How I Won At Life

A friend of mine made a good point that I should mention here: In the process of making a difference, at church or at a nursing home or wherever, you need to protect yourself from people taking advantage of you. There IS a fine line between people accepting your assistance and people taking advantage of you.

My church is well run. The business side of it is run more like a clubhouse than a corporation - we need money to pay the light bill, but our business is not the business of making money. I do know of churches that are run like a corporation though.

Basically it's a difference between making a difference and just being used.

Also what I said in the OP about not doing things just to fix your life, that makes a very big difference here. If you start doing stuff just to try to fix your life, it is a lot easier to think you are just being used, even in a place where you are making a difference to people and building your life. And on the flip side, a person who is too giving can think he is making a difference when he is just being used. Discernment is required.

"I'm lonely."
"I'm bored."
"I'm isolated."
"If I died today nobody would realize it for a month."
"When I try to make friends they look at me like I'm a freak."
"Nothing I say or do matters and I'm starting to not care if it does."
"I'm a failure at life."

Sound familiar? That's where my life used to be some 18 years ago. I was a single guy with a factory job and no connections to any friends. I showed up at church because it was what Christians are supposed to do but I left as soon as service was over. I spent most of my free time playing video games - in fact video games were my whole life.

But I fixed all these problems AND made myself a life with one simple trick. And since I hear the same complaints from so many other people, I have decided to share this trick with you.

But first a word of caution. I did not start out trying to fix my life's problems. I started using this trick, not as a trick to fix my life, but just for the sake of doing it. In fact if you use this trick just to fix your life I strongly doubt it will work.

Actually this is really important so I'm going to repeat it and highlight it and bold and underline it: I did not start using this trick as a way to fix my life.

Ready for the trick?

I started doing stuff.

It started when I noticed the lady at church who typed the church bulletin was overloaded. She did a lot of stuff around the church, from playing the piano to running children's church. I'm good at typing (got the Typing II award at high school) so I offered to start typing the bulletin.

Then they asked anybody who was willing to help clean the church to sign up. With multiple groups in rotation it's only once every two months or so, running a vacuum cleaner for a couple hours. Why not?

Then the church bus needed a driver. That one legit changed my life. I have seen little hellions of kids start coming to church on the church bus, and I have seen them change into wonderful kids in short order. It's amazing how a child can grow when you give the kid a little love.

Right about then was when God told me to be a preacher too. I'm STILL not sure about that one. I like being in the background, making sure the show works right. Plus I'm not so good at talking to people. But when I preach a sermon it seems to go well and be effective... Whatever, but I'm still not sure God got the right person. >.>

Then I started showing up to help cook church dinners. (I'm not a master chef, but anybody can follow simple "melt the butter, wash this bowl, stir that pot" orders.) Then I started sticking around to help clean up after church dinners. Then I joined the singing team. And I joined the signing team. And I'm a nerd so I became the default tech support for the church. And I'm a music nerd so I became the default tech support for the sound booth. Then I started collating Sunday morning attendance rolls and offering.

I didn't realize how this was changing my life until one day when we had a missionary visit. You know the drill, the missionary talks to the church about the country where he is going and asks for money to help him get there. I started idly thinking about what if God called me to pack up and go somewhere else? Hey it could happen. I'm a minister - not a pastor, just a local minister - and God might tell me to go across the country or across the world someday.

My mind automatically started objecting to the thought. I have a lot of friends that I would hate to leave. Besides, who would do the things I'm doing? I couldn't dump it all on one person. Besides all the people I know who would do it are already busy with other stuff. I would have to find multiple people to take over... wait a minute... what?

I wouldn't want to leave all my friends... I would leave a lot of holes in the church that other people would have to fill...

HOLY COW! I have lots of friends and I'm important!

How did THAT happen? I never set out to be important and make a lot of friends. All i was doing was a few jobs that needed to be done. But in the process I seem to have, quite by accident, made a lot of good friends. And they are not friends because I do stuff. They are friends I have met and become friends with just because I am in contact with them all the time. And I seem to have become an integral part of something much bigger than I am. If I want to pop up to visit my mother over the weekend I have to call multiple people to take over what I do on a regular Sunday.

Of course all this "life" stuff seriously cut into my video game time, but I didn't miss the loss a bit. Having a life is much better.

So that is how I accidentally fixed my life, just by picking up a few odd jobs around the church. It has worked for me and I have seen it work for a lot of other people too. It's not just a distraction from life or a way to feel important, it BECOMES a life.

And it can work for you. If you're lonely, disconnected, feel like your life is pointless and nobody knows or cares about you, try doing some things. The best way to be involved in something is to get involved in it. You might just wake up one day and realize you have accidentally created yourself a life.

A friend of mine made a good point that I should mention here: In the process of making a difference, at church or at a nursing home or wherever, you need to protect yourself from people taking advantage of you. There IS a fine line between people accepting your assistance and people taking advantage of you.

My church is well run. The business side of it is run more like a clubhouse than a corporation - we need money to pay the light bill, but our business is not the business of making money. I do know of churches that are run like a corporation though.

Basically it's a difference between making a difference and just being used.

