Ex wife, and legal troubles

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MCD3

Guest
#1
#1
My ex left me 7 years ago, together we have a daughter (8 now). I am required to pay child support, and yet haven't seen my daughter in 6 years. Recently my ex blocked my phone number so at this point I am unable to even have phone contact with my child. Due to some things in my past, that I am in no way proud of, Julie (the ex) was able to gain full custody. I am currently working on clearing my name. To reverse the court decision I would have to appear in court, in Utah, but am unable to leave Colorado due to my legal obligations here. I struggle to make ends meet, and keep up with child support, and can't even imagine how I am going to go about paying lawyers fees. Lately this entire mess has really seemed to be weighing me down. Recently I decided to pursue the faith that I turned away from. I am sure this situation is not covered in the Book, but is there a good place to look for some guidance? Thank you for reading.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#2
#2
Jesus... WONDERFUL MIGHTY COUNSELOR! Seek him first and all things shall be added unto you. immerse yourself in the word... and pray pray pray... about your situation.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#3
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#3
Yes, seeking a relationship with Christ is the best thing anybody can do. Good for you :)

Have you found a church to attend? Christian support is very important as you begin your walk. Do you have a good bible? My favorite one the NIV Quest Study Bible...has some great explanations in it.

Do you currently have visitation rights with your child? Begin there I would think. Just start visiting if you're able to and seek legal advice on how to proceed. Maybe as your ex sees that you have changed (only the Holy Spirit can change us), she will be more willing for you to interact with your daughter.

Praying for you...strength and guidance as you grow in the Lord.
 
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TomL

Banned
#4
Feb 26, 2013
151
0
0
#4
MCD3 said:
My ex left me 7 years ago, together we have a daughter (8 now). I am required to pay child support, and yet haven't seen my daughter in 6 years. Recently my ex blocked my phone number so at this point I am unable to even have phone contact with my child. Due to some things in my past, that I am in no way proud of, Julie (the ex) was able to gain full custody. I am currently working on clearing my name. To reverse the court decision I would have to appear in court, in Utah, but am unable to leave Colorado due to my legal obligations here. I struggle to make ends meet, and keep up with child support, and can't even imagine how I am going to go about paying lawyers fees. Lately this entire mess has really seemed to be weighing me down. Recently I decided to pursue the faith that I turned away from. I am sure this situation is not covered in the Book, but is there a good place to look for some guidance? Thank you for reading.
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As one that only knows what you have written, this is what I would do, which is something you probably you would want to do. I take it that neither of you were Christians, but now you have come to the faith and are trying to get your life on the right track.

Your marriage to this woman is part of your sinful past, and you should treat as such. I would see a lawyer about relinquishing your parental rights. Doing so would mean you would not have to pay child support, and your ex will have to fend for herself. Who knows what she is using that money for. That is perhaps why she doesn't even want you to talk to your daughter. She is afraid your daughter might tell you something your ex doesn't want you to know. If your ex loved her daughter she would allow her to talk to her father, especially now that you are trying to get your life together. It sounds to me that your ex is selfish and only cares about herself. She doesn't care about you or your daughter. I have been around along time. I've seen this type of thing before.

If you wish to discuss it in more detail, don't hesitate to send me a private message.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#5
#5
TomL said:
As one that only knows what you have written, this is what I would do, which is something you probably you would want to do. I take it that neither of you were Christians, but now you have come to the faith and are trying to get your life on the right track.

Your marriage to this woman is part of your sinful past, and you should treat as such. I would see a lawyer about relinquishing your parental rights. Doing so would mean you would not have to pay child support, and your ex will have to fend for herself. Who knows what she is using that money for. That is perhaps why she doesn't even want you to talk to your daughter. She is afraid your daughter might tell you something your ex doesn't want you to know. If your ex loved her daughter she would allow her to talk to her father, especially now that you are trying to get your life together. It sounds to me that your ex is selfish and only cares about herself. She doesn't care about you or your daughter. I have been around along time. I've seen this type of thing before.

