Alone and needing help.

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zmr

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I am lonely and depressed and i can't tell anyone. I am 20, in a great school, leader of a ministry at school and gave my life to Christ when i was 13. I have no friends i can confide in, not to mention Christian friends who i can call up and feel comfortable speaking to. I have always been a loner and felt lonely and i usually bury it in my mind but it has come up again real bad. I know I am not the best friend but at the same time I didnt learn how to be a good friend until recently. But even though when I want to hang out I get depressed and stay home all day doing nothing.

I have been depressed in high school for a very long time and have not felt this way since even though this semester I might have been depressed all along. I believe that God will be able to take me out of this sickness again without needing a psychologist but idk what to do about being alone. I go to church and have been since i got saved but since i was socially anxious i never really made friends (doesn't help the church is 30 min away). I still have no relationship with these people. Idk if i can be friends with people there now.


What should i do? Should i tough it out and just wait to move somewhere else and restart? Im sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have felt this way for so long....
 
You need to get back into see a counselor and talk to them about some strategies for the social anxiety you obviously feel around people. This doesn't mean you have to see a psychologist, but someone who can offer some suggestions as to how to approach people and get out there because you can not live alone or think that this depression is going to pass if you just wait it out. And there is nothing wrong with medication, if that works for you. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and though I am not a doctor, it sounds like you have been dealing with this for awhile and so you have now built up some "interesting" ways in coping with the sadness and loneliness, I'm sure.

Medication was God's way of answering my prayers in regards to depression. My family and I did all the asking for healing and he gave me, my answer thru medicine and since then has used this ailment to reach many people. I understand when people say to "follow the light at the end of the tunnel" and yet you don't see any light and it is just cold and pitch black. Or when you are in a room full of people you know in your rational mind that they love and care for you, but you feel so deeply lost and alone. Those are hard feelings to describe to people and make you want to retreat and think of other ways to slip into the nothingness. But God is there, he is still right there, watching over you!! Your journey will be different then mine but don't let Satan whisper those lies to you that you are not worth it, that you can not pull out of this, that it is just easier to quit. He loves to throw all our insecurities at us at our weakest moments. He works hard at it. Don't believe him. Cry out to God as much as you need to. He listens and is there.
 
Beloved of your Father,
He is not only there, and listening,
He wants to save you! ♥

I agree that sometimes the Lord heals through meds.
It's definitely something to prayerfully consider.
Social anxiety must be so difficult. :(
I see my husband deal with it, and it hurts just to watch it.
I know how wonderful he is, and I want everyone else to know, too.
I'll bet it's just the same for you---you're awesome,
and don't know how to let your guard down and let people in.
Maybe you've been hurt in the past.
And the thing is...people will hurt us. People may fail to live up to our expectations,
but the Lord never will. So our trust has to be in Him.

Hang in there for sure!
Physical distance can make things harder, but it's emotional distance that needs to be traveled.
Little steps...pray about seeing a doc...maybe speak to your pastor or an elder
about how to become more involved, not with a ministry, but with people (or even just one person, at first).
If you can open up to just one person, it will become easier.
Once someone has been depressed for a while, it can become almost impossible to remember what it was to see light.
You just forget, and think this is how life is. :(
But see---how the Lord is already working to show you that's a lie!

I'm praying for the Light (Jesus) of Love (Jesus)
to show Himself to you.
To encourage you, and give you boldness with others.
To make you know who you are in Christ.
To give you wisdom as to what the nest little step should be.

Please, keep in touch?
And if you need more help, let us know?
Or if I'm just waaayy off base...:rolleyes:.
Just as we love God because He first loved us, so do we love you.
-ellie
 
Part of the problem with being in a ministry is you have to project a certain image. Sometimes that can be taxing, so you feel depressed afterwards, when you get drained. Moving won't help; the problem is in how you view yourself. I needed to accept the feelings as part of a cycle of becoming drained by the ministry; that took care of it for me.

You can have lots of friends here. You are not afraid to share this problem with us, so that's a good start.

It will also help to seek God for where He wants you, and what He wants you to do with your life. At age 20, most people know only a small part of it, and also part of what they know is a little frightening. God is preparing you for a future I cannot even imagine, so all I can do is trust Him. In the long run, that's all you can do too. As you get more confident in what he made you for, your ability to make friends will improve. You cannot love others as yourself until you know who yourself is.
 
