Quality vs. quantity.

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niceguyJ

Senior Member
Feb 5, 2011
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Would you rather have a small number of good, true friends or are you more the type that would rather just have A LOT of people around you whether they are deeper relationships or not?

I think it's normal to have a bit of both close friends and just more casual acquaintances. It would probably be fair to say there are different levels of friendship too. I think there is a different balance there for each of us between the two.

I've often heard someone proclaim something like "I have 500 Facebook friends!". I'm thinking "Gee, you're REALLY able to keep up with 500 people on a daiy basis?" ..I sure couldn't. I wouldn't even want to try. I've noticed this is often the person who is on their smart phone constantly. They seem hard to satisfy and in need of constant stimulation of sorts. They don't know how to just sit in a room with another person and have a conversation. It's not enough for them. They need a hundred things going at once. How many people are like that now?

I'm a generally friendly person, and I can talk to pretty much anybody. I do enjoy talking to people sometimes whether in person or here on CC (main chat room, forums) but when it comes to spending private one on one time with people I just don't do that with many at all. I need my alone time, but also I can be beyond content with even just one friend on a deeper level. Right now I have a very few like that. So I don't go out seeking new friendships all the time here or elsewhere. Sometimes great people just cross your path naturally though. Still, I admit to being very closed off to most. Even here on CC I don't do private messaging with a lot of people in chat room or via forum. I think maybe it could come off as rude to some, but there isn't much I can do about that. I think we all have our limits. Some might be able to keep up with and want to invest in a bunch of deeper friendships at the same time. I'm not one of those people.
I'm the guy who doesn't have Facebook, has never ever sent a text message from a cell phone in his life, and prefers to keep things more simple and laid back. I don't need a hundred things going on at once. I can multi-task when necessary, but do I enjoy it? No, not usually.


Some of the above might seema bit random to some, but it all ties in to me. I'm curious to see what kind of responses this thread gets. It's just something I've been thinking about last night, and a lot today after mentioning some stuff to a friend.

One more thing:
I just want to say that I hope we all continue to seek God and come to know Him more in the coming year that is just around the corner.
I read way more than I actually post here, but I can honestly say this forum has made me think a lot. So thanks to everyone that keeps it interesting and keeps it going. God willing, there will be more of that in 2013.
 
niceguyJ said:
Would you rather have a small number of good, true friends or are you more the type that would rather just have A LOT of people around you whether they are deeper relationships or not?

I think it's normal to have a bit of both close friends and just more casual acquaintances. It would probably be fair to say there are different levels of friendship too. I think there is a different balance there for each of us between the two.

I've often heard someone proclaim something like "I have 500 Facebook friends!". I'm thinking "Gee, you're REALLY able to keep up with 500 people on a daiy basis?" ..I sure couldn't. I wouldn't even want to try. I've noticed this is often the person who is on their smart phone constantly. They seem hard to satisfy and in need of constant stimulation of sorts. They don't know how to just sit in a room with another person and have a conversation. It's not enough for them. They need a hundred things going at once. How many people are like that now?

I'm a generally friendly person, and I can talk to pretty much anybody. I do enjoy talking to people sometimes whether in person or here on CC (main chat room, forums) but when it comes to spending private one on one time with people I just don't do that with many at all. I need my alone time, but also I can be beyond content with even just one friend on a deeper level. Right now I have a very few like that. So I don't go out seeking new friendships all the time here or elsewhere. Sometimes great people just cross your path naturally though. Still, I admit to being very closed off to most. Even here on CC I don't do private messaging with a lot of people in chat room or via forum. I think maybe it could come off as rude to some, but there isn't much I can do about that. I think we all have our limits. Some might be able to keep up with and want to invest in a bunch of deeper friendships at the same time. I'm not one of those people.
I'm the guy who doesn't have Facebook, has never ever sent a text message from a cell phone in his life, and prefers to keep things more simple and laid back. I don't need a hundred things going on at once. I can multi-task when necessary, but do I enjoy it? No, not usually.


Some of the above might seema bit random to some, but it all ties in to me. I'm curious to see what kind of responses this thread gets. It's just something I've been thinking about last night, and a lot today after mentioning some stuff to a friend.

One more thing:
I just want to say that I hope we all continue to seek God and come to know Him more in the coming year that is just around the corner.
I read way more than I actually post here, but I can honestly say this forum has made me think a lot. So thanks to everyone that keeps it interesting and keeps it going. God willing, there will be more of that in 2013.
Click to expand...

I think that I am quite the same, I'm drawn more to depth in friendships. So when there is only surfacey stuff, I tend to drift away from getting to know new people. Or have to push myself to engage in small talk lol. But when a level of depth is hit, I am all ears and interested. I'd rather have 1 good friend over having 300 'friends' on fb. I'm pretty sure most of the people on here would agree. I think maybe you're just introverted or perhaps, see the value in authentic deep friendships. I think thats normal. But if it is an excuse to avoid others and becomes a defense mechanism, then maybe there are things that need to be addressed. I do hope to see you post on here more often in the new year :)
 
I also prefer quality over quantity, but I'm pretty comfortable with being able to get other people to open up. I don't have time or the desire to maintain superficial relationships or a facebook profile.
 