If you wish to discuss it in more detail, don't hesitate to send me a private message.
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Severing parental rights because his child is part of his unsaved life is the most HEINOUS advice I have ever heard here or elsewhere... SHAME ON YOU!!!!!! SHAME SHAME SHAME!!!!!
 
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hattiebod

Guest
#6
#6
MCD3 said:
My ex left me 7 years ago, together we have a daughter (8 now). I am required to pay child support, and yet haven't seen my daughter in 6 years. Recently my ex blocked my phone number so at this point I am unable to even have phone contact with my child. Due to some things in my past, that I am in no way proud of, Julie (the ex) was able to gain full custody. I am currently working on clearing my name. To reverse the court decision I would have to appear in court, in Utah, but am unable to leave Colorado due to my legal obligations here. I struggle to make ends meet, and keep up with child support, and can't even imagine how I am going to go about paying lawyers fees. Lately this entire mess has really seemed to be weighing me down. Recently I decided to pursue the faith that I turned away from. I am sure this situation is not covered in the Book, but is there a good place to look for some guidance? Thank you for reading.
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The source of all the answers is in your God. He loves you, is waiting for you to turn to Him. You say you turned away from your faith...but the wonderful news is God never turned away from you. Read your Bible, the story of the prodigal son is a good one! Find supportive fellowship in a church that believe in the restorative power of Christ and the personal power given to each believer by the Holy Spirit. Restoration and peace may seem impossible over this situation but nothing is impossible for God. Keep your faith, your counsel. Your family can be restored. I do not know what it will look like, but God does so pray and trust in Him. Only He will give you the peace and the strength to walk this road. Stop beating yourself up, leave your past at the foot of the cross in repentant faith and look forward! You are not alone and you are not defeated!! Build your life so that when you do meet your daughter again, you will be the man, the father, God wants you to be. <><
 
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TomL

Banned
#7
Feb 26, 2013
151
0
0
#7
BarlyGurl said:
Severing parental rights because his child is part of his unsaved life is the most HEINOUS advice I have ever heard here or elsewhere... SHAME ON YOU!!!!!! SHAME SHAME SHAME!!!!!
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When you have suffered as many hurts from women as I have, you might understand. The advice I always get from "Christians" is, "Get over it, and move on." That's the basis for my advice. But I don't suppose you would understand.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#8
#8
Suffering hurts from women... is no excuse for shirking paternal responsibility. As if women have not suffered many hurts from men. Try developing some SOUND theology instead of parroting idiots, you will not only give better advice... but likely find some healing too.
 
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TomL

Banned
#9
Feb 26, 2013
151
0
0
#9
BarlyGurl said:
Suffering hurts from women... is no excuse for shirking paternal responsibility. As if women have not suffered many hurts from men. Try developing some SOUND theology instead of parroting idiots, you will not only give better advice... but likely find some healing too.
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Maybe we should suggest the daughter be cut in half, and give one half to the mother, and the other half to the father. Then we would see who really loves her.

Oh, and what about parental rights. He already has none. Why not make it formal? He can't see her, he can't talk to her. The mother allows him no contact with his child whatsoever. Yet he pays the freight. Do you think that's fair?
 
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hattiebod

Guest
#10
#10
TomL said:
Maybe we should suggest the daughter be cut in half, and give one half to the mother, and the other half to the father. Then we would see who really loves her.

Oh, and what about parental rights. He already has none. Why not make it formal? He can't see her, he can't talk to her. The mother allows him no contact with his child whatsoever. Yet he pays the freight. Do you think that's fair?
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It's not about what's fair, it's what is best for the little girl in this situation, she is the innocent child and did not ask to be caught up in parental disputes. For her it is best she grows up knowing that her father cared, he may not see her at the moment but contributing to her care is the right thing to do. Just because a father has no direct contact with their child does not mean they stop being that child's parent. I am sure both love her, these situations are always very complex and emotions run high. One day the little girl will be grown up and for her well being in the future, she needs to know her father did not abandon her. If contact is at zero, perhaps he could write letters to her, collecting them and keeping them to give to her one day....it may not seem much but I am sure when she is grown, it will mean a lot. Also, never be defeated, as I said, even if we see no hope, God is with us and is a God of restoration. <><
 
