Social situation/Awkward moment (woman's opinion wanted)

[Buff_Old_Guy]

If a guy is challenging you, I think it depends on the situation. If it's just a random scumbag you run into when your out on the town....just walking away is always the better way to go I think. If it's somebody you have to be around all the time though and you don't have the choice to just not hang around them (Like at work, school, your favorite hangout, group of friends, etc....)....I personally always fire back twice as hard and up the ante. You can't let scumbags assert dominance over you when you've done nothing to provoke anybody. They'll just keep on and on and you won't get any respect from anybody. 95% of the time they will back off and/or try to make peace if you just show a little aggression. You don't have to be mean about it, just firm. Just like a bully in a elementary school, same thing. Just because your a nice guy doesn't mean that you can't ever stick up for yourself.

As far as what the ladies think about it......even if you didn't start a problem, if you don't handle it well and your social status ends up being lowered in-front of the group......your attractiveness definitely ain't goin up. That's for sure.

Hey thanks for the reply but I think your missing my point. And most of your reasoning is... pretty empty, and doesn't even seem moral? (unless I missed something) Basically your motive is ... I just can't let people push me around... that seems to be the moral of the story in your post. And ya know, I honestly wish it was that easy. Where I can just bark at a guy and push back... even raising my voice can be questionable. The spirit of that would have to be right.. without anger or vengeance. I would avoid raising my voice. And I thought about it and sure I can respond. (if it happens again) I'll try to just be honest and tell him what I think and hopefully it would move on from then. Sometimes telling the truth works.

Anyways, I think I acted rightly.... and I'm assured by it... with this verse...

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Proverbs 12:16

Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.

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Hooray... I was prudent

Now... what I plan to do next time I see him. I plan to follow the guidelines of how to approach a brother who has sinned against you.

[h=3]Matthew 18:15-30[/h]
[h=3]Dealing With Sin in the Church[/h][SUP]15 [/SUP]“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. [SUP]16 [/SUP]But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ [SUP]17 [/SUP]If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

This is what I'm going to do... I'm going to get him in private and tell him exactly why I think he sinned against him and I think it'll be okay. His not a sailor or seems to do this often.

You ever notice it seems like the really really good people always seem to end up with spouses that treat them like crap? Wish I knew why that was.

Christians are suppose to be the "really really good people" or just good people, both. But I don't think that's what you mean... I think your using a stereo-type instead, right? Like, really really good people are all usually stepped on. And lets assume that's the case... so who would be morally correct with God? The one that's doing the stepping or the one that tolerates the stepper?

So, you see.. I think there's a right and wrong way to be the person who is stepped on. The right way... is to be patient when evil is in-front of you and act with love as long as you can. And then yeah there's a time for judgment and that's when things have crossed a line... like you see a dead body in the ground. Then you do yell, scream, fight and even kill because that maniac is just that crazy.

I'm not sure how the wrong way is.. I'd think nobody wants to be stepped on. I'd guess someone who doesn't care anymore.. about how morally wrong it is for him/her to get abused and hurt.

Thanks for your reply

 

[Buff_Old_Guy]

Hi, as an older women I can tell you that this happens to every one. I have a 17 yr. old son who always tells me these stories about being akward around people and totally uncomfortable. When poeple make fun of you they are just being imature. They too most likely go through the same thing, but will not admit it. Remember when poeple make fun of you they are insecure themselves. In Romans 12:17 thru 21 Instead of taking revenge on a person , he may be drawn to repentance. It is the way we react as Christians that people watch. You can be a blessing not reacting the way the world would. Soceity is so different now than I was a kid. Boys and girls actually blushed. I don't see that happening these days. There seems to be no shame within the hearts of this generation of kids. Remember it gets better, as you grow and build up your self-confidence you will be fine. Pray to the Lord that he will boost your self-confidence and help you overcome this challenge in your life. this God will use to grow you stronger. Hope that helped.

It's funny how brought up self-confidence... when pride is one of my worst issues. I'm too self-confident. If God didn't fix me... there'd be a lot of dead bodies with me as the cause... all because of my... "self-confidence."

But right now... society values confidence (without any solid reason)... it's kind of stupid but no that's the problem. The problem is what SHOULD I do... not how confident I am. I can act but I want it to be right in the eyes of God.

But, yeah thanks for everything else you said. =] (The smiley face means I care about your post.... another woman told me I didn't show care)

 

[Buff_Old_Guy]

I remember when this sort of thing happened to me as well. My supposed friends putting me down in front of others and
I would do pretty much as you stated
I had two older brothers and the oldest told me how to handle the situation. So the next time I was in this akward situation and they started in said what they said and as they all were laughing I merely stated to them you know you all really do not have to put me down to make yourselves look better than me.
I never heard another cut down since
And as far as what others think I learned later on is when I realized this
Ephesians 1:6To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

I have, you ,and all that believe are accepted in the beloved (Jesus Christ)
So that is when it never mattered again what others thought or think, or especially what I thought they think or thought I was freed. Because I am you are ACCEPTED in the BELOVED JESUS CHRIST

Now that's exactly what I'd like... it's moral and it got results. Thanks

 

[Relena7]

The people who matter most will pay attention to what's in your heart. They will like you for your depth, and overlook things like stuttering and occasional social slip-ups. I don't have time for people who judge the surface. Life's too short, ya know?

And about the guys making you feel bad for not wanting to eat your salad, I wouldn't have known how to respond to that either. It sounds to me like they were the ones making awkward social mistakes there, not you. It sounded like an a** hole move on their part.

 

[Relena7]

I mean sometimes I feel like crap like I went down a notch in everyone's eyes... does this matter to the ladies? Is this a big deal to women? What about you men? What do you say?

As for my womanly opinion... I think you should stop worrying so much about what other people think.
The strongest people alive are those who can make repeated mistakes and always bounce back with an unbruised ego. I think this is an irreplaceable skill to practice. The art of messing up and not caring but learning from it. I think women (and everyone) will appreciate that more about you than being smooth and perfect with your words every time... cause no one is all the time really. And those who seem too perfect on the outside usually have something to hide.

I know I'm probably not answering how you wanted but that's my two cents anyway. Hope it helps somewhat.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I think knowing how to pick your fights is a very masculine trait, IMHO. There are times to take a stand (for example: helping to defend those who cannot defend themselves), and there are times to just ignore immature people and not even give them the attention they're so obviously seeking.

As a young woman, I would have actually admired the restraint and patience you demonstrated in the situation you described.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Hey thanks for the reply but I think your missing my point. And most of your reasoning is... pretty empty, and doesn't even seem moral? (unless I missed something) Basically your motive is ... I just can't let people push me around... that seems to be the moral of the story in your post. And ya know, I honestly wish it was that easy. Where I can just bark at a guy and push back... even raising my voice can be questionable. The spirit of that would have to be right.. without anger or vengeance. I would avoid raising my voice. And I thought about it and sure I can respond. (if it happens again) I'll try to just be honest and tell him what I think and hopefully it would move on from then. Sometimes telling the truth works.


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Yea, that's basically what I'm getting at. People can only do that to you if you allow them to. Don't let em do it. I don't see how that's immoral personally. Calling that immoral in my mind would be like telling a kid that it's immoral to stand up to a bully. I'm not saying never overlook an insult....but when you got someone trying to start something or take a cheap shot at you why be a doormat? That's just my philosophy on it. It's possible to be nice without being a pushover.