The Five Love Languages:
Has anyone read the book by Gary Chapman called, "The Five Love Languages"? I did a speed reading through it and got the main gest of it. We all have one or two major love languages. Though we need and want all of the love languages there are one or two that really fills our cup. The five love languages are: Time, touch, gifts, services and words of afformation. The book got me thinking about my past marriage and other marriages I've known and one thing I've noticed is that as human beings what we tend to do is pour our love languages on the ones we love thinking, "give and it shall be given unto you" or "If I give this they'll get the hint that, that is what I'm needing". Though that's a great verse in the bible and very true it doesn't neccessarily work when it comes our to love languages, and the reason is, because everybodies languages are different. The verse is true and does work, but we can't give out the same thing and expect the same thing back, because we are all different.
I'll use me for an example, my two love languages are gifts and services. When I first realized that these are my love languages I thought they sound aweful selfish languages, because they seem all about doing for me and materialistic, but when I realized why they were my love lanuages I realized they were selfish at all. Have ever noitced when someone shows you love that feels like a flood of refreshing water was pour into you? Well, they found your love languages. Another person can come along and show love to you in a different way and you think it's sweet but it doesn't have the same effect, that is not a major love language. My love languages of gifts is because when someone buys me a gift that shows me they know me that touches my heart to the very core. My son bought me a $10.00 lamp one time for my birthday, it really met my love language. The lamp was small but it had a beautiful, antiquish looking, brown lamp stand and a beautiful glass shade that had roses and greenery and soft fall type colors in the background. Why did this little lamp touch me so much besides of course that it was from the love in his heart. The lamp showed me that even at the very young age of around 4 he already knew me, he knew I love roses and I love antiques. He knew I'd love it because he knew me. Coming from a family of nine kids and being the middle child, that yes did seems to get left out; it meant alot to me to notice of who I am and what I like. Their attention went more to the older and younger children who were more challenging to raise or more outstanding or cute, but me, I was bashful and didn't communicate well. At christmas the older and younger got gifts that suited who they were but my gifts were cheap and didn't show they knew who I was, just radom gifts you would give to anyone my age. It was a stab in the heart each year and reemphysized they really didn't have time or energy to get to know me, but on the plus side it did cause me to know myself and strive to become someone else. I'm not writing this to get a pity, but to say this is what framed my love lanuages. We all have things that has framed who we are and how and why are love languages are important to us.
The language of services came from the fact that my dad was not very dimastrative of his love, but to me the way he showed us that he loved us was when he fixed things. I felt very loved when he'd fix the washer so we'd have clean clothes for school. I felt loved when he fixed the stationwagon because it meant he could take mom to the store to buy us food, of course the furnace to keep us warm, and there was another reason I decovered this was my love language, because I too and mechanicly inclined, it stirs my little heart to see how things work. I could sit for hours watching my dad fix things. When I was married it thrilled me to watch my husband fix things, I'd provide him with a cold drink and my heart was stirring inside, "What a man!" but he never knew this because he look at my presence at his side as just an interference. If he only knew how this stirred me he would have broken thing to just fix them again to get his little ladies stirred time and time again.
It's very important in any relationship to get to know the person you are with. Relationship is not all about us, it's about decovering the person you are relationship with. If we're not meeting our spouses love languages then we are starving them. Thinking on this earlier today I thought of a couple preparing for a dinner and lets say they each fixed something for each other. Let say, because I am a woman the lady fixed a plate of food with all the things on it that she knew her husband likes and let say the husband set a plate of cat food in front of her (using the example for a dramatic effect), well it's very apparent she met his appatite, but she on the other hand is not a cat so, her need was not met, the cat food would of course not meet her need of nurishment. Lets say in your relationship if you are a touchy feelly person and she hinted she was wanting you to bring home a rose, you forgot, so to make up for it you just hug all over your wife, but she's a gifts type gal, and all day she kept hoping you'd bring home a rose, well no rose, but of course you want to touch, touch, touch. She is not in the mood, again her love lanuage wasn't met and love cup is empty. Well, needless to say neither love language got met on that day, and both were still starved for their love language. Even if out of love she went ahead a met her husband's love language she went away empty and day after day of this is very damaging to marriage, but on the flip-side day after day of meeting each others love languages is uplifting, fulfulling and nurishing to the marriage.
So, what are your love languages? and what do you believe framed these languages in your life?