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TomL

Banned
#11
Feb 26, 2013
151
0
0
#11
hattiebod said:
It's not about what's fair, it's what is best for the little girl in this situation, she is the innocent child and did not ask to be caught up in parental disputes. For her it is best she grows up knowing that her father cared, he may not see her at the moment but contributing to her care is the right thing to do. Just because a father has no direct contact with their child does not mean they stop being that child's parent. I am sure both love her, these situations are always very complex and emotions run high. One day the little girl will be grown up and for her well being in the future, she needs to know her father did not abandon her. If contact is at zero, perhaps he could write letters to her, collecting them and keeping them to give to her one day....it may not seem much but I am sure when she is grown, it will mean a lot. Also, never be defeated, as I said, even if we see no hope, God is with us and is a God of restoration. <><
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Let me ask you. If you would leave your husband, and went for full custody of your child, which the court awarded you then you refused the husband any contact with the child. You get the money every month which you go to bars, buy every pair of shoes you could, and buy your child a hamburger now and then. If the father would then send you a letter that stated,
"You have disallowed me any contact with my child, that I am paying through the nose for. Therefore, I am going to see a lawyer to see about relinquishing my parental rights, since I have no parental rights anyway. Then the child support would stop.

Further, I will not be responsible for any debts that you created."

Now imagine you are a vindictive, selfish, demanding and treacherous woman, and see that your flagrant and decadent lifestyle was coming to an end, what would you do?
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#12
#12
TomL said:
Let me ask you. If you would leave your husband, and went for full custody of your child, which the court awarded you then you refused the husband any contact with the child. You get the money every month which you go to bars, buy every pair of shoes you could, and buy your child a hamburger now and then. If the father would then send you a letter that stated,
"You have disallowed me any contact with my child, that I am paying through the nose for. Therefore, I am going to see a lawyer to see about relinquishing my parental rights, since I have no parental rights anyway. Then the child support would stop.

Further, I will not be responsible for any debts that you created."

Now imagine you are a vindictive, selfish, demanding and treacherous woman, and see that your flagrant and decadent lifestyle was coming to an end, what would you do?
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You are a bitter man TomL... A very bitter man:(
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#13
#13
It sucks, and I know it doesn't relieve your own pain to hear it, but I've had friends who've been through worse... watching the new young "boytoy" live in the house he makes payments on, sleep in the bed he bought with his ex-wife, drive the car he still has two years worth of payments to make, while "boytoy" plays "coach" and "dad" to his children that he rarely gets to communicate with.

Yeah... it's a lot of stress. Truly. Sometimes these guys snap and you read about their brief reign of terror in the news. You know what I mean. They often turn the guy on themselves afterwards.

But the Christian story and path is not one of disaster. It is one of victory and new beginnings. While the feelings you have are normal given your extreme circumstances; if you are a Christian then you have a new nature to help you (if you're not then you need to become one ASAP), God's Word to guide you, and also very importantly other Christians to interact with. Some of them are going through similar ordeals.

Obviously, you should be in a Christian divorce recovery group. We have one at our church and I have observed how important the ministry is. If you're in SoCal, pm me and I'll make the introductions.

If you live somewhere else, you really need to get into one of these divorce recovery groups (and if you're now addicted then a good sobriety group as well). Trust me on this. Your new beginning can be right around the corner. You need God, your Christian brothers and sisters, and the recovery group(s).


MCD3 said:
My ex left me 7 years ago, together we have a daughter (8 now). I am required to pay child support, and yet haven't seen my daughter in 6 years. Recently my ex blocked my phone number so at this point I am unable to even have phone contact with my child. Due to some things in my past, that I am in no way proud of, Julie (the ex) was able to gain full custody. I am currently working on clearing my name. To reverse the court decision I would have to appear in court, in Utah, but am unable to leave Colorado due to my legal obligations here. I struggle to make ends meet, and keep up with child support, and can't even imagine how I am going to go about paying lawyers fees. Lately this entire mess has really seemed to be weighing me down. Recently I decided to pursue the faith that I turned away from. I am sure this situation is not covered in the Book, but is there a good place to look for some guidance? Thank you for reading.
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Earlmayknowornot

