In May of 2010 I lost a child (my son Christian) he was still born...
It nearly broke my heart. I had gotten pregnant again shortly after but that pregnancy ended abruptly 8 weeks later. I cried for both my losses and for fear that my faith would surely break into a million pieces, but I found myself singing praise and worship songs, and wanting to go out on the hospital floor and pray for all those sick and ailing people. (the only bed the hospital had for me was on the floor with those suffering from cancer). I sat on the chair next to the door of the hospital bed and prayed for those who walked passed the door. So my 24 plus hours spent in the hospital was spent praying and praising...
Now exactly one year from that time I find myself at an impasse... I still pray for God to bless me (with twins, no less) [I am smiling at myself right now]... People who know me and even some who do not, tell me that I should be satisfied with the 6 children that God has already blessed me with... and I am very grateful, very much pleased with the children that I have, but there is a longing... this longing is like nothing I have ever felt before... you see my other pregnancies were not planned and therefore gave my husband great stress (he being one that is driven by money and what money can do and buy, or the lack thereof) I on the other hand believed God would provide for all our needs according to His riches in Glory, and I had accepted the children as gifts from God and opportunities to walk in love...
please understand that I though I believed God would provide and tare of my and the children's every need, my heart became burdened with every pregnancy because my husband's stress turned him into a bully and tyrant at times... ( I prayed many foolish prayers in those times but soon repented from them, but then asked God to let not my husband's heart be troubled and that his heart would never harden toward me or God...)
I am still believing and waiting on God to bless me with twin boys... and to those who try to discourage me... I ask why do you want me to treat my children as cars or possessions, and not the gifts that they are? Where in the bible did God ever tell someone that they had too many children? He did give man a mandate, to be fruitful and multiply...
thank you for "listening"
It nearly broke my heart. I had gotten pregnant again shortly after but that pregnancy ended abruptly 8 weeks later. I cried for both my losses and for fear that my faith would surely break into a million pieces, but I found myself singing praise and worship songs, and wanting to go out on the hospital floor and pray for all those sick and ailing people. (the only bed the hospital had for me was on the floor with those suffering from cancer). I sat on the chair next to the door of the hospital bed and prayed for those who walked passed the door. So my 24 plus hours spent in the hospital was spent praying and praising...
Now exactly one year from that time I find myself at an impasse... I still pray for God to bless me (with twins, no less) [I am smiling at myself right now]... People who know me and even some who do not, tell me that I should be satisfied with the 6 children that God has already blessed me with... and I am very grateful, very much pleased with the children that I have, but there is a longing... this longing is like nothing I have ever felt before... you see my other pregnancies were not planned and therefore gave my husband great stress (he being one that is driven by money and what money can do and buy, or the lack thereof) I on the other hand believed God would provide for all our needs according to His riches in Glory, and I had accepted the children as gifts from God and opportunities to walk in love...
please understand that I though I believed God would provide and tare of my and the children's every need, my heart became burdened with every pregnancy because my husband's stress turned him into a bully and tyrant at times... ( I prayed many foolish prayers in those times but soon repented from them, but then asked God to let not my husband's heart be troubled and that his heart would never harden toward me or God...)
I am still believing and waiting on God to bless me with twin boys... and to those who try to discourage me... I ask why do you want me to treat my children as cars or possessions, and not the gifts that they are? Where in the bible did God ever tell someone that they had too many children? He did give man a mandate, to be fruitful and multiply...
thank you for "listening"
