I know I am young but I understand how you feel..
Last year was a rough year for, me trying different medications to solve my problems.. resulted in cutting and losing myself to temptations and evil. I lost myself to such an extent that I believed I was a boy. I changed my name and began school as the opposite gender.. I was incredibly lost. Soon after, I was placed in a mental hospital in Owensboro Ky for three weeks, almost a month. It took a long time, but I finally began church again and reaized that the only thing I truly needed was my God. I found him and things became clear, like wiping fog and steam off of a window. You will get through this. I know I hardly know you, but you are in my prayers.
Good luck brother and God bless you.