Recalled Christian

To the moderator: I knew to not write block text but i ask your forgiveness on this Thread.
To the reader: *spoiler alert* possible over embellishment and wordiness with the truest of intentions to share and be understood. *Spoiler alert* i was saved and was recently reaffirmed/reborn/recalled/ what ever i'm missing and have never done this before.
Patience be ours as we journey down this road that came back up and around to You Lord of Lords Jesus The Christ give them the discernment for my stumbling words. Make them reflect you in All that you are and in All that i do not understand help me have faith in You through You Amen.

So i don't know if anyone else feels this way. I don't want to read a bunch of testimonies and then write mine. I don't mean that arrogantly. For the past 30 years ive had a relationship with God. I knew of Jesus and had asked him in my heart and to help me several times. I've went through phases of Athiest, Agnostic, Gnostic i think at one time i probably thought i could find something useful under a rock. I might of even tried to help the rock lol. I always knew The Bible according to me because i could remember the things from my childhood. I'd say I went through life happening on church vs. actively looking for it. In the Army i got married to my ever increasingly sweet wife. i went to church because i didn't want to clean the barracks during Basic and AIT. I liked being there i'm just not sure i knew why i was there looking back. I don't even really know why i joined the Army. Now 3 years out of the Army i'm with my wife of course and 2 children. One 3 and one 2. I stay at home with them and i found MMORPG's in my boredom. It frickin consumed me. I grew a small In-Game Currency value that made a no money player look at me like a god. I laughed at inequity, i saw blasphemy everyday, my character masked in black slick attire wielding 2 weapons. i looked to kill and thats what he was designed to do. I played this game for countless hours and then i'd say about 6 months ago i started to get bored "playing the game" and became a savoy in game trader and seller instead. Its all i did. Some people sold their inequity to Real Life for actual money. I held on to it and it's projected at 300% ROI equating to a few thousand RL$. *BAM* and i know some of you are already asking it, but what about my children? Sure i was a "good dad" they said, but i never really felt it like i do now. The girl at 3 has stirred me to poetry and makes me yearn her at 2 and my son at 2 makes me hopeful for 3, no poetry from him yet.
I feel great right now and i cry. I cry a lot for a dude. They tried to call me Bipolar and i listened i haven't taken legit meds for over a year, but i heard what they were saying. My wife would say my anger is mostly gone now. That being the problem not the crying. I hurt then and now i know it was my spirit freaking out. or at least that's how i see it. Feel free to give me an epiphany on anything! So Help me help you help Him! a few weeks back i went to church. that whole story starts with a friend of a friend saying Jesus's name in a post on FB and is still writing itself in only ways He could ?Author?author?. not sure which to use there please excuse my ineptness! In this story i realized the man that helped me had actually annoyed me. I realized in short that i was a "Recalled Christian" i was spoiled with lust and tainted with foreign thoughts of God. I had an altar where i smoked an essence of fulfillment and purpose. I feel baselined now. Where i had drifted from my Center i came back on course. Like a tug boat my friend guided me to my Friend, Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior for I sin everyday and everyday i am renewed with His Spirit. Glory be to His above all else! I had forgotten this. I was Confused, but i could hear even in the darkest times my neighbor coming over to invite me to church and my rage rejecting him. I cold Hear and i did not listen and oh how i lament my friends. I have let loose that "bipolar" rage in me as i have thoughts of losing my children the way He did. I cry now and i still cry at his feet when it harkens me. Don't i see it? Should i not more often? Jesus my Lord i use your name not in vain, but to make it of more ease to my unstuck tounge. Your trials my Lord and The Way in which you walked brings me to tears for you Lord. I know not the pain you felt but writhe in my lament for them and you Lord. Please Lord bless my eyes, ears and hands in all You represent and let them be fruitful.

If you are still here then surely you get the most personal part of my testimony. My recalled rebirthing in Christ. What a predicament!? A Christian who goes to the altar to find Him again? I was confused and still again confused and i asked Jesus to help me know and keep understanding through faith. Some people get one dream i suppose and it's important enough that's all they need and i envy them. Im deficient and need more than others from what i'm guessing in the humblest of opinions. I laid in bed with my pillow over my head to hide the light. It was my nap with the kids. They in their room and me in mine. I closed my eyes and was drifting down to sleep. You know that comfortable awake/asleep that if you get woke you just want to crawl back into and at least for me, get mad if i get woken from. As i fell i was caught up in no significance by nothing. I was annoyed. A voice in a very "matter of fact" tone asked this, "Is Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior" at this point i add no period or comma or dot dot dot to diminish what could of been said by that voice, for in my most hurried, i'm late attitude (of which i'm ashamed) replied, "Yes. Of course!" and with that i thought to descend back to my selfishly warm womb of sleep, but much to the discord of my intentions a bright flash of light consumed my eyes. I was awake and regretful to think that i was in such a hurry. Needless to say i did not want to sleep nor could i if i tried. So i ask you who are still with me, my brothers and sisters in Christ, on this public forum, is that enough? Make it rhetorical for i have faith that it was. I am with Him now as I was then, looking through the lens of my children to see new meaning and to continue with my mission as A Christian renewed. Thank You for listening/reading! this is A huge weight of me!