Confused

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trying2bgood

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Thank you so much to take the time to review my question. I have what may or may not be an interesting dilemma.

A few years ago I divorced my wife of 8 years, I went through a midlife crisis and starting having feelings for a coworker (nothing ever became of this). After I divorced my wife, I ended up with another woman.

After a bit together I grew a stronger desire to draw closer to the lord (I have been a believer all my life, but have backslidden often)

We were living together in sin, so I moved out. One of the biggest issues in my wife and I marriage was stress over not being able to conceive, we had tried the entire marriage and she had multiple miscarriages. One of our greatest desires were to be parents of our own children as we had helped raised her siblings after tragic circumstances. That and my lack of showing affection caused multiple fights between us, and gave me excuse to harden my heart and be overwhelmed by the flattery of my coworker. Now to the confusing part. I know per 1 corinthians, Paul says that should one partner divorce another they are bound to their spouses. I was my wife's second husband, she had married another man during high school at the justice of the peace, and ended it after 6 months.

Her and I met 2 years later, and married shortly after we fell in love. Now, since she is bound to her first husband, am I still bound to her? In the time my wife and I have been apart, she backslid as well, and is now pregnant from a man who left her high and dry.

With my exwife being married before me, does that mean that she is still bound to her exhusband and I cannot try to win her back, and if so, am I still bound to her even though she is bound to another? I have looked at this, and cannot find a direct answer. Thank you very much
 
I forgot to add (the original post was copied from an email I sent a pastor a bit back and never got an answer on)

In the time my wife and I have been apart, she backslid as well, and is now pregnant from a man who now scares her to have a kid around.

She has seen the change in me, and we had conversed some a couple weeks ago. she was feeling that she is worthless to everybody, so I laid out my feelings of regret over ending our marriage and told her how she means to me. she is thinking of moving back down here but she doesnt know that she can ever feel the same about me, but asked if we can be friends and asked if I would be willing to be a friend to her baby and be a good male role model.

Is this God possibly giving me a sign to continuing shaping up and show that I can now be a good husband?
 
Do you know what you want, even now?

Do you know what God wants for your life?

That's the real confusion in this issue.
 
I can't give you a Biblical answer to your question about who is bound to whom in terms of marriage. There has been too much adultery going on to keep track and I would say most of the bonds have been broken in all the relationships you outlined above.

However, it sounds like you want to reestablish a relationship with your ex-wife, but she's not sure if she can trust you or have those feelings for you.

If the father of her baby is hostile and dangerous, she may just be looking for someone to protect her and the child but that may develop into love or rekindle the love she had for you when you were first married.

You need to pray and ask God about it.

have you changed that much? Did you find ways to resolve the fights you used to have or will you after a brief honeymoon period resume fighting again?

what caused the fights in the first place? Have you learned how to prevent them?

those are just a few questions that come to mind.

for you to build a healthy future relationship you have to find out what went wrong in the past one and not repeat your past mistakes.

perhaps a Christian counselor would help?

I think if you can manage just being a good friend to her may be the best for a while so she can heal from the scars of her past relationships. IF you can't perhaps a little distance would be better.
 
have you changed that much? Did you find ways to resolve the fights you used to have or will you after a brief honeymoon period resume fighting again?

In my eyes, I have changed immensely, but others and mainly God are the true litmus test of my change.

Most of our fights were either because of my selfishness, or not being a loving enough of a person (she had a very rough childhood, and needed more love and reassurance than most). during the marriage I had thought that I didnt have the capable to show loce and caring to others externally, but part of the change that God has made in me in the past few years was to turn me into an emotional softy so to speak (I used to believe that I needed to be the strong steady, silent type; but he has opened my heart to where I am not afraid toshow emotion)

I think if you can manage just being a good friend to her may be the best for a while so she can heal from the scars of her past relationships. IF you can't perhaps a little distance would be better.

That is something I definately believe I can manage. during all our years together, that was one of our biggest assets, we were each others best friends. I do miss her in every way imagineable, but I miss her as my best friend most of all. She used to truly be my better half, it was her that introduced me to the kind, gentle Jesus that walks with me as a best friend today as opposed to the fire and brimstone of my baptist upbringing.
 
kenisyes said:
Do you know what you want, even now?

Do you know what God wants for your life?

That's the real confusion in this issue.
Click to expand...

My past sin, and fear of the future has confused my mind as to what I want. The great deceiver has definately tried to make a playground out of my mind. I do miss you very deeply, and would give her the remainder of my life if I knew she would say yes.

Although, I need to realize that it is not about my desires, but it is about the Lord's desire. At times it seems that the scripture makes my path clear cut on this, and other times it seems there is no right answer. My whole life I always thought spiritual warfare sounded cool and fun, until I realize that the battlefield I stand on is my own soul.
 
trying2bgood said:
My past sin, and fear of the future has confused my mind as to what I want. The great deceiver has definately tried to make a playground out of my mind.
Click to expand...

You cannot love someone with God's love until you know who you are in Him. That has to come first.
 
You mentioned that she is a believer but has backslid (obviously). Is she willing and ready to come back to the Lord, follow His commands? Will you two together raise the child in a Christian home? The one most hurt by all of this will be the child, which is always the most heartbreaking part of these messes. Please ask God sincerely to help guide your steps and make straight your path, whether it is with this woman or not. I pray also that the father of the child does them no harm, that God protects them both and gives them the strength they need.
 
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