Has anyone read the book by Gary Chapman called, "The Five Love Languages"? I did a speed reading through it and got the main gest of it. We all have one or two major love languages. Though we need and want all of the love languages there are one or two that really fills our cup. The five love languages are: Time, touch, gifts, services and words of afformation. The book got me thinking about my past marriage and other marriages I've known and one thing I've noticed is that as human beings what we tend to do is pour our love languages on the ones we love thinking, "give and it shall be given unto you" or "If I give this they'll get the hint that, that is what I'm needing". Though that's a great verse in the bible and very true it doesn't neccessarily work when it comes our to love languages, and the reason is, because everybodies languages are different. The verse is true and does work, but we can't give out the same thing and expect the same thing back, because we are all different.
I'll use me for an example, my two love languages are gifts and services. When I first realized that these are my love languages I thought they sound aweful selfish languages, because they seem all about doing for me and materialistic, but when I realized why they were my love lanuages I realized they were selfish at all. Have ever noitced when someone shows you love that feels like a flood of refreshing water was pour into you? Well, they found your love languages. Another person can come along and show love to you in a different way and you think it's sweet but it doesn't have the same effect, that is not a major love language. My love languages of gifts is because when someone buys me a gift that shows me they know me that touches my heart to the very core. My son bought me a $10.00 lamp one time for my birthday, it really met my love language. The lamp was small but it had a beautiful, antiquish looking, brown lamp stand and a beautiful glass shade that had roses and greenery and soft fall type colors in the background. Why did this little lamp touch me so much besides of course that it was from the love in his heart. The lamp showed me that even at the very young age of around 4 he already knew me, he knew I love roses and I love antiques. He knew I'd love it because he knew me. Coming from a family of nine kids and being the middle child, that yes did seems to get left out; it meant alot to me to notice of who I am and what I like. Their attention went more to the older and younger children who were more challenging to raise or more outstanding or cute, but me, I was bashful and didn't communicate well. At christmas the older and younger got gifts that suited who they were but my gifts were cheap and didn't show they knew who I was, just radom gifts you would give to anyone my age. It was a stab in the heart each year and reemphysized they really didn't have time or energy to get to know me, but on the plus side it did cause me to know myself and strive to become someone else. I'm not writing this to get a pity, but to say this is what framed my love lanuages. We all have things that has framed who we are and how and why are love languages are important to us.
The language of services came from the fact that my dad was not very dimastrative of his love, but to me the way he showed us that he loved us was when he fixed things. I felt very loved when he'd fix the washer so we'd have clean clothes for school. I felt loved when he fixed the stationwagon because it meant he could take mom to the store to buy us food, of course the furnace to keep us warm, and there was another reason I decovered this was my love language, because I too and mechanicly inclined, it stirs my little heart to see how things work. I could sit for hours watching my dad fix things. When I was married it thrilled me to watch my husband fix things, I'd provide him with a cold drink and my heart was stirring inside, "What a man!" but he never knew this because he look at my presence at his side as just an interference. If he only knew how this stirred me he would have broken thing to just fix them again to get his little ladies stirred time and time again.
It's very important in any relationship to get to know the person you are with. Relationship is not all about us, it's about decovering the person you are relationship with. If we're not meeting our spouses love languages then we are starving them. Thinking on this earlier today I thought of a couple preparing for a dinner and lets say they each fixed something for each other. Let say, because I am a woman the lady fixed a plate of food with all the things on it that she knew her husband likes and let say the husband set a plate of cat food in front of her (using the example for a dramatic effect), well it's very apparent she met his appatite, but she on the other hand is not a cat so, her need was not met, the cat food would of course not meet her need of nurishment. Lets say in your relationship if you are a touchy feelly person and she hinted she was wanting you to bring home a rose, you forgot, so to make up for it you just hug all over your wife, but she's a gifts type gal, and all day she kept hoping you'd bring home a rose, well no rose, but of course you want to touch, touch, touch. She is not in the mood, again her love lanuage wasn't met and love cup is empty. Well, needless to say neither love language got met on that day, and both were still starved for their love language. Even if out of love she went ahead a met her husband's love language she went away empty and day after day of this is very damaging to marriage, but on the flip-side day after day of meeting each others love languages is uplifting, fulfulling and nurishing to the marriage.
So, what are your love languages? and what do you believe framed these languages in your life?
