What went wrong?

months ago when i felt, drawn to Christianity, don't know if it was my own accord or not. But, we wouldn't be able to come to Christ on our own without the holy spirit, right?

Well, anyways. That first night was truly, amazing. Learning about spiritual warfare after listening to Christian music, about God n so on, stayed up till 2-3 in the morning. I remember feeling a joy and peace that night, but also bone chilling fear when going to bed because it shook for some odd, reason (unhappy spirit?)

I was passionate about Christ, but, i didn't do much works. I heard something like a voice at work, "come to Christ" after being prayed for the night earlier. Asking for deliverance in times of temptation, fearing the Lord, talking nothing but Jesus all the time, sharing the gospel to friends, answering their questions to the best of my knowledge, reading and applying what the bible says, being overall enthusiastic and interested in the gospel, Jesus and God.

But, all that changed one day when i made the mistake of getting a thumb cut badly at work, pride set in from all the attention, and it was like, faith and belief went down and down. Sin started setting in more and more, i couldn't cry for God or Jesus when i wanted too, i still can't.. only a single tear or none at all. Ever since, i couldn't bring godly repentance. but i knew i had to confess my sin's and try to repent, to keep from a hardened heart.

Now, Idol's and distractions have taken my focus off Jesus, Habitual sin has set in, worried about reading the bible and having no interest or desire to apply what it teaches, worried about falling or straying away, or the Holy spirit leaving. Because of my unconfessed sins, i don't think the Lord will listen as long as i'm holding onto those sins. I'm still aware of what's going on and trying to pray, read scripture, attend church, hoping for something, anything. i just don't understand why and what happened to cause all this.. Things just have not been the same since that incident at work weeks ago.. i can't even sense God's presence..

months ago when i felt, drawn to Christianity, don't know if it was my own accord or not. But, we wouldn't be able to come to Christ on our own without the holy spirit, right?

Well, anyways. That first night was truly, amazing. Learning about spiritual warfare after listening to Christian music, about God n so on, stayed up till 2-3 in the morning. I remember feeling a joy and peace that night, but also bone chilling fear when going to bed because it shook for some odd, reason (unhappy spirit?)

I was passionate about Christ, but, i didn't do much works. I heard something like a voice at work, "come to Christ" after being prayed for the night earlier. Asking for deliverance in times of temptation, fearing the Lord, talking nothing but Jesus all the time, sharing the gospel to friends, answering their questions to the best of my knowledge, reading and applying what the bible says, being overall enthusiastic and interested in the gospel, Jesus and God.

But, all that changed one day when i made the mistake of getting a thumb cut badly at work, pride set in from all the attention, and it was like, faith and belief went down and down. Sin started setting in more and more, i couldn't cry for God or Jesus when i wanted too, i still can't.. only a single tear or none at all. Ever since, i couldn't bring godly repentance. but i knew i had to confess my sin's and try to repent, to keep from a hardened heart.

Now, Idol's and distractions have taken my focus off Jesus, Habitual sin has set in, worried about reading the bible and having no interest or desire to apply what it teaches, worried about falling or straying away, or the Holy spirit leaving. Because of my unconfessed sins, i don't think the Lord will listen as long as i'm holding onto those sins. I'm still aware of what's going on and trying to pray, read scripture, attend church, hoping for something, anything. i just don't understand why and what happened to cause all this.. Things just have not been the same since that incident at work weeks ago.. i can't even sense God's presence..

By the way, how’s your thumb?

***This was just an attack of Satan. We have to learn to walk with God not based on feelings, but faith. When I used to get up for work sometimes I did not feel like working at all. I had a job and a commitment to teach kids so I would go regardless of feelings. Later on that day the feeling to work was there again. Our feelings change. Feelings come and go. When you pray God hears you whether you feel it or not. When we walk by faith we know God hears us and God is with us. When we ask for forgiveness God hears us if we ask from our hearts. We could sin 10,000 times and as long as we return to God with a true heart He will hear and forgive us. You should not take this truth to mean we can use God and take advantage of Him because this is not right and will not help us in the long run. Hope this helps you. God Bless ------and yes, I have been through all the stuff your talking about and have been with the Lord over 40 years. He is true to His Word.

it's healed, the scar is still there.

i know that Satan sets up orchestrated situations.. what if what happened that day was one big orchestrated event and he managed to pull it off and i fell for it...

How does one return to God, and with a true heart? As long as there is worldly sorrow, there has to be no true repentance. if this sounds right, if we say we repent, then we are tested to see if our repentance of said sin was true or not? if returning to God with a true heart is the first step, then i need to work on getting that true heart back in order and get back into that walk of faith with God?

i'm still feeling a slight sense of guilt whenever something sinful happens, not too long ago there was this sensation of anxiety and fear over something... i didn't know what was causing it.

But, then my question is, again how does one return to God with a true heart, and develop that true heart?

I think that humans need to face the facts that Satan doesn’t go around tricking and tempting people regularly, if at all. It’s not a devil, it’s human nature and the pursuit of pleasure/ avoidance of pain that leads us astray. James 1:12-15, is clear. More than not we battle ourselves.We invent the possibility of being tempted and tricked by a spiritual sadist, a master of torment, because we don’t want to admit the alternative; we are weak. Part of the liberation from sin, is faith in the accepting we are free.

months ago when i felt, drawn to Christianity, don't know if it was my own accord or not. But, we wouldn't be able to come to Christ on our own without the holy spirit, right?

Well, anyways. That first night was truly, amazing. Learning about spiritual warfare after listening to Christian music, about God n so on, stayed up till 2-3 in the morning. I remember feeling a joy and peace that night, but also bone chilling fear when going to bed because it shook for some odd, reason (unhappy spirit?)

I was passionate about Christ, but, i didn't do much works. I heard something like a voice at work, "come to Christ" after being prayed for the night earlier. Asking for deliverance in times of temptation, fearing the Lord, talking nothing but Jesus all the time, sharing the gospel to friends, answering their questions to the best of my knowledge, reading and applying what the bible says, being overall enthusiastic and interested in the gospel, Jesus and God.

But, all that changed one day when i made the mistake of getting a thumb cut badly at work, pride set in from all the attention, and it was like, faith and belief went down and down. Sin started setting in more and more, i couldn't cry for God or Jesus when i wanted too, i still can't.. only a single tear or none at all. Ever since, i couldn't bring godly repentance. but i knew i had to confess my sin's and try to repent, to keep from a hardened heart.

Now, Idol's and distractions have taken my focus off Jesus, Habitual sin has set in, worried about reading the bible and having no interest or desire to apply what it teaches, worried about falling or straying away, or the Holy spirit leaving. Because of my unconfessed sins, i don't think the Lord will listen as long as i'm holding onto those sins. I'm still aware of what's going on and trying to pray, read scripture, attend church, hoping for something, anything. i just don't understand why and what happened to cause all this.. Things just have not been the same since that incident at work weeks ago.. i can't even sense God's presence..