J.O.B Just over broke

Apologies in advance for the length, I'm still figuring out how to be succinct without leaving out relevant details.

So basically I'm struggling with my job...I work Pizza delivery at present. I only got the job because I needed cash and was sitting around trying to figure out what the Lord's will was and what direction I needed to take...cash pressures essentially forced me to get the job. Delivery is easy. Cash immediately on start pretty much with tips (no need to wait for a paycheck).

I've been there for over 4 months now and for the last month every time I go in I feel fine until I get there and then I just get incredibly tired. Some of my shifts are only 4 hours and still it's like I've been up for 24hrs straight. When I finally get off I change and lay in bed and fall asleep as if I've been up that long and then wake up an hour later usually and everything is back to normal.

Diet is not the best, sleep is adequate.


I heard from two people about what I described and they said "that means you are done with the job" and I did a tiny bit of online research and came up with the same thing. So from a human perspective...obvious.


That's ONE part of it though...I've also heard from people in the church to be a light wherever I am and keep doing that until the Lord moves me somewhere else, but it's defining that "moving" that I'm having a challenge with. Plenty of strong support against but some support for as I've made connections and finally arrived at a point where I have upward mobility by not even really trying, other than being a good worker (colossians 3:23).


NOTE: What follows is my biggest challenge and I'm looking for feedback. I had this predicament the last pizza job I worked...basically Acts 6:2 stood out to me at the time because I felt like I was being wasteful with what I had as there was little opportunity to use it. Then the same thing woke me up in the middle of the night in the last month.

So two things that I wrestle with...One I expect to have some resolution on, the other I hope I do (because I've spent a large amount of energy trying to figure it out) but possibly not.



First, it seems to make sense to me that there is hardly any openings to sharing the gospel in a worldly work environment. You are there to WORK. Open doors do happen but they also happen everywhere but it is small. So what then? I'm not going to go full tilt into a pastoral role with anything specific because I believe I'm not ready yet. That doesn't mean that I don't have burdens that are not time based that I need to wait on...so don't think I feel called to "idleness"

It's just that it seems to make sense to do that full time if that's all that matters. I've heard plenty of teaching on being a good worker wherever you are, but this is coming from men that are doing precisely what I would want to do and they are not doing day labor digging trenches so in my view it is easy for them to say that. So I have quite a few questions about that and there is some bitterness that I'm not willing to bring up because it's situational.




Second: I've spent a good bit of time doing very "humble" jobs. At one point because I thought it was funny. Like not even trying to accomplish anything and I've lost whatever my original motivation or flippancy for that mindset was. Probably for the best.

During the process, I just settled into trying to understand what makes a job a job, and what makes a career a career.

I also have been trying to understand how people can do this all their lives. How? Why? Am I being overly prideful by some of the thoughts that go through my mind about this type of work? Why would anyone want to work for minimum all their lives? Every job I work in for a period of time I eventually get to the point where all I need to do is ask for a promotion and I would get one. With Pizza, I'd make less by going through the ranks and it'd take a year+ to make more but making pizzas is essentially production work. Just keeps going on and on with no resolution. Sure you could just go where the money is the hottest and make it all about that...but that's not the right answer either.

I can be more clear about the second question if you ask. I will attempt to illuminate a bit of my own personal struggle as follows but it will probably get long so essentially the post ends here

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I've done day labor production work and during the process I felt like it was an obvious leading that "I'm not built for this type of work" but I'm stubborn and curious. "Well why not?!?" "Ok, I guess you'll have to see". So I got a job at an aerosol production facility. Brutally made it through one day...it felt like my mind was melting. I actually felt "stupider" by the second. I convinced myself that was ridiculous and the anxiety I was feeling was nonsensical. So I made it through one day. I got invited to come back (day labor is essentially a working interview). It was a 4 day weekend over Easter and even after the 4 days I came back, started putting bottle tops on carpet cleaner (very strenuous and fast paced) and was praying for something to break. Something broke. I immediately went to the office and told them I couldn't do this, I had no idea why. I'm sorry, I'll call the staffing agency and let them know.

