It really is a case by case.
Four scenarios going through my head. I have no idea if any of them are the right scenario though.
1. The one with the secret giver says not to tell. It's that person's feeling and reputation on the line. (A few years ago, I cheated on my wife. I told her and we've reconciled, but I'm the pastor, so I'll be kicked out of my job if anyone finds out.)
Unless you know, really know, nothing has changed. There's no reason to tell this secret. Even if your best friend comes to you and tells you she heard the pastor had an affair, simply ask your friend to stop spreading rumors and don't consider it her business.
2. The secret giver says not to tell. It's someone else's feeling or reputation on the line. (My spouse stole a yacht.)
Yes, the spouse is going to get hurt if this one gets out, but someone had their yacht stolen. I'd try to talk my friend into reporting it to the cops, letting her know I'll stick by her no matter what happens next. If that doesn't work, I'd tell my friend I have to report it, if she doesn't, and I wouldn't give her much time to think it over, knowing she could well tell her spouse next and the evidence disappears.
3. Secret giver says not to tell, but the secret being told is the cause of the hurt and tarnished reputation. (Keep this secret. I stole a yacht.)
Um, no! Not ever. Same battle plan, tell the cops or I will, with a shorter window to tell the cops if she doesn't.
4. The one talked about is being whacked in secret. (Your best friend tells you everyone in church knows the pastor is into child porn. You have no idea if it's true or not.)
I'd tell the friend to shut up and stop spreading rumors. And, even though it really would hurt the pastor, and his wife, I'd let them know. I'd try to talk it out to see if it's true, but not too much, because I tend to think everyone is honest, until otherwise notified, so I wouldn't likely know if it's a lie or not. At least they'd know what they're up against, and there's a fairly good chance the wife will snoop to find out if it is the truth. (Or the hubby, if all along it was the wife into it.) Either way, it's going to hurt, but not quite as much as the grapevine spreading rumors like this. And assuming everyone is honest until otherwise notified, I'd stick by them, unless otherwise notified. I might even stick by the person if it is true, but he/she repents. Truly repents. Might be the wrong call, but they could use all the support they can get.
Did that help at all?
