Social situation/Awkward moment (woman's opinion wanted)

[Buff_Old_Guy]

So, ever so often... I choke in social situations... generally. There's also this specific time I choke as-well.

Anyways, generally sometimes I just stutter and say something awkward. Like, I was out with a young adult group and the young adult leader asked me if I wanted to lead a game or give my testimony in out next meeting and... out of my mouth came a bunch of hesitant... words.. stuttering.. I don't think I even let out one audible word. lol I hate that but it happens. There were a few things I could've said I couldn't decide on what to say.

I mean sometimes I feel like crap like I went down a notch in everyone's eyes... does this matter to the ladies? Is this a big deal to women? What about you men? What do you say?

That's my first question... next...

NOTICE: I can laugh at myself. I have done it before... people have made jokes about me and I didn't feel uncomfortable. I don't have a problem with people making jokes on me... but only these specific kind of jokes... I do have a problem with.

There's a specific time when I choke and it's happened multiple times... and this moment happens yet I still haven't figured out what to do or say when this happens. This moment is when a guy makes a joke on me. Not any kind of joke... a.. what I would call, a heavy joke. A joke on ONE person. That's offensive and borderline or straight out tasteless. The joke that was made on me was like this...

I was eating my food and the guy next to me... asked me where I was from. I told him I'm from ____ and he said hey you should eat your salad. And I said, nah I'm more of a carnivore. Then he said well you know the poor kids in _____ (place where I'm from) don't have that so you should it eat it and he laughed and so did 2 other guys. One guy commented and said, eeee he got you... right in the heart. Then I smiled awkwardly.

And I thought to myself.. "ok they are looking at me and wow they want me to respond" It almost felt.. like I was challenged to a "social fight". If that makes sense. So, in that moment, I thought things... one of them was a comeback joke.. I had it. My comeback would've been "Yeah and I'll eat it for the poor kids in _____ (his country) too."

I didn't want to play that game. I also...sorta decided a LOOOOOOOOONG time ago... that I don't think it's morally right. Back in high school... that same situation... has been there A LOT. I remember that after I went all out with being a Christian I decided I'd cut down on my cussing and slashing back with f-bombs. I always remembered pastors saying it wasn't right.

On the other hand, I'm being challenged... and made fun of... I even feel my masculinity is being attacked. So, every-time this situation comes up... I sorta want to slash back.

What really happens? ... I don't slash back. I just smile awkwardly and think of a comeback or a sidestep kind of response. A response that's not offensive... funny... and is a comeback for his remark... all that in split seconds. But do I actually come up with a response that's.... non-offensive... funny and a comeback in time? Nope, sorta tough... instead... I smile awkwardly and maybe say......... yeah sure or... change the subject.

So, here's my next question..

What does a woman think of a guy who just smiles awkwardly and doesn't respond like I do in those situation... I just feel awkward and a bit embarrassed for not responding.

And what do you men think I should do?

Thanks for reading

 

[Buff_Old_Guy]

I just wanted to add... it almost seems like people are okay with these jokes...or borderline accepting. So, I sorta have to deal with it. That's another problem...it's like a normal thing.

Also I think ideally... a non-offensive joke... or some kind of clever sidestep to that situation is ideal. Unfortunately, though... I do think of offensive jokes aswell... but then.. pretty much always bail on that. Then do the awkward smile and just change the subject or nod, or say something like "yeah sure."

 

[BarlyGurl]

stuttering...
Growing up I remember the most influencial man outside of my family... an associate of my father... had a severe stutter.
He was very average looking... yet had an amazing strength about him... he was single for many years but did finally marry this astonishingly beautiful woman with a very gentle spirit.


...relax.

 

[rachelsedge]

I do the same thing too, sometimes, when I'm talking in a group of unfamiliar people. I'll have this idea/concept in my head, and then when I try to say it out loud, I feel like I can't get my point across. At the end, I usually think, "Did I even make sense? Do they get what I'm trying to say?" Sometimes I can word what I say very eloquently. Other times I feel like it's a jumble. So, honestly if a guy does that, it doesn't take him down a few notches, mainly because I can sympathize with the feeling. Sometimes if someone is having trouble and the situation is appropriate for it, I'll try to ask questions to help them form their thoughts or be able to explain better. Whether that's helpful or makes it worse, I don't know, I suppose it depends on the person.

