So why am I getting basically not revalation in my love life that doesn't exist?

[dothackzero]

Actually, I guess the more important question is how do I let go on this? I'm starting to think that you guys are right, I haven't been listening to God on this. I think he as been telling me to just let go on this(like you guys have been telling me to.) I just haven't been wanting to hear it. Well, actually I think he's also been telling to wait till after I find a better job too, but I never really got confermation on that one. But it's weird I know letting will allow Jesus to move in this area. Since this has been a proven fact in other areas of my life were I've stopped trying stop porn, OCD fears, social anxiety(Though none of them are completely better yet, but that have gotten a lot better since I stopped trying to fix them with my own efforts.) Really, I do seem to better around girls from work and school(since these aren't the girls I'm looking for as a wife)...

 

[GreenNnice]

Dotbuddyhackzero, you ARE growing and gaining, that's all we should want to do, great , I think that's the first time I've seen you post Scripture and, before I read those verses of 1 Cor. 10, the Lord KNEW some things.

Exactly! Whatever you do , do it for the glory of God .

And, 'magic' may very well be doing that for you, great, fabulous, I'm not to judge but 'righteously,' and, righteous=right standing with God. Your giving no hints of a wrong standing, just struggling with things common to man but , with Him, I see you making great PROGRESS ovrcoming, by His power, through faith, and, understanding His grace, and, mercy, you're realizing His grace is sufficient, that His hood covers YOU. NO, that's no license to sin, Paul says, 'God forbid,' in Romans 6, but our little mess-UPS, God understands, we confess them to Him, and, let Him move us on.

But, Yes, let the Lord lead you, and, I've not played 'magic' but I was heavily into D&D from age 12 to 18 and know the power of imagination games . They are ADDICTING. And, who.is to be our ONLY addiction (idol). Him But, can God use that card game to your benefit of blessing? Why certainly! You just need to relationship with Him, but if something in your life is not growing you toward God, if you are living for Him, you want to abide in Him. Remember, He cuts off bad stuff from us, that can be painful too. Read John 15.

Anyway, enough on 'magic' good IF God uses you to witness, bring glory to Him, so, about your question, Christbro, and, as you can see, I'm not against you meeting girls, just want you to do it so that God is the center (inbetween) of what you're doing.

So then how do I ask a girl I know from class to hang out. Not exactly sure if she's Christian or not, but she is fun to be around.

Ok, here's an idea, but you weigh everything on the Lord, Ok?

Get to know her, as STRICTLY a friend a few times. Nothing in your mind to ask her out, just talk with her during class break, be polite to her after class ( open up a door for her) and GO your way, this will Keep you not focused on asking her out. Just, in other words, get to be casual friends, do NOT ask her out unless it is God Himself lightning booting that thought into your mind. You will know WHEN is the right time to finally ask her out, and to CHURCH, is a great invite, that way you can find out IF she believe in God, and, more than that, believes like you, MOST important ,too, or, not, some think a Baptist and a pentecostal, for example are too different, ok, enough said, pray, and, GO for it, as the Lord leads. Best time to ask her out is RIGHT when this semester ends, a lot of girls like boyfriends holiday time. But, you, get in the Word, let Him lead you

 

[GreenNnice]

Actually, I guess the more important question is how do I let go on this? I'm starting to think that you guys are right, I haven't been listening to God on this. I think he as been telling me to just let go on this(like you guys have been telling me to.) I just haven't been wanting to hear it. Well, actually I think he's also been telling to wait till after I find a better job too, but I never really got confermation on that one. But it's weird I know letting will allow Jesus to move in this area. Since this has been a proven fact in other areas of my life were I've stopped trying stop porn, OCD fears, social anxiety(Though none of them are completely better yet, but that have gotten a lot better since I stopped trying to fix them with my own efforts.) Really, I do seem to better around girls from work and school(since these aren't the girls I'm looking for as a wife)...

Maybe, you have You let Him Keep.leading you, dothackprinnydisgaeabuddy, but this is a bold post, it shows understanding and listening to your c.c. peers, girls LOVE listeners , and, so does God. Keep listening

 

[Ugly]

Actually, I guess the more important question is how do I let go on this? I'm starting to think that you guys are right, I haven't been listening to God on this. I think he as been telling me to just let go on this(like you guys have been telling me to.) I just haven't been wanting to hear it. Well, actually I think he's also been telling to wait till after I find a better job too, but I never really got confermation on that one. But it's weird I know letting will allow Jesus to move in this area. Since this has been a proven fact in other areas of my life were I've stopped trying stop porn, OCD fears, social anxiety(Though none of them are completely better yet, but that have gotten a lot better since I stopped trying to fix them with my own efforts.) Really, I do seem to better around girls from work and school(since these aren't the girls I'm looking for as a wife)...

