Why Aren't You Married?
- Thread starter Crimson_Lark
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Some women in the Church believe that simply existing and having a pulse should entitle them to have a man fawning over them. Some women believe that its simply a beauty or popularity contest that they should compete in to win a man's heart. Ironically enough, its the one's who go about the business of the Kingdom, they seem to have our attention.
I disagree with the Prefrontal Cortex crowd. I did my worst to shoot down the most Godly Christian women I've ever known in my life at the Age of 18-21. I thought that Women who would follow Christ anywhere were more common. I'll just catch the next one...
Then came the Best Friend Relationships. The women who are in my life through thick and thin and fight to stay. But circumstances happen. I thought that kind of Love that encourages fights and supports can be built again with someone new. I'll catch the next one...
But the next one never came. So I pursued women that I would have never thought to pursue before. Some good deep friendships came out of that, but nothing lasted longer than a season. My heart simply was not in it.
Pretty soon, I no longer met any women. I no longer noticed any women and I didn't feel like I could give anyone what I used to be able to. So rather than try to pursue someone with all of my heart. I simply buried it and gave up resisting the people who I would never have given the time of day to before. I became a Volvo Settler.
But, God said no. He kicked me out of a very short purgatorial marriage situation and said that WE were made for so much more than simply to get married for the sake of not being single.
I think that young people have it right. They believe in love. They are not bitter old codgers who haunt singles forums bemoaning the lack of scruples in their dating range. They believe that its just around the next corner, someone is there, someone who understands them. They lead exciting interesting lives. The kind of lives that we used to have and that we want in the people that we marry. As we get older the world becomes smaller and darker. Time flies faster and faster, until we are bereft of all passion and devoid of any curiosity. The Wonder of exploration, of possibility and of True Love has escaped us.
Who I am now, does not believe in Marriage for himself. He does even entertain the possibility of falling in love with someone. I am at this moment, simply content to be a Marker beside the road which says, "Do Not Settle." Your Last Love deserves to fall in love with the same person your first love did. Age may change your appearance but, don't let it kidnap the Child living inside of you. Live and be free, while you still remember how.
I disagree with the Prefrontal Cortex crowd. I did my worst to shoot down the most Godly Christian women I've ever known in my life at the Age of 18-21. I thought that Women who would follow Christ anywhere were more common. I'll just catch the next one...
Then came the Best Friend Relationships. The women who are in my life through thick and thin and fight to stay. But circumstances happen. I thought that kind of Love that encourages fights and supports can be built again with someone new. I'll catch the next one...
But the next one never came. So I pursued women that I would have never thought to pursue before. Some good deep friendships came out of that, but nothing lasted longer than a season. My heart simply was not in it.
Pretty soon, I no longer met any women. I no longer noticed any women and I didn't feel like I could give anyone what I used to be able to. So rather than try to pursue someone with all of my heart. I simply buried it and gave up resisting the people who I would never have given the time of day to before. I became a Volvo Settler.
But, God said no. He kicked me out of a very short purgatorial marriage situation and said that WE were made for so much more than simply to get married for the sake of not being single.
I think that young people have it right. They believe in love. They are not bitter old codgers who haunt singles forums bemoaning the lack of scruples in their dating range. They believe that its just around the next corner, someone is there, someone who understands them. They lead exciting interesting lives. The kind of lives that we used to have and that we want in the people that we marry. As we get older the world becomes smaller and darker. Time flies faster and faster, until we are bereft of all passion and devoid of any curiosity. The Wonder of exploration, of possibility and of True Love has escaped us.
Who I am now, does not believe in Marriage for himself. He does even entertain the possibility of falling in love with someone. I am at this moment, simply content to be a Marker beside the road which says, "Do Not Settle." Your Last Love deserves to fall in love with the same person your first love did. Age may change your appearance but, don't let it kidnap the Child living inside of you. Live and be free, while you still remember how.
T
Tintin
Guest
Because, not having dated before, I don't know what I'm looking for. Also, all of the Christian girls I've ever been interested in were either in a relationship, engaged or married. Out of bounds! Finally, if a girl did like me, she'd have to be extremely overt about her attraction to me for me to notice. And so far, I haven't noticed any interest in me. (Assumes fetal position and rocks back and forth, whilst whimpering to himself). 