Three things come to mind.

First, a lot of loneliness disappears when we remember to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, minds, and souls, as Jesus instructed us. In fact, Jesus said this is the first, and great, commandment (Matt 22:34-40). Put another way: Pray constantly (1 Thess 5:17 RSV). Walk with the Lord, keeping him in your thoughts at all times, being in prayer all day long as you go about your daily business.

Second, a church can also do a lot towards solving the loneliness problem. That requires being active—serving in one or more capacities—so that we can be with other people.

Third, if your church is thirty minutes away, perhaps you need to find a church closer to you, if that is possible.

I’ll add that I am a bit of a loner, at least to the extent that I am still single after all these years, and I don’t hang out with anyone. I do serve in my church, though, and spend a lot of time with people for that reason.
 
You have my prayers :)
Don't think about other people so much,
think about what Jesus says you are :)
And pray, listen to Christian music and come here often for fellowship!
Love in Christ, Shekaniah
 
Hey thanks everyone for your posts I really appreciate it and it has shed some light on the issue. I am going to start praying to see if medication is an option and will have to speak to a counselor about speaking to others about social anxiety and ways to relate to others. It was probably my pride which kept me from speaking to someone about it. And keeping up that image to my members is very difficult at times but I don't want it to be a fake persona, i want it to be real. I will keep in touch and thank you all again for the advice :)
 
Hi zmr,

As a young lady who obviously has a passion for the things of God, I know that you are seeking TRUTH! The truth that has the power to set you free from all depression, illness, and loneliness.

Blessings to you! And keep looking up, your redemption and HOPE is near :)

~Tiffany
 
Praying for you man. Ive been there. Lonliness wasn't easy for me to deal with. One thing that may help you is joining a group in the church or finding a church to join that offers some sort of group setting that can be sort of a social setting (such as a weekly bible study or something). I don't know much about your socially anxious problems so those ideas may not be of help to you. I prayed that God would give you wisdom here aswell. God bless man
 
I just joined this christian chat community feeling depressed and a little lonely myself. Your anxiety and depression effects more people than you realize. Just know that you are not alone. I know it is hard to confide and talk to even your closes friend, but it is very important to do so. There are a lot of churches that offer counselling, so maybe going to a different church for counselling would be better for you.

Always remember In God's eyes, you are perfect, you can not make yourself perfect. His Grace through the blood of Jesus allows for us to be imperfect. Don't be so hard on yourself. Let go and let God :) When we try and control our imperfections and be the perfect christian, we take away God's grace. When we let go and let God have control, our imperfections become stepping stones and lessons in the life God wants us to have.

Learning to be a "good" friend comes with experiences and sometimes very hard lessons. When I look back to when I was 20, I did not know how to be a "good" friend, nor the true meaning of a friend until I was much older. Being 20 years old is a tough age to go through, and you WILL come out of the strong hold. Reaching out is very important, you would probably be very surprised at how many students you go to school with have some of the same issues.

I will be praying for you and I pray that a very special friend, hand picked by God, to come into your life.

Much love!
 
zmr said:
Hey thanks everyone for your posts I really appreciate it and it has shed some light on the issue. I am going to start praying to see if medication is an option and will have to speak to a counselor about speaking to others about social anxiety and ways to relate to others. It was probably my pride which kept me from speaking to someone about it. And keeping up that image to my members is very difficult at times but I don't want it to be a fake persona, i want it to be real. I will keep in touch and thank you all again for the advice :)
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i CANNOT stress this enough, PLEASE be very careful when it comes to considering medication. Many times this route can lead to a variety of other problems. "Prayerful" consideration is in order here. Take it to the foot of the Cross, ask Him to guide you concerning this matter. *CHRIST Jesus* is the BEST drug that i have ever been ADDICTED to :) Gods speed young Follower, may the Good Lord grant You the answers that You seek, and Rest for Your weary soul. Love from a Fellow Follower
 
