Why do I feel so torn

So battered. I feel like I slipped yesterday. Sinned. Now I feel so beat up inside. I prayed and ask for forgiveness but I can’t shake this feeling of disappointment. Like the Lord is thinking no way man. Idk. I just hope God would answer me and let me know something. But I guess it usually doesn’t work that way huh.

We should believe Jesus and trust in the atonement He secured for us on the cross for our salvation, admit our sin and thank Him for what He has done to obtain forgivness for our sin.. Then we should get up again and walk on..

We will all have our stuff ups along the parth to eternity.. All we need do is admit our failure to Him and His loving forgivness will see us Redeemed.. Trust in the LORD.. Keep the Faith.. Never doubt it.. Our Eternity with Jesus is not based on our worthyness to get there, but on believing in the LORD Jesus Christ who was worthy in His Works to get us there..

Have Faith. If we confess our sins HE is faithful and just to cleanse us our sins and forgive us of all unrighteousness.

When doubt arises in this wilderness meet it with a thus saith the LORD and a get behind me Satan.

Since I do not know you my friend or your situation I must also share....
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
(Gal 6:7-8 KJV)

Keep your faith brother...
Pray to be blessed with HIS strength to strive for more motivational, inspirational and positive thinking...
It's okay to self-reflect and acknowledge our faults, limitations and our sins.
It is always important to acknowledge your sin(s), to be genuinely remorseful and to seek forgiveness from others and from HIM...
A negative mindset is like a flat tire - if you don't Change it - you can't go anywhere!
Have faith, pray and flip the script - strive to flip your mind's outlook; which translates to actively seeking to make actionable 'Change' from negativity to positivity...
There are tons of inspirational and motivational literature, videos and such - get in a routine to flood your mind with positivity every day - morning, noon and night... Coupled with prayer of course..
Good Luck, God Bless

Perhaps a Psalm. Try chanting this to yourself
Psalm 25: 9. He will be an upright guide to the poor in spirit: he will make his way clear to them. 10. All the ways of the Lord are mercy and good faith for those who keep his agreement and his witness. 11. Because of your name, O Lord, let me have forgiveness for my sin, which is very great.

Imagine Saul of Tarsus, who became Paul the apostle.
He persecuted Christians and even arrested them to
have punishments, many severe. Jesus came upon him
and not only forgave Him but as a result of that, Paul
became and apostle. If He can do that for Paul, imagine
what He can do for you. Have faith and trust and sin no
more as Jesus said.

David, your ownership and humility are refreshing. To me, they are qualities that I believe come from Him. Remember, though, Mercy also comes from Him. The deep ache we feel when we mess up is a hopeful sign of repentance and change. Transformation is most often the result, I believe, of deep remorse and regret over poor choices made, in thought and in action. Please, don't allow the sin to be bigger than Him or your salvation. Seek to move forward, sinning no more. Remain in His victory, by renewing Your thoughts and by reaching for Him in your walk.

Now before I come across as just soap boxy, telling you stuff you already know. Please remember this, we all need Him. We will always need His Grace. With Him, all things are possible, and without Him there is no hope. So love and forgive more (including yourself) are always the best answer, all in Him and for Him. Take yourself off the cross; you can, because of His time on the cross. I am encouraged knowing you feel so poorly, for a weak moment. It shows a sincere heart that yearns to please Him.

I am lifting you up in prayer.

David, if I may add a bit to what you've already been told here...

If the theologians are correct, then "Romans" was the last letter Paul wrote ( or, he wrote it towards the end of his life... ). In Romans, Paul writes that the things he wanted to do, he didn't, and the things he didn't want to do are the things he did. Even at this late point in his life, he still struggled with his fleshly nature.

Acts 22:17 “When I had returned to Jerusalem and was praying in the temple, I fell into a trance 18 and saw him saying to me, ‘Make haste and get out of Jerusalem quickly, because they will not accept your testimony about me.’ 19 And I said, ‘Lord, they themselves know that in one synagogue after another I imprisoned and beat those who believed in you. 20 And when the blood of Stephen your witness was being shed, I myself was standing by and approving and watching over the garments of those who killed him.’ 21 And he said to me, ‘Go, for I will send you far away to the Gentiles.’”

Notice in v19 that Paul is telling the Lord all that he had done wrong before he was called to ministry. Notice too that Jesus didn't say "Yeah Paul, you are right! You did all that to my followers, so I guess I need to find someone else"...

Jesus said "Go"! ...

Keep the faith, keep moving forward!!!

Guilt is of the devil. It doesn't allow you to let go of sin and mistakes. It doesn't allow forgiveness, even of yourself, despite God having already done so 2000 years ago. It holds you down, prevents growth, prohibits you from moving forward and blocks you from receiving grace already given.

Conviction is from God. It's a reminder that you screwed up, but doesn't condemn. It motivates a move towards change. It accepts what's been given and doesn't make us put up a wall then blame God.

It's not what comes on us, but what we put on ourselves.