Hey Novo.
It's great you opened up. I posted some stuff for somebody else but thought it might be useful here:
Porn is everywhere. It's not just internet porn or magazines. There's soft core and hard core porn. There is 'soft' core porn in movies - you can't watch a movie - especially American movies - without having to see 'that sex scene', which I for one dread. I went to get some DVDs the other week at my public library, and I struggled to find an adult one that WASN'T 'R' or 'M' rated. Most had warnings for sex/adult scenes, or violence. I ended up looking in the kids section for movies. Sex scenes are so staged and put on, & I for one just laugh at the poses they pull because they are so far gone from real life & so ridiculous looking. You see porn in advertising billboard signs, in car ad signs, on TV & TV ads - which to me, are the most damaging ones as most ads are freely broadcast during the day when young kids are around. It is so accessible, that people don't even realise they are surrounded by it. Most actresses have admitted that they have had to perform sexual acts with producers or backers of films, or you don't get the roles (and not just in the sex industry). And look at all the lawsuits going on now due to sexual assault allegations in the film industry.
It is apparently the biggest and most booming industry in the world, especially with online sales, which is really sad when you think about it.
Most men have admitted to watching/accessing porn. But it is now a big problem with women to.
Most sex scenes in movies and porn don't show any real, true loving between the partners - it's impersonal. That is what's wrong. The porn industry know that people have desires and play on them. They know people are lonely. They know lots of people struggle to meet someone in the real world, so it's easier to chat anonymously on the net. They know young people will get sucked in, because they are filled with curiosity. There are no safeguards for young people on the net, unless parents actively police their kids usage, & that isn't possible when kids can go over friends houses and see stuff on the net, or school etc.
It has been proved in many studies that porn changes the chemistry of one's brain. The serial killer, Ted Bundy, was brought up with porn through his grandfather. Most sexual offenders have either been exposed to porn from a young age, or have been introduced by friends from when they were young. Some have been brought up in very strict religious families, and see sex and loving as 'wrong', so view porn as an outlet for these feelings.
As others have posted her previously, there is much exploitation in this business. Young girls & boys get kidnapped for sex, and are sometimes chained inside so they can't escape. Many won't escape after a while, as they are given food and shelter, & think they are loved. Porn leads to other things, such as drug use & exploitation of others, & more addiction; as others have said porn can become an addiction too. And do you honestly think that all of the young people on those sites are over 18? Some of these girls have spoken out afterwards, and were constantly drugged or threatened with violence to perform sex acts, which are usually degrading - to say the least. Many are subjected to threats, violence and rape etc if they refuse to 'perform'.
Sex & loving isn't wrong & shouldn't be viewed as such. But viewing porn changes your view of men & women - we tend to look at men & women in a sexual way, rather than in a normal way. And it has also been proved from countless studies that people who access porn alot can't form, or have extreme difficulty forming, natural loving relationships.
It is also well known that orgasms relieve stress, & release massive amounts of serotonin & dopamine (your 'happy hormones') - that is why it is addictive. Same as trying to give up smoking, caffeine, etc.
In Mental Health, we don't teach people to go cold turkey with things, as most people will fail. We teach that it's better to cut DOWN on something, and yes, use distraction techniques.
Think about this: What is it about porn that attracts you? (apart from the obvious). I'd start journalling how you feel before or after accessing it, so you can reflect on your thoughts, & get to the crux of the matter, ie: is it stress? Problems at home? Problems with women? Plain boredom??
Set yourself some realistic goals. Start maybe only accessing porn 4 times a week, then cut down after that. Only access the sites that are soft core porn, and be selective. Set yourself a time limit to watch it with an alarm. Don't eat or drink or smoke etc accessing porn, so that there's no association with it. Gradually get rid of any sex paraphernalia too such as toys, etc. Ask friends/family, if possible, to be around you as much as possible to act as a deterrant (most porn is watched in secret).
Also, try to get outside as much as possible, and start interacting with REAL people (don't take your laptop or your phone if possible). Of course there are people you will feel attracted to - that is natural. Just start normal conversations & see how they respond. You can do this in the supermarket or anywhere; take note of how they respond to you. You could just say for example 'Wow isn't it a beautiful day today?!'. This re-trains your brain to see people other than as sex objects - these are REAL people with real feelings and hopes and desires - just like you.
You also need to talk to someone & confide in them, to keep you accountable.
I will pray to our Father that you will win this fight. Stay strong!
Cheers
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