They were understanding. I even asked them if that was normal. These were office people so I guess they didn't understand really. So I take to the internet and do some "foruming" and find that yes...you are either cut out for production or you are not. Some people can turn their brains off and work for 8-12 hours and some cannot. OK. at least some support. I'll cut out a few jobs for the sake of your time but each one I had I conversed with the Lord about it. "If I but had "x" " or "if I but had "z" " then I could do this.

Eventually I got everything I wanted. A clean bio-med warehouse. Quiet. Low physical intensity (other than standing). Relatively interesting for about a month. I was able to listen with headphones. The people were nice. I was even helping people by building oxygen tanks (which in my mind was what I asked for, making a difference in some way other than dollars) and STILL. Same effect. Eventually couldn't stand it. Kept going until eventually I got fired for tardiness (they were strict about this). I was SO happy when that happened. I tried! I failed! Wooo.


It's been like this at a lot of jobs. I keep pushing and keep pushing and feel like a dunce for doing so when I have other talents that I'm not using. Most of this feels like condemnation but some feels like conviction. So it's almost like I'm always in the wrong place. I "know" that but at the same time I get "people encouragement" from professed believers that I should just keep sticking with it and get promoted and make a life out of that and I'm like really? Why? People just want me to be successful according to the world's standards even in the church so it gets confusing. Seriously so.


I do appreciate being able to listen to the radio and grow in the word as I'm working. That I've always liked. Kind of why I picked Pizza again, to think. It's just like there's no more energy to make a decision and it gets so frustrating trying to live in the world and not of that I wonder if anyone else has such difficulties and how to combat them.


I have plenty of directions that I can take...but I want to know what precisely and that always escapes me. Possibly I don't have "plenty" of directions. I only have one...what he has called me to. Whatever that is, I'm getting frustrated immensely with the process.

I don't like working for other people, but that's what "I" don't like. So what do I do in such a situation? Force myself to do something "I" don't like in order to subjugate my fleshly wants and wishes, in an unproductive way it seems. Understand that with all the people that I've talked to about it, they end up just getting frustrated also. So that's why I'm just working where I'm working, enough to get by and be mostly self-sufficient (barring dental and medical which I think I need) but I feel like I'm being wasteful. I've also encountered quite a few closed doors within the church when I've reached out and possibly it's because I'm expecting them to hear when I haven't.


I don't know. Feeling pretty hum-drum about it now. I have most certainly prayed about it (a lot) and it has been a journey and I've met a lot of "randoms" that are Godly men at a few of the jobs that were definitely a blessing. It's like "hey, you are in the wrong place too!" "Yes, what are you doing here?" "Idk" ...they tried to help me then, and I just felt unsure. I have had some pretty solid "God moments" at each and every place, so it's not like it's been all "doom and gloom".

Any thoughts?

You've written an awful lot about how unhappy you are at the pizza job.

Hmmm....



If God made you to be you, and he did not make you to be somebody else, and God created you to have certain feelings and thoughts and preferences just as you have... then maybe you should try listening to yourself.

There is nothing in the Bible about which job or career you should take.

God made you to be you.

Give that a try.

I think you'll be fine.

.

Well the first thing I would suggest know that is to obviously pray if you haven’t been already. Pray that God leads you to whatever it is He wants you to do. And obviously if it is an opportunity that is shown to you that you know is what God wants you to do calling wise, to be willing to take the opportunity when it comes up.

And I completely understand that feeling of not knowing what on earth you’re supposed to do. I am honestly in that place myself. Since the response that I’m making is probably going to be super duper long I will just message you, but I think the TLDR is that if you know what God wants you to do already then think of opportunities to better get to that place. If that makes any sense at all...

