A question to the happily married people among us...

Hey everyone

I need some extra understanding about something that's happening in my life and maybe it's a good way to disccern when I ask those brothers and sisters who already went though things like this even though it might be something different in every life.

Anyways here are my questions:

When you met your partner for the first time, was it love on first sight?
Was there any kind of romance without crossing the line before you got married? (I mean did you already love each other in an affectionate way?)
If you look at love in real life and the way it is presented by the media, what would you tell is completely different?

For my sisters...
Were you frightened when you knew he was the man to marry to?
Ever had a big conflct or have you ever been rejected by your family when you married this man even though there were no speccial feelings except just a prophecy or a ssense that he might be the right person. Not in the way to be hurried to marry because of certain carnal needs but because of a spiritual awareness long before you would be one in flesh as well?

Did God give you peace even though every one else tried to stop you?

These questions might sound strange but I have to discern something before I would ever take any kind of action in my life that could regret me.
I'd rather wait as long as possible but in the mean time I would like to understand wether this could ever mean a step of faith or a step of foolishness.

God bles you

Sarah

Sarah,

I am 55 years old, married, and have two children, Matthew, aged 33, and Tini, aged 27. But I'm a man.

It would be best if you got an answer from one of the fine women -- nanabean, shekaniah, Jullianna etc -- because you need a woman's point of view. (I can't even give you all those little signals which make a message acceptable.)

But you have waited a long time for an answer. (My wife is in another country, looking after her mother.) And I don't like to see you get nothing.

Now, I know a little. But I'll give you what I can.

The first thing is that choosing a mate is not a yes or no answer. I know no young person wants to hear that. They are impatient. They can imagine their needs being met. But without the balancing thought of all the work they're going to have to do being in a relationship with someone who in themselves is not perfect. They can imagine all the good in the relationship and they are impatient.

But there's a lot to it. You even know yourself a thing to do is not just right by itself. As you know, there is a time for every purpose as well (Ecc 3:17 )

Okay, so that's the main one there. And just waiting on the Lord will help you with that.

But there's more.

In the Song of Songs, the Lord presents us with an idyllic love, an ideal (although poeticly expressed).

Each figurative meaning contains a truth. It is an ideal.

And in any falling short there will be consequences for us.

See firstly after the scene is set up to 2:7 and they are in love, that being in love does not complete the justification for relationship (although it WILL bind them together and give them power to overcome problems.)

From 2:8 to 2:17 there is more, although it is 'in poetry' and it may be hard to see.

He is well-able, above the world and already above circumstances, v8;
he calls her, v8;
the circumstances and the timing are right, ...a time when things are coming into fruituion;
his love is perfect, v14;
she admires him as he is, in freedom, while they are yet separated, v17.

There is more in their coming together 1:5 to 2:7. I'll give you it later.

But in the meantime my advice is this: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

God be with you.

Hi

I like to contribute what I have gone through and I hope it can encourage you. I am married for 18 years, have three daughters (16, 14, and 12).

When I first met my wife-to-be, there was definitely a lot of attraction (including her looks) but I won’t call it love at first sight because I didn’t know her yet! In fact, we were friends first and went out together with others. It was a few months later that I eventually approached her for single dates. I have to add that at that time, both of us are seriously committed in our faith and walk in the Lord and this was the MAIN thing that finally draws us together. I desire someone to help and support me in my relationship with Jesus, and she has that desire too.

For your second question, I assume you are referring to physical affection. Well, no, we did not engage in any physical relationship prior to our marriage. It was simply a choice we made. There’s always temptation but looking back, we kind of avoided it.

Third question: What kind of love life you desire? Is it God’s way or the world’s way? You have to decide now. If you are a believer and committed to Him, then trust God to work out your relationship. Seek first His kingdom and He knows how to bring the right person to you. The media’s way of love is essentially very physical, in my opinion. In the movie, a guy meets a girl, out for dinner and ended up in bed. And if you desire to be a committed Christian, then this is one of the toughest test for young Christians today; abstain from sex until marriage. I teach my daughters that if God forbids a certain lifestyle in the Bible, it is really to protect and to bless us.

For the questions to be addressed by the sisters here, I have this to add (please bear with me.. thanks)

You shouldn’t marry a person because of any special feelings or any prophecy or intuition. Yes, there could be an initial draw or attraction but don’t jump into it simply because of that. Work out your relationship by being sure why you want to marry, what kind of life do you want with him, how can both of you encourage each other to be closer to God and to each other, and what do you want out of this marriage? Be practical as well as spiritual too. How about your personal life with God? If you are strong in the Lord, then you will enter marriage in that way. And you also want your spouse to be strong in the Lord too.

Thanks dear brothers for sharing your experience and knowledge.
My problem is not impatience though. This year I got enough patience that I could even live without the idea of marriage.
I'm just having a very complex issue in my family about a normal kind of interaction on a civilised and christian way with a foreign man.
We're having this disagreement for a year by now...

And it confuses me time by time...

Hey

I've been married 6 years, so I don't have tons of experience, but I hope it's enough to answer your questions.

1. It was definitely NOT love at first sight; I met my husband when we were in highschool, and I couldn't STAND him then.

2. When we finally got around to dating a few years later, I'm ashamed to say that no, we didn't save anything much for marriage.

3. I think that love in real life is absolutely different from what the media shows us; in real life, there are real problems, real children, real families, real arguments- all sorts of actual things going on that couples have to deal with on a daily basis, and not only DEAL with, but deal with TOGETHER. In movies, sure, a couple might argue and split up, but over what? Something like, "he didn't tell me he had 3 million dollars hidden away that he's been saving since he was 2 years old" or something absolutely ridiculous like that. And of course, the man ends up spending lavish amounts of time or money to make it up to the woman, and they kiss and make up and maybe get married on a beach somewhere.

4. I WAS actually kind of afraid when I realized he was the man I would marry. Getting married at that point wasn't really in my plans, but we dated, we got engaged, things just rolled along so smoothly that it made a lot of sense to get married when we did. But I did wonder a few times what I was thinking, wondered what I would have to give up in order to be his wife, all kinds of things. Turns out, the only thing I really had to give up was my selfishness; being married requires a lot of selfless acts to keep up not just the romance, but also even just the daily PEACE

5. My family never really gave me any trouble over my decision to get married, except for once; my mother had been worried about me because of some things I'd recently gone through, and she didn't think that I should get into a committed relationship- actually ANY relationship- so soon. We had a bit of an argument, but I knew what I wanted, and I felt that God had placed my fiance in my life at that particular time for a reason.


Anyway, I don't think that there is anything at all wrong with biding your time, waiting for God to place the right man into your life, rather than trying to rush into anything that you probably would regret someday. The divorce rate would be much, much lower if more people had the strength, patience, whatever it takes, to wait for God's plan for them to unfold, instead of jumping head first into a bad situation.

Wow...
Thanks for your honesty and answering my questions!!!