Its really just a conscious choice you have to make. I know for many years i suffered with wanting to be married badly as well, not quite as much as you, but i was still bad. What i learned, through this forum, is that i just have to choose to be content where i'm at. To not let myself dwell on what i don't have. I just take this time to grow my walk, and also learn how to be a good spouse. When i think about how i viewed a husbands role 5 years ago even, versus what i have learned since, i realize i was so far off the mark. Now i realize i'm glad i wasn't married, or i'd end up divorced by now.
You've discovered you're not ready for marriage yet, so rather than being bothered by your singleness, learn to thank God for sparing you from the mistakes you would make if you had been married now. Also you say you've never had a girlfriend. Again, rather than complain, be thankful you haven't been in a relationship that tempts you into lust. Especially in light of your addiction. So thank God that right now you aren't having to face those temptations.
Being single is all in how you choose to view things. If you choose to view all the negatives, then you will be desperate to marry. If you choose to find the good points, then you learn to be content.

 

[Catlynn]

Actually, I guess the more important question is how do I let go on this? I'm starting to think that you guys are right, I haven't been listening to God on this. I think he as been telling me to just let go on this(like you guys have been telling me to.) I just haven't been wanting to hear it. Well, actually I think he's also been telling to wait till after I find a better job too, but I never really got confermation on that one. But it's weird I know letting will allow Jesus to move in this area. Since this has been a proven fact in other areas of my life were I've stopped trying stop porn, OCD fears, social anxiety(Though none of them are completely better yet, but that have gotten a lot better since I stopped trying to fix them with my own efforts.) Really, I do seem to better around girls from work and school(since these aren't the girls I'm looking for as a wife)...

Here's what I've learned; I had to learn to daily ask the Lord to change my heart and mind to be more like His. All of my priorities had to change. The main focus of my days and thought life had to change and become more like His than my own. I had to seriously assess what I truly valued the most.
You should know very well by now that you don't want anything different than what most other single people want; companionship, physical intimacy, a spouse....etc. And yeah, you can learn to be content in your singleness but really the only way to do that is by having a total shift in mind and heart. It's going to take a daily, purposeful choice to put Him first and ask Him to change those things before it will become what you value more than a wife, a girlfriend, emotional and physical gratification..... You've trained your mind and heart one way and now you're essentially having to break old habits and make new ones. There is a verse in Romans 12:2 that says, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." That verse has totally served as a reminder to me that renewing my mind by the word and being in prayer (basically constant communication with God) will not only help to change my heart and mind, but it proves what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Let Him transform you completely!
You can't do it on your own, you're right. It is absolutely by the grace of God and Him working in you that any change will be made, but it starts with a choice by you to make Him and relationship with Him what you value more than anything else.
It's so very exciting to see that you want what He wants and that you're asking for help to figure out what that is. He's great at taking care of those things if we are willing to ask and obey what He shows us to do. ^_^
Good luck to you and God bless!

 

[Catlynn]

I also wanted to add that it's important to remember that God is not a means to an end. Life is not about living for God so that... Rather, we serve Him because HE is WORTHY. He is a loving, benevolent, awesome God! Even if we never get anything out of it at all, He is worthy! He always chooses the best for us and that's often not what we think it should be. That's why I was talking about making Him your number one priority, making Him and relationship with Him your number one priority. The closer you become with the Lord, the more you trust Him and learn that everything else will work itself out.

 

[error]

I'm already tired of your questions.

 

[alienx7587]

Basically, I tend to only get revalation when it comes to stuff from the Bible. I might be getting some stuff in other areas in my life, but never with any confermation with any other area than the Bible. Basically, I'm just wondering why I can't hear from God in this area even though I already know he's talking.
Course, it does make things worse when my friends are trying to cheer me up(and failing). Then they pretty much go from that to talking about one of them that does have a girlfriend, then there's my other friend phrophsiying to him about how things are gonna get even better between him and his girlfriend. and still there was not phrophsy/word of knowlege for me or really any type of Which made me more depressed. I just don't get why I'm not hearing from him about this area when it's so important to me.