As for the second scenario you're describing, if I saw that situation, the guy making fun of you would be the one not being manly, in my opinion. Real, godly men don't need to put others down to get a laugh from other guys. I get that guys (and girls, even) can joke around in what could be perceived as a harsh manner. My sister and I tease each other and if people didn't know us, they'd think we were really mean with each other. But that's just how we are with each other and we both understand it. But to be rude to someone you just met? That doesn't sound like playful, friendly teasing. It's just rude. And honestly, if they saw that it made you uncomfortable, they should have apologized. Some people don't know a boundary until they've crossed it, and then it's up to them what to do afterwards, and it sounds like these guys just kept going past the line and didn't care.

If you had lashed back, that's what would have made you appear less "manly" to me. Laughing it off, or ignoring it (or not hanging out with them, if possible) is the best way to go about it. Better to smile awkwardly than to get down in the dirt to play their game. I know that's easier said than done. I've had times where I just want to full out unleash my tongue on someone. But it wouldn't have helped things and it certainly wouldn't have reflected Christ.

 

[nib]

...the guy making fun of you would be the one not being manly, in my opinion. Real, godly men don't need to put others down to get a laugh from other guys. I get that guys (and girls, even) can joke around in what could be perceived as a harsh manner. My sister and I tease each other and if people didn't know us, they'd think we were really mean with each other. But that's just how we are with each other and we both understand it. But to be rude to someone you just met? That doesn't sound like playful, friendly teasing. It's just rude. And honestly, if they saw that it made you uncomfortable, they should have apologized. Some people don't know a boundary until they've crossed it, and then it's up to them what to do afterwards, and it sounds like these guys just kept going past the line and didn't care.

^I agree with this.

 

[leelee]

well done for not spiting back, it's not an easy thing to do. Yesterday in work I had a similar situation, it wasn't a joke but another worker said something very rude no me, rather than retort I walked away. it must have looked rude but it was significantly less rude than the reply. I think saying nothing is the same idea as walking away and is better than a catty remark.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

If a guy is challenging you, I think it depends on the situation. If it's just a random scumbag you run into when your out on the town....just walking away is always the better way to go I think. If it's somebody you have to be around all the time though and you don't have the choice to just not hang around them (Like at work, school, your favorite hangout, group of friends, etc....)....I personally always fire back twice as hard and up the ante. You can't let scumbags assert dominance over you when you've done nothing to provoke anybody. They'll just keep on and on and you won't get any respect from anybody. 95% of the time they will back off and/or try to make peace if you just show a little aggression. You don't have to be mean about it, just firm. Just like a bully in a elementary school, same thing. Just because your a nice guy doesn't mean that you can't ever stick up for yourself.

As far as what the ladies think about it......even if you didn't start a problem, if you don't handle it well and your social status ends up being lowered infront of the group......your attractiveness definitely ain't goin up. That's for sure.

 

[dliz]

So, ever so often... I choke in social situations... generally. There's also this specific time I choke as-well.

Anyways, generally sometimes I just stutter and say something awkward. Like, I was out with a young adult group and the young adult leader asked me if I wanted to lead a game or give my testimony in out next meeting and... out of my mouth came a bunch of hesitant... words.. stuttering.. I don't think I even let out one audible word. lol I hate that but it happens. There were a few things I could've said I couldn't decide on what to say.

I mean sometimes I feel like crap like I went down a notch in everyone's eyes... does this matter to the ladies? Is this a big deal to women? What about you men? What do you say?

That's my first question... next...

NOTICE: I can laugh at myself. I have done it before... people have made jokes about me and I didn't feel uncomfortable. I don't have a problem with people making jokes on me... but only these specific kind of jokes... I do have a problem with.

There's a specific time when I choke and it's happened multiple times... and this moment happens yet I still haven't figured out what to do or say when this happens. This moment is when a guy makes a joke on me. Not any kind of joke... a.. what I would call, a heavy joke. A joke on ONE person. That's offensive and borderline or straight out tasteless. The joke that was made on me was like this...

I was eating my food and the guy next to me... asked me where I was from. I told him I'm from ____ and he said hey you should eat your salad. And I said, nah I'm more of a carnivore. Then he said well you know the poor kids in _____ (place where I'm from) don't have that so you should it eat it and he laughed and so did 2 other guys. One guy commented and said, eeee he got you... right in the heart. Then I smiled awkwardly.

