Nice Guys Finish Last?

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M

MusicalMe

Guest
#1
#1
I realized that in at least two replies lately, I've mentioned that I hate being smothered... and I got to thinking about how sometimes it's the guys who are really nice who do the most smothering (unintentionally).

Anyway, it reminded me of an article I read, so I thought I'd post it here. Sometimes Yahoo has good dating advice - or at least advice you can get some good out of, if you ignore the stuff that doesn't apply (i.e. the stuff involving sex if you're waiting for marriage).

So here's the article: Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Ladies, thoughts? Men, rebuttles?
 
B

Beeb0

Guest
#2
#2
I tend to be the nice guy, & I have been dealt the friend card in the past. That's who I am & I wouldn't change it for the world. I've learned from observations & such that people who are cocky & over confident are generally ones who are insecure. Most of them put up this tough image because they are afraid of rejection, being themselves & being alone so they create this false facade to impress/appease to the ones around them. A genuine person will always be themself & do everything they can to make sure those around them feel loved & accepted. To me that's not a bad thing; Different people have different views of perception.

Kindess doesn't mean weakness but people often assume that, it's almost a crime these days to have a kind heart. Be yourself no matter what & whether you finish first or last, the satisfaction of knowing that you've done the best of your abilities & have been honest with yourself is what counts.
 
M

missy2shoes

Guest
#3
#3
I don't like being smothered........
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#4
#4
I hate being smothered as well... it drives me crazy when someone is constantly breathen down your neck about somethin!!!
 
M

missy2shoes

Guest
#5
#5
I need space......

On the whole nice guy thing.......uhmmmm Anne of Green Gables said, “I want a man who could be wicked, but chooses to be good.'
I kinda understand where she's coming from....
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#6
#6
thats perfect missy! i love that line and its so true
 
C

chelsers

Guest
#7
#7
I read the first paragraph of that article and it talks about the tired theory that women want the cocky guy that treats them badly. For some women, that's true, but it's not a good thing. In regards to nice guys finishing last, yes the nice guys that are chasing the type of woman that wants the guy that treats them badly will finish last. He's choosing the wrong women.

Now I will say that some guys hide behind the "nice" label as a way to explain away why they're not dating. If you actually talk to some of these guys, they're not nice at all they're simply timid. I've talked to some of the rudest guys that call themselves "the nice guy."

I've found that these are mainly worldly problems. When you seek out people that are serving the Lord and growing in Him you'll find that these are the real nice people. The rest is just a facade.
 
S

SamIam

Guest
#8
#8
When a woman that has always been treated bad they want the nice guys..... when a woman has always been treated nice, they start to take it for granted and want the bad boys.......
 
C

chelsers

Guest
#9
#9
SamIam said:
When a woman that has always been treated bad they want the nice guys..... when a woman has always been treated nice, they start to take it for granted and want the bad boys.......
Click to expand...
Not me, I've been treated well and I don't let someone treat me badly. I understand it happens to some women for a variety of reasons, but it's not true that all women who've been treated nicely want "bad boys."
You have to respect yourself and not expect anything less than someone who treats you well.
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#10
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#10
MusicalMe said:
I realized that in at least two replies lately, I've mentioned that I hate being smothered... and I got to thinking about how sometimes it's the guys who are really nice who do the most smothering (unintentionally).

Anyway, it reminded me of an article I read, so I thought I'd post it here. Sometimes Yahoo has good dating advice - or at least advice you can get some good out of, if you ignore the stuff that doesn't apply (i.e. the stuff involving sex if you're waiting for marriage).

So here's the article: Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Ladies, thoughts? Men, rebuttles?
Click to expand...
I wouldn't know, no girls ever give me a freaking chance.
 
M

MusicalMe

Guest
#11
#11
missy2shoes - great use of the Anne of Green Gables quote! I love those books...

Anyway - let me say that I don't particularly agree with the article, but it does provide some interesting points. However, I do make a distinct difference in my own mind of a "nice guy" and a "needy guy". I really like nice guys. I want to only date nice guys. But I don't like needy. Who's up for making the new phrase "Needy guys finish last"?

(By "needy", of course, I'm referring to constantly calling/texting, not giving you any space or time to yourself, endlessly seeking reassurance even after you've reassured him about whatever several times, suggesting marriage after 4 months of dating and even though you'll be moving away to grad school he'll be staying where he is so you can be married but never see each other which is actually like coming right out and saying "I don't trust you to tell the guys who hit on you that you have a boyfriend" but I'm not speaking from experience here or anything...)
 