I've seen your [many] posts before Dothackzero, I could be wrong but seems like getting a woman in your life (any woman) is not only an obsession of yours, but an idol. Perhaps God's silence in this area is a hint for you to seek fulfillment from Him first and foremost. Perhaps He wants you to beseech His blessings in finding not only "a" wife, but the wife.

You should consider making a checklist of the responsibilities you will need to provide a fulfilling relationship with a wife.

- Is your relationship with God on the right track? Are you hiding any behaviors or past sins God would disapprove of? Do you repent and thank God daily for the ups AND downs in your life?

- Are you confident in who you are as a man and what you believe or do you ebb and flow like the tides? Are you able to be loyal or do your eyes wander around the room?

- Do you know the difference between sympathy and empathy and do you know when it is appropriate to use each? How do you practice these in your everyday life?

- Are you responsible with your finances? Are you able to currently support yourself or do you have massive credit card/school/car payment/mortgage debt to pay off? If you do have a lot of debt what are you doing to eradicate it?

- Do you know the last number of pi?

These are just some things you should be thinking about. You may never have a completely solid answer for some of these. For example, you might never completely get out of debt, lots of people don't whether it's because they don't make good decisions or it's because bad things happen to them. Keep in mind what you already know: that a relationship with an impartial, perfect God isn't easy, so a relationship with another incorrigible human being is not going to be a walk in the park. Nobody is perfect, but if you keep yourself in line and have friends willing to keep you accountable it helps a lot.

Lastly, on a lighter note, you've really nothing to worry about. There are plenty of single Christian women out there and the older they get the more desperate they get (due to biological purposes, I surmise) and many are just dying for someone to put a ring on it. So turn that frown upside down!


P.S.- If the girl in your class isn't already making eyes at you don't bother as it's just wishful thinking on your behalf. As an ISTJ it took me a while (read: a really, really long time) to figure out that if a girl isn't throwing you some sort of hint (you catch her smiling at you or chatting you up for not apparent reason) there's no point. At the very least, the conversation will flow naturally and you will be comfortable with one another.

 

[Ritter]

I've seen your [many] posts before Dothackzero, I could be wrong but seems like getting a woman in your life (any woman) is not only an obsession of yours, but an idol. Perhaps God's silence in this area is a hint for you to seek fulfillment from Him first and foremost. Perhaps He wants you to beseech His blessings in finding not only "a" wife, but the wife.

You should consider making a checklist of the responsibilities you will need to provide a fulfilling relationship with a wife.

- Is your relationship with God on the right track? Are you hiding any behaviors or past sins God would disapprove of? Do you repent and thank God daily for the ups AND downs in your life?

- Are you confident in who you are as a man and what you believe or do you ebb and flow like the tides? Are you able to be loyal or do your eyes wander around the room?

- Do you know the difference between sympathy and empathy and do you know when it is appropriate to use each? How do you practice these in your everyday life?

- Are you responsible with your finances? Are you able to currently support yourself or do you have massive credit card/school/car payment/mortgage debt to pay off? If you do have a lot of debt what are you doing to eradicate it?

- Do you know the last number of pi?

These are just some things you should be thinking about. You may never have a completely solid answer for some of these. For example, you might never completely get out of debt, lots of people don't whether it's because they don't make good decisions or it's because bad things happen to them. Keep in mind what you already know: that a relationship with an impartial, perfect God isn't easy, so a relationship with another incorrigible human being is not going to be a walk in the park. Nobody is perfect, but if you keep yourself in line and have friends willing to keep you accountable it helps a lot.

Lastly, on a lighter note, you've really nothing to worry about. There are plenty of single Christian women out there and the older they get the more desperate they get (due to biological purposes, I surmise) and many are just dying for someone to put a ring on it. So turn that frown upside down!


P.S.- If the girl in your class isn't already making eyes at you don't bother as it's just wishful thinking on your behalf. As an ISTJ it took me a while (read: a really, really long time) to figure out that if a girl isn't throwing you some sort of hint (you catch her smiling at you or chatting you up for not apparent reason) there's no point. At the very least, the conversation will flow naturally and you will be comfortable with one another.

I just want to say that with this post there is nothing great I can really add, but for you, Mr. Zero I would focus on confidence as I have told you before. One of my favorite quotes is as follows:

"Don't try to be a great man...just be a man. Let history make its own judgments."

