What does a Gal have to do to get a guy out of the friendzone?

[Smudge]

While I'm here, I have a really good friend of mine who may have found the one.

She put him in the friend zone due to many different reasons, some very serious, but one that I can tell you is that she plans to move out of state after she graduates.

But- she is now sure that she wants to go steady with him, but the problem is, she has friend zoned him and while he is still sweet on her, has taken the friend zone hint.

They do lots and lots of things, like bowling or watching movies, together and alone. Everyone knows they like each other, except for him. My friend wants to be a respectable lady and wait for the respectable gentleman to ask her to be his. But he's not getting her hints that she likes him now.

My Dad thinks that she needs to be blunt and honest, just tell the guy that she likes him. I was suggesting that she (not inappropriately) starting hinting in a physical way. Like holding his hand or poking his shoulder.

Buuut, I never have been in a relationship- I have no idea how to get a guy out of the friend zone. I always thought it was a place girls put guys permanently- but maybe it's a self fulfilling prophecy? Girls put them there, perhaps forever but not always, but the guy thinks it's forever and gives up on ever trying to make advances so the girl gives eventually up- thinking he doesn't like her(in that way) anymore?

I wish our culture promoted verbal honesty. So you could just tell people how you feel about them, for better or for worse, and not have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. This is probably why I'm still single, I've always hated mind games.

 

[1still_waters]

I'd tell male in this situation...

"Well played. Well played."

 

[See_KING_Truth]

I don't understand why she doesn't just tell him how she feels, is it really that hard? Quite honestly I think women play games with men in order to feel like they are holding the reigns in the relationship. Those are my thoughts, and I am not putting all women in that boat.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Men play just as many games as women, if not more. They flirt, lead you on just to BAM ............ oh i have a girlfriend or, i dont like you in that way.

This is my question... Why has this guy not made a move? Why hasnt he made any hints towards anything?

I say keep your mouth shut, what if he doesnt like you and you try holding his hand and he's all........ what are you doing. Talk about awwkwaaaard.

 

[See_KING_Truth]

I never said that guys don't play games, it goes both ways and either way it is unfortunate...

 

[zaoman32]

Men play just as many games as women, if not more. They flirt, lead you on just to BAM ............ oh i have a girlfriend or, i dont like you in that way.

This is my question... Why has this guy not made a move? Why hasnt he made any hints towards anything?

I say keep your mouth shut, what if he doesnt like you and you try holding his hand and he's all........ what are you doing. Talk about awwkwaaaard.

I guess here lies the real question. If he has shown interest in the past and she put him in the friendzone, it's very likely he would have distanced himself from her. If the case is that he has not shown interest, and if he truly is what she believes to be "the one" he would know, and eventually be compelled to say something, and your friend shouldn't worry, and just be patient. Or if he is completely lazy and a whining little boohooer trust me, she'll WANT to wait.

If he has expressed interest, and she put him in the friendzone and now has feelings for him...She better have a darn good explanation when he finds out, but chances are he won't unless someone tells him, because guys are too dumb to figure out girls "signals"

 

[pinkstix56]

In all honesty, the one knows FOR SURE that they have met the person that they're supposed to marry.

How can you tell? Because God is going to influence that male to pursue her more, NOT the other way around.

She shouldn't have to drop hints here and there. She may be ready, but what if he's not? And on top of that God could still be working on him also.

You just don't jump into these things prematurely. You have to know that you know he is God's match for you.

I say, play it cool. Pray about it. And see where God leads.

 

[Jullianna]

I wouldn't say a word. I would reach for his hand and hold it. His reaction would be my answer as to whether he's still interested or whether he found it awkward.

 

[djness]

I wouldn't say a word. I would reach for his hand and hold it. His reaction would be my answer as to whether he's still interested or whether he found it awkward.

You may think this sounds sweet....but to me this sounds like such a great way to cut a guy real deep.
This would in no way communicate that a guy would understand. I have held hands with girls who were friends...no verbal communication on her part as to why she is doing it isn't going to help at all.

Much like that other thread about why do women not communicate things openly

Because, as women, we are not raised to speak our minds and be honest with men about our feelings. Women who do are often deemed as unladylike or aggressive...or worse.

We're supposed to be dainty little flowers who sit properly with our ankles crossed, Bibles on our laps, until a guy gets up the courage to come and sit beside us and say hello.

Did I just type that out loud? Yes...Yes, I did

Just by the fact that the girl herself knows she 'friend zonesd him''...for her to just try to hold his hand...no way.. Nahh ahh...

She is going to have to man up as it were and tell him flat out.

 

[djness]

While I'm here, I have a really good friend of mine who may have found the one.

She put him in the friend zone due to many different reasons, some very serious, but one that I can tell you is that she plans to move out of state after she graduates.

But- she is now sure that she wants to go steady with him, but the problem is, she has friend zoned him and while he is still sweet on her, has taken the friend zone hint.

They do lots and lots of things, like bowling or watching movies, together and alone. Everyone knows they like each other, except for him. My friend wants to be a respectable lady and wait for the respectable gentleman to ask her to be his. But he's not getting her hints that she likes him now.

My Dad thinks that she needs to be blunt and honest, just tell the guy that she likes him. I was suggesting that she (not inappropriately) starting hinting in a physical way. Like holding his hand or poking his shoulder.

Buuut, I never have been in a relationship- I have no idea how to get a guy out of the friend zone. I always thought it was a place girls put guys permanently- but maybe it's a self fulfilling prophecy? Girls put them there, perhaps forever but not always, but the guy thinks it's forever and gives up on ever trying to make advances so the girl gives eventually up- thinking he doesn't like her(in that way) anymore?

