Accountability

[BishopSEH]

Jordache,

It sounds to me like you have made up your own mind in this matter so I will simple toss out a single concept. Study what a betrothal was during the time of Christ. Then, you both you and he are serious about marriage I would get with your Pastor and enter into a 1 year betrothal period. In the time of Christ a betrothal was as binding as marriage with all the same responsibilities as marriage but without the marriage bed or shared household.

Both of you have experienced failed marriages and thus I would recommend doing this one correctly. This would, of course, involve premarital counseling as well and completing all the exercises of good, biblical, premarital counseling. I believe that if you two enter into a betrothal period instead of an engagement then follow it with a covenant marriage that you will be a shinning example not only for your kids and his but for the church and you community.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH

 

[Jordache]

I hear you Aristocrat except I do believe that Gods grace is not absent in the lives of divorced individuals. Both of us were divorced on biblical grounds of abandonment, spousal unfaithfulness, and abuse. I believe we are both cleared. My pastor believes we are cleared. I do not believe this is a sin issue.
Frank has been a Christian for 33 yrs and for 15 yrs. We both know that God comes first, something we've learned from broken marriages where both our spouses walked away from The Lord. It is truly my heart and Franks that we would encourage each other towards The Lord before ourselves.
There is no rescuing goin on here. We are both grown and independent. We've both lived alone and successfully. We've both supported ourselves and developed individual lives. Neither of us is trying to be a hero.

 

[Jordache]

Thank you Bishop. While we are definately looking at what steps to take, we do have a few ideas. As we both did with our first marriages, we will attend premarital counseling which should begin in a couple weeks. We will also go to the ore married classes at our church and perhaps another premarrieds group at another church for alternate perspective. We both have accountability. But the pastor is also both like my father and long time friends with Frank. While we would love to throw all caution to the wind, those are just feelings and we will not. Perhaps we will not wait as long as others may wish, but rest assured we will enter this with eyes wide open.

 

[FAITHFULGILLIAN]

I haven't come across the idea of accountability in the sense in which you are using it. I would be very grateful if you could briefly explain it for me. Thanks.

 

[Jordache]

I have people I go to that know me well. They know my junk and know what I should take caution with. They love me and have grace, but are willing to speak the truth. I have specifically given these people permission to speak into circumstances that make the nervous, offer suggestions, pray with and for me, call me on things, etc. However, as brothers and sisters in Christ I believe there is a level of accountability that we are to have with each other also. We are called to speak truth in love to eachothe whether we are eat friends or not. Part of accountability is listening to the wise council of others. Is it weighed as heavily as the wise council of those who know you best, no. But it is something to consider.

 

[FAITHFULGILLIAN]

I have people I go to that know me well. They know my junk and know what I should take caution with. They love me and have grace, but are willing to speak the truth. I have specifically given these people permission to speak into circumstances that make the nervous, offer suggestions, pray with and for me, call me on things, etc. However, as brothers and sisters in Christ I believe there is a level of accountability that we are to have with each other also. We are called to speak truth in love to eachothe whether we are eat friends or not. Part of accountability is listening to the wise council of others. Is it weighed as heavily as the wise council of those who know you best, no. But it is something to consider.

Thank you so much for explaining the process so fully. It seems to me like an advanced mutual support group. I guess at times living at home I feel I have too much accountability! My parents still very much lay down the law and while I do think I should be cut more slack, while I am still dependent on them,I think it is my duty to totally obey them. So do they lol!

 

[TheAristocat]

Eh. When it comes to marriage, I don't believe in second chances unless one of the spouses is dead. Marrying widows is okay in my book. I just mean, we all say that marriage is a serious matter but then we all jump on the second and third chance bandwagon when the first one doesn't work out. So what's so serious about it? I believe adultery could end a marriage, because it resulted in the death of the adulterer/ess. That's no longer the case in our high and mighty western civilization. So do obligations remain to the living spouse who has committed adultery? I think that they can. God told Hosea to take Gomer back after she had committed adultery. The only reason I believe she wasn't killed was because there were not multiple witnesses who caught her in the act. And since she was still alive, the marriage seemed to stand.

