How Has Your View of Yourself Changed Over the Years?

Hey Everyone,

I once read an interview with Ryan Reynolds, the actor famously plays the character of Deadpool. It's pretty obvious that Mr. Reynolds is at the top of his game as far as looks and fitness go, but in this article, he was reminiscing about the fact that when he was in school, he was bullied for being overweight and having bad skin.

Despite being in a such a different place in life now, he said that when he looks in the mirror, he "still sees a fat kid with a pimply face."

When I was in school, I was very much seen as a nerd, and not even one of the smart nerds, lol... but you know, the kind of kid who gets good grades, doesn't drink, smoke, or party, but never quite had the right "look" or possessions or whatever it took to be seen as one of the "cool" kids on the block.

It's been 25 years since I've graduated from high school, but when I look in the mirror... and see that nerdy kid they always said that I was in school.

However, as I've gotten older, I think God has taught me to reframe this way of thinking. Instead of hanging my head and trying to hide, I now look for young people who you can just tell are the ones who get picked on for something, and if possible, I will try to talk to them. I enjoy having the opportunity to encourage them, because after all, I'm just one of the "uncool" kids myself--just a grown-up nerd, but that's worked out just fine for the life God has for me. I no longer see it as a bad thing or something I want to change.

And this is something I hope to be able to convey to the young people I get to talk to--that God can take all of what they or others see in them as negative and turn it into a positive for God's work.

What about the rest of you?

* How did you (and others) see yourself in high school? How do you see yourself now?

* What's changed (if anything), and what was it that caused the changes? Do you like the way you are now, or do you wish you could go back, and why?

* What would you want to tell young people who are uncomfortable with how they or others see them right now?

Thanks very much for your insights--I'm looking forward to hearing the life lessons that you have all learned and would like to share.

Largely i feel the same. I've learned a few things about myself. I've grown in some areas, but in some areas I'm the same, or worse than I once was. So i can't say, as an overview, much has changed in how I see myself. More like things got swapped around.

Well, I was bulimic, a drug addict, and married by the age of 18. My birthday is in July. In December of 1990 my husband was murdered. I dropped out of school my 8th grade year never went to highschool.

In February of 1991 I got saved and was in treatment. By G-d's grace I have not scarfed and barfed since or used drugs. I got my GED when I was 19 and went on to Devry University. I thought I was smart because I did 4 years in 8 hours, but had to start in the 100 classes, since I did not do High School. It cost me more money....

I am now almost 50, fat, and continent. See the past 30 years has had its ups/downs but I have NEVER walked a day without G-d... I am satisfied! I don't know what else to say.... Being a kid sucked.... being a teen sucked (until I ment Alexi)... He died it sucked... THEN I MEANT HIM!!!! AND LIFE CHANGED and THEN HE CHANGED ME!!!!

G-d completed me.... I never felt complete before Y-shua... I guess that is all I can say....

"Every weed is a plant God made
Growing in a place where a human doesn't want it to grow."

A lot of a person's self perception is shaped by perception of those around him and what value he places on their perception. In extreme cases this leads to doting parents with spoiled brat kids, abusive parents with kids that kill themselves or others, people who join gangs just to have a feeling of belonging and a lot of other social woes.

For myself I made up my mind very early on that people older than I were probably right more often than people my age, so the opinions of my peers were never a major concern of mine. What they thought of me (or what they thought of anything else, for that matter) didn't really matter to me. So my perception of myself was shaped mostly by my parents, family and church members, and my self-image has stayed mostly the same all my life.

The only thing I would change about me is, I wish I had learned to play the piano when I was a kid. But who could have predicted how technology would make keyboard playing so useful these days?

The only thing I would tell current young people is, your peers don't know any more than you do, and probably less. Start asking some elders what they think. They have already been through a lot of stuff, and they know a lot more than your peers think they know.

The major change in how I view myself over the years, specifically over the past almost four years that I've been saved, is that I view myself a lot less.

I used to be a lot more self-centered. Not self-centered in that I lived at the expense of others with no consideration for their well-being, but in that my mindset was literally centered on myself, whether I thought of myself well or poorly. For better or worse, I was thinking of myself. And that made me an awful mix of arrogant and insecure.

