Any divorced or seperated spouses "standing" for marriage and prodigals?

[buchi]

Re: Any divorced or seperated spouses "standing" for marriage and prodigals?

This is Buchi
i separtade from my wife about two years ago. both of us are christians i believe even if she doesnt like many things in christian community or not involving in any spirital activities in the church i believe she is chritian. we have one child. she asked me to agree for divorce and i said no. actually we have idea differences in some of the matters howeve i was voluteer to shape myself from any complaints she is making but she insisted to go divorce. finally i called church leadrs and they begged her with the bible she refused and left me with the child. she refused to listen the bible or the chruch now she is out of the church and christian community. i am alone whith the child now i am making divorce process. i can not continue as singl with 7years child and i can not do or educate myself. i was full time minister in the church for the last 17 years. to be honnest i have no idea whether she commit adultary or not. God knows nows. now i am done i can not push forward. financailly because i had no time to work and church income coud not continue and i do not feel confortable to teach or preach in the churches i stoped myself and no income and now i can not move an inch. so already i started divorce porcess with the court for myself and for mychild. and i am preparing to marry another woman. i cannot continue in this sufferening. i was praying God to bring her back to me but she was not in the position to come back to live life with me. God knows my heart and God knows her heart. our original motive is plain for our lord. i know i have mistaks or wrong doings before her or for her. what i remember was i was so busy in mission work i did not give time adquetely as she wants but finally i discoverd that i need time to give her i said sorry and i asked forgiveness. but she said i decieded to divorce three years ago and now i will divorce and no one can stop me from divorce. she said "i do not want him and i do not want his child" she said and she left me with child. i gave time with alot of pleading from 2010 to now in vain. wel she said she want to join her old boyfriend in her school but i do not think she will do any thing with that man. however totaly she believed to divorce clearly against the bible. now my strenght is done i can not move forward and i started divorce in the court. even if i am vitimised still i fear my lord and i want to understand what God is thinking. pls give me clear short biblical answer coze i am tired of some poeple's just preaching without sound biblical ground.

be blessd i am living in african context.

 

[beyondbroken]

Re: Any divorced or seperated spouses "standing" for marriage and prodigals?

Heather, I am standing for my marriage also! It is the hardest thing I have ever done. 10 yrs ago my husband had his first affair. We were seperated. I was mad at God turned to alcohol and men. Had a few one nights stands. Felt so dirty and disgusting. Got pregnant, had an aboration which I regreat to this day. Hate that I was ever that low in my life. Gave my life back to the Lord, repented. Took my husband back, after giving birth to our second child he left me again for the same lady, they had a child together. Foolishly I took him back. Thanksgiving Day 2011, he left me and our 2 kids so that he could develop a relationship w his daughter that he had w this other woman. I have also heard he is having another affair. I texted the other woman and apparently, from him, she ended things with him. Not sure that I believe that. But as I have been praying for my husband God gave me a vision of him at the alter crying out to God and repenting and saying he wants our marriage to work. One night while crying out in prayer for his salvation God spoke to me and said Hold on my Child, when I am done with him you will stand amazed. I am not done with your marriage yet. So I am holding on to the visions and the word God spoke to me. I tell you though, I have cryed out many nights wondering if God is going to do something, if my breakthrough is coming cuz I can't hold on much longer. My husband gives me hope by some of the things he says or does. Then when I ask him what he wants he tells me he is uncertain. He keeps blaming me for the mistakes I made 10 yrs ago when I know in my heart I would have never done those things if he hadn't walked out on me. I was 24 w a 14 mth old baby. I was scared and lost. But by God's grace and mercy , I was forgiven and I was chg'd. And I am believing God will do the same for my husband. I am growing stronger as a believer and Im so thankful for that. God is holding on to me. This time it will be different. At least that is what I am hoping and believing God for I will keep all of your marriages lifted up. Satan is attacking families to bring division so that he can take individuals one by one. I stand on the word of GOd and His promises. Jere 29: 11 has become my scripture! I know what God spoke and I have also said God just prepare me for whatever my future holds. I am trusting a very unknown future to a very known God ! The King of Kings is coming soon, keep pressing on

 

[Christianlady01]

Re: Any divorced or seperated spouses "standing" for marriage and prodigals?