Then you'd have to take into consideration what Matthew 5:32 actually means in the Hebrew. Why doesn't it just say "adultery"? Why does it say "sexual immorality" instead? The concept of the Hebrew marriage was a little different. Some say this sexual immorality would occur after a man was married to a woman but before consummation (such as was thought to be the case with Joseph and Mary when Joseph found Mary to be pregnant). I think the virgin would still be executed in such a case for "being promiscuous in her father's house" as seen in Deuteronomy 22:21. Here the virgin was found not to be a virgin, and the man is allowed to nullify the marriage. But the woman is still killed... which I think according to Paul actually nullifies the marriage (Romans 7:2). Then you have the notion that God's laws still apply to us today (but I know some people won't accept that even though I could also give ample evidence for it).

At any rate, if you've got this all figured out and none of these concerns apply to your situation, then congratulations. Otherwise, a second marriage essentially comes down to this: you're choosing to risk it not because it's necessarily right but because you don't want to be alone for the rest of your life. In that case it would be understandable, and I wouldn't blame a person for doing this since they are a victim. But it wouldn't necessarily be commendable either. At any rate, I believe people who marry for a second time can be happily married. In fact, I know one - my great uncle.

 

[homwardbound]

I have people I go to that know me well. They know my junk and know what I should take caution with. They love me and have grace, but are willing to speak the truth. I have specifically given these people permission to speak into circumstances that make the nervous, offer suggestions, pray with and for me, call me on things, etc. However, as brothers and sisters in Christ I believe there is a level of accountability that we are to have with each other also. We are called to speak truth in love to eachothe whether we are eat friends or not. Part of accountability is listening to the wise council of others. Is it weighed as heavily as the wise council of those who know you best, no. But it is something to consider.

But don't fporget the counsellors in the book of Job and the way that went about yes hear others but bottom line sift all through your new heart in Christ Jesus that seperates error from truth. Now are you sure about this, or is it something of flesh desire and a security issue here on this earth only you can answer this in yourself, search your heart and tell god honestly your motive. Because youknow Marriage to each other is not a bed of roses it is work hard work accepting each other, and a lotof times turns out lieing to each other in fear of harming one another.
So talk about being Honest to each other. Can you tell him you inner most thoughts of bad that come about, and can he.
Can both of you be friends above everything else?
And who will be your object of Faith? Will that remain to be the Lord or become each other or one over the other
You know you will fight behind closed doors, will yoube able to be honest about that or puton a mask as so many in marriages do act as if all is just great
Can you fight and put it behind you after the fight realise you or him were just venting and say no more of it, move onto the future?
Have you showed him how nasty angry you can get or is this after you marry that he will see this?
The same goes for him.
Have you seen each other at your worst? Important to be upfront about, so whenever either of you are both of you are prepared for it and will just listen to the other to be released from the anger that got you that day, but refrain from becoming too dependent on one another.
Trust god first and then see each other and be friends more than anything else
Hope this helps in your walk with the most high

 

[homwardbound]

Thank you so much for explaining the process so fully. It seems to me like an advanced mutual support group. I guess at times living at home I feel I have too much accountability! My parents still very much lay down the law and while I do think I should be cut more slack, while I am still dependent on them,I think it is my duty to totally obey them. So do they lol!

I quarantee you they have been through the things you get excited about and would love to experience, and when they say NO! there is a reason and it is because they have experienced the bad that comes from innocence wanting to know.
So ask them Why. And when they say things like because I said so, say I am wanting to experience life here on earth and if you tell the reasons your experiences good and bad I might be able to learn from them and not make those same mistakes,
Kind of like when othewrs ask about drugs I have been there and my Sister at 18 died from them.
So is it good to do drugs NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Tell them you need to know why so you can make wise discisions for they are not going to be around frever.
For instance knowing God just love me, my respsonse is thankful and therefore I love back God's way. But if I grow up with don't do this or that and no explanation of why keeps not all but a lot of people curious, because to most not all sin takes occasssion by the commandment curiosity killed the cat
So Sister ask God for the right words to ask your parents to teach you truth in reality of all the bad things on this earth that people do. Tell them you want to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove and if they share their truth in this then you will know truth that will keepyouout of the garbage can of this world
And I tell you this world has dressed itself up well and can be very inviting,
Hope to have givern you some insight to this woirld and its lures