CRA Christians in Recovery (anonymous)

Thank you for sharing and good morning to all,

We will never in this life know what the thorn in Paul's flesh was. We know how he felt, it's clear in Romans 7:
21...So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

That's how I feel. None of the alter calls, or laying on of hands ever relieved me for long, of the parts of me I didn't want to acknowledge or deal with. Changing a brain damaged by abuse, guilt and poison takes time and that 4 letter word WORK! It's been suggested to my by 'Anonymous'. Saul of Tarsus may have been an addict too. I don't care either way. His ring true to me. Inspired by the Holy Spirit and having a not so sudden spiritual awakening of the 'miraculous type'. He still had to trudge to Damascus to become healed (well) enough to help and share the Good News with others.

I now can laugh at my foolishness like trying to drink 190 proof Everclear mixed with buttermilk to soothe my bleeding ulcers? That worked about 3 seconds!

I took 10 drunks and a Nun 5 years, to develop and print a plan to help people like us. After several millennia of doctors and preachers failed to make a significant long term recovery program for the masses. A.A. was in print and copyrighted in 1939. Thank God and the old timers.

"Thank you Brother, for sharing and being an inspiration of loving God, and your strength and
courage to manage and discipline yourself in the lingering struggles of addictions and mental disorder.
We can never be thankful enough of how we were, and by the grace of God and a recovery program...
where we are today. I pray we continue each day with humble gratitude."....
'Praise God'

Fresh from the American Society on Addiction Medicine ASAM:

Short Definition of Addiction:


Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors.


Addiction is characterized by inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response. Like other chronic diseases, addiction often involves cycles of relapse and remission. Without treatment or engagement in recovery activities, addiction is progressive and can result in disability or premature death.

What I highlighted clearly indicates that relapse is more than rebellion. It's part of the disease. If/when we or a loved one relapses or backslides it's a manifestation of the disease. That's why "One day at a time" is emphasized so often. Our disease is in our heads and knows our weaknesses. If we or a loved one had a brief lapse of control yesterday. Remember today's another day and today is all anybody has.

NA basic text p.30.>
When we're confused or in pain, our sponsor sometimes tells us to "write about it." Though we may groan as we drag out the notebook, we know that it will help. By laying it all out on paper, we give ourselves the chance to sort through what's bothering us. We know we can get to the bottom of our confusion and find out what's really causing our pain when we put the pen to the paper.

Writing can be rewarding, especially when working through the steps. Many members maintain a daily journal. Simply thinking about the steps, pondering their meaning, and analyzing their effect is not sufficient for most of us. There's something about the physical action of writing that helps to fix the principles of recovery in our minds and hearts.

The rewards we find through the simple action of writing are many. Clarity of thought, keys to locked places inside of us, and the voice of conscience are but a few. Writing helps us be more honest with ourselves. We sit down, quiet our thoughts, and listen to our hearts. What we hear in the stillness are the truths that we put down on paper.

Just for Today: One of the ways I can search for truth in recovery is to write. I will write about my recovery today.

The reason I Calibob, 'Dual Diagnosis survivor in recovery' brought up the modern definition of addiction is so show how the pleasure & rewards system of the mind can get addicted to what seem like pleasures to some. Video games, gambling and porn can be so addictive. They are not the kinds of things we eat, drink or smoke. Our bodies never become involved until lack of sleep or malnutrition comes on the scene. In fact I know for certain developers of poker & slot machines use audio/visual techniques like flashing lights ringing bells and coins falling coins ho hook customers into staying and playing longer knowing fully well customer average loosing 5% per pull. The bells and lights make us feel like we are winning while actually we are just voluntarily putting money into the casino's piggy banks. When the winning ends and we try to get away the lack of excitement leaves a chemical void in our minds that can cause severe depression, desperation and massive suicide rates. From Nevada HHS.>

• Nevada is the only state to reduce it’s suicide rate between 1999 and 2016. All other states increased their suicide rates. https://www.newsweek.com/suicide-su...a-department-health-and-human-services-967577
• Nevada has the 11th highest rate of suicide in the United States, nearly double the national rate. This is the 2nd year in history we were not ranked in the top 10.
• Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States but is the 8th leading cause of death for Nevadans.
• Suicide is the 1st leading cause of death for Nevadans ages 12-19 & 2nd leading cause of death for ages 20-44.
• For every teen that dies by suicide, it is estimated that 100-200 teens have attempted.

