School, Career and Family

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progressivenerdgirl

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I wanted to sound out some general advice on school, career and family life. I am going to school full-time and interning on top of that, I have hardly any time to meet men. That is a blessing in disguise, since it keeps me out of trouble, but at the same time I know that I can't continue this hectic pace if I want to become a good Christian wife (and I do).

I am not sure exactly what I am asking here. When I get married I intend to devote myself to my husband, and when I have children there is no question that I will stay home. For one, because I believe it is a woman's duty to do so; two because I want to raise my kids right; and three because I just don't trust government schools.

However, in the meantime, I am very passionate about learning and my work. I don't know how the transition from school to career to housewife will work, and I wondered about any suggestions on planning my future.
 
I was in your shoes. I wworked full time then after my son was, born part time. I stopped working par time this past summer my son is now 7 and my daughter is 6. When you have kids, if you can stay home do it. The hassles of finding baby sitters can be crazy. The time with your children is going to go quickly. I can eventually work again, but my kids will only be, kids once. it goes so quickly and I cherish this time with them. I am also available to do other things while they are in school. I've been able to help at church more. in the summer we do a lot of local things that cost minimal amounts of money or free The Zoo, beach, parks, museums. I have a lot of fun with them and I am making memories that will last a lifetime. it's worth it to stay home if you can.
 
Who would have ever thought, when I started teaching college, that I could do it from home online 20 year later? But here we are. God has lots of surprises coming, and if it's his plan that you have a career and family, and that you do it right, He has a solution already planned. Many people don't marry until their thirties. You have lots of time. Finish your school, get your career going, then, when you know who it is that God made you, you will be able to love someone else as He uniquely created you to.
 
kenisyes said:
Who would have ever thought, when I started teaching college, that I could do it from home online 20 year later? But here we are. God has lots of surprises coming, and if it's his plan that you have a career and family, and that you do it right, He has a solution already planned. Many people don't marry until their thirties. You have lots of time. Finish your school, get your career going, then, when you know who it is that God made you, you will be able to love someone else as He uniquely created you to.
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Heh, well that's true but I have a sort of bias against late marriage. I think it's best for parents to be young if they've been raised properly themselves. I think women are meant to bear children young, both physically and mentally, and that raising children is a game for energetic youth.

I also think late marriage in our society is more a product of social decay, moral degeneracy and the abnegation of parenting role models to the impersonal bureaucratic state. Aside from special cases (Sarah in Genesis) I don't believe that late marriage is quite the right way to go about it.
 
You can make the case either way. By biblical standards, we marry late at age 17. But the culture is different. The other case is that age adds education, wisdom, a sense of responsibility, and a more stable career. These are good things too.

You asked for advice. That is mine. It's your choice, because it's your life.

Sarah is hardly relevant. We are comparing first baby at age 22 with first baby at 30.
 
progressivenerdgirl said:
Heh, well that's true but I have a sort of bias against late marriage. I think it's best for parents to be young if they've been raised properly themselves. I think women are meant to bear children young, both physically and mentally, and that raising children is a game for energetic youth.

I also think late marriage in our society is more a product of social decay, moral degeneracy and the abnegation of parenting role models to the impersonal bureaucratic state. Aside from special cases (Sarah in Genesis) I don't believe that late marriage is quite the right way to go about it.
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I was married at 29 had my first child at 35 2nd child at 36. I may not be a youth anymore but I sure can keep up with my kids. When you're married without children going to school and working no big deal. When you add a child to the equation not easy anymore. I had many nephew and nieces that I would babysit, I was one of those people that never thought it would be that hard. I feel so blessed to have my beautiful children, but I can tell you it's the hardest job you'll ever have, no matter what you're age. Good luck squeezing in college and a new born. Hope you can survive on just a few hours sleep, oh if you breast feed you'll have to get pumping in there too. I am not trying to sound negative about your wanting to have children young, but I would make sure you have your degree first.
 
