must have already considered this (you seem a most thoughtful young man)
but maybe get the elders of the church involved?
I will surely be in earnest prayer for you all this evening.
-ellie
Not that I think that's bad in and of itself. We have a few "adult children" still in our house, too. (thank God
)But I do freely admit it has made it more difficult to let go of them.
As parents we get into the mindset of having to direct our kiddos throughout their lives,
when in reality there comes a time when we let them go, and allow the Lord to work in them,
without our interference. (it wasn't easy, but with God, all things are possible! lol)
I'm sure you must have already considered this (you seem a most thoughtful young man)
but maybe get the elders of the church involved?
I will surely be in earnest prayer for you all this evening.
-ellie
When you say, "people in her household", do you mean that though she is close to your age, she lives with M&D?
Not that I think that's bad in and of itself. We have a few "adult children" still in our house, too. (thank God )
But I do freely admit it has made it more difficult to let go of them.
As parents we get into the mindset of having to direct our kiddos throughout their lives,
when in reality there comes a time when we let them go, and allow the Lord to work in them,
without our interference. (it wasn't easy, but with God, all things are possible! lol)
I'm sure you must have already considered this (you seem a most thoughtful young man)
but maybe get the elders of the church involved?
I will surely be in earnest prayer for you all this evening.
-ellie
Not that I think that's bad in and of itself. We have a few "adult children" still in our house, too. (thank God
)But I do freely admit it has made it more difficult to let go of them.
As parents we get into the mindset of having to direct our kiddos throughout their lives,
when in reality there comes a time when we let them go, and allow the Lord to work in them,
without our interference. (it wasn't easy, but with God, all things are possible! lol)
I'm sure you must have already considered this (you seem a most thoughtful young man)
but maybe get the elders of the church involved?
I will surely be in earnest prayer for you all this evening.
-ellie
K
I was going to respond last night, and realized without knowing her age, I could be all wrong. If you can give her a year or two at college, she will grow to where she can understand what she must do. There is so much growth that happens when you get on your own; think back to how it felt when you were out of the house the first year or two. As she gets more social experience, she will be able to see what she said that caused the problem, and so understand what she needs to do to fix it. You are too close to the situation to be the one to help her analyze her behavior and words that caused the problem. In the meantime, pray for her, and for now you have to make the choice how close you want to be, and how much ongoing damage to your reputation you are comfortable with. At my age, I'd just forgive her, ignore it, and go on with whatever relationship the two of us wanted to have. I have learned people forget these things, as almost everyone has had something similar happen to them. In retrospect, a couple years from now, I think she (and you, if you are still in her life) will see that this was something God set up specifically so she could grow in socialization skills.
Your church folks need to understand that 19 is not a child, and "honor" is not the same as "obey".
Your church folks need to understand that 19 is not a child, and "honor" is not the same as "obey".
It sounds like she is strongly under the influence of her parents and that they use that power over her. Going away to college will probably give her the freedom to think for herself. We are to honor our parents but they can have unchristian thinking that we shouldn't go along with (my own parents are like that). Right now, she's probably torn between two conflicts...obeying/honoring her parents and behaving in a Christian manner which is contrary to their expectations.
Her heart is in the process of being transformed. I don't think this is an easy process for anyone but given time, love, and patience she will come to maturity. She's very blessed to have you for a friend. Just letting her know that you forgive her and are still her friend will help her immensely.
Her heart is in the process of being transformed. I don't think this is an easy process for anyone but given time, love, and patience she will come to maturity. She's very blessed to have you for a friend. Just letting her know that you forgive her and are still her friend will help her immensely
.Concerning the parents reaction....don't expect to be able to reason with them. From personal experience, some parents expect to always have emotional control over their children simply because they are 'the parents'. I cannot have any in-depth conversations with my parents because they see themselves as superior to me in everything. They just laugh and shrug off what I say as insignificant. And they don't want to look at their own spiritual depravity.
Don't let their negative reactions hurt you...guard your heart and try not to just 'react'. Praying for strength and guidance for you.
Don't let their negative reactions hurt you...guard your heart and try not to just 'react'. Praying for strength and guidance for you
.
P
Ah...I see.
That's a tricky age. Your children are in many ways still children at 19 if you haven't done the job just right, and as yet not adults in thought processes. This is the beginning of the letting go, and especially if she's the oldest, they have no experience yet (the parents).
Each stage of the firstborn's development is brand spanking new to parents, and we make a lot of critical mistakes with them.
Not to excuse M&D...they have some 'splaining to do, as far as the Lord is concerned. But I do believe He will deal with them if they are His own. They are what I call 'authoritarian' in their parenting style, and you are correct, at this stage of life, it's about influencing rather than controlling.
I just wanted to say, to help you have mercy toward them, that many parents who operate in this style do it out of fear, even if they don't know it. They fear something will happen to their child and think if they could just control them, the child will be safe.
I can't say for sure this is they, but hope to give you hope. We do, as parents, eventually find we have to loosen the reins.
I like what Ken and Lucy say. Wise people.