Wow! What a sad sad story. My husband told me in August that he no longer loved me after 18 years of marriage. We have 2 children together and 2 from previous marriages. Through our whole marriage he gambled, lied, and flirted with other women (I don't know if he was ever physically unfaithful). I still loved him and prayed he would be healed from the inside out and that someday he would be a huge light for God. He is back and forth and says he is confused and generally not sure if he really wants a divorce. Every holiday, birthday and family gathering, I remain devastated. It has been 8 months. I am so sad and don't know if I can pull out of this state of depression.

 

[LeapsofFaith]

"I can't do this anymore"

Today's message from "Charlyne Cares" (daily email devotional) dealt with standers who are worn out by standing, and very close to giving up. I don't know any stander for marriage restoration who hasn't said those words. I know I've said them many times. But when I read today's message I felt like it really missed the mark--at least, for some of us. It took the position that any stander saying those words is succumbing to the temptation to sin or is terribly backslidden from God. And while that might be the case for some, for others of us that's a really unfair judgment and verbal spanking we don't deserve. So I felt compelled to write from my perspective, to defend our feelings for a change. Our feelings are legitimate, and while we aren't supposed to make decisions based on them there is a lot we can be made aware of because of their very real presence. They are sign posts signalling what kinds of thoughts (and therefore, underlying beliefs) are going on in our heads without our notice. Feelings that are awry signal thoughts and beliefs that are awry, and that we can change. A corrected belief ripples all the way through, fixing our feelings as well.

Having just gone through another roller-coaster cycle of high-low-high again in my own stand, I have uttered that fateful phrase in only the last week. I have absolutely no temptation to be with anyone else nor am I in any way far from the Lord. On the contrary, I'm closer than I've ever been. Neither is this by any means the first time I've said this in the absence of temptation or presence of prayerful activity. So, it is not fair to imply that standers only feel that way when they've been spiritually misbehaving. Not fair at all. I realized today as I was reading the daily that there is another reason, and it needs to be talked about.

People are confusing faith with willpower. THAT'S why we waver when we get worn out. Willpower was never designed to be a long-haul energy source. It only lasts a few days, weeks, maybe at best a month or two because that's all it was intended to do. Anything based on willpower has a very limited window of success. (If you've ever dieted, joined a gym, made a New Year's resolution, etc. you know this is true. You go like gangbusters initially and then fall utterly apart. Right?) Many of us are approaching our stands with willpower, and then crumpling into tears when it fails as if we have failed. Even for the positive things! We might manage to get our hopes up really high and our expectancy really strong, but if an expected turn does not happen we are crushed. My dear standers you have not failed in your stands, you have only failed to recognize which moments were your faith moments and which were merely willpower. And here's the kicker: it's rather the opposite of what you think.

God intentionally put an early burn-out on our willpower because He knew that if He didn't, we'd keep going and going on our own power as long as we got away with it. We wouldn't need Him! Anyone who is studying their Bible knows God is very clear on this topic: He wants us NOT to work in our own ability, but abandon it to bellyflop into His! Divine power is so much greater than willpower. God does not want you to have to work this hard!

Let me give you an example, in the form of a matching question:

Task A: pull away from the TV and take the dog for a walk.
Task B: fight Satan's attempts to ruin your marriage through all channels 24/7 for as many years as it takes to beat his multi-millenia experience.

Which task would willpower be appropriate for, and which task would Divine power be appropriate for? Golly gee, can you figure it out?? Does it not seem painfully obvious when stated thusly?

We feel like giving up when we have no energy left to put toward our stand. We don't know if, when, or from where our next boost will come, so we figure we'll just admit our defeat and go rest. This is the perfectly reasonable reaction to have to the end of willpower, because willpower is a physical resource. When a battery poops out, put it back in the charger. When the body poops out, stop what you're doing and go to bed.

But as Paul stated, this is not a physical war this is spiritual war. So physical resources aren't going to do the job. Notice the people overseas who are on hunger strike as protest to unjust imprisonment--after some 100+ days, their bodies are incapable of anything but their spirit is still strong. They are still firm in their beliefs. So realize that just because your willpower reached its limit, your faith hasn't. Faith isn't measured by your actions, it's measured by your beliefs!