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My first love's name was Justin. I met him at 18 and I loved him. He loved me the only way he knew how, I see that now. Me at 18 was dark, dangerous, vengeful, and much too powerful for my own good. Justin was angry, very wounded, and just as dangerous as I was. We didn't really mean to fall in love. We didn't really know what we were doing. We were just freshmen in college trying to figure life out. I was digging myself deeper into witchcraft and he was finding ways to party, drink, and do drugs. One night we were fighting about something (funny how we don't remember the things we fight over, just the emotion behind it) and he looked straight at me and said, "I never loved you." The moment it came out of his mouth I knew he regretted it. But it was too late. He had ripped me from stem to stern and I was left bleeding on the floor. We tried for a little while after that to make it work, but it was over.
The next man I love will be loved so much better than how I loved Justin! He will be loved in the light of maturity, forgiveness, humility, and as much unselfishness as I can. The next man I love will not be centered on me, but on Christ. He will be wholly and dearly loved in a healthier love that grows day by day. No, I simply cannot love my last love like I loved my first.
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Tintin
Guest
Wow, that's horrific. I don't know what I would've done in that situation. You have a real way with words, Duchess. Thanks for sharing. God Bless you!
My first Love was on a bus heading to church camp. We had a deck of cards and over the course of a 3 hour bus ride we played every game we could think of.
Our parents were friends and we would go boating or camping or whatever. We would stay up and talk about our dreams. She wanted to be a Missionary and I wanted to be a Pilot. We would stay up all night and talk about how romantic it would be to fly a small plane into the bush and live off just the stuff we packed. We talked about learning a new language and then just talked in pig latin for days.
She knew I loved her. But we had different ideas about what love means.
And then we changed as we got older. She became the Valedictorian and I went off to military school. As adults I thought she became controlling and manipulative. She thought I was Prideful and Reckless. We spent a couple of weeks on vacation in Disney World but that ended in a huge fight. Now She's married and we are not friends. But in the beginning, it was awesome.
Our parents were friends and we would go boating or camping or whatever. We would stay up and talk about our dreams. She wanted to be a Missionary and I wanted to be a Pilot. We would stay up all night and talk about how romantic it would be to fly a small plane into the bush and live off just the stuff we packed. We talked about learning a new language and then just talked in pig latin for days.
She knew I loved her. But we had different ideas about what love means.
And then we changed as we got older. She became the Valedictorian and I went off to military school. As adults I thought she became controlling and manipulative. She thought I was Prideful and Reckless. We spent a couple of weeks on vacation in Disney World but that ended in a huge fight. Now She's married and we are not friends. But in the beginning, it was awesome.
That's how it goes. In the beginning things are great. Each conversation is a new discovery about each other and love is the bright, shiny new toy to play with. But after time, because we all change, so does our love for one another. At least, it's supposed to. As we mature in our relationship with each other, our love is supposed to change too. There are stages, ups and downs, ins and outs, and some days you'll look at the person you married and say, "Oh dear Lord, what have I done?!" You'll want to bail, you'll wonder what it would be like for just 5 whole minutes to yourself. But you're married. You're yoked to that person, so you stay. You change and work and bleed and heal in a marriage, in love. Love requires movement or it becomes stagnant. Love requires growth or when the storm comes, it's easily uprooted. The beginning is always great. But love isn't a sprint. It's a marathon.
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Buff_Old_Guy
Guest
We agree on most points but, I do not believe it is a shiny new Toy. I have a healthy respect for love that is consistent with a healthy respect for boundaries as well as other people. That is not to say I enter a relationship longing for it to become a Dutiful drudgery of nagging and bleeding and healing.
C
caw252
Guest
Got this question so much, and actually left my previous church because it had too many aunties and grannies who asked me this and around, "When are you getting married?" "Where is your boyfriend?" "WHAT? No boyfriend? You must be joking! Let me introduce you to this one guy..." *sigh
I will answer to "Why aren't you married?" with this: "I will, in its (or God's) time."
