seperation

I am sixty-three and have been married for four years. Previously I was married almost thirty-six years when my husband passed away with a massive heart attack. Right now I am in a delima. I really want to leave this situation that I have found myself in. I do care about what happens to this man, therefore it is hard to make this move. After marrying him I have found out that he does not love me and that he only married me to have someone take care of him. He is sixty-four and is a vietman vetern who has lost one of his legs at the knee. He also has other health issues. I do not have any help from either one of his children from his previous marriage. I am a 24/7 glorified caregiver, having to help get him up out of bed, commode, chairs and do other intimate things for him.The other night I told him my back was hurting; and his coment to me was that his back hurts him all the time. I know that I am responsible for where I am but right now I am hurting mentally, phiscally, and feel like that if I do not do something to help myself that I will not be living long. How do you walk away from someone that is handicapped? I feel very angry and used. I know that my help comes from the Lord and I do believe. But in this I have lost my joy, my life and I have alot of anger; please pray and if you have any suggestions about the right steps I should take financially, I only have a small social security check.

Thank you so much. I have been and I am praying.-

Hi Patty
first may God bless ,,, now my answer Dear Patty you only have one shot at this life and everyone has the right to live this life to the best of there ablity ,,, right now your a 24/7 care giver and this is is no life at all yes i to have done this for my late wife till she died and for her i would do it all over again !!!! i feel you have maybe just rushed things a wee bit now with this new man in your life ,,and its now time to take a step back ,,, and reclaim your life back again ,,,,, many will say thats wrong ,,,, well tuff its not them being used as a gloryfided slave its you !!!! no matter what you do people will feel you have done the wrong thing ,,, but its not there life its yours and you have to do whats right for you !!!

God bless you richly i will be praying for you

I will pray that God gives you knowledge, depth and insight, In Jesus Name.
Maybe before you leave him, you should call a family meeting.
Let his childern know you need to think about your health and that you will have to leave if they don't help. Ask if they could give you a few days off a week or take turns taking their dad every other weekend.
My mom had volunteers come in 2 days a week and help her bath my dad and do laundry etc.
( Catholic community services.) Ask God for wisdom

James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

We're with you Patty.

' suggest schedule time-outs for yourself - agree with your man - like all afternoons. And go out. Meet friends, enjoy. or just take a break.

(He's gotta have more than only what you give him in his life too; or sit there like a zombie if he wants, it's up to him, it's not your problem, and don't make it yours.) (Go out even if you don't feel like it at first.)

When this is established and you've got time for it, go find respite help. This can be found at government-funded welfare, social work agencies, careworker organisations, charity or church organisations, or so on, as a first point of inquiry, or citizens advice bureaus or churches should be able to help you look. It ought to be public-funded, but if not you can approach churches for the funds. Get support, where you can find it.

The respite help may be for a few days, or maybe a regular couple of hours a week, whatever you can get. Just tell him you need time-out or need to sort something out, or whatever. He'll get over it.

Then plan your first holiday (it doesn't have to cost much -- you could go help out at a Christian camp, stay with an old friend or whatever). And set up the respite care for the period.

We're with you Patty. All the best to you,

Love, your friend in Jesus.

Hello Patty welcome to Christian Chat.

thank you for understanding and yes you are right i was not thinking straight when i said i do. i do feel like i am just existing. I think i was trying to fill the empty place and thinking it would be okay. i thank you for your prayers and may God bless you

thank you for replying and yes i do need wisdom and i do want to do what is right. I have talked with daughter and told her more times than one hhow it is and the last thing she said to me is that if he is sick call and let her know and she will come and see him. His son stated that he and his dad are not that close.

thank you for your suggestions and i will look into this.

thank you It helps to talk with someone.

Pray a lot Patty and thank you for being open, I want to share a scripture with you I found on Numbers11:11 Moses asked the LORD, “Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? 14 I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. 15 If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin.” Numbers 11: 23 The LORD answered Moses, “Is the LORD’s arm too short? Now you will see whether or not what I say will come true for you.”
Ask God to make your burden light and he will show you the way, just rely on him completely, God bless!
Sylvia