Remember how Paul said we are "prisoners of hope"? Every time you crash for a few days and then start hoping again, THAT'S your faith right there, that moment. You have a really crummy night, but when you wake up in the morning your first groggy sentiment before your wits are about you is to hope. THAT'S your faith. Nothing seems at all improved in the situation, everyone else is telling you to "move on," but you decide you don't want that outcome. THAT'S faith right there. That thing that compels you to do it against every seemingly sane thought in your head, THAT'S faith. That thing that makes everyone else think you're incredibly stubborn about this, THAT'S faith. Every time you cry to God, "I can't do this on my own!" THAT'S your faith right there, right at the moment when you admit God's ability is needed.

The very moment when you tag God to take your place in the wrestling ring you have used your faith. Faith begins where your own ability trickles off but your belief hangs on. Faith is pointless if you don't think you need it, because your own power is enough. And tapping out is not something to be ashamed of--any smart fighter knows to use the Big Guns when it's a strategic advantage to do so. No one fights a war with only marching troops. They always have air cover and tank lines and long-range missile lines. Know when it's your turn to march forward and when it's time to duck back. You don't ever have to plead with God, He's already on your side and always has been.

So in response to today's devotional, it is imperative to clarify:

• If your physical and emotional self has pooped out, and you feel utterly energy-less, but your belief is still in-tact, you're doing fine. Pray out loud what you believe God is able and doing.
• If you feel utterly spent and no longer believe that restoration is even possible, even by God's power, then you have a problem. More study of your Bible and more testimonies will help restore your belief in God's ability.

To help learn the difference between willpower and faith, try this: devote the next 30 days to fighting for someone else's marriage restoration. If you have a fellow stander you are close to, swap for the month. When it's no longer about you, the extraneous energy expense will naturally be omitted and you'll quickly realize which are the essential parts. For example, when it's not about you there's no energy wasted fearing rejection. You will fight with prayer far more than primping. You will focus on how hate-able Satan is instead of how love-able you are. You go into the fight confident and focused! You are better able to maintain the perspective that the Enemy is attacking marriage overall, so you fight to squash him instead of just reclaim one tiny "territory" and hang onto it while he fights elsewhere. The Bible says that what you make happen for others, God will make happen for you. Use this. You will discover what it means to have peace and rest in faith, not because the battle is over--if it was, you wouldn't need faith--but because spiritual fighting shouldn't wear out your physical self.

So as you go about your day, do a periodic feelings-check: if you're feeling tired, you're using willpower. Switch tanks. Using faith as your fuel will give you a smoother, more restful ride. Both your spirit and your body will be strong. Look out, here comes you!

 

[LeapsofFaith]

Now I know what will make him come back!

I wanted to share another a-ha moment I had just yesterday, for us standers who feel like we'll be the very last on the planet to see restoration. You know how discouraging it is when some time has gone by and you're expecting some noticeable progress, but instead something happens to make you think absolutely NOTHING has improved? Perhaps it has even gotten worse? Whenever it happens to me, I want to fire God for doing a horrible job.

Just yesterday, in a long, wandering but wonderful and grace-packed chat with Him, God revealed to me that not every marriage is restored via the same method. Which, when we realize the problems in each marriage differ, makes sense. But pretty much all the examples/testimonies I had seen were of prodigal returns so vastly different than mine, so I only knew to conclude mine must just be taking eons longer than all the others. Like my Prodigal was a slow learner or something. And as I wrote in my previous post, the constant build-up-and-crash pattern is exhausting enough so I just couldn't even bear to ask the question "How much longer will this take, Lord?"

So what He showed me was that there are different types, such as the Two Step (one step forward, two steps back, two steps forward, one step back), the Orbital (going round and round the same ol' pattern, getting only slightly closer with each pass), and the Slingshot. That means the prodigal will go farther and farther and farther and farther in the opposite direction until finally reaching the very maximum, and then ZING! will come shooting all the way back with great speed and force. Now that makes sense of what I've been experiencing. So I take great comfort in knowing that, even when the bad news comes along. "Stretch all you want," I say, "it will only make you come back faster." No time has been lost or wasted at all; his forward progress is actually backward progress, so what has previously discouraged me should actually encourage me. Now that I understand the pattern. When using a slingshot, you always pull in the opposite direction first. That's what gives it its power.

But here is what I found the most comforting: with a great distance between me and my Prodigal, I cannot see what's going on. I have almost no info to go on, unless God shares. So when I am at my most self-conscious, my most weak, wondering what I could possibly offer that would be so tempting as to make him leave everything and return, God reassures me that Prodigals return for only two simple things: character, and trust. You could be living in a box on the street and be covered in filth but if you have outstanding character and your spouse can trust you no matter what, he or she will eventually learn that those two qualities are the most valuable commodities in the world and will come looking for you.

