Please pray for this situation,
Its been weeks of prayers from pastors for my boy and we see a day of miraculous change in him.
Then he progresses to worse. My heart is crushed. I don't know what to do anymore.
He doesn't sleep at nights instead he screams outside my room.
My husband is at breaking point. Dobt know how he gets up for work at 4am daily.
He will make noise purposely while we all try sleep.
No idea how my other boys sleep through it either.
All he does is want an argument when i eventually get out of bed it has to be that we argue or stand where he wants. Im not allowed to sit or does. Its his conditions and he goes round and round and brings back things that happened ages ago and makes me apologize all over again and if i don't say sorry in the right tone he will scream at me for it.
If i look at him the wrong way i have to apologize again and we start all over.
Then if i tell him i am going to sleep he won't let me.
If i tell him i need to sit down at least. He won't let me. Starts yelling that i can't talk cause it hurts his head. Over and over and over.
If i tell him to please keep his voice down cause he'll wake everyone up. He yells louder holding his head telling me im making his brain bleed.
If i sigh under my breath cause im on disbelief and honestly feel as though I am shortness of breathe from all this. He yells telling me im making him sick. And we start again the apologies and i have to try remember how to say it in the tone he wants. If i dnt then he will start yelling again .
If he asks me a question he won't let me get more than 4 words out cause my voice makes his brain bleed.
My walk. My talk. My face. My sigh. My sniffles. My every move affects him.
If i have a breakdown and they happen often lately he mocks me .
I dnt know what to do anymore.
Honestly without God i would have ended my life it would be easier way out.
I dnt know how im still smiling and faking that my life is ok. I don't know how i continue daily dnt know how i do but i guess its all God who strengthens me .
And yet i dnt know why God doesn't listen to my prayers and pleads either.
This has been going on for years but this severe for 2.5 years.
Im just tired. We were best friends my son and i. I just wish i knew how to help my boy. I want my boy back.
Because under all that anger, hate, narsistic, compulsive, ungodly boy is a sweet beautiful loving compassionate wonderful young man and i miss him so much that my heart aches more than its ever ached.
Its been weeks of prayers from pastors for my boy and we see a day of miraculous change in him.
Then he progresses to worse. My heart is crushed. I don't know what to do anymore.
He doesn't sleep at nights instead he screams outside my room.
My husband is at breaking point. Dobt know how he gets up for work at 4am daily.
He will make noise purposely while we all try sleep.
No idea how my other boys sleep through it either.
All he does is want an argument when i eventually get out of bed it has to be that we argue or stand where he wants. Im not allowed to sit or does. Its his conditions and he goes round and round and brings back things that happened ages ago and makes me apologize all over again and if i don't say sorry in the right tone he will scream at me for it.
If i look at him the wrong way i have to apologize again and we start all over.
Then if i tell him i am going to sleep he won't let me.
If i tell him i need to sit down at least. He won't let me. Starts yelling that i can't talk cause it hurts his head. Over and over and over.
If i tell him to please keep his voice down cause he'll wake everyone up. He yells louder holding his head telling me im making his brain bleed.
If i sigh under my breath cause im on disbelief and honestly feel as though I am shortness of breathe from all this. He yells telling me im making him sick. And we start again the apologies and i have to try remember how to say it in the tone he wants. If i dnt then he will start yelling again .
If he asks me a question he won't let me get more than 4 words out cause my voice makes his brain bleed.
My walk. My talk. My face. My sigh. My sniffles. My every move affects him.
If i have a breakdown and they happen often lately he mocks me .
I dnt know what to do anymore.
Honestly without God i would have ended my life it would be easier way out.
I dnt know how im still smiling and faking that my life is ok. I don't know how i continue daily dnt know how i do but i guess its all God who strengthens me .
And yet i dnt know why God doesn't listen to my prayers and pleads either.
This has been going on for years but this severe for 2.5 years.
Im just tired. We were best friends my son and i. I just wish i knew how to help my boy. I want my boy back.
Because under all that anger, hate, narsistic, compulsive, ungodly boy is a sweet beautiful loving compassionate wonderful young man and i miss him so much that my heart aches more than its ever ached.
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