And I thought to myself.. "ok they are looking at me and wow they want me to respond" It almost felt.. like I was challenged to a "social fight". If that makes sense. So, in that moment, I thought things... one of them was a comeback joke.. I had it. My comeback would've been "Yeah and I'll eat it for the poor kids in _____ (his country) too."

I didn't want to play that game. I also...sorta decided a LOOOOOOOOONG time ago... that I don't think it's morally right. Back in high school... that same situation... has been there A LOT. I remember that after I went all out with being a Christian I decided I'd cut down on my cussing and slashing back with f-bombs. I always remembered pastors saying it wasn't right.

On the other hand, I'm being challenged... and made fun of... I even feel my masculinity is being attacked. So, every-time this situation comes up... I sorta want to slash back.

What really happens? ... I don't slash back. I just smile awkwardly and think of a comeback or a sidestep kind of response. A response that's not offensive... funny... and is a comeback for his remark... all that in split seconds. But do I actually come up with a response that's.... non-offensive... funny and a comeback in time? Nope, sorta tough... instead... I smile awkwardly and maybe say......... yeah sure or... change the subject.

So, here's my next question..

What does a woman think of a guy who just smiles awkwardly and doesn't respond like I do in those situation... I just feel awkward and a bit embarrassed for not responding.

And what do you men think I should do?

Thanks for reading

Hmm... I've noticed that i stutter when i'm really nervous. I guess it happens to most all of us because we are so consumed about other people's opinions. For me it's not a big deal and i usually make the person comfortable as much as possible because I know how it feels to be like that. I don't like it when a person belittles someone so I usually reprimand them for their actions(of course in a nice way). hahaha.

 

[dliz]

Sometimes when you feel like you want throttle someone, it's better to pause and pray. It takes a great deal of patience to control your temper.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Sometimes when you feel like you want throttle someone, it's better to pause and pray. It takes a great deal of patience to control your temper.

Definitely. I hate it when I have to confront somebody but it has to be done sometimes. I've tried to just keep ignoring people like that but if someone keeps pushing my buttons I'll explode eventually. Thats why I like to take care of it the first or second time.

 

[dliz]

Definitely. I hate it when I have to confront somebody but it has to be done sometimes. I've tried to just keep ignoring people like that but if someone keeps pushing my buttons I'll explode eventually. Thats why I like to take care of it the first or second time.

Me too. I don't like it whenever i have to confront someone because I might end up hurting their feelings. But then again there are limitations. I have noticed that if you are too nice, some people would abuse your kindness.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Me too. I don't like it whenever i have to confront someone because I might end up hurting their feelings. But then again there are limitations. I have noticed that if you are too nice, some people would abuse your kindness.

You ever notice it seems like the really really good people always seem to end up with spouses that treat them like crap? Wish I knew why that was.

 

[leelee]

You ever notice it seems like the really really good people always seem to end up with spouses that treat them like crap? Wish I knew why that was.

doormat syndrome

 

[dliz]

You ever notice it seems like the really really good people always seem to end up with spouses that treat them like crap? Wish I knew why that was.

yeah some. I guess that's why you have to know that person very well before deciding to marry them. LOL. not only that you have to know their family and friends so that you will have a clue what he/she is like. And most importantly God should be the center of their relationship in order for it to work.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

yeah some. I guess that's why you have to know that person very well before deciding to marry them. LOL. not only that you have to know their family and friends so that you will have a clue what he/she is like. And most importantly God should be the center of their relationship in order for it to work.

Ha ha, definitely. I like the idea of marriage but I don't want to personally. I've seen too many good friends get taken to the cleaners.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

doormat syndrome

Yea, it's crazy how common it is though.

 

[dliz]

Ha ha, definitely. I like the idea of marriage but I don't want to personally. I've seen too many good friends get taken to the cleaners.

lol you can't always run from it. bwahaha. well who knows maybe in the future you'll take it back.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

lol you can't always run from it. bwahaha. well who knows maybe in the future you'll take it back.

lol, I hope not but who knows. There was one point I thought I would never possibly be a Christian either.