So use this time apart to raise the value of your portfolio. Build your Godly character until it stands out head above the rest, a light shining brightly in the darkness. It will guide your spouse home. And, upon returning, be that person who can be trusted. After a very stormy trip, a safe harbor is most welcomed.

 

[sound7]

Re: Any divorced or seperated spouses "standing" for marriage and prodigals?

Hi Heather, blessing my heart continue to cry out before the throne of Grace, deep calling unto the deep, like incense with tears, consumed for His housed, His body, the members in His Household, from the leadership to the congregation of the mighty, every marriages in the house of the Lord is so much under attack than ever before and the intensity and the floodgates of sexual immorality is penetrating every christian Household in the Globe through the internet now straight into your bedroom and living rooms. Your children,your husband and our wives are just one click of the mouse away from hell, releasing abomination more powerful than any nuclear warhead.That will have potential supernaturally to erased our destiny if not gone unchecked it will totally wreck havoc in all Institution of marriage. It is potent and absolutely and totally had a devastating attack in the Leadership of the House of the Lord and I believe there is a sound send to the four winds of the Spirit of the Lord over the House to every nations and every tongue tribes and kingdoms preparing the way for the coming of the King of Glory " the Wedding of the Bride and the Bridegroom" Evil and the gates of hades have a divine agenda to invade the Institute of Marriage and that why our struggle now is not against your flesh and blood but............ We are in what now what I call the depart lounge of heaven, everything that you ever believe in, your hope for the future, your faith to believe for the supernatural will be tested until your life is absolutely found, totally lost in nothing but His pure love only,possessing you whole. He is a jealousy God, He is coming back for His intimate Bride, there is none beside Him, so jealousy of you Heather, He desire no one else but your alone, no one to share His Bride to be. So when sin goes unrepented in the leadership of the homes, church and in the life of the members of His house their love for our Bridegroom grow cold and what you going through and others around the world in the house of the Lord started with one click of the mouse and the first seed of hades is planted, growing together the wheat and the weed. Chocking everything you could ever imagine in the institute of marriage Why? Because Our Bridegroom Heather is coming back for you alone which means everything you possessed belongs to Him. What my encouragement for you Mighty women of valour is to now interceed for his House, for His Bride to be, for every member in His house, and in this intimate secrete place you will be found, lost and be still, undone totally by His amazing still consuming voice of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,LOVE and..... Your life will never be the same again Heather, " I will build my House and the gates of Hell will not prevailed against" Heather it is a divine privilage and Honour to be in the inner court, with the rock that is higher than I, in His Secrete chamber of Grace, flood the nations, kingdoms with His amazing ever forgiving love. Above all that you could ever imagine Heather and only in that place that you will know and know and know and know exceeding and abundantly that your Risen King of Glory will take care of your every need and desire because His delight is only in you and He will, Heather ( I know from experience )will give you the desire of your heart. Heather we cannot change what is already taken place, but let me tell you this He is more than enough, He is closer than you could ever imagine, His blood is ever powerful to cover you for eternity and He is still jealousy of you Heather, we all have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death so that He who is with you will continue to love you more than enough Heather. [email protected] just drop me a note will catch mighty anointed women of valour. Bless you Heather...

 

[pzsl3j]

Re: Any divorced or seperated spouses "standing" for marriage and prodigals?

soulsearcher

Let me start by saying after readering several replies by you, I wondered how such insight and knowledge could possiably come from someone of your age. Well now I know, (experiance) and the faith that God is in full control but to excepting the facts that all are answered prayers just sometimes we as carnal minds can't understand the ways that they have been answered. I do hope all those helpful people out there that keep us updated on our past downfalls will read this and realize "No we don't want to know how good or bad our PAST is doing!" I to went through a very lenghty and rough devorice but God answered over and over again, and is still in full control.

The ex moved directly in with her highschool sweetheart after our 14yr marriage, which she had been having an affair with for five years of our marriage. After three yrs now he calls ME to ask me to make her quit calling him, since he's put her out amonth ago. My reply? "Nauh you hang on to her." She to is calling me (after I've found a Angel of a christian lady) to say how sorry and ashamed she is for what she done. Mmmmm well not all are answered as fast or profound as mine has been, but when we lay it all out for our Lord he will solve the delimas.

