Need advice badly

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pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#21
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#21
I do wonder how we can decide so easly this girl is wrong.
Now Im not saying this is the right choice, for we all should live wisely in Jesus.
But sometimes a girl will break off and date another out of fear, past hurts ,exts.
If this young woman has excepted Jesus and seeks His ways, then she is made new by His presance in her life.
I speak from exspeariance, when my husband and I were dating, I ran away, mostly because I was so afraid to love him.
Many reasons, mostly because of the abuse and abandonment of my father.
But I returned, :), and we were married a year later, and now married for 31 years.
I cannot know the reasons and weaknesses of this young woman, but she should not be marked damaged because of it.
This man is asking for wisdom and things to consider, as He is trying to make the right choices here.
It should not be that this young woman is not a good chioce, but how to disern and see the difficulties that lay ahead, so He can decide what to do with eyes open .
Help Him with the wisdom you have learned, not choosing for him.
I am so greatful that Jesus brought my husband and I together, and even more greatful I was not judged as unexceptible.
Jesus died on the cross for every person, not just the ones who we think He should.

God bless
pickles

God bless
 
C

ChristopherLJ

Guest
#22
#22
Thank you pickles for your amazing words and story. She does have a rough background. Involving abuse and drugs and and being homeless. But she has and incredibly pure heart. We all make bad choices in life that hurt others. In the last month we have both grown closer to God. In the entire time we were apart neither one of us stopped loving each other. I might be blinded by my feelings. But i would rather be blinded by love and forgiveness than hatred and resentment. Aren't we supposed to love one another. Since my first post she has told the biological father and he wants to be involved in the childs life which is a good thing. However, she wants the child to have my last name. I understand how hard of a time this will be for all of us. But a child is a blessing to everyone involved. I was hurt and upset when i first found out. Hoping we could start a new life together and forget about all the hurt and pain WE cause EACH OTHER, because it is a 2 way street. God however had other plans. To walk away from her though i feel would be wrong. I don't think i could even if i wanted to, which i don't. I see a new light in her eyes since we were last together. And a hunger for the knowledge of God. As christians we are taught to forgive. As human being living on a sinful planet we have become cynical. Believing human beings can't change. But the power of God's love can change even the most wicked heart and make it pure again. no matter how much a person hurts you or betrays you it's our duty as Christians to love them and be there for them when they need us. To be a light in the darkness. Saying follow me to Jesus. Put your faith in him. Love him with all you are and all you have. The world is a place that beats us down over and over. but Jesus will always lift us up. He doesn't see our sins because when we accept him we have no sins. so who am i to to judge her for her sins and mistakes. Knowing i sin everyday in my heart and mind and jesus still loves me unconditionally.
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#23
#23
This is exactly what I understood from your OP, Christopher. That's why I posted that you need to check with an attorney. That way you will know just what you will be free to do and not do. I think if you follow your heart, and know your legal obligations, you will have enough balance to hear God clearly. Is she willing to marry you? Do you think she is stable enough to make it permanent? Are you? I would think those are the real questions here that must be asked. Don't be led by "new light in her eyes". There are many prisoners in jail who pretend to like God so they can get parole. Marriage is more than feeling in love. Not judging is a given. Marriage is a whole other planet, there are lots of in-between ways to stay in someone's life. Ask the hard questions.
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#24
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#24
ChristopherLJ said:
I might be blinded by my feelings. But i would rather be blinded by love and forgiveness than hatred and resentment. Aren't we supposed to love one another.
Click to expand...
Yes, we should all go find the people that have betrayed us and screwed up their lives and marry them!!!
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#25
#25
2 Cor 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.


2 Tim 2:21
If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

Romans 5:20
God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful grace became more abundant.

Praying these verses will rule in your hearts :)
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#26
#26
AAAPlus said:
Yes, we should all go find the people that have betrayed us and screwed up their lives and marry them!!!
Click to expand...
John 8:7
When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."


Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Food for thought :)
 
P

PaigeyStorm

Guest
#27
#27
AAAPlus said:
Yes, we should all go find the people that have betrayed us and screwed up their lives and marry them!!!
Click to expand...
Can you be any more rude? Sheesh. Respect his decision.
 
W

webchatter

Guest
#28
#28
read Prov.23:26-35. "She also lieth in wait as for a prey, and increaseth the transgressors among men."
YOu could be in the lucky 1 % of young men whom this situation works out for to good. But the odds are very low. If she left you before, she'll probably leave you again.MAYbe she will get tired of you being at work all the time, or maybe you arn't entertaining enough while you sleep. maybe you like to watch sports.
Sounds like she knew she was pregnant, or missed her period & she's always been regular, & she went to you, knowing you'd take care of her & the baby. Anyway, I've heard of men who had to pay child support because they were acting as the father of the child. Maybe the other man isn't the father, & she has no idea who the father is. Past history tells future history. I've seen women who went to church for YEARS pretending to be religious & their spouse & church members had no idea she was having an affair. People who use other people, go to great lengths to get what they want, at other people's expense.They even attempt to use God. I think a lot more sorrow may lie your way, but you could be in the top 1 %. Good luck.
 
S

Strong1

Guest
#29
#29
You really must understand what it is you are getting yourself into........I hate this, because i can sense you are really running on emotions right now, but you cannot see what is ahead of you. I have a question for you. Seriously. Why do you suppose she wants the child to take your last name, if the father is willing and ready to be a part of his child's life? Have you considered this?
 
H

hopesprings

Guest
#30
#30
Love and forgiveness are foundational to the Christian life....you should forgive her for what she has done (as you pointed out...who are you to judge when you know the depths of your own heart?). And you should love her...I have forgiven and love some people who have hurt me terribly...but that doesn't mean I will abandon all common sense and act like nothing happened. Forgiveness does not demand reconciliation...that is entirely seperate...neither does love demand reconciliation. Be at peace with one another, is what the scriptures say. Be wise as serpents and gentle as doves. It seems like you've already made up your mind as to what you are going to do, so telling you that your decision is wrong will solve nothing. Just be sure you know what you are in for....even if God wants you two together that doesn't mean the road will be easy. There may be a lot of heartache in store for you in the future. You need to be aware of this. Saying that, when you look into her eyes you see a light that you haven't seen before, is not proof that her heart is changed. People can be deceptive...even the ones that we love the most...even without them realizing it. Only God can reveal the true intentions of her heart to you. Maybe he already has and He will test you like He tested Hosea. Count the cost...and if you find out that things do not work out the way that you thought they would...do not let that hinder your relationship with God. Seek his face...don't follow after what your heart wants...remember, the heart is desperately wicked...

will be praying for you,

hopesprings
 
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