encouragement vs criticism

I've been praying a lot about having an encouraging, rather than critical spirit. I was raised around a family member who had/still has a very critical spirit. Bitterness seems to ooze from them and most people are very vocal about not wanting to be around them for this reason, which probably only adds to that bitterness, huh?

When something bad happens or we disagree with something, it is so easy to point fingers at the other party, but I wonder what we truly learn from a situation when we do that? Should we stop and consider our part in the event? Should we ask God if there is anything we should learn/change in US as a result? Should we wonder whether God was trying to show us something either in ourselves or others (so we can pray with/for them)? We are ALL imperfect people. Some of us may try more than others to be less so, but...there it is.

On the flipside, I realize that there are times with something may need to be said or done to end a truly bad situation, as long as we aren't gagging at gnats and swallowing camels. I'm one of those people who will usually just stop talking if someone says or does something I really don't like while I ponder whether I really need to say/do anything...or whether it would even matter if I did. And, honestly, there have been times when I should have spoken up and have not, particularly in relationships. That can be a problem because it can then seem to the other person like my disinterest in continuing a relationship with them came out of the blue. I should probably work on that too...

Anyway... I'm praying for greater wisdom in this area. If there is something GOOD to say, I want to say it. If there is something negative I need to say, I want to be wise/tempered in my delivery. It matters. When I read the scriptures, I see so many examples of Christ doing exactly this:

The woman at the well
The woman caught in adultery
Peter saying he would never deny the Lord, etc.

I would imagine all three of these individuals realized their errors, but appreciated the fact that Jesus said what He did in love and not venomously. It is the desire of my heart to be more like that. How about you?

Your prayers must be working. You are definitely one of the least critical people around. And you seem to be encouraging as well.

I think it is natural for me to lean toward denial. It is a protective reaction. I think it takes maturity, patience, understanding and empathy to do otherwise.

Openness and honesty are important in a relationship. Some things don't need aired. We have to choose what we believe will be the best path. Since we are all human, we may not always choose the best options.

You are working on yourself. That's all anyone can do. Life is a journey. You seem like you have a good handle on it. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't forget to be forgiving of yourself along the way.

I've been praying a lot about having an encouraging, rather than critical spirit. I was raised around a family member who had/still has a very critical spirit. Bitterness seems to ooze from them and most people are very vocal about not wanting to be around them for this reason, which probably only adds to that bitterness, huh?

When something bad happens or we disagree with something, it is so easy to point fingers at the other party, but I wonder what we truly learn from a situation when we do that? Should we stop and consider our part in the event? Should we ask God if there is anything we should learn/change in US as a result? Should we wonder whether God was trying to show us something either in ourselves or others (so we can pray with/for them)? We are ALL imperfect people. Some of us may try more than others to be less so, but...there it is.

On the flipside, I realize that there are times with something may need to be said or done to end a truly bad situation, as long as we aren't gagging at gnats and swallowing camels. I'm one of those people who will usually just stop talking if someone says or does something I really don't like while I ponder whether I really need to say/do anything...or whether it would even matter if I did. And, honestly, there have been times when I should have spoken up and have not, particularly in relationships. That can be a problem because it can then seem to the other person like my disinterest in continuing a relationship with them came out of the blue. I should probably work on that too...

Anyway... I'm praying for greater wisdom in this area. If there is something GOOD to say, I want to say it. If there is something negative I need to say, I want to be wise/tempered in my delivery. It matters. When I read the scriptures, I see so many examples of Christ doing exactly this:

The woman at the well
The woman caught in adultery
Peter saying he would never deny the Lord, etc.

I would imagine all three of these individuals realized their errors, but appreciated the fact that Jesus said what He did in love and not venomously. It is the desire of my heart to be more like that. How about you?

I tend to be far harder on myself than other people. Not sure why.

I've been praying a lot about having an encouraging, rather than critical spirit. I was raised around a family member who had/still has a very critical spirit. Bitterness seems to ooze from them and most people are very vocal about not wanting to be around them for this reason, which probably only adds to that bitterness, huh?

When something bad happens or we disagree with something, it is so easy to point fingers at the other party, but I wonder what we truly learn from a situation when we do that? Should we stop and consider our part in the event? Should we ask God if there is anything we should learn/change in US as a result? Should we wonder whether God was trying to show us something either in ourselves or others (so we can pray with/for them)? We are ALL imperfect people. Some of us may try more than others to be less so, but...there it is.