Don't try to be a great man who is impressive to females, just let go and be yourself. If you don't like yourself, either learn to like yourself or improve yourself. Let women make their own judgments.

One statement I will take exception with is the one concerning female signals. Nine times out of ten, I'd agree with our ISTJ's conclusions on this matter, but if you admire someone greatly that the thought of her being beside you would be more than an honor, then pursue, pursue, pursue.

 

[dothackzero]

Though this really does get harder when I'm already feeling lonely...

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Q: So why am I getting basically not revalation in my love life that doesn't exist?

A: God gave you a brain and a body. You can use them both right? Figure out a workable strategy and execute it. Problem solved.

 

[Missfoxieloxie]

Ever think that maybe it is just not the right. God has a way of bringing those into our when we need them most.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Well, He has to with people that don't show any initiative.

Ever think that maybe it is just not the right. God has a way of bringing those into our when we need them most.

 

[dothackzero]

Anyways, I'm probably am a ambivert. Though I am more introverted leaning. But yeah, I basically have the needs of an introvert, and I also have some of the needs of an extrovert. Anyways, this probably explains how an introvert can be lonely. I'm just not getting the level of social interaction that I need. And basically I don't have the social skills I need for the social interaction for when I am lonely. Honestly thinking of things this way, it's kinda obvious why I looking for a wife so hard, and why I'm getting lonely when things aren't going as planned.

 

[Ritter]

Anyways, I'm probably am a ambivert. Though I am more introverted leaning. But yeah, I basically have the needs of an introvert, and I also have some of the needs of an extrovert. Anyways, this probably explains how an introvert can be lonely. I'm just not getting the level of social interaction that I need. And basically I don't have the social skills I need for the social interaction for when I am lonely. Honestly thinking of things this way, it's kinda obvious why I looking for a wife so hard, and why I'm getting lonely when things aren't going as planned.

Introverts can lonely because introverts are people. Everyone is wired to love. Everyone is wired for some degree of social interaction.

Guess what? Extroverts need quiet too!

Though I am an ardent defender of typing, people do take it too far.

Now on to another point of psychology. You want a skill. Even for those who are naturals at a craft, there is always some learning involved. You cannot learn without practice.

Will you ever be the character that appears in almost every English novel that exudes charisma and charm while supplying the numerous parties he attends with a wide repertoire of stories? Don't bet on it.

Can you discard your excuses, make an effort to hang with people, and be a more well-rounded you?

A good first step should be this: find a mentor you can talk with offline. If you can't find one, purchase a mic and a webcam, because social problems and confidence issues are not being resolved here. That's plain to see.

 

[alienx7587]

Anyways, I'm probably am a ambivert. Though I am more introverted leaning. But yeah, I basically have the needs of an introvert, and I also have some of the needs of an extrovert. Anyways, this probably explains how an introvert can be lonely. I'm just not getting the level of social interaction that I need. And basically I don't have the social skills I need for the social interaction for when I am lonely. Honestly thinking of things this way, it's kinda obvious why I looking for a wife so hard, and why I'm getting lonely when things aren't going as planned.

You need to get out and occupy yourself with something. A wife is not going to solve your problem of being bored -worse yet, what if she does and then you get bored of her?

Don't hide your personality just to get a date, you WILL regret it.
I agree with Ritter on this. Typology is simply a tool. Though they can be close at times, no two people are ever exactly alike (even if they get the same MBTI results!). Some girls like the quiet church mouse types, and some like the loud and proud type. Still, some like the guys who are in between. If you and a girl have a severe personality conflict with one another, move on! It's not worth the problems that surely lie ahead.

Entertain Yourself
Pick up an ACTIVE hobby (hunting? fishing? target shooting? contact sports? exercising?) whatever it is just DO (that's a verb) something. This will help get your mind off women. By the way, I think you'll be surprised how many people (including women) you meet while your out and about minding your own business. If you don't find yourself interesting, how can you expect someone else to take an interest in you?

Don't walk around with a rain cloud over your head.
On another note, be sociable. For example, I was in line at subway today and the girl making the sandwich messed up. I made an innocent joke and she laughed (genuine giggle). Those are the types of interactions that help get people out of their default mode of "defensive" and into "friend" mode. That's just how people generally operate. I'm not saying it will work every time, but it's a good habit to get into. Once "friend" mode is established the possibilities are endless!

