Desperate to find love..

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shalomandme

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I know, I know I am only 20 but I have a longing to get married or find the one. I want to be the physically best for my future husband but I want to grow with him too! Be able to tell our children 'when your dad was 2x yrs he was xyz' but where is he. I think I mentioned this in a previous thread. I get attention from men, I have confidence in my sexuality and attractiveness but seriously doubt it because I have never been asked out, had a bf, had sex (so happy about that) or kissed a guy! Pure as it gets ey? :rolleyes: BICs and SICs your humble advice please?

For those of who waited tell me about your journey!
 
You're still only 20. I think you should just enjoy being single for awhile. Why the rush to be in a relationship? The decision-making part of our brains don't fully develop until the age of 25 anyway so it might be best to wait a few more years before getting serious about finding a mate.
 
TOTALLY AGREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GOD ISNT DESPERATE SO U SHOULDNT BE EITHER XOXOXO
zeroturbulence said:
You're still only 20. I think you should just enjoy being single for awhile. Why the rush to be in a relationship? The decision-making part of our brains don't fully develop until the age of 25 anyway so it might be best to wait a few more years before getting serious about finding a mate.
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I'm just being straight up honest. It sounds like you're in love with the idea of being in love, not that you actually want to find love. This is a dangerous mindset when going into relationships because love isn't just playing princess and living happily ever after, there are so many difficulties in relationships and marriage that lead to heartache. You're not going to find "the perfect one" because he doesn't exist; most guys will have just as many problems as you do (which in the end this will make you dump boyfriend after boyfriend trying to find someone who is perfect...just like my ex is doing). So right now in your singleness, look to God and grow in him and he will eventually give you the desires of your heart if you are seeking God with the right motives. Be patient and you will find a good Christian guy eventually.

Praying for ya.
 
Hi Shalome,

Shalom! Am an Indian. In India most people marry late. But, from the biblical perspective, we need to wait until we get a green signal from heaven. Well, at your age, I too felt that way. Plus, am a guy. But later on, I saw the way that paved me to be desperate for love. Did not have a loving childhood. So, maybe that was one of the reason why I was so 'desperate.' Currently, I believe your focus should be meditating bibical verses on 'love'. Its full of it. Personally, I would suggest 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. Don't just read it, meditate on it. And then relax, sit back and watch which partner God has in store for you. You will see Godly love in him in his actions accompanied with the right intentions. Many people have their life ruined being desperate. So please, WAIT for one to die for, rather than dying emotionally, after getting one in haste! :p
shalomandme said:
I know, I know I am only 20 but I have a longing to get married or find the one. I want to be the physically best for my future husband but I want to grow with him too! Be able to tell our children 'when your dad was 2x yrs he was xyz' but where is he. I think I mentioned this in a previous thread. I get attention from men, I have confidence in my sexuality and attractiveness but seriously doubt it because I have never been asked out, had a bf, had sex (so happy about that) or kissed a guy! Pure as it gets ey? :rolleyes: BICs and SICs your humble advice please?

For those of who waited tell me about your journey!
Click to expand...
 
zeroturbulence said:
You're still only 20. I think you should just enjoy being single for awhile. Why the rush to be in a relationship? The decision-making part of our brains don't fully develop until the age of 25 anyway so it might be best to wait a few more years before getting serious about finding a mate.
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Dont listen to this, you have the exact right mindset, biblically, once your ate the age where you can leave home, your at the age you can get married. Ephesians 5:31
 
SeanS said:
Dont listen to this, you have the exact right mindset, biblically, once your ate the age where you can leave home, your at the age you can get married. Ephesians 5:31
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Don't listen to this? Is she letting you make decisions for her lol? Ephesians 5:31 simply says a man leaves his parents to live with his wife and together they become one. What does that have to do with her question?
 
zeroturbulence said:
Don't listen to this? Is she letting you make decisions for her lol? Ephesians 5:31 simply says a man leaves his parents to live with his wife and together they become one. What does that have to do with her question?
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You suggested she was mentally to young for marriage, that verse teaches if your at the age where your able to leave your parents, which she is, then your at the age where your able to get married.