Now my life is Christ-centered. I'm still self-aware, but I'm no longer self-obsessed.

I was a misfit, the two things that my School pushed the hardest, math and sports i was lousy at. I was 6'4" and couldn't throw a football, or care to learn. Most of the 'jocks' I knew were blockheads. I'd rather work on cars, build stuff and ride motorcycles and eventually earned a living at it. that was 46 years ago and I'm a grandfather. I was a rebel then and still resent when people try and define me. My self image changes day to day and I don't look in the mirror unless I'm going somewhere. now we have calculators and math is easy. I always thought pride was a sin and although I take pride in what I do I take less pride in myself than I probly should

Hey Everyone!

Awesome replies and I hope people will keep responding! Just a few quick notes...

Mcubed -- Praise God, what a testimony!!! I am so glad that you are now on a much happier, healthier road to life in Christ. Very inspiring, and thank you for sharing.

Ugly -- I can definitely relate to what you're saying about some things being "swapped around" -- excellent point.

Lynx -- It's not too late to learn to play the piano!!! And with all the technology out there, I would imagine it would be even easier to do now than when you were a kid! Go for it!

Multi -- Great point about thinking of oneself less. I'm glad that you mentioned that because that's something I need to work on. I like that you pointed out that one can be self-centered whether they think of themselves well or poorly, because I often wonder where our culture is headed in this day of thinking that boosting people's self-esteem (putting all the focus on themselves) is the answer to life's problems.

Cali -- I understand about being a rebel. I hate it when people try to define me without knowing me, and will fight it every time. We all have unique skill sets and it's awesome that you found a way to channel yours into a career.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, and I hope others out there will be inspired to share as well.

Oh I did. I use a keyboard to chord the lines when I make a soundtrack. I'll never be good enough to play in real-time though.

Wow what a topic, I was thinking about that earlier. Just how much I have changed in the last five years.

High school was great for me. Rich oilfield abusive stepfather, I had all the fashionable clothes. Though I really didn't care. 4.0 student. Class president, teachers pet. Team captain in basketball and volleyball. And I played 7 different instruments. School was my get away. I loved it, I wasn't at home, I was respected. I didn't get to finish

At 16 an emancipated minor. At 17 was in a wreck were the lapstrap did not hold we in the passenger seat. I was thrown 25 feet. I broke my neck and had a 7" skull fracture. I lost 65% of my memory. I lost who I was and resented God for allowing he to loose my coping skills. Life was easy for me. I didn't have to work at anything. Academics, sports, music, literature, you name it I could probably do it with ease. Then I was cast into a world with no learning skills, no means to cope. That was hard. I really wished I had died in that wreck.

Took me about 10 years of not feeling sorry for myself. I didn't just mope around I fought to relearn. Was told I could not get the 2 credits I lacked to get my diploma. The wreck was 1992. I was working in the hospital in 1997. My super told me about a vocational train program for folks injuries like I was. I got tested. Found out my iq dropped. Now I'm average. Anyhoo he said I would not be able to even get a GED. So they paid for me to be a welder. ( yes I'm a woman) my only choices was mechanic or welder. It posses me off. That very year I got my GED and finished welding. Its fun and all but not what I wanted to do. So I went to Vanderbilt and got EMT training and became a phlebotomist. Then worked my way up with more education to be pre op- post op care specialist. Ending in 1999.

Got married in 2000. Anyhoo not a smart move. In 2014 he cheated again and I could prove it. I left screamed out to God for about 6 months then started to truly speak with him. Working on myself, healing and not just surviving but dealing with all of it. Learning who I am post TBI. I kinda got a blank slate. I got to start over. Who I was didn't define me anymore. I wasn't the same person. I got to find the new me. I still enjoy the great outdoors and activities, I still love music. I had to relearn to read music. After TBI I could tell you the difference from a note or a cord. I mess around with a guitar and started to relearn how to play my Sax. But most of my joy now comes from listening.

I may not be that popular, out going, talented, high school kid anymore. But I'm finally getting to learn and enjoy the new me. It actually has been fun, once I got over the bitterness and self pity. My brain may have been rewired, but I am still a wonderful new me. When I look into the mirror I'm greatful for this chance and excited about the journey still to come. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle. I am not the leader I once was, I don't have the greatest skills at talking. Though I keep improving ☺. I have changed alot. I'm still an independent woman. But now I am relying on my Lord. I am learning to live not just survived.

