Age

[Ugly]

See this is the reason men need a secret forum too......

How is this a male only issue? This is something both men and women can go through.

 

[Ugly]

I remember when i was younger i always assumed to date someone within a few years of my age. But, as a complete shock to me, for many reasons, i started dating a 31 year old woman, i was 20. Never in my life did i ever consider dating someone that much older. After we broke up, i did it again with another woman. Not on purpose, just oddly happened that way.
But now at 37 i find the idea of dating someone more than a few years older something i'm not interested in. I may go a few years older, but i would go 10 years younger. We all have things we like and don't like, and as we age, and gain different experiences those preferences change. Doesn't seem a big deal to me.

 

[Jullianna]

I have always been attracted to guys who were older, but not so old that generational references become an issue. Up to ten years older has never been an issue for me as long as he is interesting, active and takes care of himself.

Life causes some of us to be emotionally older than our drivers licenses indicate. For this reason, it would be difficult for me to be with someone much younger. I've lived a lot of life and have no desire to be the leader in a relationship. Plus, I have a son who is in college now, so dating someone close to his age would be totally creepy.

 

[violakat]

Half your age plus 7. That is your dating range.

So, if you are 20y = X
X = 20/2 + 7
X = 17
I am 27...
27y = X
X = 27/2 + 7
X = 13.5 + 7
X = 20.5
Therefore the Lower limit of my dating range is 20.5 years old.

Or take your age, subtract 7 and multiply by 2 to see the top end.

So.. (20yrsold -7) x 2 = X
13 x 2 = 26, therefore a 20 year old can date at oldest someone who is 26.

I'm 27, so (27 - 7) x 2 = 40. The older people get the less they care what the range is but I think the Math is okay.



That is a rule but, since I'm not really dating I don't have any rules.

I was going to say your were in my dating range.

But honestly, I think most of us want to date someone closer to our age, simply because we can relate better to them. Someone who's in there 50's or 60's are looking towards retirement. Although 50's are also looking to promote themselves more career wise, depending on the person and career. 20 Something are just learning about what life is all about. 30's and 40's are raising their families, trying to advance in their career, or having midlife crisis D).

 

[violakat]

I do have to agree with Bridget though, I'm not a cougar, so the idea of dating someone more then 3 years younger repeals me. I personally am generally more attracted to men who are a few years older then me, like 4 or 5 years. But then, I've also always related better to people who older then me, then to those who were my age.

 

[Relena7]

How is this a male only issue? This is something both men and women can go through.

Point it out if I am mistaken....but I have not seen any women so far make nit-picky posts about how a man gets less attractive as he ages. Not one. A lot of women are insecure enough about how they look as it is, they don't need things like this making it worse. (I'm not saying this to pick on the OP, cuz he sounded apologetic, I'm just saying why I brought it up in the first place.)

 

[Liamson]

Until I turned 24, I had never dated anyone younger than me.

I was always ahead of the curve in things. I graduated from High School early. I buried myself in debt early.

I had a preconceived notion that women knew what they were doing and what they wanted out of life, by virtue of being older than me. But to a 19 year old a 25 year old seems to have a world of knowledge.

What I'm realizing now is that it doesn't matter how old or young someone is, it is the WAY they experience life that matters most to me. More than Beauty or Intelligence or Experience points. I want to be with someone who experiences life like the way that children do, With deep compassion and adventurous curiosity.

I've learned that Pride is a most terrorizing sin and that it robs us of our innocence.

 

[JustMeJP]

I must say that I am amused by some of what I've read. "She has to be attractive." Hehe. Honestly, I try to look at a womans spiritual attractiveness and not her physical. Still, who would not desire their other half to be physicaly attractive. Guys or gals. But, putting that aside because that's not what this is about, everyone I've dated has been younger than me. I'll be honest, since I'm sure many won't admit this, I'm not attracted to much older than me because I begin to feel insecure about it. Same as height. I'm not sure why I'm insecure about it but I have never dated anyone taller than me. My 1st wife was 1 inch shorter than me and I would feel insecure when she wore heels. When she was taller than me. My now soon to be ex-wife is is 6 inches shorter than me, so even if she wore 3" heels she was still shorter. No problem there. Quite possibly it could stem from that this is how it has been with all the men in my family. My dad was a foot taller than my mom. My Grandfather was taller than my Grandmother. Also the men were older (getting back on topic).