Porn and video games act on the exact parts of the brain however greed is not so strongly connected to a concerted effort to make them so addictive. Avoiding these mental and emotional stimulants should be considered a top priority for recovery.

In fact I know for certain developers of poker & slot machines use audio/visual techniques like flashing lights, ringing bells and falling coins falling coins to hook customers into staying and playing longer knowing fully well customer average loosing about 5% per pull.

Sorry I ran out of editing time, and had to fix something I left incorrect.

The suicide rates I posted are for the state of Nevada overall. I never checked the alcohol, & porn meccas like Las Vegas or Reno. P.S. I lived in 'Vegas over 7 years.

So the educational version of this thread has been covered enough. Education alone will not save an addicted person. And addicted person has basically lost the ability to quit without help. Our will power has been ransomed and our stubbornness used against us, by a deadly enemy we cannot see, within us. What I've shared was in order that we might realize the roots of the problem.

The seeking of pleasure thru artificial means caused much of it. Switching substances like going from wine to beer or coke to meth is just a foolish endeavor that usually goes from bad to worse in due time. Our self will has run amuck and our ability to stick with any decision may fall by the wayside when cravings occur. What can we do?

Step 1.) Admitted we need help. That we have become powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable.

Step 2.) Came to believe that the Lord has the power to help us if he is sought.

3.) We made a commitment to turn our 'self-will' over to God's will with care and guidance of the Lord.

That's where to start. Here to help us is the serenity prayer.>

Thank you for sharing. This meeting is open. We are Christians in Recovery. Jesus is lord of recovery!

Who's next?

~~The Problem~~
********************************************************************************************'
~'Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others. Early on, we came to feel disconnected -- from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with drinking and fantasy. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted for and wanted to be lusted after.
~We became true addicts to our fantasies: drinking for more grandiose fantasy with and about self and/or to escape from our fantasies, leading to promiscuity, adultery, dependency relationships, and more fantasy. We got it through the eyes; we bought it, we sold it, we traded it, we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden. The only way we knew to be free of it was to do it. "Please connect with me and make me whole!" we cried with outstretched arms. Lusting after the Big Fix, we gave away our power to others.
~This produced guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness, and pain, and we were driven ever inward, away from reality, away from love and life, lost inside ourselves and the bottle.
~Our addictions to fantasy and to alcohol made true intimacy impossible. We could never know real union with others because we were addicted to the unreal. We went for the "chemistry", the connection that had the "magic", because it by-passed intimacy, community and true union. Our alcoholic fantasies corrupted the real; lust killed love.
~First alcoholics, then love and life cripples, we took from others to fill up what was lacking in ourselves. Conning ourselves time and again that the next "Big Fix" would save us, we were really losing our lives.'

( reflection from a friend to a friend...R.I.P. ) ®
'Praise God'

Just for Today (from Emotions Anonymous)

Just For Today – The Choice is Mine

1. Just for today~ I will try to live through this day only, not tackling all of my problems at once. I can do something at this moment that would discourage me if I had to continue it for a lifetime.

2. Just for today~ I will try to be happy, realizing my happiness does not depend on what others do or say or what happens around me. Happiness is a result of being at peace with myself.

3. Just for today~ I will try to adjust myself to what is and not force everything to adjust to my own desires. I will accept my family, my friends, my business, my circumstances as they come.

4. Just for today~ I will take care of my physical health; I will exercise my mind; I will read something spiritual.

5. Just for today~ I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anyone knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least one thing I don’t want to do, and I will perform some small act of love for my neighbor.

6. Just for today~ I will try to go out of my way to be kind to someone I meet. I will be considerate, talk low, and look as good as I can. I will not engage in unnecessary criticism or finding fault, nor try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

7. Just for today~ I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests – hurry and indecision.

8. Just for today~ I will stop saying, “If I had time.” I never will find time for anything. If I want time, I must take it.