On the flipside, I realize that there are times with something may need to be said or done to end a truly bad situation, as long as we aren't gagging at gnats and swallowing camels. I'm one of those people who will usually just stop talking if someone says or does something I really don't like while I ponder whether I really need to say/do anything...or whether it would even matter if I did. And, honestly, there have been times when I should have spoken up and have not, particularly in relationships. That can be a problem because it can then seem to the other person like my disinterest in continuing a relationship with them came out of the blue. I should probably work on that too...

Anyway... I'm praying for greater wisdom in this area. If there is something GOOD to say, I want to say it. If there is something negative I need to say, I want to be wise/tempered in my delivery. It matters. When I read the scriptures, I see so many examples of Christ doing exactly this:

The woman at the well
The woman caught in adultery
Peter saying he would never deny the Lord, etc.

I would imagine all three of these individuals realized their errors, but appreciated the fact that Jesus said what He did in love and not venomously. It is the desire of my heart to be more like that. How about you?

I remember this post way back when and it meant a lot to me then. I hope those that previously posted are all doing well, even though some aren't on CC anymore.




I find that this is something I think about petty often lately. How we respond, really does say something about who we are/what we're experiencing or have experienced in the past.

I think we go through situations for a reason. We need to be aware of our reactions to the situations and to people. What should we learn about ourselves or others in the given situation.



I wonder what newer posters have experienced in this area.

Jullianna always had a way of encouraging me when I was a younger reader in the forums and re-reading this post now makes me want to be more aware.

I remember this post too, and I'm sad that my Thumper pic didn't survive the past 6 years..

I've been praying a lot about having an encouraging, rather than critical spirit. I was raised around a family member who had/still has a very critical spirit. Bitterness seems to ooze from them and most people are very vocal about not wanting to be around them for this reason, which probably only adds to that bitterness, huh?

When something bad happens or we disagree with something, it is so easy to point fingers at the other party, but I wonder what we truly learn from a situation when we do that? Should we stop and consider our part in the event? Should we ask God if there is anything we should learn/change in US as a result? Should we wonder whether God was trying to show us something either in ourselves or others (so we can pray with/for them)? We are ALL imperfect people. Some of us may try more than others to be less so, but...there it is.

On the flipside, I realize that there are times with something may need to be said or done to end a truly bad situation, as long as we aren't gagging at gnats and swallowing camels. I'm one of those people who will usually just stop talking if someone says or does something I really don't like while I ponder whether I really need to say/do anything...or whether it would even matter if I did. And, honestly, there have been times when I should have spoken up and have not, particularly in relationships. That can be a problem because it can then seem to the other person like my disinterest in continuing a relationship with them came out of the blue. I should probably work on that too...

Anyway... I'm praying for greater wisdom in this area. If there is something GOOD to say, I want to say it. If there is something negative I need to say, I want to be wise/tempered in my delivery. It matters. When I read the scriptures, I see so many examples of Christ doing exactly this:

The woman at the well
The woman caught in adultery
Peter saying he would never deny the Lord, etc.

I would imagine all three of these individuals realized their errors, but appreciated the fact that Jesus said what He did in love and not venomously. It is the desire of my heart to be more like that. How about you?

I've been praying a lot about having an encouraging, rather than critical spirit. I was raised around a family member who had/still has a very critical spirit. Bitterness seems to ooze from them and most people are very vocal about not wanting to be around them for this reason, which probably only adds to that bitterness, huh?

When something bad happens or we disagree with something, it is so easy to point fingers at the other party, but I wonder what we truly learn from a situation when we do that? Should we stop and consider our part in the event? Should we ask God if there is anything we should learn/change in US as a result? Should we wonder whether God was trying to show us something either in ourselves or others (so we can pray with/for them)? We are ALL imperfect people. Some of us may try more than others to be less so, but...there it is.

On the flipside, I realize that there are times with something may need to be said or done to end a truly bad situation, as long as we aren't gagging at gnats and swallowing camels. I'm one of those people who will usually just stop talking if someone says or does something I really don't like while I ponder whether I really need to say/do anything...or whether it would even matter if I did. And, honestly, there have been times when I should have spoken up and have not, particularly in relationships. That can be a problem because it can then seem to the other person like my disinterest in continuing a relationship with them came out of the blue. I should probably work on that too...

