Lovesong Poetry

Why I do it
by: Lowanla (me)

I don't know why I do it,
when the moment arises
my head starts to hurt
and I start to ache inside.
It hurts too much.
Hurting inside.
I don't mean to hurt the
people around me that love me.
Sometimes the pain is louder
than their voices that
call me to reality.
Then, I can't take it anymore.
the pain has to come out of me.
I am always afraid,
always threatened,
forever rejected.
because I am hurt.
I forgot my purpose on Earth.

I need a reason to keep me grounded.
So strong that I can keep going,
even when it hurts, my reason
will keep me knowing.

Even though I am damaged,
Even though I am worthless,
Even though I've made no notable contributions,
That I still have a reason and a purpose.

I guess that is my reason to keep living..
if nothing at all,

just to seek reason.​

Hell from beneath is moved for thee to meet thee at thy coming...- Isaiah 14:9

Moved
by: Lowanla (me)

Then I woke up half alive, and half awake,
to the breeze that swept my hair.
crushed in heaviness, tasted smoke, felt fire;
and then, I knew that you were there.

Are you moved to meet me?
As long as you have been waiting.
Now that I can run no more.
Are you moved to greet me?
There is fire behind your open door.
​

Heart is Sinking
by: Lowanla (me)

bewildered by which way I should go
I was left behind washed up by the raging shore,
where love drowned, and breathed no more.
Stuck in time playing the same motions o'er.

satisfaction is a hunger needed
its broken and never going to be completed
not when I tasted heaven as a whole,
but why can't I move, what I am waiting for?

and its all going down
the dreams that I had faith for
I failed, i failed, I failed...you.
and now that you don't need me anymore
I'm doing my best to let go,
but I'm being pulled down by this anchor
in my chest down to you.
why can't I grow cold,
it was so easy for you to let go,
I can't stop myself from moving downward,
even when you aren't pulling me anymore..

memories are what keep me going
feelings are what keep me dreaming
I can feel my heart sinking
I can feel my heart sinking.
Unsatisfied with 'this is how it has to be'
my heart is sinking, below.​

Dear God in Heaven,

I think I need more than just feeling, words of knowledge,
and promises, I need you to be real for me now.
All the things you have done have been matched by others,
which is what makes things confusing for me.
I need to see more of you now. If you really do love me,
and you say I am beautiful, and a princess.
I need more than what you've been doing...
I think I need to see you, more miracles, more signs,
but mostly you. I need you to be real to me.
If you really say I am worth something to you. Let
me see you..​

Faded Memory
by: Lowanla (me)

I've stopped walking for a moment
to get a glimpse of the view behind me.
It's all in the past.
I'm not the same person I use to be.
She is no longer, always guilty
just a faded memory.

Don't think I can go back to the beginning.
Reminding me of the monster I use to be.
I'm not that person anymore.
One day I will find I am worth something.
I can't find it back there, too depressing.

Going to search out a life always denied,
going to find myself a place in time.
I just got to let go and leave all behind.

A place where Love never dies...​

what do you want me to say?
I've nothing to hold onto from you.
Nothing to stand on, nor believe in.
It was going to end this way,
just like you said.


This is how it has to be.
Fear is worth more than love.
time to let go, it's your show.
I'm just watching the skies
for my plane ticket home.
​

Ace of Spades
by: Lowanla (me)

People will eat anything you give them;
As long as its what they've been craving.
If you were someone worth hating;
then they devour everything til nothing.
For everyone needs an scapegoat.

I wish I could say there was a man
that came out of nowhere to rescue me.
Someone that was too good to be true.
So I created a man straight out of the blue;
this man would help me be cruel.

the truth, is nobody wants to be with me;
nobody wants to save me, nor give me things.
It was an attempt to save myself from love's cruelty.
James, who is he? I only know him as a name,
he is my death card, my ace of spades.
​

Cruel
by: Lowanla (me)

We are born into this world of death
where lust can satisfy the hunger
of the flesh rapidly crumbling in decay.
We'll be going our own separate ways.

It's time to say goodbye, and
O how we cry for more time
who said life was fair?
we wasted every second
without a thought or a care
we don't always get
what we want in this life.

God is cruel, I can't be with you
we all die alone, without control
my long lost friend
This is where it truly ends.
we can't rewind back to sweet or kind;
we have gone way too far this time.​

Dear God
By: Lowanla (me)

why save me from my own stupidity?

who wants to be with me..

nobody..

and you won't help me,
you don't stop this from happening to me...
I'm being used to be thrown away..
just like the others..

nobody wants me..​

Far From Me
by: Lowanla (me)

Isn't this what you wanted?
To be torn
from happiness
isn't this what you asked for?
To be broken
crushed into dust

am I right or am I doing this wrong?
because the feeling is getting to my (losing) mind
there is no control, no way to know,
just one word from time to time
I'm just running in circles all alone

I can't go back if I am wrong
because I crossed over the line
I just wish I never knew you now
after all I put you through
don't think I could face you anyhow

I can't apologize for this evil I've done
Don't look at me anymore
I can't forgive myself anymore
run away, far away, lock the door
so far away I won't hurt you anymore.

Far from me, just run away, far away
far from me, run away, far away
don't look at me, keep running,
far from me​