I wish our culture promoted verbal honesty. So you could just tell people how you feel about them, for better or for worse, and not have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. This is probably why I'm still single, I've always hated mind games.

Your dad is right, nothing short of the words ''i like you more then friends'' should come out of her mouth if she wants him to know it.

And why should someone spend their time waiting on an individual, I wasted good years of my life hoping some girl would like me and I will never have them back.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

Your dad is right. You stated that the guy thinks their relationship is plutonic and the reason for that is because she told him it was.

Now she expects him to be supernaturally clairvoyant and figure out that what she clearly communicated to him is, in fact, the exact opposite?

That makes zero sense and because it makes zero sense it's never going to happen.

If she has a new and different message that she wants to communicate, then she should clearly communicate it.

Problem solved.

My Dad thinks that she needs to be blunt and honest, just tell the guy that she likes him.

 

[Ugly]

Forget this 'respectable lady' facade. I don't see any biblical mandate saying a woman's role in a relationship is to sit down and shut up and wait for the man to do everything. That is a cultural mentality. If she wants the guy, then she needs to say something. There is nothing wrong with a woman speaking up for what she wants. And she needs to learn that dropping hints is not the same as communication.
~~> http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/53852-if-i-dont-understand-keep-talking.html click that link and read my post for a brief talk on the problem of women and dropping hints.

 

[AsifinPassing]

There's this funny thing called telling the truth, that often has different outcomes then we believe it will. I'm really not joking...this may or may not work, but she could always say something like...

"Hey, I know you liked me and was trying before, but I pushed you into the friend zone because of x,y,z and my fears of what it would mean that I'm moving away, but I've really grown to like you back. Is there any chance the two of us could still work out?"

Surprisingly enough, this normally will actually give you an answer. 'yes or no' Again...it might not always be great, but it's worth a shot!

 

[Jullianna]

You may think this sounds sweet....but to me this sounds like such a great way to cut a guy real deep.
This would in no way communicate that a guy would understand. I have held hands with girls who were friends...no verbal communication on her part as to why she is doing it isn't going to help at all.

Much like that other thread about why do women not communicate things openly



Just by the fact that the girl herself knows she 'friend zonesd him''...for her to just try to hold his hand...no way.. Nahh ahh...

She is going to have to man up as it were and tell him flat out.

I don't think it sounds sweet and that would not be my intention for doing it. If I openly express my affection for him and he is comfortable with it, then I know he has feelings for me. If he rejects my affections or it's awkward, I would move on.

I am not interesting in "manning up" for anyone.

 

[AsifinPassing]

I wouldn't say a word. I would reach for his hand and hold it. His reaction would be my answer as to whether he's still interested or whether he found it awkward.

I'm doomed!

Lol...I hear what you're saying, but it really depends on the person.

Even if I really like someone...it would be awkward if she just suddenly kissed me, held my hand, ext...

I'd be like...'What are you doing?" ...but with my facial expression.

If there's a "Hey...I like you...you like me...let's date." "Yeah, okay!" ..then sweet, physical access granted!

...but if you just do it out of the blue...my response would be...I'm not that kinda guy.

So many people who are okay with things 'just happening' like this, get led on by others...a lot.

 

[Jullianna]

I'm doomed!

Lol...I hear what you're saying, but it really depends on the person.

Even if I really like someone...it would be awkward if she just suddenly kissed me, held my hand, ext...

I'd be like...'What are you doing?" ...but with my facial expression.

If there's a "Hey...I like you...you like me...let's date." "Yeah, okay!" ..then sweet, physical access granted!

...but if you just do it out of the blue...my response would be...I'm not that kinda guy.

So many people who are okay with things 'just happening' like this, get led on by others...a lot.

Women are great at reading facial expressions.

But, I'm not talking about grabbing you by the tie and plowing for your tonsils. I'm talking about taking your hand while I'm looking you in the eye and talking with you with a smile on my face. If that doesn't tell a guy I like him, then he would be too insensitive to even come close to understanding me and I would move on.

You are an INFJ. I can't believe for a second that you wouldn't get that.

 

[AsifinPassing]

^^ I never said I wouldn't understand...I simply inferred that I had not permitted you access to me, so I deny your move. Ask me next time. Lol

 

[Jullianna]

^^ I never said I wouldn't understand...I simply inferred that I had not permitted you access to me, so I deny your move. Ask me next time. Lol

THIS I would take as a dare

 

[AsifinPassing]

THIS I would take as a dare

Intimate or affectionate signs/touching not allowed without permission!!

Please fill out the pink 'request for proposal of status change from friend to lover' form on the left corner table.

I will review and accept or deny your claim once properly submitted.

Thank you, and have a wonderful day!!

 

[djness]

Women are great at reading facial expressions.

But, I'm not talking about grabbing you by the tie and plowing for your tonsils. I'm talking about taking your hand while I'm looking you in the eye and talking with you with a smile on my face. If that doesn't tell a guy I like him, then he would be too insensitive to even come close to understanding me and I would move on.

You are an INFJ. I can't believe for a second that you wouldn't get that.

This is exactly a perfect example of how confusing women are....because you just said this ^^^^^^^^^
when you just said this

I wouldn't say a word. I would reach for his hand and hold it. His reaction would be my answer as to whether he's still interested or whether he found it awkward.

Possiblity that it is my perception or I am lacking in understanding but this seems contradictory, I'm open tot he fact I may not be following.

If this isn't a contradiction then I will accept other view points. I am an INFJ as well, and like I said this wouldn't communicate the message properly to any guy i know of, especially after the original poster said the guy has been a friend of this girls for so long, it still seems really like the kind of thing that would fry a guys emotional reasoning wires.