M

missy2shoes

Guest
#12
#12
MusicalMe said:
But I don't like needy. Who's up for making the new phrase "Needy guys finish last"? /quote]

......yep, needy is a turn off ....as is desperate...........
Click to expand...
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#13
Jan 3, 2007
626
2
0
36
#13
Beeb0 said:
I tend to be the nice guy, & I have been dealt the friend card in the past. That's who I am & I wouldn't change it for the world. I've learned from observations & such that people who are cocky & over confident are generally ones who are insecure. Most of them put up this tough image because they are afraid of rejection, being themselves & being alone so they create this false facade to impress/appease to the ones around them. A genuine person will always be themself & do everything they can to make sure those around them feel loved & accepted. To me that's not a bad thing; Different people have different views of perception.

Kindess doesn't mean weakness but people often assume that, it's almost a crime these days to have a kind heart. Be yourself no matter what & whether you finish first or last, the satisfaction of knowing that you've done the best of your abilities & have been honest with yourself is what counts.
Click to expand...

truer words have never been spoken this subject. Kindness shouldn't be seen as a weakness. ifthat were so, then Jesus was weak, which he certainly was not. Jesus was meek, but he also got rough when he needed to! He whipped people out of the temple, told the harsh truth to the Pharasees and...well he's God. I like Lou's post , a man who chooses to be "nice" but can also get rough when the occasion calls for it, I think is what a guy should be like.
 
A

A_Fire_Inside

Guest
#14
#14
I see it as more a concept of Strong guys vs Weak guys (Not in so much as physical strength, but emotional strength)As a guy, You have to find your confidence and the perfect balance that is attractive and non-needy which is unique to each individual.
 
Kakashi

Kakashi

Senior Member
#15
Jan 3, 2007
626
2
0
36
#15
missy2shoes said:
MusicalMe said:
But I don't like needy. Who's up for making the new phrase "Needy guys finish last"? /quote]

......yep, needy is a turn off ....as is desperate...........
Click to expand...

A much better phrase to use, yea. i used to be one of those guys until I realized that,hey that's pretty freakin annoying and I should stop doing that lol.
Click to expand...
 
M

missy2shoes

Guest
#16
#16
ohhhh man you guys rock!!!!!!..........ya nailed it completely!!!
 
C

chelsers

Guest
#17
#17
MusicalMe said:
missy2shoes - great use of the Anne of Green Gables quote! I love those books...

Anyway - let me say that I don't particularly agree with the article, but it does provide some interesting points. However, I do make a distinct difference in my own mind of a "nice guy" and a "needy guy". I really like nice guys. I want to only date nice guys. But I don't like needy. Who's up for making the new phrase "Needy guys finish last"?

(By "needy", of course, I'm referring to constantly calling/texting, not giving you any space or time to yourself, endlessly seeking reassurance even after you've reassured him about whatever several times, suggesting marriage after 4 months of dating and even though you'll be moving away to grad school he'll be staying where he is so you can be married but never see each other which is actually like coming right out and saying "I don't trust you to tell the guys who hit on you that you have a boyfriend" but I'm not speaking from experience here or anything...)
Click to expand...
Yeah needy is never good. Needy is usually equal to desperate and it's verrryyy much not attractive.
 
C

chelsers

Guest
#18
#18
Kakashi said:
truer words have never been spoken this subject. Kindness shouldn't be seen as a weakness. ifthat were so, then Jesus was weak, which he certainly was not. Jesus was meek, but he also got rough when he needed to! He whipped people out of the temple, told the harsh truth to the Pharasees and...well he's God. I like Lou's post , a man who chooses to be "nice" but can also get rough when the occasion calls for it, I think is what a guy should be like.
Click to expand...
I agree, kindness definitely isn't weakness. It all boils down to following the Word, it's all in there.
 
Chopsui101

Chopsui101

Banned
#19
Jan 12, 2009
141
0
0
#19
i think most nice guys tend to be tools...but thats just me...serious just be a man! lol...
 
Chopsui101

Chopsui101

Banned
#20
Jan 12, 2009
141
0
0
#20
actually i could write a lot more about the subject but i have to split to work...peace
 
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