Suffering from anxiety and depression appears to be the root cause of why you have an unnatural fear of God. I'm very sorry to hear about your niece.
God does not want to get rid of you. Here are some promises in the Bible from the Lord to take comfort in.
Proverbs 1:33 But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, And will be secure, without fear of evil.
Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Romans 8:37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Philippians 4:19 And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.