Thanks. And it's not like I'm saying I wasn't pretty. Just a plain Jane. And it's just something I've observed like Christian guys tend to like girls who are interested in being moms. Plus, I have put myself out there, a lot. And more often than not, I simply blend into the background 'cause I am very much an introvert and with that tends to come social anxiety. The more I tried, the less motivated I got. I tried an experiment one time where I went to a small party at this one small group leader's apartment. I said nothing and sat alone (again, let me reiterate, I was experimenting). After 30 minutes of literally no one coming up and talking to me, I left in tears and learned an important lesson. People may say they want others to be themselves, but they don't really mean it. People like images, not actual personalities.
So, I was hurt. My friends were mostly elite kids with an elitist mentality. Rich, spoiled, weed smokers and they're bullies, mind you.
The first few years I knew them, I hardly used to open my mouth to talk to them in a group. But they were nice in some ways, else I wouldn't have stayed with them.
As I was into keeping fit, I didn't take after them with smoking, alcohol or weed. It really wasn't for me. I just enjoyed the company and understood human companionship being with my friends. But it came at the cost of my self respect at times. That's why my friendship with many of them didn't last.
I digress. I was talking about women in college. I've lost most of my hair now. But back then, I was a good looking guy with a severe inferiority complex. So, the whole of my 2 years in college with my masters program, I never spoke to any woman. Women used to pass me by talking about me and laughing at me. And there were 1 or 2 of them who did try to get my attention, but I seriously messed it up. I was emotionally bankrupt and in a very bad place in my life. I had problems home with hostile neighbours who were religious fanatics and they hated us for being Christians. I'm still living with them. God humbled them right in front of our eyes. That's our God, you know. He knows. He sees. He hears. We think we are the ones who control everything. No. God does.
Moving forward, I've met many women. I roll with them in bjj class. But still the introvert. I don't open up to women. And people in general. You meet me on person, we'll be having this conversation, 1 in maybe a million times.
I'm saying all this just to let you know that whatever it is you're going through, you'll survive. As long as you trust Jesus with your life, you'll be okay.
I'm still introverted. I can talk to people. But I'm not fazed in the least by their judgements. I don't do what people want me to do. Definitely not a people pleaser. But I believe in being good to people. To show love, forgiveness and practice my Christian values. Not the most perfect person. All I know is I trust Jesus with my life. Whoever comes and goes, He'll take care of me and will not give up on me. He is there with me in my life. In silence. Guiding me. I'm protected. I'm loved by God. This is my encouragment to you.