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KaySFL
Guest
Just hold eye contact with them, it's a first clue that you're thinking about being interested. Then just hello is good and then make her the star ask her some everyday question. Then when natural throw a little bit about yourself in. Eye contact is my first clue that a man is interested in a conversation and once he says, "Hi!" I try and help him out a little by asking about. Like today I got in a conversation with two construction men. Of course the natural thing to talk to them about was their work. I held eye contact with the one I was interested in and of course the other one was the one that was interested in me. Isn't that how it goes, lol? Just enjoy her. Usually if you give a lady a little to work with she know where to go from there to help the conversation take wings. Don't try and impress her it never works, well, sometimes it does
, just try and get to know her. Wish you the best.
, just try and get to know her. Wish you the best.
I admire your honesty, Joint Heir, and I agree with you in that I would not demand a standard from someone that I was not able to meet as well in those aspects.
Having once been married, I obviously have a bit of a "count" as well, and as I said, some guys have rejected me because of that, which I understand and respect. I would not, in any way, shape, or form, demand that a guy must be a virgin in order to date me, obviously.
But on the other hand, the problem I have with some "reformed Christian players" I've met is that they aren't reformed at all--they've just slapped the name of Jesus onto their addiction and somehow think a good Christian girl will "keep them good." A good Christian woman can't keep them good at all--I used to buy into that lie at one time-- and I can tell you, what she'll really have to do is stand by and be embarrassed by all the messes. Ask me how I know this!!
I just want to make sure there is room here for an open variety of personalities and approaches, because I hate seeing good, sweet guys thinking they must turn into loud, boorish, take-no-prisoner-type brutes (and I am NOT saying that to you specifically, Joint Heir--I am speaking in general here, so please don't take offense!) in order to get a date!
I have a very tender spot in my heart for guys who are a little more laid back and used to standing in the shadows while it seems all the jocks are getting the girls. I just want to hug them and say, "Please don't give up, and please don't stop being who God made you to be. Keep trying, keep praying, keep seeking after who you really are, and don't let someone else tell you what you have to be."
I was one of those awkward, always-overlooked types and still am at heart. The jocks at school used to talk to me only because 1. they wanted to talk to my friends or 2. they wanted me to do their homework. (Being a bitter and spiteful teen back then, I used to purposely give them the wrong answers or put things in such a confusing way, they quickly stopped asking.)
But time has a strange way of equalizing odd social norms. I see members of the old "beautiful" crowd from high school around town, and they're not so beautiful anymore. Oddly, people who see me tell me I get better-looking the older I get (maybe it's THEIR eyesight that's just getting worse, I don't know). But as proof that God has an ironic sense of humor, I have, through a work situation, had a high school jock (member of the football team) try to ask me out at last--several times. Too bad it occurred about 15 years too late!
To all you guys out there who are shy or more introverted, please don't give up. I just saw an excellent series ("Don't Get Married Until...") by a guy named Perry Cole who is about my age, and he said, "When I was in the dating scene, I got turned down more often than the sheets at the Hampton Inn." It took two years (that's a tad bit more than ten seconds) for his future wife to even agree to go out on a date with him.
He just stuck with who he was and followed his dream of becoming a pastor. And what a Godly woman he finally found!! Not only is she beautiful and in enviably great shape (they have a young daughter), but she is also a medical doctor.
Don't ever stop following what God has for you and don't let anyone else tell you you're a failure for who you are--who you are may be someone who doesn't date much or doesn't seem to have much "dating experience", but that is perfectly all right with God.
And it may be much more than just "all right" to the woman you may marry someday--she may be ecstatic to have found you and to learn about the way you've lived.
I know I will be when I meet that guy!!! And I'm going to thank him as often as I can for hanging in there and believing God that there was someone out there who would appreciate the unique person that he is.
Such an encouraging post - even though I'm reading it three years later!
A lot of the other posts on those first five pages... to sum up the original question: don't approach.
I kinda disagree with you there. It's not bad to approach a girl just don't start the conversation with "hey baby", "you're my future ex-wife", or "what do you want to eat for breakfast?" I love honesty. If you want to talk to me, do so. Tell me your name and start a conversation. Be yourself. If I get to be me, you get to be you.
I hear that, and I like that kind of straightforward approach (the whole pickup artist thing reeks of insincerity and makes me want a shower). A lot of the earlier posts sounded like "don't approach me unless you have a great opening line/or are super confident," "don't approach here or there," etc.
As someone who's not always super confident, but is all about the honesty, it was kind of overwhelming.
I didn't read all 10 pages, but rest assured, not all women think that way. I'm not super confident myself, and actually if a guy came up to me and was a bit shy, I think I'd like that more. It doesn't matter if he doesn't have a groundbreaking opening line, either. A simple "Hi!" works for me.
So, hopefully that encourages you a bit!
K
KaySFL
Guest
Like Rachel said, keep it simple. For me, just the fact that the guy speaks to me at all works in his favor. Smile, be polite, and what you say really won't matter
Thanks a lot, Rach and Kay, that was encouraging. It's a relief that "hey, how are ya?" still works.
I don't "do" extravagant opening lines, because if I approach anyone - male, female, undecided - I'd rather go with "what you see is what you get," naw'mean?
I don't "do" extravagant opening lines, because if I approach anyone - male, female, undecided - I'd rather go with "what you see is what you get," naw'mean?
Honesty is always the better way to go, I agree. A lot of women have specific parameters as to how they want the first meeting to go is because of fairy tales and their imaginations. I'm a romantic, don't get me wrong, but Prince Charming doesn't exist. I believe that's why a lot of people are disappointed in past, present, and future romantic relationships. Many women think men have to be constantly romantic and become disenchanted because their expectations are way too high. As for myself, I believe in having a good and fun marriage full of love and trials and countless other things; however, I can't expect my future husband to be anything but imperfect. If I get grace, so should he.