Hey Bryan, welcome to CC. I think you are going to like this Site. Although you can't go grab a coffee or a bite to eat I find the fellowship here very sincere and rewarding. Already you are making friends from all over the world. I can relate to your loneliness. All my life I've pretty much felt isolated. Until I met the woman I married I don't know if anybody even really knew me. Honestly she might be the only true friend I've ever had. I knew a guy from Church who was socially anxious. All he needed was to surround himself with people he felt comfortable with and he gradually gained confidence. Now he leads the youth group and speaks regularly in front of the congregation. There are too many side effects to the medicines they allow on the market. I see you play drums. Good for you. I wanted to get a set for my son until I saw him with a set of sticks at his friends house. I thought he was going to bust right through the skins. Well anyway, nice to meet you and see you around.
 
I understand what you feel man i dont have much friends to count for but we do have the love of christ in are hearts. Im trying find friends myself if you want we can or chat sometime
 
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Hi zmr, welcome to cc! :)
Praying for all you ask for and all help in Jesus Christ is Lord.

God bless
:)
pickles
 
Hey, welcome to the site :)! In the past I've struggled with some of what you've been through. Let me know if you'd like more info than what I put here, and I'll make a longer post later.

I'm not saying that God never uses medications to help people, as He often does. However, I'm REALLY glad that I didn't take any, even when I felt like I might never enjoy my life. Prescriptions (and even over the counter meds) can have severe side effects. Among the things that helped me through my time of loneliness was:

1. Telling others about Jesus. When you have a life-saving purpose in life, it makes all the difference :).

2. Asking Jesus to fill me with the full power of the Holy Spirit, like the apostles received in the book of Acts. Wow, amazing results :)!

3. There is a verse in the Bible about being friendly if you desire friends. The next time you feel like staying home even though you are lonely, I'd maybe come in the chat room on this site, and start talking to others, or maybe see if someone in the forums here needs a buddy :). Most of my closest friends are on this site, in fact all of them except my immediate family :). Many people here also put on their profile page that they would like a penpal, and you can send a private message to nearly anyone on this site. That's how I made a lot of my friends here, many people are willing to chat. I'll send you a PM, just in case you don't know how to, although I realize that most people under 40 know how to navigate the internet quite well =D. I also suspect that if you're friendly for long enough to the people at the church you've been going to, they will notice the change. I realize that you probably already have, but I'd pray and specifically ask the Lord to show you what He wants you to change about the way you've been acting, if anything, and to give you more peace and calm your nerves. Also that if there is anything that you can't change yourself, that He would make the change for you. I've just prayed the same for you.

The last thing is... well, please don't take this the wrong way. It's just that I noticed that you mentioned your ministry before mentioning accepting Jesus, and you've got to be REALLY careful not to let that take over who you are. I don't know much about the group you're with, but really often I've tried to help someone, and they were like "oh, I'm ______ (fill in the blank with whatever they "are", such as a choir singer, youth leader, etc.). It helps a lot to try to tell others about Jesus when you aren't "in ministry"; not only to keep form getting into a rut, but also because it's what He wants us to do :).
 
I understand where you are coming from I deal with some of that myself. One of the things God showed me was that my oppression which is similar to depression is rooted in anger. I have some anger in my heart about some things in my past that I can't change. When we don't get help for these issues the enemy gets a foot hole in our lives and causes a stronghold of oppression/ depression in our lives. Anger that is not dealt with can turn into a serious problem. Anger leads to depression and depression leads to isolation. This depression that you feel can be due to anger or clinical depression. Pray about it and see if there are some wounds that you need to address and give to the Lord. Don't feel bad because many people deal with loneliness. One thing that helps is reaching out to people and looking for ways to bless people. Please don't let the enemy convince you of dealing with this on your own. If you do, you remain in bondage. There are people out there who care, but most importantly God cares. Remember you are wonderfully and fearfully made. God adores you. :)
 
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You've gotten some great advice here, & slot of support as well. This alone should tell you to keep coming back to CC, don't give up hope, don't judge yourself either.Try the women's site that was listed, sounds Luke an encouraging way to put a door forward. Don't forget to keep praying & reading & reaching out to others. Can't say this enough.this must be tiff for you sense you say social activity is in part your problem. God has many promises for you & help. Keep in touch we all will be praying & watching for you....
 
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