Living with unbeilevers

[TheAristocat]

Currently my wife (until she files for divorce) has rejected God and me as her husband. I believe that a marriage is a covenant but she believes that it's just a contract and even though we are only "legally" married by law/paper she feels that she can do what she wants to do because emotionally and physically we are not married (according to her twisted viewpoint).

I want to follow the will of God and have Him glorified in my life but I won't force her to stay either. I also have all the biblical grounds for divorce but I wont' file, that will be up to her and if she does file I will release her.

In the mean time I keep trying to love her has Christ loved us as when we were sinners with the hope that she will repent to God first and then want to reconcile, but last few weeks the circumstances are pointing into the area of divorce.

This is spiritual warfare at its core, and I may not win the battle but Christ has won the war. I know that if I follow His lead/commands that one day he will bless me, with or with out her and all I can do is to continue to walk in His light and pray for her.

Not sure how this path (divorce) will glorify God but I put my trust in Him alone.

Hope that makes sense and did not dishonor my wife or situation or the Lord.

You've got my respect.

 

[sanglina]

Would love to start a new discussion for those of us living with an unbeliever. This is not to be a husband/wife basher discusion, this is how to live with your unbeliving spouse with love according to Gpd's word. If anyone is interested in this please let me know. I don't even know how to start this ,but if any one can help me that would be appreciated. I think there is a need for this. It is to pray, encourage, uplift, give support etc. to one another. Thanks for your support .

There is a friend of mine whose mother is a Christian and father a Hindu. My friend and her two brothers became Christians from their very childhood days and it was only her father that did not accept Christ in the family. After more than twenty years of being married to her mother, by God's grace, her father finally came to accept Jesus as his personal Lord and Saviour in 2009/2010. It was quite a memorable moment for the family and the church that has been constantly praying for his salvation.

What works for this family was because their father had a relative view of God and did not object to his family worshiping the Almighty God. But, aunty (my friend's mother) had to go through so much of difficulties in her married life (as her husband was not pro-active in any church ministries or Christian related get togethers or events). However, since divorce was not an option, she bore it all and finally, we could see the fruit of God answering her prayers.

Another friend of mine had an aunty who married a hindu punjabi man. They have been married for close to 18 years now. They have one son (who's grown into a teenage boy now). This uncle also view God as relative and doesn't object to aunty going to church with their son or praying or stuffs like that (I have been to their house a couple of times). Not only religion wise, are they different but even in food habits and cultural wise, they are very different. He is a complete vegetarian and a chappati man (typical Indian bread) whereas aunty is a typical Naga: non-vegetarian and rice lover to the core.

The couple of times I have been to their house (stayed over there once), aunty prepared vegetarian and chappati for uncle, but for all of us, she prepared non-vegetarian, rice and other Naga side dish. We all took our dinner together in the same dining table even though said uncle was vegetarian. She just hope and pray that one day, God will speak to him and that he would come to accept Him as his personal Saviour.

PS: I personally do not endorse Christian and non-Christian marriage but just sharing what I know of such marriages to "pray, encourage, uplift and support" the OP (as she seems to be already in the situation if I understand correctly).

 

[Outsider]

Just thought I would post a wee thought...firstly, in reply to Hootowl, Christianity, Bible Believing Christianity is not a cult...but maybe I am being overly sensitive and miss understood, in which case I apologise. Many of us marry as unbelievers and then one of us is saved. Thats my situation. I am blessed though in a marriage that is happier than it was before I was saved. That is how it ought to be? I am less vengeful, materialistic, less aggressive, less selfish...less nit-picky!! I fully depend on the Lord and when I do behave un kindly, or not in line with my Saviours teachings...well I am called to remember and repent. The wonderful thing is that although my darling husband is not saved YET, he does say our marriage is better than it ever was...and thats because of Christ in me. Not due to me in any way. I have to have and exhibit self control, not to ram my faith down his throat. My faith is not in how I speak, but in how I act. We are to show what and who we believe in, by the way we walk, 24/7. It is not an easy road but I also think I am blessed doubly. I have to remain focused and when things slip, I have no one to blame or to join me in my complacency. I am continually prompted by the Spirit though...and I know all will be well. One day. God Bless <><

This truly is a loving story, and it definitely warmed my heart. The fact you can love someone, even though they have not accepted God, really says a lot about your heart, your love. But please, give you and your husband at least a little bit of credit here! Even if God is helping you, it's you and your husband who are ultimately taking the steps to making your marriage work.

Even if you and your husband have different ideas about God, it's clear the two of you are on the same page. And even though I do hope the both of you eventually come to share the same views on God, the most important thing is for the two of you to support each other and to hold onto your love.

It sounds like you have a good husband, don't trade him for anything.