You asked do I wish I could go back and change it. The answer is no. Though I miss some of who I once was. What I went through, even the bad marriage made me into what I am today. I survived and now I'm living.

In some ways I’m still that little shy kid.

But in many others I’m completely different.

I’m mixed race, there was only two of us who were not white in my entire first school year. I was bullied, brought up in foster care by my aunt. Hated by my maternal grand father who was extremely racist. He blamed me and my mixed race brother as the reason why my birth mother was mentally ill with schizophrenia.

I use to tell the other kids I had a sun tan as I hated how I looked and hated my skin colour. I hated the word mixed race.

I was that kid who hardly ever spoke, never did anything to draw attention to myself. Never dared do anything wrong, not in case I got told off, but in case people liked me even less than I thought they did already.

As a teen I was so body conscious I wore baggy clothes and also went through a phase where I wore black to hide myself. I thought my 5 foot 1 inch slim frame was all out of proportion as womanly curves developed.

If someone was nice to me I use to think they were just feeling sorry for me or didn’t really mean it. I didn’t believe anyone could actually like me.

I thought I was this ugly looking person who people just tolerated.

It’s strange that when I look back at old photos now I can’t believe I thought that about myself. I really wasn’t that bad at all, actually rather slim and shaply but my body image was so bad that I couldn’t believe any thing good about myself. In fact I wish I was that slim and shapely now. lol

It wasn’t really until I entered my 30s that I started to think maybe I wasn’t that ugly after all. It was also then that I realised bright colours were ok to wear. Up till then I wore black, navy blue etc as bright colours just emphasised my “sun tan”. Occasionally i would wear sunny colours but that seemed to draw even more attention to me so I didn’t wear them often.

It wasn’t until my 40s that I discovered make up or even dared to wear it. I learnt how to dig the garden, paint, plaster etc long before I learnt about make up!

Then I gradually came to love my sun tan, learnt that I didn’t have to feel apologetic for being me, learnt to love wearing bright colours. Dyed my hair purple!

I Realised that I was wrong to hate myself. That every person born is special and unique.

Over the years with Gods wisdom and help I’ve put away the pain and hurt. Realised that I was letting ungodly people around me influence me, instead of God.

So if anyone thinks they are a nobody, you are wrong. You are somebody very special. Put away your wrong thinking and let God heal you from the inside out because when you are healed on the inside it shows up on the outside. Don’t waste years of your life hating who you are. 🙂

great share Miri,
hugs...

In High School I had really low self-esteem and really high anxiety. I felt like I was ugly and let boyfriends treat me this way, even though I was very pretty. I complained a lot because I was not comfortable around others and felt like life was meaningless. I was a Christian but I had a lot of views that held me down.

Ironically others probably didn't notice all of that. I had a lot of friends and make friends easily.

Well the biggest thing that changed it was having an encounter with an angel and showing me the love of God. I didn't realize we were so loved....for absolutely no reason other than we are. No matter what we do. I think about how much I love my son and it doesn't even compare to God's love. So knowing that I'm so loved and cared for makes me stronger, happier, etc. It makes my faith very high even though I still struggle with typical skeptical tendencies we have. I don't get mad at God anymore because I trust him.

The first lucid dream caused a significant change as well....which sounds weird because it's only a dream. I had spent the whole day thinking about God, reading, singing, and just at peace feeling near God. When I went to bed that night I had my first lucid dream which was exactly like reality. I had no idea we could control our dreams like that. It's not something generally talked about in Christianity or even agreed upon but honestly it's one of the best things I've learned to do.

Other than that just growing up has helped and not caring as much when others brings me down. Following my dreams but also enjoying the moment. Looking forward to being with God but also enjoying him with me now. Helping Middle School kids now since I am a teacher as well.

Seasons come and seasons go, but God always walks with us. I wish there was something more I could say but honestly only experience and God bring comfort. People are always going to struggle with it, but just to know they are not alone and dearly loved.

Not sure how the saying goes something like if knew back then what i know now. I would have done things a lot different. I know I have went through many changes in my life some good and some not so good. The one thing I know is God Has been there every step of the way.