There is a lot to be said about having home field advantage in a relationship.
I've noticed that when I'm in a relationship with someone and its majorly in their world and on their terms, It tends to fail miserably. I don't know if its because I'm a bad guest or what.
But when its an invasion of my life, It seems to work out exponentially better for everyone. More chill, more adventures and positively no drama.
Here is my dilemma though, I think its a cultural thing. I think its expected that a Man should have his relationship in a woman's world. I think women who value wanting to feel secure, see hosting as safe, and therefore they expect it. Its the old "Come over and I'll make you dinner" thing. Its even in Movies: Top Gun, Advantage Instructor. Thor, Advantage Padme. Breakfast at Tiffany's, Advantage Holly. The Princess Bride, Advantage Buttercup.
The opposite usually works out as good if not better. Ironman, advantage Tony Stark. Pride & Predjudice, Advantage Mr. Darcy. The Fifth Element, Advantage Mr. Dallas. Pretty Woman, Advantage Richard Gere. Star Wars, Advantage Han Solo.
But true Balance is ridiculously rare: Garden State, there is no real advantage. He is new and she is along for the ride. They even explore my premise a little.
The difference is that I think a Man in a woman's world is expected to Perform and be the Entertaining Charming Sociable Gentleman at all times. But the opposite is not the same. In a man's world, he can let his guard down and everything is less... I don't even know what the word is. (sensitive?)
Here is a scenario: lets say, J'vonda comes over hangs out on Saturday we play some video games, snag some food, she naps on my couch while I figure out our next adventure and then we go for a hike or road trip or whatever. No harm, no foul, no drama, mi casa es su casa. Or if I'm already going on an adventure, I can pick her up on the way.
The next Saturday, I come over to J'vonda's house. We cook, but for some reason she won't let me help with the dishes, that I made dirty in the first place. Her cat tries to eat me and in the struggle of me trying to remove his claws from my lap, I'm somehow the bad guy. If I pull a book off the shelf, I'm the bad guy because apparently she has personal stuff written in the margins of her whole library or the book is fragile/expensive and apparently I have the finesse of a Cave Troll. Then comes the awkward "So what do you want to do?"
I don't remember any epic adventures that started with two people tossing that question back and forth. Its usually a sign that someone is not comfortable with whats going on.
I guess my question is, Am I the only one this happens to?
I've noticed that when I'm in a relationship with someone and its majorly in their world and on their terms, It tends to fail miserably. I don't know if its because I'm a bad guest or what.
But when its an invasion of my life, It seems to work out exponentially better for everyone. More chill, more adventures and positively no drama.
Here is my dilemma though, I think its a cultural thing. I think its expected that a Man should have his relationship in a woman's world. I think women who value wanting to feel secure, see hosting as safe, and therefore they expect it. Its the old "Come over and I'll make you dinner" thing. Its even in Movies: Top Gun, Advantage Instructor. Thor, Advantage Padme. Breakfast at Tiffany's, Advantage Holly. The Princess Bride, Advantage Buttercup.
The opposite usually works out as good if not better. Ironman, advantage Tony Stark. Pride & Predjudice, Advantage Mr. Darcy. The Fifth Element, Advantage Mr. Dallas. Pretty Woman, Advantage Richard Gere. Star Wars, Advantage Han Solo.
But true Balance is ridiculously rare: Garden State, there is no real advantage. He is new and she is along for the ride. They even explore my premise a little.
The difference is that I think a Man in a woman's world is expected to Perform and be the Entertaining Charming Sociable Gentleman at all times. But the opposite is not the same. In a man's world, he can let his guard down and everything is less... I don't even know what the word is. (sensitive?)
Here is a scenario: lets say, J'vonda comes over hangs out on Saturday we play some video games, snag some food, she naps on my couch while I figure out our next adventure and then we go for a hike or road trip or whatever. No harm, no foul, no drama, mi casa es su casa. Or if I'm already going on an adventure, I can pick her up on the way.
The next Saturday, I come over to J'vonda's house. We cook, but for some reason she won't let me help with the dishes, that I made dirty in the first place. Her cat tries to eat me and in the struggle of me trying to remove his claws from my lap, I'm somehow the bad guy. If I pull a book off the shelf, I'm the bad guy because apparently she has personal stuff written in the margins of her whole library or the book is fragile/expensive and apparently I have the finesse of a Cave Troll. Then comes the awkward "So what do you want to do?"
I don't remember any epic adventures that started with two people tossing that question back and forth. Its usually a sign that someone is not comfortable with whats going on.
I guess my question is, Am I the only one this happens to?
Was the book that you chose from the shelf a bible study guide that might have personal answers written within? If so, maybe she should learn to keep sensitive stuff in her bedroom. But I don't see how it makes you the bad guy.