It's the Singles Forum Oldies/Newbies Mingle! (How can we best blend the old user/new user crowd?)

wild rocks em!

I used to have anxiety pretty bad, but it's much better now.

For some reason I used to think you were kinda intimidating... You won me over with your appreciation of ugly Christmas sweaters.

What's funny is I wrote this before seeing anyone else's reply about the Christmas sweater..... I guess that topic really stuck with everyone .

Bloody bones and gopher guts!!

we can say what we like and be "ourselves" more on line......... completely and absolutely accepted.
this is a platform where we can take ourtime, to respond, ..... im completely different in real life.
Im really a 44 yr old man.

and as everyone knows, kinda shy

Well, if you want to make new connections, you have to take the initiative and reach out to people. It isn't that hard when you have something big in common with them like your faith, there's a lot to discuss.

I vote for both.

Perhaps it's the epic beard in your profile picture?

I know! Pizza-flavored coffee! Or coffee-flavored pizza!

you do kinda look like a hitman I saw in a movie once. He was mostly harmless.

I have something in me that shy people away, immediately I say ''hello'' they are gone

Shoot, y'all put a lot of thought into this forum stuff.

I don't do anything that deep. I just read threads and make comments if I have something to say. Or sometimes if I don't have anything to say, I make a comment anyway.

To answer the OP question, I have no idea. When I started here I started making comments in threads that interested me. I have no idea how to draw out the lurkers or how to blend the old/new crowds because I just took what came and made comments as I saw places to comment.

Maybe somebody should start making a batch of brownies every morning or something. How do you get somebody to talk when the person doesn't want to talk?

I still feel like I'm new lol. I used to be a chat room user & rarely visited the forum, but over time the chat rooms seemed to be less populated, people I hung out with there left & I ventured over here.

Using the forum for me has always been about simple interaction. If you're trying to make a friend or make them feel welcome, quote their post or send a pm, etc. Not everyone is the type to just jump in, so I think something simple, even if it's just a hello, can give them a reason to engage. It can be awkward being new, but inclusion softens that a bit. After that, it's up to them if they want to participate. I don't know that there's any other way on a forum.

As far as knowing whether to joke with someone, if they haven't posted with a sense of humor, I really don't know. I just go for it sometimes and let the response be what it will be. lol

By not coming on too strongly. Sometimes less is more. That’s why I’ve backed away. Just speaking honestly. The CC should feel welcoming. Share as little as you like or just read others for inspiration.

I’m one of the ancient members. It’s been more than six years now. I don’t think there’s anyone left from my heydays lol. Though, I was mainly in the chat rooms back in the day.

I don’t know what a newbie wants. Myself I just want to interact a little, have some fun, throw a few insults and make people feel good, or bad, depending on my moods hahaha.

I think it pretty much does get harder for people to connect with and meet friends from about 30-50. That's when people tend to get settled in their own ruts, many with children that take up a lot of time and schedule and to some extent dictate activities (because as most of us have learned family-friendly really means stuff for kids to do while parents talk to other parents). And I do think that the overall effect of online socialization is detrimental to communities and connecting in person. I remember when my mom was newly married and moved to a new town there were organizations that took the form of a welcome wagon to help you get oriented to town and meet all the other people new in town; now we cling to our old friends far away via the internet when moving to a new place and google can tell us how to get around with no human interaction required. And there's also something to be said for having to be challenged by your neighbor's different views of life because they're the only people around to interact with rather than being able to wrap yourself in an online echo chamber where you can choose to only interact with people who agree with you.

Seoul and I have a joke, mostly about having trouble connecting with people while being single in church, that we're just counting down the years until we're eligible for all the senior citizens social activities since that seems to be when you get back to your age being a more primary determiner of your demographic. In the meantime my friends live in my computer and yeah loneliness stinks.

And as to the OP, I think one of the big things we can do individually is to refrain from making unhelpful attacking or negative comments, because people aren't going to want to participate if it seems like every idea put out there is going to draw criticism and turn into a fight. There are times for contrary opinions and good discussions, but we would do well to give people the benefit of the doubt and think the best rather than the worst of them.

Thanks for all the great input!

I usually try to start getting to know people by liking/giving reactions to their posts.

I think one of the toughest challenges for a medium like this is trying to blend different personalities, since some like to post more, and others like to say less or nothing at all, which is fine! Everyone has their own style.

The most difficult barrier (in my own mind) that I find myself wanting to try to break is a classic forum Catch 22 -- people will say there aren't any interesting threads or discussions, and then understandably fade away. However, I know that it can also seem to many that it's the same people posting or putting up threads over and over again, which doesn't go over very well either.

My purpose in putting out threads is to try to give people something to talk about, and I try to include a personal story because I don't want it to seem like I'm asking things I wouldn't answer myself. But what I'm really hoping is that it will inspire more people to start their own threads as well, so we can get a whole mish-mash of ideas and conversations going.

I might be wrong about this (or maybe I'm just thinking out loud too much), but I guess I have a vision for the forum as being full of variety and interaction.