 

[Stuey]

It will be hard Dot, but good work on recognising this.

 

[zeroturbulence]

You need to get out and occupy yourself with something. A wife is not going to solve your problem of being bored -worse yet, what if she does and then you get bored of her?

Don't hide your personality just to get a date, you WILL regret it.
I agree with Ritter on this. Typology is simply a tool. Though they can be close at times, no two people are ever exactly alike (even if they get the same MBTI results!). Some girls like the quiet church mouse types, and some like the loud and proud type. Still, some like the guys who are in between. If you and a girl have a severe personality conflict with one another, move on! It's not worth the problems that surely lie ahead.

Entertain Yourself
Pick up an ACTIVE hobby (hunting? fishing? target shooting? contact sports? exercising?) whatever it is just DO (that's a verb) something. This will help get your mind off women. By the way, I think you'll be surprised how many people (including women) you meet while your out and about minding your own business. If you don't find yourself interesting, how can you expect someone else to take an interest in you?

Don't walk around with a rain cloud over your head.
On another note, be sociable. For example, I was in line at subway today and the girl making the sandwich messed up. I made an innocent joke and she laughed (genuine giggle). Those are the types of interactions that help get people out of their default mode of "defensive" and into "friend" mode. That's just how people generally operate. I'm not saying it will work every time, but it's a good habit to get into. Once "friend" mode is established the possibilities are endless!

^^^Yes! What he said.^^^

 

[GreenNnice]

It will be hard Dot, but good work on recognising this.

Introverts can lonely because introverts are people. Everyone is wired to love. Everyone is wired for some degree of social interaction.

Guess what? Extroverts need quiet too!

Though I am an ardent defender of typing, people do take it too far.

Now on to another point of psychology. You want a skill. Even for those who are naturals at a craft, there is always some learning involved. You cannot learn without practice.

Will you ever be the character that appears in almost every English novel that exudes charisma and charm while supplying the numerous parties he attends with a wide repertoire of stories? Don't bet on it.

Can you discard your excuses, make an effort to hang with people, and be a more well-rounded you?

A good first step should be this: find a mentor you can talk with offline. If you can't find one, purchase a mic and a webcam, because social problems and confidence issues are not being resolved here. That's plain to see.

Dothackbuddy, stu said it perfect. You ARE beginning to recognize YOURSELF, understanding yout 'meyers-neither,' so to speak....

Liamson did a thread, helping us all know ourselves better on c.c. , click on 'search,' put 'liamson' in the field box, and, pull up that thread and click on the link for taking the test.

That said, and, I want you to PRAY before taking the test, and, not necessarily take yourctime taking it, but, going with your first guess of YOURSELF, with some rational reflection, first.

Absolutely, you are recognizing yourself's need for companionship and, it's OK, normal, as, the brit (irishman?) in America said, we all want to have a someone else, extroverts NEED Love, too, no matter how independent they think they are. We all do. Why? God MADE us that way, to Love. We are made to Love Him, first, Love one another, second, that's everyone on planet earth, even your enemies are to be Loved, as 'YOURSELF,' to boot !
There is no other way, to Heaven, must Love. And, your Love is based on His Love, should be, and, in order to know God, 1 Cor. 8:3 says, we must Love God.

This all said, a lot of genuine heartfelt advice for you, Christbro, just keep, in all this newfound recognition of YOURSELF more, Him in mind, praise and thank Him for your revelation ofcwho you are more. His grace, LIVE full in His wonderful grace, I Love ya, dotbuddy, you keep on keeping on, and, remember, too, you are recognizing YOURSELF but remember Christ is who examines you (1 Cor. 4:1-4) so be not turned by others criticisms that are not 'felt' in your 'mind of Christ' (1 Cor. 2:16-17) that is made known to you by the Lord, by Him, by Him who is in your temple Is He? Are you ready to bring YOURSELF and your life completely to Him? He is ready to show you great and unspeakable things that will bless you, if, your heart is after bringing glory, always, whatever done, to Him . To God be the glory great things He hath done, He is the same today as yesterday as forevermore, He will do greatly in your life, too

 

[dothackzero]

Anyways, I'm gonna go back to psycologist for the lonelyness/depression. While I'm there, I'm gonna see if she knows of any good places to go to work on my social skill and other proper people skills. I'll probably end up at that toast masters things that I know someone mentioned to me here before.