Anyway... I'm praying for greater wisdom in this area. If there is something GOOD to say, I want to say it. If there is something negative I need to say, I want to be wise/tempered in my delivery. It matters. When I read the scriptures, I see so many examples of Christ doing exactly this:

The woman at the well
The woman caught in adultery
Peter saying he would never deny the Lord, etc.

I would imagine all three of these individuals realized their errors, but appreciated the fact that Jesus said what He did in love and not venomously. It is the desire of my heart to be more like that. How about you?

I remember this post way back when and it meant a lot to me then. I hope those that previously posted are all doing well, even though some aren't on CC anymore.




I find that this is something I think about petty often lately. How we respond, really does say something about who we are/what we're experiencing or have experienced in the past.

I think we go through situations for a reason. We need to be aware of our reactions to the situations and to people. What should we learn about ourselves or others in the given situation.



I wonder what newer posters have experienced in this area.

Jullianna always had a way of encouraging me when I was a younger reader in the forums and re-reading this post now makes me want to be more aware.

I've been praying a lot about having an encouraging, rather than critical spirit. I was raised around a family member who had/still has a very critical spirit. Bitterness seems to ooze from them and most people are very vocal about not wanting to be around them for this reason, which probably only adds to that bitterness, huh?

When something bad happens or we disagree with something, it is so easy to point fingers at the other party, but I wonder what we truly learn from a situation when we do that? Should we stop and consider our part in the event? Should we ask God if there is anything we should learn/change in US as a result? Should we wonder whether God was trying to show us something either in ourselves or others (so we can pray with/for them)? We are ALL imperfect people. Some of us may try more than others to be less so, but...there it is.

On the flipside, I realize that there are times with something may need to be said or done to end a truly bad situation, as long as we aren't gagging at gnats and swallowing camels. I'm one of those people who will usually just stop talking if someone says or does something I really don't like while I ponder whether I really need to say/do anything...or whether it would even matter if I did. And, honestly, there have been times when I should have spoken up and have not, particularly in relationships. That can be a problem because it can then seem to the other person like my disinterest in continuing a relationship with them came out of the blue. I should probably work on that too...

Anyway... I'm praying for greater wisdom in this area. If there is something GOOD to say, I want to say it. If there is something negative I need to say, I want to be wise/tempered in my delivery. It matters. When I read the scriptures, I see so many examples of Christ doing exactly this:

The woman at the well
The woman caught in adultery
Peter saying he would never deny the Lord, etc.

I would imagine all three of these individuals realized their errors, but appreciated the fact that Jesus said what He did in love and not venomously. It is the desire of my heart to be more like that. How about you?

I have found that when hearts have been very hurt very deeply by the unjust acts of others, then it can be too painful for them to be advised to forgive and not allow bitterness in. When I see those I care about in this state I know that love, understand, compassion and prayer is key. I have over-looked at times, executing righteous judgement because I was so concerned about the matter of forgiveness; but whilst it I a vital to forgive those who trespass against us, it is also important to uphold righteousness. That's my take on it anyways.

I was texting a lady the other day and she was pretty grumpy. Lack of sleep from texting her until 3am the night before helped 🤦🏼‍♂️ but she was complaining about her ex that she has been divorced for a year. Her ex straight up had an affair and told her he would work on the marriage but couldn’t leave her. Yeah unbelievable and she brought up some painful situations where he is stealing her joy now with the kids. It’s just eating her up. I asked if she forgave him (this would be for her to heal) and she said she doesn’t know if she ever could. 😢 So I was of the same thought that she needs to work on forgiveness and at the same time trying to be compassionate. I think I’m going to apologize incase I wasn’t sensitive enough. It was definitely a hard thing to deal with.

I was texting a lady the other day and she was pretty grumpy. Lack of sleep from texting her until 3am the night before helped 🤦🏼‍♂️ but she was complaining about her ex that she has been divorced for a year. Her ex straight up had an affair and told her he would work on the marriage but couldn’t leave her. Yeah unbelievable and she brought up some painful situations where he is stealing her joy now with the kids. It’s just eating her up. I asked if she forgave him (this would be for her to heal) and she said she doesn’t know if she ever could. 😢 So I was of the same thought that she needs to work on forgiveness and at the same time trying to be compassionate. I think I’m going to apologize incase I wasn’t sensitive enough. It was definitely a hard thing to deal with.