Going through a really hard time right now...

Based on your post I would say that you have become disillusioned by people in general. I understand about loneliness and depression also. I recommend a small church that professes that Jesus is our Lord and Savior and believes that the bible is the Word of God in printed form. I will indeed pray for God to deliver you from the cloud of depression that is hovering over you and for you to feel the love that He has for you. Yes, it is hard to hang in there but God will be with you in this and you will not be alone.

AlexaMaria
Frustration, disappointment and depression are very real struggles and burdens to carry upon your cross, along your journey with our lord. I pray that our Lord touches your heart in such a way that you are able to find peace from within. Maybe by turning your focus inward, you can begin to plant the requisite seeds to find your peace and balance that is essential for you to persevere and thrive on your journey with our lord.
I have to agree with your concerns, but I think it is so important to recognize that we can only control the things within our control. The Serenity Pray is one of my favorites...
I will pray for you.
God bless

God has shown me incredible things in life, to an overwhelming degree. I've seen His benediction along with His malediction. Having sat on both His left and right side, with the goats and with the lambs, He's given me a perspective of looking from the outside in. He's given this to me to such a degree that when I've tried to share, others have asked of Him, through me, things they should not have. Once I came to grips with that, along with the repercussions of going along with them, I withdrew for quite some time, to pray, ponder, and reflect. Now, as I make my way out of the proverbial shell, I find myself in a similar boat, seeking a good church to grow with.

One great difficulty I'm finding is letting go of expectations based on past experiences, avoiding prejudice. In the same stroke, I'm also finding it difficult to connect with others or allow them to connect with me. As I struggle with these things and much more, what I know for certain is that I can ask of Him, and He is providing and showing the Way, as only He can. I will ask of Him to do the same for you, to provide and show the Way. BTW, this topic brings to mind Matthew 7. I think it's harder to apply it to self before others, but I believe He gave it to us as an exercise to do so, by starting it with mention of ourselves.

Lord we bring AlexaMaria with this prayer unto you. Let you hear and answer this prayer, Lord bless AlexaMaria , in this matter and let you be glorified. In Jesus loving name, Amen!

What do you mean “others have asked of Him, through me, things they should not have”?
I believe the true church that He’s coming back for is scattered throughout the world. Hard to find. The 3 churches I’ve been too (all for 6 months - 2 years) were either cold and true fellowship was not found, or were filled with people who wanted to use God’s word to have power over people that were truly searching. I know that I won’t feel the way I feel now till I die. But I do face anguish and loneliness everyday since God has opened my eyes. So much attack from the enemy... using people I thought really loved me. I’ve been a fool. Not following God but choosing entanglements instead for the sake of “company”. I’m going through repentance of that right now.

Instead of searching for a true church for Christian fellowship I will pray for God to search and find for you a true best friend. God says in the bible that it is not good to be alone. I believe that having this type of friend in your life will alleviate your depression and feeling of hopelessness as you will no longer have to face the world alone.

It’s good of you to share a bit about yourself, Alexa. I’m praying, asking God to touch you with His healing hand, fill you with His strength and comfort. May He continue to guide you and draw you closer to Himself in the days ahead.

What do you mean “others have asked of Him, through me, things they should not have”?
I believe the true church that He’s coming back for is scattered throughout the world. Hard to find. The 3 churches I’ve been too (all for 6 months - 2 years) were either cold and true fellowship was not found, or were filled with people who wanted to use God’s word to have power over people that were truly searching. I know that I won’t feel the way I feel now till I die. But I do face anguish and loneliness everyday since God has opened my eyes. So much attack from the enemy... using people I thought really loved me. I’ve been a fool. Not following God but choosing entanglements instead for the sake of “company”. I’m going through repentance of that right now.

I was referring to times where I've been asked to speak to Him, in the stead of the person that should be doing the same for themselves. It's an extremely uncomfortable position to be in when the answers aren't what anybody wants to hear; especially when you want to both follow God and enjoy fellowship/friendship. Nevertheless, I understand why it happens, so I can't judge those circumstances harshly. In retrospect, I'm just as much to blame, saying too much, being hesitant to just say no, or failing to say what they didn't want to hear.

In regards to the church He's coming back for, I'd have to agree that true followers are becoming difficult to find--truth and vanity are opposed. We live in a world that values dignity over justice, vanity over truth. By effect, it entices many people into superficiality, accepting those that meet their own self-made criteria for worthiness, disregarding His own standards of merit.

I still recall one of the first things He taught me, vividly: loving forgiveness. So, tonight, I'm asking Him to remind us who we are. He made us resilient, helps us to never give in, helps us stand when our knees are weak. <3