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America's gourd addiction: Why President Biden must mandate a one-gourd-per-household rule
Opinion by Rex Huppke, USA TODAY - Yesterday 5:20 PM
If I’m being honest, it’s gotten out of hand.
You can’t throw a squash this time of year without hitting a gourd display. They’re in bins in front of grocery stores, in window boxes outside homes, uselessly encircling front-yard trees and filling decorative bowls on more dining room tables than I dare mention.
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We should've seen our gourd problem coming
We’ve known things were getting bad gourd-wise since the 2009 publication of humor writer Colin Nissan’s landmark McSweeney’s essay, “IT’S DECORATIVE GOURD SEASON, (EXPLETIVES).”
That should’ve been a red flag that what was once an under-control gourd curiosity had turned problematic. But we sailed right past it, and now, in the year 2022, we find ourselves a nation strung out on largely inedible herbaceous fruit.
Cucurbitaceae have become the fall enthusiasts’ hard-shelled cocaine.
Opinion by Rex Huppke, USA TODAY - Yesterday 5:20 PM
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If I’m being honest, it’s gotten out of hand.
You can’t throw a squash this time of year without hitting a gourd display. They’re in bins in front of grocery stores, in window boxes outside homes, uselessly encircling front-yard trees and filling decorative bowls on more dining room tables than I dare mention.
Start the day smarter. Get all the news you need in your inbox each morning.
We should've seen our gourd problem coming
We’ve known things were getting bad gourd-wise since the 2009 publication of humor writer Colin Nissan’s landmark McSweeney’s essay, “IT’S DECORATIVE GOURD SEASON, (EXPLETIVES).”
That should’ve been a red flag that what was once an under-control gourd curiosity had turned problematic. But we sailed right past it, and now, in the year 2022, we find ourselves a nation strung out on largely inedible herbaceous fruit.
Cucurbitaceae have become the fall enthusiasts’ hard-shelled cocaine.
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