You have written a lot so I'll just pick some things that stood out to me. You talk about the conflict of needing to work hard at the job you are being paid to do (Good for you. I admire that.) and concern over being a light, witness. There is a scripture about going out into the world and sharing the gospel. One of the translations puts it as "As you go out into the world,...". It is a subtle difference but often we worry about what we should say (I am not in any way detracting from evangelism) instead of what our actions say. I read a good quote "Do not worry so much about witnessing but rather worry about what people are already witnessing." As you do your job, what is your attitude? How do you treat people? Does your behaviour reflect what you say you believe? The Holy Spirit is the one who does the real evangelism. We are vessels. Be open to what he'd have you do and say, and then realize the responsibility is not ours. He will prompt and give the words if that is what you are to do. In truth, God doesn't require us to say anything in order to reach people. I am not saying don't share but know that the leadership in this is not on your shoulders.
It sounds like you have come to realize that this job is not your future. You have two choices. You can sit around and react to life or you can choose your actions. You need to talk to a career counsellor, find out what jobs fit your skills and interests, and then learn what you have to do to pursue your goals. You have to be proactive. It goes without saying that the very first step is to ask God for his direction and for the counsellors to have wisdom in help you find your direction. I am glad you are bored. It means it is time for the next steps in your life. Good luck!

If you unhappy with your work maybe look into starting your own business and then you can be your own boss. Ask God for inspiration and do some research. What do people really need that you can provide that nobody else can do the way you do?

It doesnt have to be a product it might be a service. Paul made tents for a living and then used the proceeds so he could do his missionary work without asking for money. Lydia owned a dyeing business. Dorcas sewed. JEsus was a carpenter, the disciples were fishermen.

You earn a living because you need to put bread on the table right? Thats jobs, a calling is what God wants you to do. A farmer or a shepherd could grow food or raise animals, but they can be called to do whatever God wants them to do as well.

How do you support yourself on a part time pizza delivery job? What do you mean you only got the job to get cash? Are you like a millionaire that only works for the experience of it? Virtually all people work to support themselves and their families.

It sounds to me like you should go back to the medical device field. You ARE helping people and the income and benefits are usually better than other fields if you don't have a degree.

Unless those pizzas are rewards for children whove read seven books, what are you doing this job for?
Im the pizza delivery person for my school. Which I do for nothing, I mean I could pay them to get delivered but they are offering the pizzas for free so the least I can do is go pick them up.

Another thing about pizza is, its a good food for anyone thats hungry. Come on man its bread imagine 5000 people waiting, hungry and starving and you show up their door with pizza its a miracle right there...they didnt even have to go out.

One of the good things about working in the hospitality industry which most restaurants are in right is feedig starving people! And showing kindness and care. There are things other than money that motivate people to take on certain jobs.

Just a quick note. You said you were not ready yet to go into a full time pastoral role. I think you need to meet with a number of pastors and talk to them about the reality of what it takes to be a pastor. The hours they work are overwhelming, the stress, and pressure are ongoing. People feel free to be critical and challenge every cent you earn. You are expected to do a lot of things for free, that your time does not belong to you and your family, and you must always be in a good mood. It is a really rough job. I have many pastors in my friendship circle and as family friends. One senior pastor said to me that the greatest challenge to his faith is dealing with people in the church. You see them at their worst.
That all sounds very negative. It was meant to be. The pastoral role extends far beyond giving sermons. Please look at the full scope of the job before embarking of that journey. Leadership comes with heavy responsibility and self discipline is essential.

Well this is ironic. I don't subscribe to alerts when someone posts on a thread that I posted.

Just so happened to wake up at 5am and got on the forums (after trying to go back to sleep unsuccessfully).

and that is precisely what woke me up, being stuck in the job, essentially in the dream it was dull as the doldrums...so I started typing on the computer there (it is not set up this way ofc) and was just journaling. I see a lot of people just sitting around on their phones at times but there is almost always "something" to be done but people just tap out. There are a few times I've done reading, but with the nature of the delivery this time is rare. I have to basically say, nah you can fire me if you want I'm going to do what I feel and that is the sentiment of others. Of course you won't get fired, but it is against policy. Since even the managers do it...The only person I didn't ever see laze about is the district manager ha.

I appreciate your posts.



This was in response to the day you guys posted. Thanks...I'm going on vacation on sunday (first one in probably 2 years). So hopefully I can have a nice long conversation on direction.

Was quite a coincidental response timing so that was cool. Will respond a little more directly when my current mood settles.