Banned
#14
Feb 17, 2013
1,034
9
0
#14
MCD3 said:
My ex left me 7 years ago, together we have a daughter (8 now). I am required to pay child support, and yet haven't seen my daughter in 6 years. Recently my ex blocked my phone number so at this point I am unable to even have phone contact with my child. Due to some things in my past, that I am in no way proud of, Julie (the ex) was able to gain full custody. I am currently working on clearing my name. To reverse the court decision I would have to appear in court, in Utah, but am unable to leave Colorado due to my legal obligations here. I struggle to make ends meet, and keep up with child support, and can't even imagine how I am going to go about paying lawyers fees. Lately this entire mess has really seemed to be weighing me down. Recently I decided to pursue the faith that I turned away from. I am sure this situation is not covered in the Book, but is there a good place to look for some guidance? Thank you for reading.
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My brother, I'm am truly sorry for what has happened to your family. It is one that is seen over and over again. The root of this problem is sin. There is only one way to overcome sin and that's by the blood of Jesus. However, we are forgiven, the product of sin is destruction. For instance, a man that is or was a child molester can not be an elementary teacher.

Now with that being said. If you truly sell out to God He will give you the desire of your heart. There is hope, Keep praying, keep seeking and knocking. God will see you through, That's why I praise Him and worship Him because He loves us and repairs the things that we have broken. Praise GOD forever amen.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#16
#16
TomL said:
No I'm not. I'm human with human frailties and weaknesses. And you didn't answer my question.
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No I didn't... I thought it was an absurd scenario without applicable scriptural foundation and that hattie gave it a fair treatment. Okay... you call it "frail and weak", it kinda presents like "bitter.".. BTW... in Christ Jesus I AM MADE STRONG.
 
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TomL

Banned
#17
Feb 26, 2013
151
0
0
#17
BarlyGurl said:
No I didn't... I thought it was an absurd scenario without applicable scriptural foundation and that hattie gave it a fair treatment. Okay... you call it "frail and weak", it kinda presents like "bitter.".. BTW... in Christ Jesus I AM MADE STRONG.
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Maybe there is no Scriptural foundation, but it does have practical life application. The BIble does talk about respecting your elders. The Bible also teaches not to shun wisdom. Most often older people have great wisdom when it comes to life issues. And, by the way, truth does not have to be written in the Bible to be true. The Bible doesn't tell us how to use a sewing machine. But, a person that has used sewing machines all their life could tell you how to use a sewing machine. But, therein is you Biblical foundation. Respecting your elders, and not shunning wisdom. It is likely that you don't like what I said because you're a woman, and you don't want to do anything against the good ole gals network. And don't tell me there isn't any. Just as assuredly there is a good ole boys network, there is a good ole gals network too.

What I have told this young man is borne out experience and knowledge, not bitterness as you said. Sometimes one can achieve more of what they want by advocating the opposite, especially when dealing with a treacherous woman.
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#18
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#18
1 Timothy 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
 
Elizabeth619

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
#19
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#19
Tom, no offense but the issue here is not comparable to your problems. The OP has admitted to making mistakes, and it trying to better himself. He wants to see his child and help raise her. As he should.

Just so you know not all women who have primary custody of their children misuse child support payments. I know many women who don't even get child support from the father because they refuse to pay it, and run from the law to prevent jail time.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#20
#20
Tom... IF you were old enough to be my father... I would frame my posts a little different. Yet, while employing the holy spirit and sound judgement of what you have said, I find it neither respectable nor wise. Unfortunately... the more ya say... the more convinced I am that its just... "Blah blah, I am bitter, blah blah women are treacherous, blah blah I know what I am talking about because I am older..." :rolleyes:
This is a christian forum... the OP was asking for biblical advice... yours wasn't... but you can probably peddle it successfully on a secular site. And in all honesty... if there is a "good ole gal network" it must be a secret and elusive society with special requirements of membership. I qualify to join, Daughters of the Am. Revolution but no one has ever offered me to join any G.O.G. club.
 
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