Our Faith in these times is the rock that Paul speaks of in Eph. We must put on the armour and pray and EXCEPT the outcome. Not only would I not return to my past, but I have gave my life totaly to Christ and Praise him with each breath that he has delivered me from the life that I was in. Let me add to that two years ago while our preachers wife was singing a special at church, I bowed my head and asked the Lord to meet my needs of a wife preferably close to the same strong christian stance and morals as the Preachers wife. His answer to me was ("Be Pateint and trust that I will meet the need").

One year later our Preacher stood in front of our church and explained to us that he'd been engaged in an affair for two years and would be resigning our church. As all is sorted she stays and he leaves, and one year later we're talking (seriuosly) about our furture. Little did I know the very one I was asking hm to duplicate was the one he was to supply. I realize there is alot of questions and should be, but all of this testimony is only to say, Keep your Faith High and Head Low. Our Lord is in control. Thank you all for your open chat and all of the problems that we experiance have one divaden, Our Lord Will answer your prayers.

Wow! You and I had similar situations...like you I was married 14 years(divorce was final about 4 months before 15th anniversery) and my wife too had an on again/off again affair with her highschool sweet heart for last 3 years of our marriage. I forgave her twice..third time I was done.

I am Bible believing Christian(not to say I don't sometimes violate my own beliefs) but I try and live right and try to listen to what God wants me to do...I have been in church my whole life and continue to raise my children in church.

But I will say this - too often our churches tell us we have to be martyrs when we don't have to be. The prohibitions against divorce in the Bible were to stop easy, no fault divorce, men were literally divorcing their wives because of how they cooked.

But I believe in an least two instances(and some others are debatable) that if your spouse is unfaithful or abandons you, you have every right to divorce them and move on with your life(including getting remarried).

I wish I could say all second marriages are happier(like yours) but mine is a mixed bag. My second wife in many ways is moodier than the first..and after the first 6 months of marriage(we have now been married a little over 2 years) our love life has all but dried up. The good thing though about my second wife is - I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she is faithful to me and I can trust her, I just have to decide over long haul if I can take next to no love life marriage.

 

[A_Brown]

Re: Any divorced or seperated spouses "standing" for marriage and prodigals?

My marriage was restored about 6 months ago.... after standing for less than a year. Now I am back in the same ordeal. It is true, after standing and when spouses come back home you need to focus still on your relationship with God! I became proud, confident that I lost track of my faith and slacked in my christian ways. God has clearly shown me WHY this has to happen... I was NOT loving my God and my spouse in the way God has shown His love to me. Sometimes when you really insists, push and ask God, He does answer our prayers just to we can see it was really not we have wanted. The restoration was not complete...we BOTH were not transformed in our hearts. Trusting and waiting on God requires humility to be able not to lean on our own understanding and just KNOW that He will give us the desire in our hearts... It is so very hard to go through the same pain all over again.... Reasoning will kill your sanity... it is not trusting God. I have learned not to walk by sight but by faith. Its hard to fully surrender to God but it is ONLY GOD who can go in there and change it!
Standing is working in the spiritual realm while God is working in the natural.... Simple as that! We must learn to FULLY be patient which requires humility to be able to fully LET GO and LET GOD! and stop it at there! We don't control anything, God is! Every time we try to do things our way it always end up wrong... it is only Him who can work behind the scenes...

To Heather.... go to KAREN PETKE on Facebook. She is anointed! God brought me to her page to stand for my marriage before.... The 2nd time around she called me for the first time; so I know God is calling me again to stand but this separation was meant for me to FIX my relationship with him first! We are not smart enough to run our lives without GOD in it!

 

[BarlyGurl]

Re: Any divorced or seperated spouses "standing" for marriage and prodigals?

My marriage was restored about 6 months ago.... after standing for less than a year. Now I am back in the same ordeal.

Since this is apparantly NOT so obvious to you...

IF God truly restored your marriage.... you would not be in the same ordeal again. Perhaps you might want to consider... that God has simply given you a repeat performance of the first scenario so you might NOTICE that His will is for you to LET GO... or maybe on 3rd or 4th or 5th faux-restoration??

 

[amazed]

Re: Now I know what will make him come back!

Prodigals also have free choice ..