Thousands for me, thanks. :P

Nah!
While I do have quite a few acquaintances, the people that I keep close are very few. But think about Jesus, He spoke with, had dinner with, and healed thousands! But He only kept close company with 12 men. And they were 12 men who wanted to follow Him, learn from Him and just be near to Him. That's kind of how I am with my really close friends. We spur each other on towards love and good deeds, we learn and grow in knowledge of God and the things He wants to do and is doing in and through us, and we, for the most part, are on the same level spiritually. Then I have a few people who are my mentors and then others that I am mentoring who aren't quite AS close.

....wow.....when I talk about it, I realize I have a lot more friends than I thought. lol
 
Arwen, thanks :)
I do have introverted tendencies, like needing some quiet time to recharge, so to speak. I do want to clarify, that I do actually still enjoy and sometimes even take things away from having acquaintances too. It's fun for me to just goof off with, and casually chat with people. It's just rare that I meet someone I go deeper with.

Hellooo: Yeah. I don't have anthing against people who use FB or anything. It's just not for me right now. I spend most of my free online time on CC. ha.

Cat: I like how you pointed out how Jesus was. ..and having those friends to spur you on, support you, help you grow etc. is awesome. :)
 
I don't think the people who actually admit to having loads of friends will comment here. I really pity people who don't have someone close to share things with and a sea of people they call friends.

I have 2 or 3 friends that I am close too. I'm terrible at keeping track of more than about 4 or 5 people.
 
Maybe consider the perspective of...

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

The majority of the human race is extrovert and their "sea of people" friendships are "quality" to them.
The lesser percentage of the human race is introvert and they perceive "sea of people" friendships as lacking in quality and prefer smaller groups and more intimate relationships.

I notice, many here, appear to be introverts of varying degrees.
 
As an Extrovert, I don't think that is necessarily the case. I would prefer to have a deep meaningful quality conversation in a coffee shop with one person for hours more than almost anything else. However I actively seek that out. I have no social hang ups about meeting new people, unless the people I'm meeting are really awkward or the culture is so different that I can't relate.

However, I seek out relationships with people that have the capacity for more than just shallow conversation. Shallow conversation about cooking, organic food, clothing, pop culture or whatever are not restricted to extroverts. Neither is deep meaningful conversation about the purpose of the universe restricted to introverts.

I think that people who have a lot of friends can be either introverted or extroverted.
 
An extrovert is energized by being around people. Introverts are energized by being alone. I am an introvert, but I am a people person. I have lots
of good friends and a few very close friends.
 
It seems like almost everyone can get along with me, but I don't really connect with that many people.
 
I'm definitely an introvert. I try to be friendly and helpful to as many people as possible, but am only close with a handful of people.

I do like socializing with small groups from time to time, but truly love it when I can run away and be alone.
 
Jullianna said:
I'm definitely an introvert. I try to be friendly and helpful to as many people as possible, but am only close with a handful of people.

I do like socializing with small groups from time to time, but truly love it when I can run away and be alone.
Click to expand...

^^ That's what I mean. :D
 
I find it very easy to get along with people, even those whose personalities are quite different from my own. However, I find casual socializing to be extremely draining....I would much rather spend time with just one close friend or even completely alone (+ God, of course).

In my book, quality pretty much always wins out over quantity.

Pardon me if this lacked coherence, I'm still in shock that I'm no longer the only person I know under 40 who's never texted from a cell phone or used Facebook......;)
 
One true and faithful friend is worth 1000 acquaintances! Always
 
I'm primarily introverted, but circumstances in life have forced me to have many friends across the United States in large number. When you have to keep lists of volunteers about 430 people long and call them week after week after week to get them to do things for you, you get to know them pretty well, and I've worked a job like this 5 times in 3 states.

Really, I call them all friends. These people have done so much for me in the past few years, that I would take a bullet for them any day of the week.

That isn't to say I didn't find the task rather maddening at the time. I did.

Nevertheless, I have a system for people I regularly keep tabs on, and that is what the author means. So, if I were to count them, I would say I have my sister, my best friend from High School (the one with whom I have the deepest connection), my five best friends from college, and my older sister (not really my older sister but my mentor), and two other friend-mentors. That brings our count to nine.

I really miss my till recent co-workers. They were the best. We would slog it out 16 hours plus a day and made each other laugh when times were rough. Sometimes I'd give anything for those days to come back, just so I could see them all again. Sadly, we don't really keep tabs. One wants to move to VA. If he does, I'll be greatly pleased.

Gosh, maybe I'm more extroverted than I thought.
 
I am literally one of those people with 500 Facebook friends (which, honestly happened when I wasn't paying attention), and a pretty wide, but shallow, circle of acquaintances.
But... but- I live for deep, meaningful conversation, and thrive on one-on-one interactions. Group conversations, especially with overly talkative people, or topics I know little/nothing about, and can't contribute to, exhaust me.

tl;dr: I have five hundred Facebook friends (and friendquaintances), but only a handful of truly deep friends. Quality wins over quantity every time.
 
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