Now I did the age formula thing and found it a bit scary. lol. My low end was 29.5. I think that's too young for me, but if she was mature and (here's a biggy) we had enough in common, I believe it could work. But I don't think I would go below 35ish. Now, the scary part. For my high end the number came out to 76. Hmm, my mom is 66 so there is a big EEwwww factor for me there. I honestly don't think I could date anyone more than 2 or 3 years older than me. And 3 is pushing it.

Now, as for me having 2 ex's, and I know that I don't have to explain myself on that, but I have a point I want to make. My first wife was 10 years younger but was a none believer. Although she was involved in her church, I just knew she wasn't saved. That's why that failed. Other than that we had a lot in common and she was attractive to boot. By the way, she is saved now and is one of my best friends. My #2 wife person, is 5 years younger and honestly, not super attractive by most standards. But I didn't care. And, although she was very involved in church in the beginning and seemed to have a good testimony, it turns out that she too, is a none believer and she cheated on me with another man. She has told me that she is sick of all my "God talk." Not sure she will end up any kind of friend at all. But that is up to the Lord. I guess my point of mentioning these two things is this. Age difference up or down is kind of a mute point. Whether he/she is attractive or not. Whether they fall within your age preferance just perfectly. If we are unequally yoked then we are almost destined to fail. Now I said almost. Not defintely. There are many cases where it has been successful, but as a believer we should look for other believers and not just a number or look.

Any questions or comments, please feel free to email me or find me in chat.

Love to all and God bless.
<><

 

[Clarissa84]

lollll... u r funny.

 

[Chrissy77]

According to the age bracket test, I would be good with a man between 24 and 56. I am definitely someone who doesn't let age affect me, but one number seems like it is a bit low and the other a bit high. To answer the OP, I have to say what attracts me isn't a number, but it is a life that is led by the person. I am 35 and have been through more than I ever thought possible. As a result, I want a man who serves God, has his life in order, treats me with respect, and can laugh with me. That doesn't come with a number on it. Instead it comes with God's direction and desires for my life.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Aimee fact in 3... 2... 1...

We are attracted to people within our age group because of biological issues. Men tend to want younger (or closer in age) women because of child bearing issues. Women tend to want men who are a little older because of the same child bearing issues as well as security. Attractiveness is the same biological issue, and women tend to be attracted to more muscular looking men while ovulating. However, due to societal likes and dislikes, most men put an over emphasis on what a woman looks like.

 

[DuchessAimee]

Okay, so my general age range of whom I'm willing to date relies on 1) the person and 2) how comfortable I am with the person's age. I'm 32, so the idea of dating someone who is 40 or 41 isn't all that weird. However, it's not all that comfy with the idea. Ideally, I would like to date someone with the range of +/- 5 years (27 to 37). My last two boyfriends have been younger than I (1.5 and 3 years), and looking back I see some differences. Then again, our pre-frontal cortex wasn't done cooking, so that may have had something to do with it.

Jullianna mentioned having an individual mental age, or something like that. She's right. I could date a man who's 37, and he may behave like he's 20! I soooooo would not go for that. On the other hand, I could date a man who's 28, and he could behave like he's 50. Age is relative. It's the emotional quotient (EQ) that we should look for.

 

[Stuey]

Of course you need to take your own age into consideration Liamson - totally agree with that. More asking why... and how you find things different with those younger and older than you.

Yeah you did Rachel.

Yeah it is interesting what you say there Zao - I kind of feel the same, like if I dated a 32 year old, when I was 30 they would be 38, nearly 40! Something about that idea in my head just... puts a downer on things somewhat for me internally, not saying that can't be overcome but yeah. dunno.

Thanks Seoul. Insightful

It is interesting what you guys are saying about emotional age - I think I agree with what has been said mostly. For me though I guess there is like the emotional age thing going on, but there is also just a different... feeling I have towards those who are more than a year or two older than me. Not just based on how they act & their emotional intelligence - that is more of a precondition before I will consider someone.