I understand why God still hasn't sent His guy to me, because I am also not ready. God is currently grooming me to find security in Him and not in a man; to feel fulfilled by Him instead by a man; to feel God's perfect love instead of feeling any man's imperfect love; to spread love instead of craving for love. Hope I'll "graduate" sooner than later
I will answer to "Why aren't you married?" with this: "I will, in its (or God's) time."
I understand why God still hasn't sent His guy to me, because I am also not ready. God is currently grooming me to find security in Him and not in a man; to feel fulfilled by Him instead by a man; to feel God's perfect love instead of feeling any man's imperfect love; to spread love instead of craving for love. Hope I'll "graduate" sooner than later
B
Bigjon80
Guest
I don't get asked this question alot, cause usally people takes one look at me, and clearly see's why I'm not married, but when people does ask, I usally just tell them that I hav'nt found the right woman yet, and quickly change the subject.
D
Donkeyfish07
Guest
I didn't realize so many people were that sensitive about this question. I always looked at it as a good thing. lol
B
BarlyGurl
Guest
So Arwen... I PURPOSEFULLY captured the quote without any name attached to it for a generalized response... so jumping to speak for someone... kinda implies that person needs a defense... so i think you speculated twice in this case. It kinda goes without saying...ANY position someone is taking... it's their present position... and yeah... nearly everyone will be changing... it' is a matter of maturing... most everyone does... though not at the same rate.
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meggars
Guest
So many things to say to so many people. *Sigh*...alright here goes...
You can't possibly have reached the age of anything over 25, be single AND be normal. The only POSSIBLE reason for you to be alone is that there's something very wrong with you....right? I kid, I kid....what bugs me even more than that are the people who assume you must be sitting at home all depressed and crying every night because you have the awful singles disease. They're so busy feeling sorry for you for having this ''sickness'' that they never notice you're managing just fine, thank you.
I recall one time I was having a discussion with someone and it was completely unrelated to relationships. At one point the other person responded to something I said with a sad look and said ''Don't worry. The right man is out there for you. You'll find him....one day....'' *sad head shake*. So I tried to express my confusion at the random derailment as well as get us back on track by saying ''ooook, I'm not sure where that came from since I was actually just saying ______''. Her response? ''Aw. Don't worry. It'll happen. It'll happen.'' - At this point I'm not sure I was actually speaking english because we must have been having two separate conversations.
Well Zman, I have dinner waiting.....along with a freshly baked pie. How can you be miserable with that?!
You can't possibly have reached the age of anything over 25, be single AND be normal. The only POSSIBLE reason for you to be alone is that there's something very wrong with you....right?
I kid, I kid....what bugs me even more than that are the people who assume you must be sitting at home all depressed and crying every night because you have the awful singles disease. They're so busy feeling sorry for you for having this ''sickness'' that they never notice you're managing just fine, thank you. I recall one time I was having a discussion with someone and it was completely unrelated to relationships. At one point the other person responded to something I said with a sad look and said ''Don't worry. The right man is out there for you. You'll find him....one day....'' *sad head shake*. So I tried to express my confusion at the random derailment as well as get us back on track by saying ''ooook, I'm not sure where that came from since I was actually just saying ______''. Her response? ''Aw. Don't worry. It'll happen. It'll happen.'' - At this point I'm not sure I was actually speaking english because we must have been having two separate conversations.
Well Zman, I have dinner waiting.....along with a freshly baked pie. How can you be miserable with that?!
M
meggars
Guest
Well. Now I'm depressed. I guess I can always hope to die young and escape this loveless road I'm on. Thanks, buddy.
M
meggars
Guest
This is true. And without the opportunity of meeting new people I guess I AM out of luck. Here's hoping the next doomsday prediction is right
lol
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Relena7
Guest
I think it's more than just the question on its own. People simply don't like having to justify themselves for something that they personally don't see as wrong.
Plus any question can get tiring over time if the same one is asked again and again.
I don't believe that love is nagging, dutiful, or anything like that. Sometimes marriage is. All I'm saying is that love comes in stages, and that it is often treated like a new toy. It's taken out, played with, and then shelved when it's no longer new. I too have a healthy respect for love and for boundaries established by myself and others. And I wish I could say that I believe people who love me (and I them) won't ever hurt me. But that's just unrealistic. If I allow the Lord to take my pain and heal me, then it's worth it. Life is about sanctification, and love is what fuels it.