9. Just for today~ I will have a quiet time of meditation wherein I shall think of my Higher Power, of myself, and of my neighbor. I shall relax and seek truth.

10. Just for today~ I shall be unafraid. Particularly, I shall be unafraid to be happy, to enjoy what is good, what is beautiful, and what is lovely in life.

11. Just for today~ I will not compare myself with others. I will accept myself and live to the best of my ability.

12. Just for today~ I choose to believe that I can live this one day.

Thank you for sharing. #5 is my favorite today.

Women Suffer Too

WOMEN SUFFER TOO


…. WHAT WAS I saying . . . From far away, as if in a delirium, I had heard my own voice—calling someone "Dorothy," talking of shops, of jobs . . . the words came clearer . . . this sound of my own voice frightened me as it got closer . . . and suddenly, there I was, talking of I knew not what, to someone I'd never seen before this very moment. Abruptly I stopped speaking. Where was I?
I'd waked up in strange rooms before, fully dressed on a bed or a couch; I'd waked up in my own room, in or on my own bed, not knowing what hour or day it was, afraid to ask . . . but this was different. This time I seemed to be already awake, sitting upright in a big easy chair, in the middle of an animated conversation with a perfectly strange young woman, who didn't appear to think it strange. She was chatting on, pleasantly and comfortably....

.... The feeling of impending disaster that had haunted me for years began to dissolve as I put into practice more and more of the Twelve Steps. It worked!
An active member of A.A. since 1939, I feel myself a useful member of the human race at last. I have something to contribute to humanity, since I am peculiarly qualified, as a fellow-sufferer, to give aid and comfort to those who have stumbled and fallen over this business of meeting life. I get my greatest thrill of accomplishment from the knowledge that I have played a part in the new happiness achieved by countless others like myself. The fact that I can work again and earn my living, is important, but secondary. I believe that my once over-weening self-will has finally found its proper place, for I can say many times daily, "Thy will be done, not mine" . . . and mean it. AA big Book.

Comming out of a blackout, wide awake and doing something is frightening. When we realize the past few hours is all a blank is even worse. We may be going somewhere and not remember where. And totally not know who we are talking to or what about. Not remember where we parked or where we hid our money. Fortunately I've only been arrested for misdemeanor's. But waking up in jail and waiting to face the Judge and not knowing why is very depressing all by itself.

Fortunately the Lord was watching out for me and my arrests were really rescues. Maybe for someone else too. This meeting is open.

An attitude of gratitude. We have so much to be grateful for in our dual recovery. We are feeling and functioning far better than we could have imagined when we started in recovery. Our relationships have improved. We have developed new abilities or built up existing ones. We have higher self-esteem. We have been helped a great deal by our Higher Power (Who we know as Jesus Christ), by many caring people, and by our own will to live. An attitude of gratitude is a good way to approach the steps. It will help us open up to even more of the gifts that recovery has to offer.


When everything seems to be going well, it is easy to forget about the gains we have made with the help of our Lord and our program. We may also forget our progress when we are in the middle of a crisis. We become too busy or too preoccupied to call on the resources of the program at these times.

The steps, along with other maintenance tools, keep us focused on our recovery, day in and day out. We develop a natural routine, just as anyone who is ill follows a routine of medication or other treatments. We make a habit of working with our Lord's guidance, and that guidance sustains us through good times and bad. We remain clear, confident, and positive in our recovery. We know we will be able to cope with the help of our Lord, no matter what happens.

Unconditional love corresponds to one of the deepest longings, not only of the child, but of every human being.
Erich Fromm

Feeling the need to be perfect to ensure we'll be loved is as familiar as the robin's whistle heralding spring. Am I too fat to be loved? Do people think I'm dumb when I speak out? Mistakenly, we feel unique in our struggles with our fears of inadequacy, thus we fail to find comfort among friends and strangers who share our selected fears.

If we could understand our sameness with others, we'd be able to feel the gentle urging within to acknowledge their presence, their smiles, their messages which are assuredly meant for our ears only. Their desire, like our own, is for the promise of love.

Unconditional love wants expression; pass it around and watch it returned tenfold.

From Hazelden Meditation Series, "Worthy of Love" Meditations on Loving Ourselves and Others