Ladies Only Please, Physical Too Fast?

I have heard from my single sisters in Christ locally on this and began to wonder how much of an issue this really is so I will pose the question here.

It seems one of the biggest issues ladies have to deal with in dating relationships is "Christian" guys wanting to get into a physical relationship and have sex before marriage. How real is this and how often do you run into it?

Thank you in advance.

I personally haven’t run into this kind of situation recently, but when I did, I’d make it clear to him that I’m not interested in that way.

I guess it could happen for both men as well but speaking from a womans POV, I find it very unflattering.

in person, i didn't have this happen to me.

but chatrooms is a different story. i would be in christian chatrooms, and i'm always open to conversations, but i could tell when a guy was directing the conversation to the topic of sex. now, i can't say whether or not the guy was a christian. the conversation would usually end when i would redirect it to something else lol.

Well I have only dated 3 guys in all my life. So I'll talk about each one separately.

The first was a boyfriend I had online only. I never met him as we were both teens and lived super far away from each other. However, I remember him saying things like "I am going to save money from work...maybe next summer we could go on a cruise together." At the time I thought he meant two separate rooms. Now that I'm in my late 20s I realize that he was probably thinking about sex.

Second guy was a man I dated briefly in my early 20s. At first he acted like he was really happy that he found a virgin. He would talk about us getting married someday. After a couple of weeks he said he couldn't wait any more and had to find someone that could give him what he needed. I was so sad at the time. I felt upset at myself for not sleeping with him b/c I really liked this guy. I knew him for years and he worked with my aunt. But now that I'm older I am SUPER HAPPY that I didn't sleep with him. He just wanted to use me and that would have made me feel worse!

The third guy was someone I dated two years ago. He seemed like a sweetheart at first. But later on in one of our dates he started kissing me heavily and I just felt uncomfortable. He asked me to go to his apartment and I said no. So we stayed in the park talking. But I could tell he was getting annoyed. We only had that one date. LOL I'm really happy I didn't go anywhere alone with him.

All of these men said they were Christian. All of them seemed super sweet when starting out. However, as I concluded, they all wanted sex! It's disgusting how they expect it and not just after years of being with you. No, they expect it within the first few weeks or even the first date. So if you are going to date, be very very careful. Set rules for yourself. My mom has always told me never to go to a man's house/apartment alone. I'm going to be 30 this year but I really don't care if others think this is silly. I listen to my momma because she is wise. And so far it's worked! I'm a 29 year old virgin.
Dating is a mess out there and it's dangerous! Pray over yourself and ask the Holy Spirit before any dates to give you discernment. Also, if you ever have any problems, you can ask your family/friends or even us on here for help. GBU!

In my limited dating experience, this is absolutely true, and a big reason as to why I'm still single.

I was on two popular Christian dating sites for several years, and met one guy for lunch. He was very interesting to talk to, and I was impressed that he was humble (he credited his success at the car shop where he worked to his team and not himself,) and told me that he drove 3 hours every Sunday to get to and from his old church, which he said he loved and felt committed to. He was also from another culture that I found to be quite fascinating, and in my head, I was thinking that maybe someday we could get together with his family and they could teach me how to cook their native foods.

I had enjoyed talking to him and at the end of the date, went to give him a hug. I just intended it to be a friendly hug, but he held on to me and was kind of running his hand through my hair.

I do feel sorry for guys in that, we tell them we want them to step up and be leaders, but I realize that it must be very difficult for them to read signals for us as well.

I wasn't really comfortable with him caressing my hair (call me a prude, that's fine, but I would think that would be something more for an official girlfriend), but looking back, maybe he thought he would be able to kiss me. Instead, I just quickly pulled away and thanked him again for the nice time.

Because we lived quite a distance from each other, we had agreed to meet somewhere in the middle at a public shopping square, so we each had about the same distance to drive home in opposite directions.

I kid you not, AS SOON as I walked through my door, my phone started blowing up with texts in which he asked me, "How soon do you think two people should start sharing their bodies?" We hadn't even talked about anything like that during our conversations. And to him, it wasn't even a matter of "if", but "when", and he seemed to think nothing of it, which is something I've encountered quite often within the Christian dating community.

I honestly didn't think of this guy as a creeper or a predator AT ALL, but I think he was like so many people--a lonely person who was hoping to make a genuine connection with someone. In truth, it made me quite sad, because his texts had an air of expectation, and I knew I couldn't see him again, and told him so in my replies.

And I'm certainly not saying that women aren't susceptible to temptations, either. I've had situations where... Maybe I had an interest with a guy... but other women (within the same Christian circle) were sending him "sexy" or even nude pictures of themelves or were much more "exciting conversations" than me -- and I can't (and won't) compete with that.

Please know that I am NOT trying to knock men as a whole at all. I'll tell you one thing, the guys who are all too eager to scrump and dump just make all the good guys out there stand out all the more, and make me feel an even greater sense of appreciation for them.

I know that for myself, the times when I had to fight errant thoughts were when someone could actually prove that they were loyal, not looking at every other woman who walked their way or clicking on every scantily-clad image that passed along their screens, but made me feel like what I felt or said was genuinely valuable and one-of-a-kind.

I guess it's for the better that I have only felt this way a very minute number of times in my life, and something would always destroy that sense of security in a relatively short time, eliminating the feelings of temptation or even attraction.

I often ask God what I should do, because over the years, my best defense has been just to lock myself away and try my best not to feel anything.

God bless you too.
It wont be like this in the kingdom of heaven.

Ladies only... can a friendly neighborhood lynx make a comment in this thread?

If a guy has to ask if he's moving too fast... he's moving too fast.

I find your experiences especially interesting because as a celibate-until-married Christian man, I have realized that finding a celibate-until-married Christian woman is like finding a needle in a haystack.

When i tell them i'm celibate they are gone

seems like our western culture has been hyper-sexualized

i really value and respect your self respect and keeping of your vessel pure. crucifying the flesh is hard but worth it

We need more men like you tbh and are these women Christ followers?

Thanks Mel! That's a nice thing to say.
They profess Christ with their mouths i guess!
Thank you for being a good and forgiving sister in Christ!

I haven't been on here much lately, i hope things are going well
God bless you in your walk with Jesus and thank you for being my friend