 

[hattiebod]

This truly is a loving story, and it definitely warmed my heart. The fact you can love someone, even though they have not accepted God, really says a lot about your heart, your love. But please, give you and your husband at least a little bit of credit here! Even if God is helping you, it's you and your husband who are ultimately taking the steps to making your marriage work.

Even if you and your husband have different ideas about God, it's clear the two of you are on the same page. And even though I do hope the both of you eventually come to share the same views on God, the most important thing is for the two of you to support each other and to hold onto your love.

It sounds like you have a good husband, don't trade him for anything.

Thank you for your kind words. He is a good man, a kind, generous husband who puts his family first. We have such a good life together and are a close family. My daughter is saved but is not walking with the Lord...which saddens me but I know she knows!! my son however is hanging in there and at 17 is quite strong in the Lord (we have just returned from church together You are right, I know God has placed us together and I stand on my faith and over the years DH and I are able to talk more of the ways of God. I Know 'being good' will not save him...and I have no intention of trading him in!! Just hope he continues to feel the same It is tough though being a lone woman in the church...it has its challenges. I am a little isolated but I get as involved as I can. Trouble is I am not a 'single' yet not always made very welcome with couples either! God leads me though and is opening up other opportunities in the community that are exciting. You are also so right about marriage being a partnership and team work. It takes 2 to make it work yes, but not always at the same time ! God Bless you and thank you again for your up-lifting words. <><

 

[BettieB]

Hi everyone, I am new to the site, and a new Christian as well. I rededicated my life to Christ on March 11th 2012.

I live with a spouse that claims to be a christian but his actions prove to me otherwise and it has driven a wedge between us. I am in the stage of trying to change my old ways and turn to Christ. But, my husband continues to live in a sinful way even trying to pull me into it. Its a struggle everyday.

My husband and I have had issues with drugs and alcohol in the past and it has always lead us down a horrible path. Last March we moved into a new home and had a partyy to celebrate. My husband got so drunk that he beat me pretty badly and kept me confined to my room. I firgave him because thats the only time in our 10 year relationship he has put his hands on me, and of course id want our marriage to work.

However I am dreadfully scared that if my husband doesnt turn to christ something like that will happen to me again. My husband attends church with me and even said hes going to a couples night with our church on friday, so I keep some hope and I pray. Im serious, but feel as though my husband is not.

 

[Outsider]

Hi everyone, I am new to the site, and a new Christian as well. I rededicated my life to Christ on March 11th 2012.

I live with a spouse that claims to be a christian but his actions prove to me otherwise and it has driven a wedge between us. I am in the stage of trying to change my old ways and turn to Christ. But, my husband continues to live in a sinful way even trying to pull me into it. Its a struggle everyday.

My husband and I have had issues with drugs and alcohol in the past and it has always lead us down a horrible path. Last March we moved into a new home and had a partyy to celebrate. My husband got so drunk that he beat me pretty badly and kept me confined to my room. I firgave him because thats the only time in our 10 year relationship he has put his hands on me, and of course id want our marriage to work.

However I am dreadfully scared that if my husband doesnt turn to christ something like that will happen to me again. My husband attends church with me and even said hes going to a couples night with our church on friday, so I keep some hope and I pray. Im serious, but feel as though my husband is not.

I hope you and your husband are able to overcome his drug and alcohol problem.

If your husband is going to kick his alcohol and drug habit, he needs to hang out with people who don't share those vices. Hanging out with other clean couples from the church can help him a lot. However, he has to genuinely enjoy their company. If he doesn't, he's going to find them more annoying than helpful. If the people from the church aren't to his liking, then try to find other people who share his non-drug/alcohol related interests.

You said that you and your husband held a party, and he became drunk. It might be a good idea to keep alcohol out of the house.

If worst comes to worst, it might be a good idea to find an alcohol recovery program. A lot of people here would suggest Alcoholics Anonymous, but AA might not be what your husband needs. I would suggest a program such as S.O.S (Secular Organizations for Sobriety), which might offer a more comfortable environment for your husband.

Even though religion can be very powerful, not everyone is comfortable in the church environment.

 

[BettieB]

The bigggest problem here is that he has to want to change. He is a very materialistic man and loves money and alcohol. He can no longer use drugs because he is a US Marine but has switched to alcohol more instead. My fear is that when his enlistment is up he will go back to the drugs as well.

I can never allow him to lay his hands on me so violently again. We have a two year old daughter and I must protect her too. I just keep praying. He actually likes the church we go to, and I dont really have to do anything but ask him if he will come along with me and he agrees to do so. So there is some light there.

I think my husbands issue is letting go of the old ways. I dont feel like he wants to do that but he will still go to church with me.

 

[francisx]

It could be terrible when u are with a religious and ignorant spouse,worse if u had the notion before marriage that she is really a repentant child of God.I m in that mess now.I m open to ideas.