Why are you discouraging her? 1 Peter 3:7 teaches that marriage is the 'grace of life', why would she want to 'enjoy being single for a while'? 1 Corinthians 7:9 teaches that when your single (and not given the gift of singleness) you burn with lust which leads to more sin, which could soon lead to her losing her sexual purity and as a result lose some of the blessing on her future marriage.

Your comment was so contrary to the teaching of scripture. It's rare to find women/men these days who have a scriptural attitude towards marriage, don't discourage it, encourage it!
 
O.K. easy sean, easy zero. I can tell you what eagernes did to me and the woman who won me over at the age of 20. She set out to find the wildest Native American she could find, he was in jail so she settled for me, ha ha just kidding, anyway I was not ready for parenthood but when we had sex they would keep showing up, after 7 years of fighting and making our lives misarable we went our seperate ways. I was mounting up a childsupport bill that was staggering and with the help of God I finally saw daylight 20 years later from that debt. so thats what happened to us when we were eager. Now if I could do it all again I would take my potetial mate to my pastor and let him analize the situation.
 
@shalomandme

It might be the very thing our heart desires most that will be asked of us. If you have agreed to pick up your cross and follow Jesus, don't be suprised if the cross you are to bear is a difficult one. Following that Narrow Way isn't supposed to be easy or comfortable. I say this because I myself am prepared to give up my heart's desire (love, marriage, normalcy) to follow my Shepherd. If that is what He asks for in the way of sacrifice, I will obey.

Peace be with you.
 
SeanS said:
You suggested she was mentally to young for marriage, that verse teaches if your at the age where your able to leave your parents, which she is, then your at the age where your able to get married.

Why are you discouraging her? 1 Peter 3:7 teaches that marriage is the 'grace of life', why would she want to 'enjoy being single for a while'? 1 Corinthians 7:9 teaches that when your single (and not given the gift of singleness) you burn with lust which leads to more sin, which could soon lead to her losing her sexual purity and as a result lose some of the blessing on her future marriage.

Your comment was so contrary to the teaching of scripture. It's rare to find women/men these days who have a scriptural attitude towards marriage, don't discourage it, encourage it!
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Let me see if I can explain this in simple terms..

1. At 20 years old most people are not mature enough to handle marriage. (Note, I said most, not all)

2. None of those scriptures you gave say anything about what age to marry.

3. Her battle to keep her sexual purity is no different than anyone else's.

4. I'm not discouraging her from her dream of being married, I'm discouraging her from possibly making a big mistake at such a young age.

5. It is possible to voice your opinion without trying to discredit someone else's you know. Just sayin.
 
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Hal51 said:
O.K. easy sean, easy zero. I can tell you what eagernes did to me and the woman who won me over at the age of 20. She set out to find the wildest Native American she could find, he was in jail so she settled for me, ha ha just kidding, anyway I was not ready for parenthood but when we had sex they would keep showing up, after 7 years of fighting and making our lives misarable we went our seperate ways. I was mounting up a childsupport bill that was staggering and with the help of God I finally saw daylight 20 years later from that debt. so thats what happened to us when we were eager. Now if I could do it all again I would take my potetial mate to my pastor and let him analize the situation.
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Hal51, I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship so i cant pinpoint what was the cause of its failure was. But I do know that the bible makes it clear how to have a successful marriage, so if we keep to those guidlines, you cannot go wrong. And nowhere in scripture does it say 'successfull marriages' come with age. In fact quite the opposite, scripture always speaks against singleness if it is not the actual gift given by the Holy Spirit and encourages people to get married (Proverbs 5:18)
 
zeroturbulence said:
Let me see if I can explain this in simple terms..

1. At 20 years old most people are not mature enough to handle marriage. (Note, I said most, not all)

2. None of those scriptures you gave say anything about what age to marry.

3. Her battle to keep her sexual purity is no different than anyone else's.

4. I'm not discouraging her from her dream of being married, I'm discouraging her from possibly making a big mistake at such a young age.