Also what I said in the OP about not doing things just to fix your life, that makes a very big difference here. If you start doing stuff just to try to fix your life, it is a lot easier to think you are just being used, even in a place where you are making a difference to people and building your life. And on the flip side, a person who is too giving can think he is making a difference when he is just being used. Discernment is required.

Well I can discern that but usually i just end up getting used anyway....it's just how life is sometimes ig. If I didn't get used my life would be much easier for example i would've graduated on time, or even early, and i would probably have a lot more money too. But if i were to denied helping people, even when they were using me, would i have been sacrificial? If i set limits i can only help so much, being used shouldn't matter, at least to me. My mom told me that if i kept helping people the way i do i'd end up helping everyone else but killing myself, i definitely think she's right, especially now. With that being said i learned you can't help everybody something has to give, but maybe i can be that thing. It's gonna suck but hey if i can be like Jesus and glorify him doing it i have faith he'll keep me from giving up or just getting crushed under all that pressure. I won't really debate that what i want to do isn't foolish it kinda is tbh i doubt i can actually make much of a difference anyway but at least i can say i did my best, i gave my all, no more quiting when things get hard.

Hello LightBright,

No worries, keep your loving-kindness in motion, but with discernment. With prayer, figure out what your "healthy boundaries" are so you can help people without killing yourself!

Boundaries are different for each of us, so don't compare yourself with others when determining "how much" you should help.

"I'm lonely."
"I'm bored."
"I'm isolated."
"If I died today nobody would realize it for a month."
"When I try to make friends they look at me like I'm a freak."
"Nothing I say or do matters and I'm starting to not care if it does."
"I'm a failure at life."

Sound familiar? That's where my life used to be some 18 years ago. I was a single guy with a factory job and no connections to any friends. I showed up at church because it was what Christians are supposed to do but I left as soon as service was over. I spent most of my free time playing video games - in fact video games were my whole life.

But I fixed all these problems AND made myself a life with one simple trick. And since I hear the same complaints from so many other people, I have decided to share this trick with you.

But first a word of caution. I did not start out trying to fix my life's problems. I started using this trick, not as a trick to fix my life, but just for the sake of doing it. In fact if you use this trick just to fix your life I strongly doubt it will work.

Actually this is really important so I'm going to repeat it and highlight it and bold and underline it: I did not start using this trick as a way to fix my life.

Ready for the trick?

I started doing stuff.

It started when I noticed the lady at church who typed the church bulletin was overloaded. She did a lot of stuff around the church, from playing the piano to running children's church. I'm good at typing (got the Typing II award at high school) so I offered to start typing the bulletin.

Then they asked anybody who was willing to help clean the church to sign up. With multiple groups in rotation it's only once every two months or so, running a vacuum cleaner for a couple hours. Why not?

Then the church bus needed a driver. That one legit changed my life. I have seen little hellions of kids start coming to church on the church bus, and I have seen them change into wonderful kids in short order. It's amazing how a child can grow when you give the kid a little love.

Right about then was when God told me to be a preacher too. I'm STILL not sure about that one. I like being in the background, making sure the show works right. Plus I'm not so good at talking to people. But when I preach a sermon it seems to go well and be effective... Whatever, but I'm still not sure God got the right person. >.>

Then I started showing up to help cook church dinners. (I'm not a master chef, but anybody can follow simple "melt the butter, wash this bowl, stir that pot" orders.) Then I started sticking around to help clean up after church dinners. Then I joined the singing team. And I joined the signing team. And I'm a nerd so I became the default tech support for the church. And I'm a music nerd so I became the default tech support for the sound booth. Then I started collating Sunday morning attendance rolls and offering.

I didn't realize how this was changing my life until one day when we had a missionary visit. You know the drill, the missionary talks to the church about the country where he is going and asks for money to help him get there. I started idly thinking about what if God called me to pack up and go somewhere else? Hey it could happen. I'm a minister - not a pastor, just a local minister - and God might tell me to go across the country or across the world someday.

My mind automatically started objecting to the thought. I have a lot of friends that I would hate to leave. Besides, who would do the things I'm doing? I couldn't dump it all on one person. Besides all the people I know who would do it are already busy with other stuff. I would have to find multiple people to take over... wait a minute... what?

I wouldn't want to leave all my friends... I would leave a lot of holes in the church that other people would have to fill...

HOLY COW! I have lots of friends and I'm important!

How did THAT happen? I never set out to be important and make a lot of friends. All i was doing was a few jobs that needed to be done. But in the process I seem to have, quite by accident, made a lot of good friends. And they are not friends because I do stuff. They are friends I have met and become friends with just because I am in contact with them all the time. And I seem to have become an integral part of something much bigger than I am. If I want to pop up to visit my mother over the weekend I have to call multiple people to take over what I do on a regular Sunday.

Of course all this "life" stuff seriously cut into my video game time, but I didn't miss the loss a bit. Having a life is much better.

So that is how I accidentally fixed my life, just by picking up a few odd jobs around the church. It has worked for me and I have seen it work for a lot of other people too. It's not just a distraction from life or a way to feel important, it BECOMES a life.

And it can work for you. If you're lonely, disconnected, feel like your life is pointless and nobody knows or cares about you, try doing some things. The best way to be involved in something is to get involved in it. You might just wake up one day and realize you have accidentally created yourself a life.