Hypocrit hugging

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Grace52

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The pastors wife like to hug everyone no matter what, i have an infection, that affects one of my arms an looks disgusting, the preachers wife (in my presence) exclaimed to her friend (another preachers wife) loudly so the whole room could hear, how disgusting my arm is. but yet, she insist on hugging me everytime we meet, even though i told her i dont want to.

Do you think it woudl be ok to tell her moer firmly to stop her "hypocrit hugging" or would this follow under the "Do my profits no harm" scripture?
 
Grace52 said:
The pastors wife like to hug everyone no matter what, i have an infection, that affects one of my arms an looks disgusting, the preachers wife (in my presence) exclaimed to her friend (another preachers wife) loudly so the whole room could hear, how disgusting my arm is. but yet, she insist on hugging me everytime we meet, even though i told her i dont want to.

Do you think it woudl be ok to tell her moer firmly to stop her "hypocrit hugging" or would this follow under the "Do my profits no harm" scripture?
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I wouldn't use the word "hypocrit hugging" in your speech but i do understand that it is. THe scripture referenc is not really appropriate. I would suggest you PRIVATELY (meaning you choose the time and place where there are no other persons to be included except 1 trusted friend whom you take with you) at this meeting of three persons (within the hearing of GOD, which is everywhere:)) TELL her FIRMLY that there will be NO MORE HUGGING, YOu are not required to give her ANY reason why. IF she asks "WHY" repeat NO MORE HUGGING EVER. IF she persists tell her again YOU ARE NOT HEARING ME, NO MORE HUGGING, THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION. and leave with your friend. IF she happens to forget and tries to hug you again step away from her and shake your head "NO" smile and go on. IF she persists you say in a public voice like the one she has used to embarrass you... I HAVE TOLD YOU IN PRIVATE I DO NOT WANT TO BE HUGGED WHY WILL NOT RESPECT MY PERSON? and wait for her response... which should be an apology... and I think the final incident.
I truly hope you do not have to go beyond telling her once... but have offered and extended approach to get you the respect and "personal bubble" you have a right to.
If you are extremely shy... and cannot speak this way... perhaps your friend can be the mouthpiece in speaking the words for you and you NOD in agreement. It is imperative the expectation be clearly communicated without any extra words for her to use as an excuse to ignore the demand that she stop hugging you.
Blessings.
 
Tell her in a loving way and keep it short and simple to avoid misunderstanding. Barlygirl is right, avoid saying, "hypocrite hugging". It is funny and may well be true, but discernment says, "don't do it".
 
Maybe you could stay there and be the change you want to see? Hm? Maybe? Be an example to those younger than you? No? Yes?
 
Thanks for the imput everyone, I'm glad i mentioned it in here first before saying anything.
 
Actually, you have two issues to deal with:
1. She openly humiliated you..... that's an offense that needs to be dealt with.
2. The hugging issue

I agree with BarleyGurl..... have a private meeting with a witness, explaining the comment offense first. That way, she'll understand why you don't want to hug her.
Remember, you are to seek forgiveness and restoration in this situation. There may have been reasons why she talked so loud, such as being in a busy area, or one of the people she was talking to was hard of hearing.
 
Stephen63 said:
Actually, you have two issues to deal with:
1. She openly humiliated you..... that's an offense that needs to be dealt with.
2. The hugging issue

I agree with BarleyGurl..... have a private meeting with a witness, explaining the comment offense first. That way, she'll understand why you don't want to hug her.
Remember, you are to seek forgiveness and restoration in this situation. There may have been reasons why she talked so loud, such as being in a busy area, or one of the people she was talking to was hard of hearing.
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Stephen YOu are correct that there are two offenses in this scenario... However, I glean from the OP that the 1st offense is of less importance to the second, she most wants this woman to cease the hugging. We don't have enough information about the rude pastor wife to determine the root her behaviour springs from, as in, is this bullying, insecurity, utter thoughtlessness, etc. While it looks like bullying to me, its not certain. Anyway my point is... being a woman and fairly experienced in identifying an assortment of negative woman relational dynamics... it is best to forgive/overlook the first offense and focus on the GOAL. Too much information (including the !st offense) muddies the waters, can fuel a feud and ultimately make it harder for OP to get what she is after... NO MORE HUGGING. :)
 
My mom and I were talking about this yesterday actually. My 16 year old cousins give us these fake hugs; you know the one where you just pat their back with one hand and stick your butt out so you're not touching them?
My mom just laughed and told them, 'Maybe one day you'll give me a real hug. I'm a stranger to you, so its okay if you don't want to hug us, no matter what your mom said. We're not on camera, you don't have to do this for appearances.' Then she just suck her hand out to them.
I come from a family who loves to hug and when i get a fake hug, I'm actually more offended than if you didn't hug me at all.
 
zeroturbulence said:
I would find a different church.
Click to expand...

That's what I was thinking....if the pastor's wife is openly insulting and embarrassing the parishioners, I can't imagine that you're getting fed there (spiritually) like you ought to be.

I wonder if you could mention the incident to your pastor, without his wife present.....maybe take a witness with you to back up your story. If he doesn't make his wife apologize, then I would say that he has no business being a pastor, and you should find somewhere else to worship.

P.S. The others were right, "hypocrite hugging" is a really funny phrase, but it would probably be better to not use it when dealing with the situation :).
 
yea i havent used the phrase verbally.....publicliy...i'm more verbal in posting than i am in real life....in real life unless you come up an talk to me i wouldnt say two words to you.
 
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