5. It is possible to voice your opinion without trying to discredit someone else's you know. Just sayin.
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1) Based on what evidence? I see many marriages between older couples in the church go wrong also

2) 1 Corinthians 7 says to get married to avoid burning with lust, so when you start burning with lust, marriage should be as soon as possible (obviously you must also be able to fulfil the biblical duties of a wife/husband)

3) Keeping sexual purity is much easier in marriage than singleness, that is the whole point of Paul's passage in 1 Corinthians 7

4) You didn't give her any advice on how to find the right suitor, you just told her to 'wait a few more years'

5) If I'm voicing an opinion that is in complete opposition to another persons, of course I'm going to explain why I believe there's is wrong.
 
I personally believe there is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. God put that desire into us, we naturally want to be in love. But when you become so obsessed with it that you lose your focus on God, that is when things go bad. Love can become an idol. Right now, in our single years, we must live for God. (1 Corinthians 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.)

I can't wait for the day I get married, but I also know that I need to wait for the right timing. I have things that I can do now for the Lord while I wait for Him to bring me my husband. Focus on what you can accomplish for God. (Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.)
 
SeanS said:
1) Based on what evidence? I see many marriages between older couples in the church go wrong also

2) 1 Corinthians 7 says to get married to avoid burning with lust, so when you start burning with lust, marriage should be as soon as possible (obviously you must also be able to fulfil the biblical duties of a wife/husband)

3) Keeping sexual purity is much easier in marriage than singleness, that is the whole point of Paul's passage in 1 Corinthians 7

4) You didn't give her any advice on how to find the right suitor, you just told her to 'wait a few more years'

5) If I'm voicing an opinion that is in complete opposition to another persons, of course I'm going to explain why I believe there's is wrong.
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Hehe I give up. :D :rolleyes: If you don't see the value in what I'm trying to say by now then I won't waste any more of my time or yours (or anyone else's who's reading this). ;)
 
Fighting4Him said:
I personally believe there is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. God put that desire into us, we naturally want to be in love. But when you become so obsessed with it that you lose your focus on God, that is when things go bad. Love can become an idol. Right now, in our single years, we must live for God. (1 Corinthians 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.)

I can't wait for the day I get married, but I also know that I need to wait for the right timing. I have things that I can do now for the Lord while I wait for Him to bring me my husband. Focus on what you can accomplish for God. (Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.)
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Hey, 1 Corinthians 7:34 uses the word 'unmarried' to refer to those who are made single by unbiblcal divorce and thus cannot re-marry unless she is recconciled to her husband, the word is 'agamos' in Greek which is used in verse 11. The 'virgin' refers to those who have been given the gift of singleness that Paul talks about in verse 7. Such people do not burn with passion (verse 9).

So Paul is saying if you have the gift of singleness, or you are a divorced woman who is not allowed to re-marry you have the ability to be more concerned about the things of God than the married. This is not telling people who burn with passion and are not disqualified for marriage that there is some benefit to staying single as that would contradict verse 9.
 
SeanS said:
Hey, 1 Corinthians 7:34 uses the word 'unmarried' to refer to those who are made single by unbiblcal divorce and thus cannot re-marry unless she is recconciled to her husband, the word is 'agamos' in Greek which is used in verse 11. The 'virgin' refers to those who have been given the gift of singleness that Paul talks about in verse 7. Such people do not burn with passion (verse 9).

So Paul is saying if you have the gift of singleness, or you are a divorced woman who is not allowed to re-marry you have the ability to be more concerned about the things of God than the married. This is not telling people who burn with passion and are not disqualified for marriage that there is some benefit to staying single as that would contradict verse 9.
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So let me see if I understand you correctly. Are you trying to say that anyone who burns with lust should get married instead of trying to stay single and wait until they are truly ready?

Getting married in order to quench one's lust is really not a good reason to get married in my opinion.
 
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zeroturbulence said:
So let me see if I understand you correctly. Are you trying to say that anyone who burns with lust should get married instead of trying to stay single and wait until they are truly ready?

Getting married in order to quench one's lust is really not a good reason to get married in my opinion.
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Might not be a good reason in your opinion but it was in Paul's:

1 Corinthians 7:9- 'But if they do not have self control let them Mary for it is better to Mary than to burn with passion'
 
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