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shae0104

shae0104

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Jun 21, 2011
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that fuzzy lovie feeling is temporary. It can last 2 weeks or a year, it can come back and different peaks of a relationship/marriage. It doesn't mean your out of love it just means the fuzzy. warm factor isnt. LOVE is work and choice.

dont be fooled!! You can be in love with your spouse and be attracted to someone else. I have seen some people believe once you find your so called "the one" that you wont be attracted to anyone else. That is statiscally speaking,false. I think its why people fall into affairs, they think its something more and go with feelings.

Feelings can be misleading, and in a world of instant gradification its can be dangerous.

So if you are getting married realize this asap!!!

MARRIAGE =HARDWORK
 
im not saying marriage is bad. I just think SOME people have this idea of what marriage is suppose to be vs what it is.
 
I will say this was sort of a cool interplay my ex-wife & I shared. We were both realistic about "looks & attractiveness" of the opposite sex with each other. There was no perversion in it. No belittling,like "how come you don't look like him/her?"...it was just an honest acknowledgment of if you saw someone on tv or a film or whatever that you found attractive. Her and I both had crazy extremes as well of people we found attractive. What was cool though,is there was no jealousy & no trying to compare yourself or the other person. We both could admit if we saw someone of the same sex attractive. (and no I don't mean like we wanted to be homosexual or lesbian with them) I think with couples it might become a problem when you start to fantasize about that other person you find attractive,so there can be a thin line. My situation was different being married to a non-believer I suppose,but I think having that open dialog & pretending that you didn't notice that so & so was pleasing to look at just leaves the door open for deception & maybe future adultery? Dunno I'm no shrink. I can say that being married is not all about warm fuzzies 24/7 and it certainly isn't a sex-fest 24/7. Intimacy on a physical level ...maybe 20% of the time,and from what I have heard over the years from other married (christian or not) if you have kids,and both work...forget it..yer' looking at less than 10% of the time you spend with your spouse in the bedroom. One more reason that you have to have that flesh in check before you get married,it's so important because being married is so much deeper than just warm fuzzies & crazy nights of passion. You really have to work for those & cherish them. So cultivate the other aspects of your relationship,you'll be thankful you did. Ok...ty for letting me hijack the thread & ramble on.
 
shae0104 said:
im not saying marriage is bad. I just think SOME people have this idea of what marriage is suppose to be vs what it is.
Click to expand...

Just dropping in to give some good news on marriage...I some experience, married very happily for almost 30 years. I believe I am married to THE most gorgeous man, he was gorgeous at 22 when we met, still is at 56. I may see a man and think he is attractive, but thats not unhealthy, i am not blind! Just as my husband may comment on a woman....but it goes no further because i have chosen from the menu! I am not saying it has always been plain sailing but neither of us have ever thought of leaving...we love each other and realise the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence! We shared an attraction to each other that has grown, not diminsihed over the years, as we have gone through tough times. These times drove us into each others arms, not anyone elses! We shared hobbies and activities in begining, still do and now we share our children and the life we have built over the years. Yes, you have to put in effort in a marriage but I have never found it 'hard work' but more a pleasure gained by contributing to my husbands happiness. Fortunately, he feels the same! Secret to a happy marriage is definitely sharing a sense of humor and never taking the other person for granted, not being selfish and complacent. A marriage commitment ought to enrich life, not drain it of joy! God Bless you. <><
 
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rephrasing HARD WORK with effort! I just feel bad for those who go into marriage clueless.
 
and yipee on your years on marriage wishing u more. I am pro marriage when god is the focal point.
 
shae0104 said:
that fuzzy lovie feeling is temporary. It can last 2 weeks or a year, it can come back and different peaks of a relationship/marriage. It doesn't mean your out of love it just means the fuzzy. warm factor isnt. LOVE is work and choice.

dont be fooled!! You can be in love with your spouse and be attracted to someone else. I have seen some people believe once you find your so called "the one" that you wont be attracted to anyone else. That is statiscally speaking,false. I think its why people fall into affairs, they think its something more and go with feelings.

Feelings can be misleading, and in a world of instant gradification its can be dangerous.

So if you are getting married realize this asap!!!

MARRIAGE =HARDWORK
Click to expand...

Actually the 'fuzzy lovie' feeling on average lasts 6 months. Its a chemical in the brain that gets released. This is why so many people want to marry the first 6 months of dating, then end up divorced. Or why so many relationships end within a few weeks or months after the 6 month period.
 
I have a solution that can make this feeling last!!! Wanna hear it? Do ya? It's a good one!

Get into a relationship with someone, stay no longer than 6 months, then break up and on to the next! :P That will keep the feeling alive!
I should set up an advice booth like on Charlie Brown- 5 cents for advice!
 
Last edited:
shae0104 said:
some people are addicted to love!
Click to expand...

Not real love. They're addicted to the 'warm fuzzies' and the boost in mood enhancers that comes with the start of a new relationship. Or they're just needy and co-dependent.

But, nonetheless, this i couldn't resist...

[video=youtube;XcATvu5f9vE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE[/video]
 
hattiebod said:
Just dropping in to give some good news on marriage...I some experience, married very happily for almost 30 years. I believe I am married to THE most gorgeous man, he was gorgeous at 22 when we met, still is at 56. I may see a man and think he is attractive, but thats not unhealthy, i am not blind! Just as my husband may comment on a woman....but it goes no further because i have chosen from the menu! I am not saying it has always been plain sailing but neither of us have ever thought of leaving...we love each other and realise the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence! We shared an attraction to each other that has grown, not diminsihed over the years, as we have gone through tough times. These times drove us into each others arms, not anyone elses! We shared hobbies and activities in begining, still do and now we share our children and the life we have built over the years. Yes, you have to put in effort in a marriage but I have never found it 'hard work' but more a pleasure gained by contributing to my husbands happiness. Fortunately, he feels the same! Secret to a happy marriage is definitely sharing a sense of humor and never taking the other person for granted, not being selfish and complacent. A marriage commitment ought to enrich life, not drain it of joy! God Bless you. <><
Click to expand...

Thank you!! This was very well said!!
 
There is a scene from the movie Captain Corelli's Mandolin where Iannis talks to his daughter about love - it sums it up beautifully.
I will post it so ya all dont have to look it up or get the movie out.

Iannis to his daughter " Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness; it is not excitement; it's not the desire to mate every second of the day; not lying awake at night imagining him kissing every part of your body. No, don't blush says Iannis. I'm telling you some truths. That is just being 'in love', which any fool can do. Love itself is what's left over, when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Your mother and I had it. We had roots that grew towards each other underground; and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our brances we found that we were one tree and not two".


Such a beautiful description of true love.
 
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