I do wonder if this is slightly different for girls/guys given the propensity of girls to be generally younger than the guys they are dating. Thus less of an issue as girls don't feel the same way about guys older - it could even be a bit of an attraction emotionally. Hmmm...

Thank you Just me JP

Hmm sorry I really haven't meant to offend anyone. Just kind of trying to be honest about how I feel on this I guess.



Aimee thanks, you are a psychologist? (Or something like that?) Or just something you know/ have read?

 

[DuchessAimee]

Aimee thanks, you are a psychologist? (Or something like that?) Or just something you know/ have read?

I have been studying psychology since I was about 9. I've done a lot of reading and taken a lot of classes.

 

[Robbinette]

Okay I guess I did Not physically reply to this and I just thought I did haha Anyways age isn't a factor for me. Well he can't be around my father's age and I don't have anything against dating younger guys(they have to be legal! but they usually are immature(the ones I know at least). I usually like guys older than me most of them are out of the wild college stage and they've settled down. But you know what everyone is different so you can't really base maturity on age any more than you can base intelligence/values on appearances

 

[Liamson]

I don't think Emotional Intelligence scales with Age though. At least not enough to make Age a predictor of Emotional Intelligence.

http://www.lrgllc.com/rpubs/14.pdf


Though, its hard for me to know my own biases in talking about these subjects. I would say that we have preconceived notions about a Person's Emotional Age based upon their physical age and Maturity. We arrive at these conclusions through honest means, like experience and examples.

I would be more willing to drive into the Correlation between MBTI types and Emotional Intelligence. Though my conclusions would probably label me as a Biased Typist Jerkface. But my Hypothesis is that NF's have higher EQ scores than SJ's, SP's and NT's.

 

[BeaP31]

I agree some points with you...but I think God has no problem with age. We just need pay attention on signs. to find our person shouldn't be so hard...God tells us things like that...we just need to listen...
God Bless you!

 

[DuchessAimee]

I would be more willing to drive into the Correlation between MBTI types and Emotional Intelligence. Though my conclusions would probably label me as a Biased Typist Jerkface. But my Hypothesis is that NF's have higher EQ scores than SJ's, SP's and NT's.

I disagree. NF's may have more of a willingness to express or feel their emotions, but that doesn't mean their EQ's are higher. What makes the EQ viable is maturity. For instance, I'm an NT. Considering the healing and maturing I've done over the past few years, I would probably score higher than a young and less mature NF.

 

[sanglina]

While I am completely fine with the idea of dating/marrying someone in my own age group to older than me (stretching upto 10 years or even 12 in 'compelling' circumstances but not beyond that), the thought of dating someone younger than me has never fascinated me.

Under 'compelling' circumstances or in the rarest of rare cases, I might consider at the maxim 1 or 2 years younger than me (which I doubt would happen) but dating anyone younger than that just feels so revolting. I know my conscious would be haunted if ever I accidentally do that and it would make me feel like I am committing some kind of immorality (I am aware its not a sin/immoral or anything as such and I may even sound crazy to some people but that's how I truly feel about dating someone younger).

Part of the reason could be because nobody in my immediate family (older siblings) or extended family (cousins both on maternal & paternal side) have done that (i.e older wife/ younger husband). In my family, its always been older husband/younger wife or in some cases, spouses in the same age group. Even in the society where I come from, it is generally the same i. e. older husband/younger wife or same age group. So, may be I am strongly influenced by my up bringing.

But as they say "each to his/her own"

 

[Liamson]

I disagree. NF's may have more of a willingness to express or feel their emotions, but that doesn't mean their EQ's are higher. What makes the EQ viable is maturity. For instance, I'm an NT. Considering the healing and maturing I've done over the past few years, I would probably score higher than a young and less mature NF.

I don't think Maturity exceeds Natural Ability in regards to EQ.

For instance someone who has a high EQ will have a minor gain over the course of their lifetime, as well as someone who has a low EQ.

I don't see a radical correlation to higher EQ with age. Certainly not one that would correlate a person's Maturity/Emotional Age with their EQ scores.

http://www.lrgllc.com/rpubs/14.pdf

A 52 year old woman is slightly more likely to have a higher emotional Intelligence than a 28 year old woman.