Jenjoy said:
I was married at 29 had my first child at 35 2nd child at 36. I may not be a youth anymore but I sure can keep up with my kids. When you're married without children going to school and working no big deal. When you add a child to the equation not easy anymore. I had many nephew and nieces that I would babysit, I was one of those people that never thought it would be that hard. I feel so blessed to have my beautiful children, but I can tell you it's the hardest job you'll ever have, no matter what you're age. Good luck squeezing in college and a new born. Hope you can survive on just a few hours sleep, oh if you breast feed you'll have to get pumping in there too. I am not trying to sound negative about your wanting to have children young, but I would make sure you have your degree first.
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I will definitely finish school before I have a baby!
 
You show wisdom in many of the things you say.
If I were in your shows I'd finish school, get a good job, go to a church that I agree with and meet a godly man there.
One step at a time.
Sadly, we can't map out our entire lives on a chart. - (Well we can, but God has a way of changing it.)
So if you do map out your whole life - (marry at 24, have 2.5 children between 26 and 30, become a Ph.D. at thirty five; etc..)
Do it in pencil, because the best laid plans of mice and men soon go astray.
 
Good for you....motherhood is a very rewarding and much-needed 'profession'. Your thinking on raising your children yourself is very wise. And yes, it's much easier when well-timed.

Being a very young mom is very difficult due to lack of emotional maturity which is needed for the self-sacrifice that motherhood demands; and being an 'older' mom usually means having less energy. Not that this is always true but I look back on my 'mom-years' now that I'm in my 50's and wonder how I did it ;). I definitely was not ready for motherhood before I was 23. I was 28 when my first child was born...my husband and I wanted to wait until he finished school.

I did get a college degree..and was glad I did although I haven't used it for 25 years. I grew a lot during those years...emotionally and mentally. College taught me how to learn and expanded my horizons. There are lots of temptations in the college years so I think it's good to be part of a campus ministry.

I don't think you should stress too much about your future. You have a good head on your shoulders and God will lead you step by step. His Word is a light to our feet and our path...that means just seeing one step ahead ...not the whole landscape :).
 
Being a very young mom is very difficult due to lack of emotional maturity
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I think this is almost entirely a product of some weird fetish the anthrocentric religion of the West has created around children. The idea that they need to be 'protected' by being lied to and babied is sort of revolting. A child should learn about the world as quickly as he can, it should be about the highest priority before learning God and His laws. I think the 'emotional immaturity' of the teenager, commonly supposed to be not only normal but desirable, is a direct result of this perverse ideology of child-proofing everything, etc.

There was a day, not so long past, when a man of 14-16 could be expected to be married, gainfully employed and attending church at least twice a week. Now people think it's bizarre for 16 year olds to get married. It's ridiculous - adolescents are not children. In fact, once they get married (I don't care if they're 12), they're not part of their parents' household either; whatever lies the government may abide by.

There are lots of temptations in the college years so I think it's good to be part of a campus ministry.
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I do not interact with my classmates beyond the requirements for schoolwork, and I have my own house well off campus. I am not very social to begin with, and frankly a bunch of drunken fools prostituting themselves and using school as an excuse to avoid getting a real job - not people I want to spend time with anyway.

As for campus ministries - it's hard to find anything remotely Calvinistic in Washington DC political Universities.
 
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kenisyes said:
By biblical standards, we marry late at age 17. But the culture is different.
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Well, I don't have quite so much tolerance for that 'the culture is different' stuff, heh. That explains why Austrian and Korean towns look different, it's not an excuse for Austrians to have a culture of self-indulgence. In many cases 'different' culture is just bad culture.

And, yes, age can bring maturity and stability. But if you're marrying for the right reasons that shouldn't matter. It just means things will get easier, eventually. But God doesn't command us to take the path of least resistance.

Anyway, I'm not trying to crunch numbers for a formula of proper marrying age or anything; I just sort of utterly reject cultural norms about marriage and children on several levels so I just don't have a lot of sympathy with popular reasoning on the subject. Bad premises, so to speak. And it grates at me when I see so many Christians uncritically accepting it just because it's part of their environment.
 
Lucy68 said:
Sorry....I didn't mean to offend you.
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You didn't offend me, I'm just very vehement in my dislike of Western culture and popular tropes. I don't believe in, 'getting by to get by' as many Evangelicals these days do. Our duty is not to society or peace, but to God almighty.
 
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