Perhaps the thing to do now is...let go? (even of this friendship) Ask the Lord to fill you with forgiveness for all, and walk away from this relationship for now. Damage has been done, but it doesn't sound like God's timing for things to change.
Sometimes waiting is the resolution for the moment...but of course, I am uncertain how things got worse. (and please don't feel you have to tell me )
You poor thing! All these words, and not a lick of help.
Prayers continue!
-ellie
That's a tricky age. Your children are in many ways still children at 19 if you haven't done the job just right, and as yet not adults in thought processes. This is the beginning of the letting go, and especially if she's the oldest, they have no experience yet (the parents).
Each stage of the firstborn's development is brand spanking new to parents, and we make a lot of critical mistakes with them.
Not to excuse M&D...they have some 'splaining to do, as far as the Lord is concerned. But I do believe He will deal with them if they are His own. They are what I call 'authoritarian' in their parenting style, and you are correct, at this stage of life, it's about influencing rather than controlling.
I just wanted to say, to help you have mercy toward them, that many parents who operate in this style do it out of fear, even if they don't know it. They fear something will happen to their child and think if they could just control them, the child will be safe.
I can't say for sure this is they, but hope to give you hope. We do, as parents, eventually find we have to loosen the reins.
I like what Ken and Lucy say. Wise people.
Perhaps the thing to do now is...let go? (even of this friendship) Ask the Lord to fill you with forgiveness for all, and walk away from this relationship for now. Damage has been done, but it doesn't sound like God's timing for things to change.
Sometimes waiting is the resolution for the moment...but of course, I am uncertain how things got worse. (and please don't feel you have to tell me
)You poor thing! All these words, and not a lick of help.
Prayers continue!
-ellie
P
Just a thought...I remember reading in a medical journal about experiments done regarding (and on!) the adolescent brain.
It isn't even fully developed yet, is what was determined. The researchers felt that adolescents aren't even able to fully think in adult ways, going so far as to say not really till age 22 or 23.
FWIW
It isn't even fully developed yet, is what was determined. The researchers felt that adolescents aren't even able to fully think in adult ways, going so far as to say not really till age 22 or 23.
FWIW
K
Just a thought...I remember reading in a medical journal about experiments done regarding (and on!) the adolescent brain.
It isn't even fully developed yet, is what was determined. The researchers felt that adolescents aren't even able to fully think in adult ways, going so far as to say not really till age 22 or 23.
FWIW
It isn't even fully developed yet, is what was determined. The researchers felt that adolescents aren't even able to fully think in adult ways, going so far as to say not really till age 22 or 23.
FWIW
A
Appears that her parents are controlling that is a quench of the fruits of the Holy Spirit and in its place a form of human manipulation which is the same as witchcraft every evil can and will grow until the Lord is asked to up root it from the heart since she has this developed in her she has a false sense of safety in her parents and all the lies are and used to protect herself, this is a complicated web of sticky flesh forgive her and all others keep your heart in the Agape of the Lord Jesus present her to the Lord remove yourself from her alllow the Lord to deal with her continue to abide in Christ and ask Him to open doors of ministry to others that He may lead you to to continue to produce the fruits of the Holy Spirit. God bless youto continue in Agape now and always.
N
You might not like what i have to say, but all the same here it goes.
Her father does not have to answer to you, so his response of "because i said so" is perfectly fine. This girl is 19 years old, you are 26. You and her have been friends for years?? I feel that your friendship with her is inappropriate, and you have no business trying to get her to defy her parents because you want to clear your name. That is so selfish, and i hope this girl has enough common sense to realize that her parents are much much more important than you are.
Leave the situation be. You say that you are guilty of nothing, keep your mouth shut and let your character be a witness of that.
Lead this girl to believe she must rectify this situation by going against her parents, and your foolish.
Listen to your pastor, quit thinkin your smarter than he is.
Her father does not have to answer to you, so his response of "because i said so" is perfectly fine. This girl is 19 years old, you are 26. You and her have been friends for years?? I feel that your friendship with her is inappropriate, and you have no business trying to get her to defy her parents because you want to clear your name. That is so selfish, and i hope this girl has enough common sense to realize that her parents are much much more important than you are.
Leave the situation be. You say that you are guilty of nothing, keep your mouth shut and let your character be a witness of that.
Lead this girl to believe she must rectify this situation by going against her parents, and your foolish.
Listen to your pastor, quit thinkin your smarter than he is.
Just a thought...I remember reading in a medical journal about experiments done regarding (and on!) the adolescent brain.
It isn't even fully developed yet, is what was determined. The researchers felt that adolescents aren't even able to fully think in adult ways, going so far as to say not really till age 22 or 23.
FWIW
It isn't even fully developed yet, is what was determined. The researchers felt that adolescents aren't even able to fully think in adult ways, going so far as to say not really till age 22 or 23.
FWIW
This was true in my own life. When I look back on my life I think 22/23 was when I felt more 'together' mentally than in my earlier years. I read a quote from someone...."youth is wasted on the youth". Wish we could relive our younger years with the maturity we have when we're older
.