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Hello all. Today I found this site as I have been searching for answers to my marriage. I appreciate all responses and will read them thoroughly. First of all I want to say that I love our Father. God has been incredible to me. He blessed me with my five year old daughter whom I love with all my heart. My husband and I have been married for almost seven years. I met him immediately after my ex husband and I separated due to his infidelity. Everything moved so quickly. He stayed at my apartment one night n didn't leave basicly. I ended up getting divorced from my ex n my current husband immediately ask me to marry him. I had doubts in my head n even the day we got married I said to my dad I didn't think I should be doing this. I didn't 100 percent love him. He kinda filled the void from my ex husband. My wedding I didn't completely understand as it was mostly in another language (orthodox). I have never really had a connection with him. Nothing really in common. We fight constantly n are just two different people. We have separated twice n both times I dated other ppl n he has also. However he made my life horrible n fought with me more than when we were together. Both separations we got back together bc I couldn't handle the dramA n just wanted peace. It has been four years since the last time we separated n I would say five out of seven days I'm unhappy. We fight in front of my daughter all the time. We never see eye to eye. He has a hard time taking any critisism n always insists he is right. Even when he is wrong. As for my love for The Lord - I have always loved God but recently a few months ago I became very close with him n have built a relationship. He is my Father n loves all of us unconditionally. I have confessed all my sins to Him n have asked for forgiveness from Him n Jesus. Here is my dilemma. I have been unhappy for years. My husband does not show me love. At times it seems like he wants nothing to do with me. Facebook is more important than even talking to me. In my heart there is no love left. I love him bc he is my daughters father but as far as a physical or loving attraction it is just not there n hasn't been in a very long time if ever. I have cheated on my husband numerous times which is another sign to me that I don't love him bc I have never cheated on anyone I have been with ever! He has made inappropriate comments to his sisters friends like if only u didn't have a boyfriend. N even made inappropriate comments to my best friend as she was drinking a beer. He won't give me his Facebook pw. I believe he is talking to girls on there. He is such a negative person at times. N always picks fights with random ppl that he doesn't even know. He even punched his own brother in the face bc his brother was correcting our dog. I on the other hand always love ppl n try to help everyone n find the best in them. Back in march I came to find out that my husband had tried to have a sexual relationship with his sister when they were younger n I confronted him n he did not deny it. My stomach flips at the thought as we have a five year old little girl. I don't think he would do anything to her but I have no clue. Here is my major dilemma. I started a new job back in April (right after I found out about him n his sister). I met a man. He never made a pass at me n has always been so sweet till recently. About two weeks ago we really hit it off n became very close. I believe this man is my soulmate. He is a single dad who works three jobs to support his kids whom he loves so much. He is amazing in every way n we really connected. We talk about God all the time together (something my husband n I do not do). My husband believes in God but not like I do. I told the other man that I will not have sex with him bc I don't want to do that to my husband n especially to God. He does not push the issue n completely understands n does not pressure me to at all. He is a very loving man n would do Nything for me. Our pasts are very similar n we have a lot in common. I'm in love with him n he is with me. We want to be together but im so scared that our Father will not forgive me. I have been so deceitful n have lied to my husband a lot the past few weeks n it eats at me. I ask God for forgiveness for me n my friend everyday. We haven't had sex but have kissed n held each other passionately. I believe if I met him before my husband I would be married to him- not a doubt in my mind. We have a connection I have never had with anyone in 31 years on earth. I am completely confused n am struggling with this. I want to be a good person. I have lifted all of this up to Jesus n have asked him for help. I don't want to leave my husband first n for most bc I don't want our Father to not forgive me, the stuff with his sister scares me n the fact that he try's to destroy my life every time we have separated. I on the other hand did not. I was even nice to the girlfriends he had when we were separated. I know God is a loving God n that he is our Father. I try to convince myself that he wouldn't want me unhappy but I know he is completely against divorce. I don't know what to do n that is why I have come to this site to get some insight from other Christians. Pls try not to judge. Jesus didn't judge the lady who was going to be stoned to death for adultery.
