This is the attitude that I didn't want to run into here. Whether I "knew" god is irrelevant to what i'm saying.
You claimed to be a "devout" Christian most of your life, so knowing God is VERY relevant.
A child doesn't walk out of the house and claim his/her parents were a figment of his/her
imagination. You are not a rare case. Many spend a large portion of their life, going to church,
reading the Bible, and never ever know God, and are still as lost as the day they first walked into
the church. They played religion thinking it will make them a better person. It wont. No religion
or philosophy will make you a better person. Pick any card out of the deck and call it the card
of the day. Call it the right card, or your favorite card. Attach any significant feeling or outlook,
or philosophy to that card you want. It will still be just a card and there are 51 more cards to play
with, when you get bored with the first one. That deck of cards will never do anything for you
but waste your time and energy. You want to look at religions from a philosophical point of veiw?
You seem to be educated, so open your eyes and see it for what it is. You are just playing cards.
When you're holding a 3 of Hinduism, 6 of Islam, 7 of Wicca, 10 of New Age, and Jack of Mormonism,
how you going to play it, when the house is stacked against you? The house will let you win a few,
but in the end, the house always wins and you end up with nothing but random facts and formed opinions stored in your brain. No promises, no guarantees, nothing but worn out cards.
Now, lets talk about me. I got the promises. I got the guarantee and I'm not wasting my time
playing with cards. I'm developing a relationship. I'm doing something you failed to do, when you
were a devout Christian, that is, cultivate a relationship with the Lord God. That is why I say,
"you probably never knew God." Once you have the Holy Spirit and are changed from within, and
know God, you can't walk away and say God doesn't exists, because you would know. It appears
when you were a "christian most of your life,", you were just playing the card of the day.