 

[nonicknametouse]

Hi, as an older women I can tell you that this happens to every one. I have a 17 yr. old son who always tells me these stories about being akward around people and totally uncomfortable. When poeple make fun of you they are just being imature. They too most likely go through the same thing, but will not admit it. Remember when poeple make fun of you they are insecure themselves. In Romans 12:17 thru 21 Instead of taking revenge on a person , he may be drawn to repentance. It is the way we react as Christians that people watch. You can be a blessing not reacting the way the world would. Soceity is so different now than I was a kid. Boys and girls actually blushed. I don't see that happening these days. There seems to be no shame within the hearts of this generation of kids. Remember it gets better, as you grow and build up your self-confidence you will be fine. Pray to the Lord that he will boost your self-confidence and help you overcome this challenge in your life. this God will use to grow you stronger. Hope that helped.

 

[homwardbound]

So, ever so often... I choke in social situations... generally. There's also this specific time I choke as-well.

Anyways, generally sometimes I just stutter and say something awkward. Like, I was out with a young adult group and the young adult leader asked me if I wanted to lead a game or give my testimony in out next meeting and... out of my mouth came a bunch of hesitant... words.. stuttering.. I don't think I even let out one audible word. lol I hate that but it happens. There were a few things I could've said I couldn't decide on what to say.

I mean sometimes I feel like crap like I went down a notch in everyone's eyes... does this matter to the ladies? Is this a big deal to women? What about you men? What do you say?

That's my first question... next...

NOTICE: I can laugh at myself. I have done it before... people have made jokes about me and I didn't feel uncomfortable. I don't have a problem with people making jokes on me... but only these specific kind of jokes... I do have a problem with.

There's a specific time when I choke and it's happened multiple times... and this moment happens yet I still haven't figured out what to do or say when this happens. This moment is when a guy makes a joke on me. Not any kind of joke... a.. what I would call, a heavy joke. A joke on ONE person. That's offensive and borderline or straight out tasteless. The joke that was made on me was like this...

I was eating my food and the guy next to me... asked me where I was from. I told him I'm from ____ and he said hey you should eat your salad. And I said, nah I'm more of a carnivore. Then he said well you know the poor kids in _____ (place where I'm from) don't have that so you should it eat it and he laughed and so did 2 other guys. One guy commented and said, eeee he got you... right in the heart. Then I smiled awkwardly.

And I thought to myself.. "ok they are looking at me and wow they want me to respond" It almost felt.. like I was challenged to a "social fight". If that makes sense. So, in that moment, I thought things... one of them was a comeback joke.. I had it. My comeback would've been "Yeah and I'll eat it for the poor kids in _____ (his country) too."

I didn't want to play that game. I also...sorta decided a LOOOOOOOOONG time ago... that I don't think it's morally right. Back in high school... that same situation... has been there A LOT. I remember that after I went all out with being a Christian I decided I'd cut down on my cussing and slashing back with f-bombs. I always remembered pastors saying it wasn't right.

On the other hand, I'm being challenged... and made fun of... I even feel my masculinity is being attacked. So, every-time this situation comes up... I sorta want to slash back.

What really happens? ... I don't slash back. I just smile awkwardly and think of a comeback or a sidestep kind of response. A response that's not offensive... funny... and is a comeback for his remark... all that in split seconds. But do I actually come up with a response that's.... non-offensive... funny and a comeback in time? Nope, sorta tough... instead... I smile awkwardly and maybe say......... yeah sure or... change the subject.

So, here's my next question..

What does a woman think of a guy who just smiles awkwardly and doesn't respond like I do in those situation... I just feel awkward and a bit embarrassed for not responding.

And what do you men think I should do?

Thanks for reading

I remember when this sort of thing happened to me as well. My supposed friends putting me down in front of others and
I would do pretty much as you stated
I had two older brothers and the oldest told me how to handle the situation. So the next time I was in this akward situation and they started in said what they said and as they all were laughing I merely stated to them you know you all really do not have to put me down to make yourselves look better than me.
I never heard another cut down since
And as far as what others think I learned later on is when I realized this
Ephesians 1:6To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

I have, you ,and all that believe are accepted in the beloved (Jesus Christ)
So that is when it never mattered again what others thought or think, or especially what I thought they think or thought I was freed. Because I am you are ACCEPTED in the BELOVED JESUS CHRIST